My sister...ugh!

[w8loser 58]

My older (half) sister made it a point to call me today. We are very close. She lives out of town. Her father recently passed away from cancer. So, I'm trying to be a bit understanding. But, she called to let me know that if I have this surgery that I am vain, selfish, & a bad mother because I will likely die! I am enraged, & absolutely speechless. I couldn't even respond to her. So, now I'm lying in bed in tears, wondering...am I?

[jamilyne 102668 1,207]

She's probably scared to lose you because she just lost her father. Please don't take it personally, she's just upset and taking it out on you.

You do what you think is best for you, she'll come around don't be sad

[Renee4u2day 22]

I believe she is afraid of losing you. I don't think she mean those things she love you. I feel like you have to do what you have to do cause at the end of the day you have to make yourself happy. I know you gonna have WLS and be fine . Just talk with her about it and ask god to calm your mind and give u peace tonite and that your sister have a understanding. Me and my sister is close and she is excited for me. My WLS is April 7, 2014 and I can't wait for a second chance.

[shmily 424]

How about "If I don't have this surgery, I am going to die"

[Iambeautiful 100]

THAT is why I didn't tell anybody but one of my daughters and a daughter in law about it because i knew they would be the only ones that would be non judgemental.... I will never tell anyone that i had this done. Don't let that get to you... please..... you will be ok.... I'm sure..... I had a bad time with surgery but i survived..... She probably really is only concerned for you. I don't know about other people but i always consider maybe jealously is a factor in some cases. I didn't even tell my very best friend because I knew that she'd try to talk me out of it. Have the surgery. Do it for you! You'll regret not having it done. I'm sure that your doctor has put you through all the pre op testing or he will to see if you are healthy enough to have it done..... I've seen so many success stories here and I am so excited about finally beating my weight problem. I now have the tool to accomplish this and I am so happy that I've had it done..... It's been almost four weeks and I've lost twenty five pounds.... it's so encouraging. and I'm not tempted to cheat on this what so ever. I just don't have the hunger like i did before and i couldn't eat a lot even if I wanted to...... I go by fast food places and have no desire for any of it..... the cravings are gone....... I feel so free from this food addiction that i once had!!!!

[Iambeautiful 100]

You might want to consider having the gastric sleeve. I weighed the risks of both surgeries and found the sleeve to be the safest and you can lose just as much weight as the bypass patients in the long run. The bypass patients might lose faster in the beginning but us 'sleevers' catch up usually and sometimes even surpass the bypass patients in the long run. I think us that had the gastric sleeve have the advantage really and less nutritional deficiencies occur..... I think the sleeve is much safer in my opinion. I've done much research of both and came to an informed conclusion that the sleeve was my best bet.... I'm very happy with my decision. I think it's much safer than the bypass operation.

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

Love her. Its just her fear talking.

[gmanbat 5,889]

Ya know, ladies teach me stuff all the time. I was ready to pile up the ammunition to let the sister have it but the intuitive ladies saw the real deal. I re-read the post and I agree.

[kimk1999 450]

I'm sorry to hear. This is exactly why I didn't tell my half sister. She's older and we have a different dad too. Being my older sister she has the idea that she has to protect me. And she 'knows' what I should do to become happy. She's bought and given me different weight loss remedies over the years to help me out - some grapefruit pill, we did HCG shots and diet together, etc. she just know what I should be doing in life as well. There's been countless times where I've hung up the phone with her crying due to her advise. She's only trying to be helpful and well meaning but I've quit calling her. My mom told her about the surgery and she was hurt. I knew she'd probably react like your sister, because she had that pattern already. You're making the right decision for yourself and your kids. You'll lose the weight, probably be able to stop certain medicines, become happier and more energetic. You'll have a new lease on life. I hope you're doing better this morning.

[NancyintheNorth 112]

Grief makes people insane. They say and do things they may not typically say.

No, this surgery doesn't make you selfish or a bad mom. This surgery doesn't fix every aspect of your life. It doesn't make you prettier, or smarter either.

It helps with You getting heathier.

Nancy

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

Give her some time. Everyone handles grief and loss differently..Take what she said with a whole cup of salt and go on. She will be there after. She is worried she will lose you too. Don't take what she says personally at a time of great grief to her. She probably has no idea how it came out...Pain can do that to you...

A year from now if she says it. I suggest guns a blazing....For now she needs support too....

Do what you need to do for you and the welfare of your family. It is your choice to be healthy and happy and there for your children. Not hers!

[life_after_gastric_bypass 214]

Your sister is dealing with her her loss and just lashing out on you....had this not happen how did she feel prior to this? Was she supportive, what were her views...

and I understand right now she is grieving, sometimes people deal with things differently..don't take it to personal...right now you need to worry about you, your life, your children and your journey, vain, selfish, & a bad mother for wanting to live a healthier life and live longer is not wrong....move forward and dry those tears!

[mrsto 2,925]

How about "If I don't have this surgery, I am going to die"

Yep, my thoughts exactly.

[SlowJourney 57]

I got the same reaction from my two best friends at work. One of them would not talk to me until I returned back to work alive and well after the surgery. He had lost his wife to bypass surgery 15 years ago. I told him I was having lapband it was a lot safer than bypass and even bypass is much safer now than it was then.

The other one had recently lost her sister (not from any bariactric surgery) but was in a mournful mood and reflecting heavily on the fleetingness of life.

No person ever goes into surgery, elective or otherwise without thinking about 'What if something goes wrong'. It's human nature. You can't let her concerns overwhelm you. You are the only one that can decide whether you think the postives out weight the negatives. Whatever you decide you, keep us posted. Good luck!

[SandyM 1,956]

You do what you do for you and your family. I mean your "immediate" family. She means well I'm sure, but in the end, live your life for you and yours. She'll come around.