Is it me or some of those around me who's attitude has changed?

[PrettyThick1 1,860]

Suddenly, I'm not feeling the love that fat Gwen felt. Suddenly, I get the feeling that others are talking about me behind my back. Others who have always normally been in my corner through thick and thin. I'm wondering if it's my attitude that has changed? I certainly feel more confident, outgoing and attractive, but does that resonate as cockiness, egoism and/or grandeur to the outside world? We're told not to give too much credit to how others interpret us, I try to deal with it by thinking:

Some may regard me as an angel, others the devil. I will give no merit to either perspective because their assessment is based upon their life experiences and not my own.

Anyway, I have to be honest that with the weight loss, I seem to also be losing "friends". It could be a coincidence. It could be God's way of helping me to declutter my life: physically, emotionally and socially. Who knows? I'll press on nonetheless because I realize there are many people out there waiting for me to fail. To see the weight added back on, so I can be the fluffy, cute one in the bunch who makes everyone else look smaller and sexier. Hells to the naw! I'm one of the sexy now...deal with it or deal without me.

#drops mike and skips of stage

[BandedCandace 105]

Girl! I am gonna give you a standing ovation for that because I am RIGHT there with you! I have a few of those "friends" in my life as well and the new confident me has NO issues telling them where they can go and walk away into the sunset with my head held high. Weight Loss surgery is SUCH a mental test..and the LAST thing anyone needs is people that bring you down....no, make that TRY to bring you down. Your attitude may have changed, I know mine has..but this me..Just like this is the new you..they can roll with you, or they can roll without you. So go ahead and get your sexy on and let the haters hate..because those "friends" are just hating!

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

I lost over a hundred pounds over twenty years ago only to gain it all back. A combination of things is happening, in my experience. You're changing and that's changed your relationship with others. Some people can't handle it. I know I became much more confident and less willing to take crap from anybody when I lost my excess weight before. Back then I was single. It was easier for me to remove unhealthy people from my life. I'm not going to lie, this time it will be my marriage that is tested. The last 18 months have been the worst of our marriage, and things are still bad. But I went ahead and got WLS anyway. I absolutely had to get my health in order. I know I have a lot of decisions ahead of me. But I need to be the best me I can be to do whatever's ahead. One day at a time, one obstacle at a time. I feel very alone sometimes because my supportive daughters are off at college, one abroad. But they do support me, as does my mom, and my best friend. I told nobody else except my husband. Stay strong and know that the true you will end up with the people you need.

[PrettyThick1 1,860]

I'm so glad I'm not alone...I figured this might be common and I'd love to read more stories like yours on this post. Congratulations on your success and keep up the good work!

Girl! I am gonna give you a standing ovation for that because I am RIGHT there with you! I have a few of those "friends" in my life as well and the new confident me has NO issues telling them where they can go and walk away into the sunset with my head held high. Weight Loss surgery is SUCH a mental test..and the LAST thing anyone needs is people that bring you down....no, make that TRY to bring you down. Your attitude may have changed, I know mine has..but this me..Just like this is the new you..they can roll with you, or they can roll without you. So go ahead and get your sexy on and let the haters hate..because those "friends" are just hating!

[jamilyne 102668 1,207]

I don't think you are imagining it. I think that you probably are more confident and they probably feel threatened. You earned this - good for you. You know there are gonna be haters (lol). You just have to do the best as you can and move on.

[PrettyThick1 1,860]

You hit the nail on the head. I think the biggest problem is that they can't handle seeing me change, especially when they are afraid to make their own bold moves to improve their lives.

I hope you know in your heart that whatever the impact your weightloss has on your marriage, it will be for the best. Prolonged unhappiness is a serious thief of time, which we are learning is more and more precious as we get older.

Good luck and continued success!!!

I lost over a hundred pounds over twenty years ago only to gain it all back. A combination of things is happening, in my experience. You're changing and that's changed your relationship with others. Some people can't handle it. I know I became much more confident and less willing to take crap from anybody when I lost my excess weight before. Back then I was single. It was easier for me to remove unhealthy people from my life. I'm not going to lie, this time it will be my marriage that is tested. The last 18 months have been the worst of our marriage, and things are still bad. But I went ahead and got WLS anyway. I absolutely had to get my health in order. I know I have a lot of decisions ahead of me. But I need to be the best me I can be to do whatever's ahead. One day at a time, one obstacle at a time. I feel very alone sometimes because my supportive daughters are off at college, one abroad. But they do support me, as does my mom, and my best friend. I told nobody else except my husband. Stay strong and know that the true you will end up with the people you need.

[Ohio Girl 57]

This is one of the reasons that VERY few people know about my surgery!! I work A county agency and a lot of back stabbing women!!

[DivaStyleCoach 89]

Like you, I told very few people about my surgery - only my family and a couple of trusted friends. I had my surgery in Nov 2008 and now, over 5 years later, I still am not speaking to some of the people I knew "before". It's as if they had placed me in the category of "fat, safe girlfriend" and when I moved out of the "fat" category, I was no longer "safe".

Don't you let ANYONE stop you on your journey to better health! It sounds like you have your head on straight, and that you are strong enough to survive the loss of former 'friends' and keep on stepping. If you had cancer (God forbid) those same people would be encouraging you to do whatever was necessary to prolong your life and to maintain your quality of life. Since your drastic change came about in the form of weight loss, their attitudes now need adjusting.

It's that old truth - people don't mind you doing better...as long as you're not doing better than THEY are! Your accomplishment takes away their excuses - once they know someone who has conquered the 'weight problem' they no longer have an excuse for NOT doing the same thing.

Hang in there - I know very well the road you are traveling...keep on going until you reach YOUR goal. Don't listen to those who tell you that "You're getting too skinny", or "Haven't you lost enough weight?". Unless you are endangering your health, don't stop until you reach your goal!:-)

[Pinkygirl 34]

People get jealous and yes you will loose friends. I felt like my skinny friends were mad at me for loosing weight. As crazy as it sounds it's true. Then again, my friends that were bigger were getting mad at me too for loosing weight. The fat friend doesn't want to be the bigger one and the skinny one wants to be the only one in the group. I mean they were telling me that i need to stop loosing, its too much blah blah blah. Very sad, but you will know who your true friends are and honestly as we get older, you don't need as many friends. It's just better without that many.

[SecretBander 79]

From the other side of the coin, I had a hard time adjusting to the new/different dynamic between me and one of my college friends when she lost over 100lbs. I was chunky but she was always very very heavy and I was used to that. It's terrible to say but she was one of my only friends I could go out with and be the 'skinnier' one.

Now I kept this internal struggle in and didn't let her become aware of it as I knew it was caused by my own insecurities. I continued to applaud her hard work and she recently had skin surgery and is a body pump instructor. I am very happy for her and we are good friends to this day but it did take some time for me to adjust to the new her.