Anyone not tell family?

[MIMamaof2 30]

Dh had a RNY in 2005 and a revision in 2013. He initially lost a ton of weight (166 lbs) and then regained about 70 lbs (lifestyle/back injury related). He was having stomach issues and went back to our bariatric surgeon who basically ended upmaking a sleeve of dh's pouch. During the regain period, his dad and brother just made rude comments about his weight (neither of them are thin and they are both severe diabetics).

Fast forward 2 months, as I'm approaching surgery and dh tells me that he would rather we not tell his family that I was undergoing WLS. I really didn't care, so we didn't tell them. I'm now 4 weeks post op and we STILL haven't told dh's family. We don't see them very often and are now actively avoiding them until I lose more weight (I'm down 35 lbs).

My parents, sister and one aunt knew about my surgery pre-op. I've since told other aunts (on my side) and both of my grandmas.

Did anyone else not share their WLS with family? Did you eventually tell them?

[UK Cathy 977]

Out of my family only husband and my 2 sons know, nobody else. I too live away from family and when I have seen them they comment on loss and I just say "thank you". I'm sure there would be lots of snide comments if they knew.

[Aunt GG 43]

Oh boy, do I ever understand your situation! I have many family members (my husband's side) who know nothing about my surgery. Frankly, I looked at it as it was none of their business. And I still feel that way about it. Do what you feel is the right thing for you and your hubby!!! And if that includes keeping that information from them, then that is the right thing to do! I wish the very best to you both! Go get em!

[sueBhoney 13]

tough decision..DH's family has shown they are judgmental. Most of my immediate family does know I had wls.I have not told my mother .. given her age and she tends to worry about me..If the people I haven't told do find out about my wls..I will just say it doesn't concern them if they make comments around them. It will get harder on you avoiding them..Just go and relax..no bodies business but yours..nice that your DH is concerned about your feelings

Edited March 20, 2014 by sueBhoney

[Mama Spike 144]

Only my husband knows. Didn't tell my kids or parents.

[MIMamaof2 30]

tough decision..DH's family has shown they are judgemental. Most of my immediate family does know I had wsl..I have not told my mother .. given her age and she tends to worry about me..If the people I haven't told do find out about my wsl..I will just say it doesn't concern them if they make comments around them. It will get harder on you avoiding them..Just go and relax..no bodies business but yours..nice that your DH is concerned about your feelings

It's not hard to avoid them because they live 90 minutes away (the closest of them) and we only see them when we go to see them. They hardly ever come to our house and only if we invite/guilt them into it.

My parents have been great about it. They've helped with my kids every time I've had an appointment and during my hospitalization.

[Butterflyhigh 504]

This topic has been debated many times before. Some people want to shout their WLS success from the rooftops while some tell only a few family members. It is a personal decision to undergo this surgery and in my opinion it is nobody's business but yours.

I am choosing to not tell anyone in my family. The only people who know I am planning WLS is my ex-husband and teenage daughter, and that's only because there is no way I can hide it from them. I will keep this a secret because I do not want to be unfairly judged, criticized, or gossiped about...all of which would happen in my family.

[HardWork13 83]

Initially I told my parents. I then also told my one brother and sister in law and a good friend who I also happen to work with. My Aunt found out pre surgery which I was ok with because she lives in another state, however is super supportive. I didn't tell anyone else at work or my other brother and sister in law and family. My surgery was in Oct '13. I've only since told two more people. I'm ok with it being personal.

[Tiki 74]

I only told my husband first. He was worried about me and wanted me to tell my sister. My sister guilted me into telling my son. She wanted me to tell my mom which I did after surgery. Only 4 of my closest friends at work know and my best friends outside of work. If I could wave a magic wand and do do overs I wouldn't tell a single soul.

[1Day1Life4Now 882]

Only my husband and my daughter know. I haven't even told my son or daughter-in-law. I haven told anyone else in my family or my husband's. I wanted to keep this private so I wouldn't have to discuss it with them and suffer from their judgment. Yeah they could possibly be supportive but I don't need it, so why take the chance. I am the only over weight person in my family so nobody understands what it is like to be overweight or how difficult the struggles have been. If I had some other medical procedure I wouldn't share that either. I'm a private person when it comes to certain things so if it ever comes out...they will have to understand. Sharing or not sharing is such a personal decision, I would never try to influence anyone either way but my choice has worked very well for me.

[sueBhoney 13]

well there ya go MIMama...if you have to guilt them into to visiting you don't "owe" them the info. The only reason I did tell my brother and sisters was because surgery is a major thing. If anything were to happen during it I wanted them to be informed.

[Katcloudshepherd 630]

Hello,

I didn't tell my two brothers in Michigan. They are in for one heck of a shock when I will see them in July. Didn't tell them because when I joined the Army, they said: "you'll be back in a week." I knew by that comment, no way in hell was I telling them about WLS. By the way, I served 7 years and a few months in the Army with an honorable discharge--so screw them.

My two sisters knew about the surgery. They have been very supportive. Looking forward to seeing them in July. My brothers, not so much. My brothers are alcoholics--I have a problem being around such negative, unhealthy people.

I live in Texas not only becuase it is where my husband retired from the military, but because I don't want to be close to my brothers and their negativity. There were fewer employment opportunities in Michigan when I left the Army as well.

I'm glad I didn't tell them. They may be my brothers but I have grown away from the awful "childhood" I had and they are still stuck in the same patterns of unhealthy behavior.

Kathleen

[itsmekarenlee 129]

My husband and I JUST started this process last night at orientation, though it's been on our mind's to do for a couple of years now. Actually started it last year but stopped, thinking we could just change our cooking/eating/exersizing habits. HA, ya right. Anyway, we have 3 kids, a 17 yr old son and 10 yr old twins that we haven't told yet and we won't be saying anything to any family members, unless they ask. We don't want them to worry, or keep asking us how we are doing (have you lost any weight? why not? etc...), too much pressure on us, plus, some people think it's "cheating" and judge. I already get that by a few people if I bring up our necessity for our IVF with our twins (I have PCOS).
So that's the plan anyway- to not say anything. But I'm a blabbermouth so who knows. LOL!

[MIMamaof2 30]

Good luck itsmekarenlee! My 8 year old knows what dh and I did. We explained it to her as we had surgery so we could get healthier and be able to do more with her. It seemed like an easy explanation for the entire process.

[hwy17v 14]

I am scheduled for surgery in May, self-pay in Mexico. I don't plan on anyone but my husband knowing. I'm 51 years old, 5'1" with a large frame, and weigh 187 lbs. I am sure people would judge me because they think I'm not overweight enough to offset the risks of surgery. Well, I'm obese, and without surgical intervention that will never change. I'm pre-hypertensive and have been hypothyroid for 14 years, just went through menopause which added more weight. Yes, I should be able to lose the weight with diet and exercise. I probably could, but I know from experience I can't KEEP it off. I see no reason why I shouldn't prevent future medical problems by using this tool to help me. But, even my husband says "Oh if you would just get out and walk a few miles a day you'd be fine". No one but an obese person understands the unhappiness, frustration, and even shame of being obese. I'm tired of being obese, and tired of trying to justify my weight to myself and others. I refuse to even discuss this surgery with friends or family. Sorry for the rant, but I think we should be able keep our surgery private for as long as we want.