struggling to have support and understanding...

[Angi~2014 52]

Hello. Yesterday was a rough day for me. I am choosing not to tell 'everyone' I know about my choice for surgery and have chosen just a select few to share this info with. (the ones closest to me) I am glad to have the support of my husband, but was battling with responses given by a couple of family members who I also chose to 'confide' in. I didn't expect those other family members to be 'thrilled' with the idea, because when I last thought about proceeding with surgery, I heard a lot of negatives etc.... I guess I was hoping for a bit of a positive, supportive reply when I told them that I am doing this for health reasons (as I have many major health issues).... Another difficult part of this is that I know I would have had the support of my parents if they were still here... (mom died 14 years ago, and dad died exactly 6 months ago). I began to feel 'alone' and almost second guess myself...and almost feel like I cannot do this (because I had a family member imply that to me). Bottom line is, I know deep down this is the right thing for me to do... even though it is a bit of a scary step. *sigh*

Anyway, I just wanted to share a bit... *to those who may read this, thanks for listening..*

[Rena's got this 274]

You are right...it is a scary step, but you know that it is the right thing for you to do. You are taking charge of your health and your life. You may not get all positive feedback from your family, but just look past it, they may be worried and concerned that something may happen. When it is all over and done with and you are in your nice new slender size, and your major health issues are now minor or even nonexistent, I'll bet they will all have positive things to say!

Many hugs to you!

[katesuccess 990]

I'm of the mind (and I'm not trying to push this way of thinking or anything) that your mum and dad are supportive of you even from beyond this world. Perhaps they're part of that self-knowledge you have that says 'this is right for me'! I"m so sorry you don't have them here to encourage and support you in words and hugs and more, but you are left with this determination to live for good reasons, to get healthier and hang around, to take charge of this decision and be proactive on your own behalf. Definitely something to Celebrate, and naysayers be damned! It's not their body, their weight, their life or their decision. My chosen response is "Sorry, this isn't up for discussion, and I'd just rather not talk about it in this way." Anyone who's being encouraging would certainly get a different response too! Be strong, know that people on this site "get it", and are encouraging you, and understand in a way none of those naysayers ever can. You CAN do this Angi!

[Nurse96 28]

I can so relate to your post. I'm a private person and have been extremely choosy in who I've shared the news of my impending sleeve (next week!!!) with. I've literally only told about 4 people. My mom, my aunt, my overweight brother, and a good friend. When I first made the decision to consider WLS, I made the mistake of mentioning that I was THINKING of considering it, to my thin, athletic, younger sister, and she was downright rude, yelling me that I was being selfish, that I was going to have compilations, that I was going to leave my children without a mother, on and on and on. We'll, needless to say, she is not on my list of those who know that I've having surgery next week. I've just developed a thicker skin and decided that I only want to tell those that I know will be supportive. Best of luck to you in your journey. Use this site anytime you need support! It's been great for me to read the stories and not feel so alone in this journey!

[Hackcutie 2]

I am so sorry that you are going through that, and I completely understand. I have chosen, the opposite. I tell everyone. If they choose not to support you in this journey then that is their problem. This is a decision that you made for yourself. To better yourself. In this instance it is totally ok to be selfish. I continue to tell myself that everyday and ignore those who cannot stand by me in this journey. You will have anxieties and stuggles along this path because that is what is humanly normal. Don't allow others to add to those feelings. One day, when you look back at the overweight, not so healthy, sometimes insecure life that you are living now (at least I am)- you will be grateful you made this decision. Those who are unable to be happy for you now will have nothing to say then. Good luck!!

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

You are not alone. There are hundreds of us on this website!

You are alone in making this decision - but all adults are.

You have a husband that loves and supports you. What more do you need?

Zone out the noise, listen to your heart, get cuddles from your husband and make this decision for yourself and stand by it.

Don't seek the affirmation and approval of others. They're not living your life for you after all.

Deep breaths and learn to be comfortable and secure in your own decision making skills - in whatever direction you choose.

Best of luck:)

[kriketa68 3]

I can so relate to the negative comments about your decision toa have the surgery. I have also only told a hand full of people about it. I have lots of support from my parents and siblings, they know the struggle I have had with my weight and the health problems that it has caused. The main person that I need the suppport from is not giving it to me. My boyfriend. He doesn't want me to have it. He says he loves me just the way that I am, but he does not understand how it feels to live in this body. I go to my appointments alone and do not even mention to him what they are and what I have to do. I feel so alone most of the time. It doesn't make me second guess my decision to do it, I know its the right one, but I dont unstand why he feels the way he does. He told me the other night that if I got this done there was going to be complications between us and when I asked him if he was going to the hospital with me when I have it done he said he was backed up at work and didn't know if he would be able to take off. I love him with all my heart but I don't know how much more I can take of his remarks. Stay strong.....were behind you every step of the way!!!!

[Danni-doinit4me 140]

I only told a two close friends, my husband, sister and brother when I made the decision. After I was approved and had a surgery date I told a few more family members only. Now that I am 5 months out I will tell just about anybody who asks and wants to know. I don't want to bore anybody with the details unless they ask. You have to make the decision for yourself and tell those who you want to know. good luck with your journey!! You will have all the support you can handle from this site!!

[7 Bites_Jen 479]

Big hugs to you and let me just say that you have a WEALTH of support here!!
I am so sorry to hear that you have little support at home - but it is wonderful that your husband backs you up 100%! Remember that he (and YOU!) are the only opinions that matter here. And to have that support is so important.

Congrats on your decision to take control of your life and your health! Keep us posted on your progress!

[butterfly2014 128]

People are going to talk, make comments, be negative...etc etc. At the end of the day it is your decision alone. You have a supportive husband, what else do you need. I wish you the best on your wls journey!

[Angi~2014 52]

Thank you everyone! I look forward to the days ahead.... I am truly thankful for the support that I have with my husband and also thankful for support and connections that I have found here. This truly is a blessing. I look forward to hearing other people's progress and victories... as well as being a support to others in their journey.

THANK YOU ALL.

[lockkill 47]

All I can say is their was a reason you where guided in this direction!!! And it could be work from the other side standing next to you every step of the way!!! Positive thoughts and prayers!!!

[bebop09 12]

Geeze, I feel like I could have written this myself!

[BellaLuce4 261]

Crazy how many of us experience similar reactions. I didn't tell anyone but my best friend n husband before hand.

I chose to not tell my mom till 5 days before the surgery and by her initial reaction it was a smart thing to do. She came around, but did not help me at all. I guess her way of showing me she didn't approve?

[Tulie 8]

Other peoples comments say nothing about you and everything about themself and their own fears. So, pray for their strength and wisdom so that they can help usher you into a new chapter in your life ... then get on with it.