Telling the family?!?

[ladybug's journey 24]

I'm a private person who tends to keep stuff to myself and a few close people. DH wants me to tell my sister and dad (I think he's worried if something went wrong and they had to find out that way). I understand his thinking but don't want to be under anyone's microscope or hear their negativity. What's a girl to do? Surgery is 12 days away

[butterfly2014 128]

Ladybug it is best you do tell at least your closest relative. Just remember why you are doing this. This is your life and you want to be healthy. At the end of the day people will always have their own opinions but what matters is what YOU want.

I wish you the best on your wls journey!

Stay positive and enjoy transforming the NEW YOU!

[sassypants 674]

I told my mum 2 sisters and 4 brothers I didn’t tell 2 sisters and 1 brother I don’t get along with them or want them to know anything about it.
About 8 months out one of my brothers opened his big mouth and told a aunt who told one of my sisters happens to be THE sister I do not get on with the most and if you read my posts one of my firsts was related to her I can’t even use the words to describe her on here as its offensive.
But you are better off telling the people you trust and who will notice and make them know and understand right from the start you do not want this talked about to everyone.

Other than them siblings I actually don’t care who knows it can be sign painted on my house for all I care but I get not wanting people to know.

[HumanMerelyBeing 287]

Ladybug - I'm like you, very private and it was a big decision about who I told. I told my husband, my children, 1 aunt and a best friend. Also told my in-laws out of total necessity since we needed their help with the kids while I was in the hospital. I didn't tell anyone else - not my sisters, parents, people at work, etc. Even with this carefully selected small group, I did have to endure some negativity, fear, etc. although most were very kind and supportive.

I'm very comfortable with this decision although I wish I didn't tell the in-laws: have definitely re-thought that one. I am 6 weeks out and I am able to proceed with this journey privately, losing at my own pace without a hundred questions and people checking me up and down to "see how I'm doing" or to tell me "how pretty I actually am now." I don't like that kind of thing at all.

I do go to the monthly support group at my surgeon's office which is helpful and I would encourage you to get some support during this time; including this community who truly understands.

Everyone is different, so no one can tell you the "right" thing to do. But I would say this: ignore the idea that you HAVE to tell people, or that you are being dishonest if you don't. That's crap. No one needed to know how and why you gained the weight in the first place and they aren't owed anything now.

This time, it's truly for you. Do it your way.

[Miss Bee 17]

My mother, big brother, husband and bff are the only ones that know. I am DEF not telling my hypochondriac, always perfect, 5'3" 120lb sister. My extended family won't be told either. When they ask I'm just going to tell them I'm on a diet. The way I see it, I don't survey them all about my tampon choice, why would I inform them of what I'm doing with my guts?

My guts, my business.

[katesuccess 990]

I"m also private about such things, and since I have a rather public job, I'm being really careful only to tell the three people who absolutely need to know. Not all of my family will even know. It isn't anyone's business and it's hard enough to do this as it is. I'm finding that I don't fear negative reactions as much as I suspect I'd get tons of free advice, helpful comments and ongoing chatter about it, and it would continue to make my weight the focus of attention - which I just don't want to have to talk about every time I see anyone. "Can you eat that?" or "Eat this - it's healthy!" or "How bad was the surgery?" "How big were you?" etc.I figure it's mine to tell when i'm ready - and if I'm ready.

That said, I know how hard it is with parents and what your beloved is going through wondering if he'd have to tell them if anything happened--my husband and I talked about the same things. So what if you write a nice note to your parents for him to give them in the event there were complications or you did have to stay in the hospital and they had to be told? It's not like a letter from the grave or anything, just something to explain that this was private but you also know that your choice to be private about it might be hard for them. You will hopefully never need it, and you and your husband can toss it out when you're all done and recovering, but it might give him a safety net feeling and keep him from being stuck in the middle. Just a thought. Good luck - just know it's up to you!

[beeteroo 166]

I talked to my mom about it a few weeks ago and she is totally against me doing it. I'm still going to have the surgery and tell her about it when I get closer to the surgery date. I just don't want to hear her crap about.....just eat less and exercise more. She's obese too but not as bad as me and she was thin when she was a child and young adult.....I've never even thin....ever. I feel like I have to tell her so if i have a complication my husband doesn't have to explain it to everyone. My dad won't have a problem with it. Not sure if I'm going to tell my siblings. I probably will.....just in case. It's probably a good idea to tell your family.

[AJ-NC 26]

I made a decision to only tell my husband and my daughter about my sleeve. I didn't want to keep my mom and mother-in-law in the dark completely, so I just told them that I'm having to have a little laparoscopic surgery next week, but everything is fine. Of course, my mom immediately started firing off questions to which I dodged. I simply told her that I was originally not going to tell her about the surgery at all, but decided to do it as a courtesy, and I wouldn't be answering any more questions. She finally got the message and said to have my hubby let her know when I'm in surgery and when I'm out. I may eventually tell them, but not right now.

[Gammy10 37]

I am a teacher and hope to have my sleeve done over the summer break. I plan to tell no one. My husband knows and is on board 100% with whatever brings me happiness. I do not worry about him being judgmental, and I figure it is no one else's business.

