Romantic Relationships: Change in Focus

[LumpySpacePrincess 594]

I'm just a little more than halfway to my goal, and as with any life change, the relationships around me have started to change. I knew this was going to happen in some way, but it has come up for me in a way I didn't expect.

I love my boyfriend. He is my best friend and I can't imagine wanting to spend my life with anyone else. However, the thing is...now I don't want to spend my life with anyone!

I have noticed increasing thoughts about just wanting to not be in any kind of romantic relationship at all. I used to enjoy sleeping next to my boyfriend, but now I relish the times when he doesn't stay over and I can be alone. I used to like having him here in the morning, and now I look forward to an empty house where I can sit in the quiet alone.

I have never wanted to be alone before, even when I was a kid I would rather hang out with people who didn't like me than be alone. Now I find I can't get enough alone time.

I know a lot of relationships change as people start to think differently about their partner, but I'm wondering how many others just decided they didn't want a partner at all and wanted to be alone?

[woo woo 872]

I wonder if the feeling you are having could also be expressed as "I don't want to spend my life with any of the people that I have met thus far." ? Just a thought.

Sounds like a tough spot to be in, but if it's not for you there's no point in wasting anyone's time. Just my opinion. I know these things are easier said than done!!

Edited March 26, 2014 by woo woo

[PdxMan 4,292]

Does your insurance cover any sort of psychiatric services? There could be many things going on, here. It almost sounds like you may be wanting to isolate, which could be due to many reasons, none of which we could decisively discover on an internet forum.

[BigGirlPanties 957]

Dear Lumpy Princess...

Have you spoken to a counselor? It could be part of a depression sinking in... I know it sounds weird to be depressed when you (think you) are feeling so good...but it happens... and it could be a temporary thing... but again, as mentioned it may be that this person really isn't the right fit... the only one that knows is YOU... my honey and I have been together about 10 years, we got married a few months after my surgery... I can't imagine life without him, but I do like my alone time (before and after surgery)... you need to find the mix that works for you.

Good luck!

[elenasal 44]

Sounds a little bit like depression. I have had depression for years (newly diagnosed). I never wanted to hang out, try new things, hated to be touched, etc.

Depression can be a real bi@*&!!!

Maybe that's what going on?

[elfnow 277]

I also encourage you to explore these feelings with someone qualified...,

One thing I want to add is, maybe you're feeling better about yourself such that you feel like you don't need to "settle"? As you feel better about yourself, you feel less afraid of being alone, because YOU are accepting you now?

Having said that, I have a friend whose wife divorced him after she got her lap-band. He said she just kinda drifted off and she just wasn't interested anymore....

It could also be hormonal! Remember that as you burn fat, your overall stored estrogen is being released into your system and going away... That's great for overall cancer risk but it might make for some hormonal feelings too, and not the "fun" hormones... More of the blah hormones.

Unless you are experiencing an abusive situation, don't rush into any decisions.... But don't rule anything out, either. As your weight stabilizes you may feel differently.

[LumpySpacePrincess 594]

Thanks for the replies, everyone. I do see a therapist every Saturday and she and I have talked about these issues. I don't think its depression; I have battled with depression since the age of 3 and this feels completely different. I'm not sad or upset or not wanting to be around anyone at all, I just don't want to be in a romantic relationship. I still love hanging out with my friends, I just am, for the first time, enjoying being with just myself.

[SliminDownThick 69]

Totally agree with elfnow. I think you're feeling better about you and the "need" for someone to be near isn't necessary. Good luck hun. :-)

[Lady_E 7]

Maybe take a break maybe weightloss is making you see things in a new perspective. have you settled for some things about him that maybe now you don't want to?

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

I LOVE alone time and I'm not depressed.

I like the feeling of not having to compromise in whatever it is I want to do at that moment. Read a book or academic journals. Play with my make-up and hair. Watch whatever it is that I want to watch on the tv. Try on clothes and shoes and play dress-up whilst listening to the radio. Cooking in the kitchen, trying out new dishes. Going for a walk and pottering around the shops.

I like me. I like spending time with me. In fact, I could have fun in an empty room.

Does it mean I'm anti-social? No. Does it mean I'm depressed and need to talk to someone about it? No.

I think some time with me is just fine.

If you're wanting some time to yourself - you ask for it. I think its wholly worse to feel like you're obliged to be around people, when you don't want to be. Doing that will end up making you resent them, resent yourself for not voicing your desires and it will make you a bit depressed, because you could feel constrained by having to do what you feel you're obliged to do - not what you want to do.

I'd say you're all groovy. Set out some new ground rules, ask for some 'me time' (in a careful and compassionate way) and see how it goes. It doesn't mean you're stepping away from the relationship at this juncture. You just need some time to be alone and have a good old think. Ideally with a nice cup of tea.

It doesn't all have to be doom and gloom! But if you have some time alone to evaluate and you do think your relationship isn't for you any more? Then at least you've had the time to give it thorough and careful consideration.

[mickally 95]

I agree with Madam, it sounds to me like you are just enjoying being you and that is great. I have been married for 31 years and we have been through many seasons. Often times I have to step back and spend time alone. Sometimes I get so busy being us that you forget to be me. I have also been depressed for the past eight years and I know the feelings of sadness that comes with it. I also know the feeling of wanting to be isolated and for me its different than just needing to be alone. It sounds like you know the difference as well.