I feel like i'm lying to people!

[rigonj 103]

I've been pretty open to people around me about my surgery. My family, my close group of friends and my co workers. But I'm having a problem with other friends and people that I'm not close to asking "how I did it". I feel like I'm lying to them when I say, I count my calories and workout. It's not a lie because that's what I do but I leave out the part of having the band. How do you guys deal with it?

[gowalking 10,790]

Same here. Close friends and family are aware but those who don't know me or my struggles don't need to know more than what I tell them. You are not lying, you are committing the 'sin of omission'. Think of it that way.

[Terri_121 9]

It's none of their business if you don't wish to tell them.Some people tend to be critical of WWS. Some feel like we took the easy way out. Needless to say that have no clue that this just helps curb the appetite. We have to do everything everyone else trying to lose weight has to do.

I eventually told some people but saw no need to share with some others.

BTW I had the band. best of luck to you on your journey.

[rigonj 103]

I think that's why I don't tell everyone. I feel like they would judge me saying it was the easy way out. I don't think people understand the commitment it takes. I just sometimes feel guilty. Then people always ask me to help them. So I just tell them what I do without saying the band part.

[WillHenry 13]

I have told nobody, except my fiance', my mom, and one other close family member. I grew up playing sports, and still coach, and I know in the circles I run in, I would be considered "weak," or "undisciplined." I would argue that those are insidious judgments, as we all have our own stories to tell on how we got here. Mine happens to be from two bad sports injuries as an adult that made me quit going to the gym, while I kept eating as though I lived in the gym. Happened pretty fast, really. But, to the original poster's point- I feel like I am lying to an extent. Then again, if someone asks how I'm dropping the lbs, I will truthfully and confidently say something like, "Well, it was time for a change, so I made one... I am drinking less beer, eating better, and getting back into the gym." Done! No need to elaborate.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

There are only a handful of people who know I had WLS. (OUTSIDE OF HERE ) If I start to work with patients and things change in my life maybe I will share it more readily. But right now I so enjoy going where I want and no one knows it's me. That is how much I have changed....But for me if it is none of their business don't tell them. If you see someone in need help them.

Most people don't ask what benefits have you noticed by losing weight? Has your health improved? Are you now able to do more?

To some people it is the number that counts. And the before and after look. All the people who have found out I have lost weight that had not seen me for a while say the same thing...I heard she is thinner. I gotta see that for myself....

If they had been an important part of your life you would have already told them the whole truth. Part of the truth is not a lie. You are watching caloric intake and exercising

[rigonj 103]

Thanks everyone. You guys always make me feel better. Before my surgery I had gotten into a heated argument with my best friends mother in law. She's a nurse and basically said I was lazy and just making excuses for not loosing weight. Little did she know I had went thru 2 years of aggressive invetro and the hormones made me gain 50 pounds along with already being overweight and having thyroid problems. I was a recipe for disaster. It just made me start thinking how people will really react to weight loss surgery.

[cccv4 85]

thank you for posting this! i have been battling this as well. i am scheduled for surgery in 10 days, but i worry about what people will say or think. i also feel that they will think that i took "the easy way out". i don't know what is easy about a liquid diet and changing mentally/emotionally! this is harder work than most who only count calories.

[kimk1999 450]

I am starting to feel a little guilty when some of the heavier coworkers ask how I've lost weight. Part of me wants to tell to them but I really want to keep that private. For the most part I tell them Portion Control, low carbs and exercising more. Which is all true. I do add the 'for the most part' at the beginning to sort of disclaim that it's not the only things, lol. If they don't ask further or specific questions then I'm not going to expand upon it. I guess it's sort of like the "How are you doing" general question. You tell them "good" and will usually reply "How are you?" 'Good' is not the full story there. You're omitting some back story there. Also the whole - what did you do this weekend? You don't tell them every little detail. So that's how I try to not feel guilty about not mentioning my band.

Edited April 1, 2014 by kimk1999

[rigonj 103]

I agree. Before my surgery I lost 38 pounds from just watching what I eat and working out. So when people ask me my meal plans and things like that I just tell them what I did when I started out. That way it can help them with their lifestyle change but keep my surgery a secret.

[SandyM 1,956]

I told a few in confidence then found later that others were told and sworn to secrecy so who knows how many actually know? I don't keep it a secret anymore. You are right that some will look upon it as a quick fix, but we know that its a tool. We are doing the work. My folks know that I'm doing the work as I'm always headed to or from the gym and I eat very conservatively. As much as I'm not crazy about everyone knowing, it is helping to keep me accountable. After all, if I fail, nobody will let me live it down. Whatever it takes I guess.

[Cat225 93]

The only people who know about my surgery are my husband and my friend. I avoided my mother for over two weeks after I was banded. She lives nearby, and has no idea what I've been through. I don't want to share my secret just yet. Maybe after I lose 100 pounds I'll tell my family. But, other people, I may never tell them. My weight has been a public struggle for me, even when I was skinny and in college. I was always fair game to talk about, "She lost weight", "oh, she gained it all back," as well as people always felt that they had to share their latest diet with me and suggestions. My grandmother was the worst, "You have such a pretty face. Don't you want to be attractive to boys?" I was barely overweight then!

I'm not ashamed that I had to get banded. It took me many years of research and discussion before I made this decision. It is SO not the easy way out! I still have cravings, and my band is nowhere near the green zone yet. It's a lot of willpower.

Don't feel badly about omitting the lap band from your story to people. It's none of their business. Would you be telling everyone about a personal surgical procedure? That is what this is. You needed this surgery for your health. You have lost an incredible amount of weight using your willpower and better habits! As for your best friend's mother-in-law...I can't write what my response to her would have been in this forum. LOL!

[msky1981 6]

I was "embarrassed" at first but I am starting to feel better about myself and I am starting to not care what others think. My whole life I have worried what people think and say about me and I'm sick of it. It's not fair and honestly even if they don't like it, it was the best decision for ME! I know it's hard especially when you have thought that way your whole life but give it a try. It feels good to say who gives a $hit!!

[rigonj 103]

Lol your too funny....I feel like she knows shes wrong because even when everyone says how good I look she just keeps quiet and never says anything. I know it's a struggle.

[HealthyNewMe 1,935]

I always throw the ball back in their court by saying, "YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT TO DO, RIGHT????? COUNT CALORIES, WATCH THE CARBS, AND JOIN A GYM." The only time I feel awkward is when I'm asked in front of my two girlfriends who know I had surgery, but they are the ones who told me to just say the above line!