[beeteroo 166]

I made a decision to only tell my husband and my daughter about my sleeve. I didn't want to keep my mom and mother-in-law in the dark completely, so I just told them that I'm having to have a little laparoscopic surgery next week, but everything is fine. Of course, my mom immediately started firing off questions to which I dodged. I simply told her that I was originally not going to tell her about the surgery at all, but decided to do it as a courtesy, and I wouldn't be answering any more questions. She finally got the message and said to have my hubby let her know when I'm in surgery and when I'm out. I may eventually tell them, but not right now.

That's a good idea. Maybe I will do that too. Having a little laparoscopic surgery. It would be super hard not to tell them once they started firing off all those questions. I'm trying to think of a bogus surgery to tell them I'm having.

[AJ-NC 26]

You could always say "I'm just having an un-needed body part removed".

I made a decision to only tell my husband and my daughter about my sleeve. I didn't want to keep my mom and mother-in-law in the dark completely, so I just told them that I'm having to have a little laparoscopic surgery next week, but everything is fine. Of course, my mom immediately started firing off questions to which I dodged. I simply told her that I was originally not going to tell her about the surgery at all, but decided to do it as a courtesy, and I wouldn't be answering any more questions. She finally got the message and said to have my hubby let her know when I'm in surgery and when I'm out. I may eventually tell them, but not right now.

That's a good idea. Maybe I will do that too. Having a little laparoscopic surgery. It would be super hard not to tell them once they started firing off all those questions. I'm trying to think of a bogus surgery to tell them I'm having.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

I'm a private person who tends to keep stuff to myself and a few close people. DH wants me to tell my sister and dad (I think he's worried if something went wrong and they had to find out that way). I understand his thinking but don't want to be under anyone's microscope or hear their negativity. What's a girl to do? Surgery is 12 days away

My husband knows I talk a lot with lots of friends. He was an only child and very private. He decided our sleeves would be our business. He did not want our business becoming public. After we had our surgery scheduled, nosy neighbor asked him would he go have a gastric bypass. LOL. He said no. He doesn't lie. We are 66 and 67. We were barely out of commission. We just said we are dieting and not going out to eat. True. We do have friends we play trivia with regularly, and socialize with neighbors, and we now have to find the humor in all the comments about our weight loss, but it is really tiresome. I am thankful my husband had a rein on me because I "felt" like I was obligated to tell, and I know now how ridiculous that sounds. Best of luck, I promise you can do! Linda

[chasisready 3]

I don't have one person that's happy about my decision to get VSG. I'm scheduled for revision from lapband to VSG in May. Nobody was supportive of my lapband surgery either. It's like they are all saying "I told you so" since I've had a difficult time with the band.

[Angi~2014 52]

Though I don't have anything to add to the things already being said here. I wanted to say thank you for the initial post and all of the replies regarding it. I am struggling in this same area, but it is a bit different. I am glad to have the support of my husband, but was battling with responses given by a couple of family members who I also chose to 'confide' in. The other difficult part is that I know I would have had the support of my parents if they were still here... (mom died 14 years ago, and dad died exactly 6 months ago) I didn't expect those other family members to be 'thrilled' with the idea, because when I last thought about proceeding with surgery, I heard a lot of negatives etc.... I guess I was hoping for a bit of a positive, supportive reply when I told them that I am doing this for health reasons (as I have many major health issues).... I began to feel 'alone' and almost second guess this... but I know deep down this is the right thing for me to do... even though it is a bit of a scary step.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks and to share a bit.... *to those who may read this, thanks for listening..*

[Kate2014 5]

Though I don't have anything to add to the things already being said here. I wanted to say thank you for the initial post and all of the replies regarding it. I am struggling in this same area, but it is a bit different. I am glad to have the support of my husband, but was battling with responses given by a couple of family members who I also chose to 'confide' in. The other difficult part is that I know I would have had the support of my parents if they were still here... (mom died 14 years ago, and dad died exactly 6 months ago) I didn't expect those other family members to be 'thrilled' with the idea, because when I last thought about proceeding with surgery, I heard a lot of negatives etc.... I guess I was hoping for a bit of a positive, supportive reply when I told them that I am doing this for health reasons (as I have many major health issues).... I began to feel 'alone' and almost second guess this... but I know deep down this is the right thing for me to do... even though it is a bit of a scary step.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks and to share a bit.... *to those who may read this, thanks for listening..*

Angi,

Personally, I got into poor eating habits because I have always taken care of myself last. Everyone else's needs and feelings always came before my own. I also overheat in response to stress. When I made the decision to have WLS, I told no one...not even my husband. I am three weeks away from surgery and I finally told my husband two weeks ago. Withholding information about my surgery is a choice I have made so that I can stay focused on myself. My husband is supportive, as I knew he would be...but as for everyone else, I just can't give a rat's a** about them or how they feel about my choice.

Remember this decision is for you and your own health and happiness. Don't let anyone make you second guess what you feel deep down is the right decision for YOU. Make this journey with confidence!