Got my first unexpected, "but why don't you just diet?" lecture today

[roundisashape 712]

Two previously supportive coworkers tag-teamed me with their opinions today. Came out of nowhere. I figured it would happen at some point, but I'm still frustrated. Oh well - I was falling asleep and now I've been annoyed awake...at least I'll be productive the rest of the day.

This was all the usual stuff. Just eat 1500 - no, 1800 calories. Eat every 2 hours. Low carb. No, no carb. No carb is good. Don't waste the money on surgery. Eat broccoli and boiled chicken. After surgery you'll have to diet, why not do it now? Blah blah blah and some more blah.

One of them is my size, getting larger, and in denial about it. Stuffs herself into her clothes like a sausage in a casing and won't admit to being over 200 pounds. She goes through wild swings. One day you can offer her something and she goes off the deep end at you about how she's on a diet and isn't eating crap like that - the next day she's stuffing rolls and M&M's in her piehole hand over fist.

The other one, I'm very proud of - she's about a size 4 now and used to be >250 pounds, and did it via the "boiled chicken" method with boot camps twice per day. Good for her. But her way isn't the only way, and being on the other end of a lecture from a sanctimonious ex-fatty who thinks her answers are the only answers is not my idea of a fun way to spend the afternoon.

I'm having this surgery because I'm 36 and 300 pounds. I've been fat my entire life. My knees hurt. My feet hurt. My blood pressure is poorly controlled. I want babies before I'm too old to raise them. I. Don't. Want. To. Die. And anyone who thinks they're going to talk me out of doing something to save my life can kiss my fat a$$ for as long as I still have it.

Rant, over.

[Roo101769 742]

YOU GO GIRL!!!! Let's be honest...This is NOT an easy decision to make. A lot of people think it is an easy way out of obesity, it isn't that either. It is what it is, a tool to help you in your fight to get your life back. Opinions are like b*ttholes, everyone has one! You came to terms with your reality and chose to have WLS. That is your decision based on your life and your body. It is no one else's, period. Whether they are being caring, condescending, curious or whatever - YOU have to live with your choice. (NOT THEM) I applaud that you decided to do what you needed to do for your life and are sticking to your guns. Eventually you won't be the novelty act and they will get bored with the crusade. ( While you will go on living your life and enjoying all the wonderful things NOT weighing 300lbs will bring!) I started at 316lbs and let me tell you it is AWESOME the day you realize you don't hurt all the time... Not to mention the thousands of other benefits it will afford you. As said before - YOU GO GIRL!!!

[Recycled 2,182]

Two previously supportive coworkers tag-teamed me with "why don't you just diet"

Rant, over.

Just tell them..... "why bother dieting, I'm taking the easy way out"...............Like it would make any difference to explain it to them anyway. And do you care anyway.

[Katcloudshepherd 630]

Hey,

I'm right there with ya! I'd be so P.O.'d it would take every ounce of my strength NOT to tell them to FRACK OFF---because after all you still have to work with them.

I'd REALLY like to know where all these people get off talking like THEY have been to medical school or more importantly have dealt with the pain and suffering you've endured because of carrying extra weight.

I know what I'm talking about. My knees and back are so much better now that I've had the surgery and lost some weight.

Hang in there. You have to do what's best for YOU.

Blessings,

Kathleen

[roundisashape 712]

Recycled, actually, I did wind up taking the passive aggressive, "well, I guess I just don't have your motivation, then" exit from the conversation. Not actually angry about it so much as it took me by surprise today - and I don't do well with that!

Thanks, Roo! I know I won't be the sideshow act here any longer than it takes for something more interesting to come up. I think they solidified my decision more than anything, by making me say it out loud. The fact that I COULD defend my decision let me know that I'm actually ready!

And Kathleen, I'm so happy to hear you and Roo both mention how you're in less pain now. That makes me happy for you, and excited for me. It'll be one to mark on the calendar the first time I wake up and don't feel like my feet are broken.

[Goddardgo 90]

Oh I've gotten this from family, and a really good friend of mine called me a cheater when I told her I was considering the sleeve. Don't you worry about what the outsiders say, you want this and yot for you.. so do it for you and own how awesome you look and feel afterwards Good luck to you!! I should be sleeved in June.. it can't come fast enough.

[Comfy_Blue 285]

If it was as easy as "just dieting" and "eat less, exercise more" t there would be no fat people. Telling an overweight person to just exercise more and eat less is like telling an alcoholic to "just drink less" or a drug addict to "just dope up less".

With drugs and alcohol, you can abstain from them to help keep your addiction in check. food isn't like that. With food you have to eat it in order to live.

So life as a food addict (which is why/how I gained so much weight) is like being an alcoholic or drug addict who has to drink/take drugs 3 times a day to sustain life.

Anyway don't listen to people like that. You do what works for you. For some people, dieting/eating better works well. For others, it doesn't.

Take my friend and I. She went to college, became a Vegan and lost 60lbs and has kept most of it off for the last 10 years. I went to the same college and tried every diet there was (weight watchers, slim fast, starving myself, Lemonade Diet, working out 3 hrs a day while taking Phentermine, etc) and I ended up packing on 100 lbs in the last 10 years.

Based off my own experience, I feel most overweight/obese people are that size due in part to genetics, but a lot of it is unresolved issues and we're using food to help us cope.

Also overeating is as American as apple pie. Most of our holidays, milestones and comfort are food-centered (Christmas, birthdays, funerals, family get together, Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, etc) so many of us come to equate food with love and community.

Edited March 18, 2014 by Comfy_Blue

[katesuccess 990]

"Just diet"? Is that like "Just learn to be kind, supportive, thoughtful, intelligent and appropriate?" If so, I'll definately look forward to the day THOSE people can show me how easy it is!

[gmanbat 5,889]

Sometimes passive aggression works real good, did for Ghandi..

I have taken that approach with folks that are slyly implying something.

"Isn't surgery the easy way out..why didn't you just diet?"

"Because I'm not strong like you and I am very weak in character. I have no will power and control over what I do. I get scared of myself sometimes and fear that I will go nuts and beat the snozzle out the next person that questions me about my actions. Thanks for asking."

[roundisashape 712]

Thanks, everyone! I'm grateful to have a place to go to let off some steam when people get my goat .

[rbtnln 81]

Like my husband says, "Opinions are like a**holes - everybody has one."

[greensleeve 457]

Chances are the ex fatty is going to regain eventually. I wonder how many times she will go through that before she ends up with surgery?

[ready2getgoing 41]

Sometimes passive aggression works real good, did for Ghandi..

...

"Because I'm not strong like you and I am very weak in character. I have no will power and control over what I do. I get scared of myself sometimes and fear that I will go nuts and beat the snozzle out the next person that questions me about my actions. Thanks for asking."

Best Response Ever - Thank you

[lockkill 47]

I so agree had a few of those yesterday!! Made me very upset starting to think are they right!! But they are not told my step father !! who weights over 300 lbs if it was so easy why hasn't he done it??? They wouldn't take a The alcoholic to a bar three times a day and put a shot glass down and say this is all u can have and see you at noon and five!!! And don't forget your family and friends are their drinking in front of you!! I love it when people say but you won't be able to eat this and that when your done bullshit I will be able to I just won't have to eat it all!!!

[katesuccess 990]

YES - Gmanbat - you've hit the nail on the head (much as I'd rather hit the speakers of such drivel on the head!). I have to say, I actually use that method fairly often, and find in all seriousness it helps to diffuse the absurdity of the situation. People sometimes really don't realize what nonsense they're talking or how offensive it can be. Well said.