Anyone having trouble with friends?

[Dorian 683]

A true friend would be there to support how, no matter what. Not try to bring you down or hurt you. She is jealous and not a true friend. I had a friend who was my BFF. Once I had the bypass and didn't go out drinking, I realized she was more of a drinking buddy then a best friend. I have since had a back surgery and have another one coming up, and rarely hear from her. Sometimes you just have to do what's best for you and move on.

[terry1118 1,274]

One of my best friends was so supportive when I got my surgery now I feel like she is trying to sabotage me. People are saying it's best I was always the "fat" friend and wasn't a threat. But she is still so much smaller then me that she should have nothing to worry about. I tried talking to her and that ended up with us fighting and not speaking at work. Then when she did speak to me it was to tell me it was my fault and I was the hurtful one. All I did was cancel plans for dinner because when we went out the night before she was clearly trying to break my diet by putting all this food in front of me and order so much alcohol a grown man couldn't drink that much. I would never tell someone they can't drink but all the time we've known each other she has never ordered that much. And I don't appreciate her trying to put food on my plate when she knows I can't have it. I even asked her if we can go out and do other things besides going to dinner or a bar and she said no. It sucks because we are so close but I feel like I need to watch my back. Am I just overreacting?

A real friend would care about you and be considerate of your feelings. She would do whatever they could to help you on your way to good health, even if it meant finding new things to do for a while.

Perhaps she may be having issues of her own you are unaware of? If you want to give your friendship a chance you could try being patient with her. Continue to invite her to do non-alcohol and food activities with you but don't give in and put yourself in a situation you don't want to be in. She may come around. Or maybe not.

It's not the end of the world if you move on without her. Friendships evolve and change. People in our lives who we call friend come and go as we or they change, or as our circumstances and life experiences change. Friendships happen when we have a lot in common with another person. You are changing. Your life no longer revolves around food. Perhaps it's time to move on to new experiences with new people who share your new interests.

Best of luck to you as you deal with this distressing aspect of your new life.

[PdxMan 4,292]

I believe the bottom line comes down to a basic question.

What are you willing to do to meet your weight loss goals?

Let me tell a little side story when I first got sober. I had abused alcohol for years using it as a crutch to avoid feelings and emotions I just as soon not have or just tried to displace them. When I had my "A-ha" moment, when I realized I could no longer go on like this, I sought help. When I came out of the hospital, I returned to my life as "normal", getting support through groups, but at the same time, trying to hang out with my "friends". They wanted to go to the bars and shoot pool, play darts and do all the things we did. I would go and drink soda, but they were very threatened by my sobriety. The bartender of our oft visited place pulled me aside and told me that other people at the bar, not just my friends, were very uncomfortable with my presence there. He said I was like a mirror to them revealing their own issues with alcoholism. Every time I walked in, I showed them their faults. Like your friends, mine tried to buy me drinks and shots. That way, I would once again be "just like them".

Someone in my support circle told me it was time to leave that life behind. If I continued, there would be no way I could stay sober. It was merely a matter of time before I returned to abusing alcohol as I once did. So, I had to look deep inside myself. Which was more important? My friends or my sobriety? As you may have guessed, it was my sobriety. I let my friends know this and told them I would love to do other things with them which did not include alcohol. Hiking ... seeing a movie ... whatever. I never received a call from any of them. That was the price I had to pay, but it was so worth it. I discovered they were not truly friends if they could not support me in this decision. That was 14 years ago and I haven't heard from any of them since.

So ... how does this relate? Re-read this and substitute "food" in there wherever you see alcohol (and related thoughts. Alcohol=food, bars=restaurant, sobriety=WLS). I don't think there really is much difference. If I have people in my life who would rather sabotage than support, I would really need to weigh the value of their presence in my life. It doesn't matter if it is food, alcohol ...

Boy you really put it all together. Kinda a smart one aren't you! Feel your pain though. i have not been without my old friends as long as you have. I hope I handle it as well as you do...I don't feel so alone in my situation now. i see that someone else experienced it and came through it.

I really want to be like you when I grow up in this area. Esp. when the pain eases. For now it is still fresh for me. But you give me hope!! Thank you for that

You know, I had to move on. If I were to stay in a place of pain, then all I would receive is pain. I felt empowered to move past these toxic relationships and begin new, healthy relationships. Ones that I still have today and value these people as I know these folks do care about me.

How can I move forward if I can't get away from my past? I had to let it go. Lamenting those relationships is like being sad I can no longer lick the sharp edge of a knife. Why the heck would I want to do that!!??

[mrsto 2,925]

If instead of saying "I can't have it"...you said "I am full, I don't want it", that would really throw her for a loop......

Love it!

[mrsto 2,925]

As they say..... When a door closes, a window opens. When you're far enough away from this, you will see it for what it really is/was. Toxic relationships are left behind, and healthy ones appear. Not an easy transition, but at some point you look back and it all becomes crystal clear :-)

[2muchfun 8,927]

As they say..... When a door closes, a window opens. When you're far enough away from this, you will see it for what it really is/was. Toxic relationships are left behind, and healthy ones appear. Not an easy transition, but at some point you look back and it all becomes crystal clear :-)

Sounds like my first marriage

[millergirl314 168]

As they say..... When a door closes, a window opens. When you're far enough away from this, you will see it for what it really is/was. Toxic relationships are left behind, and healthy ones appear. Not an easy transition, but at some point you look back and it all becomes crystal clear :-)

Sounds like my first marriage

Mine too!!

[LessofApril 101]

That's rough. My friends have beeen great for the most part. I do have one friend who acts like my weight loss isn't happening or as thought I never had surgery. It's weird.

[Shea_Shea 39]

Thanks. We tried talking it out but there is just so much tension between us. The whole thing just sucks because we are best friends and we work together. Hopefully we can move pass it but I don't know.

[mrsto 2,925]

Thanks. We tried talking it out but there is just so much tension between us. The whole thing just sucks because we are best friends and we work together. Hopefully we can move pass it but I don't know.

The working together thing is really rough. Hard to disengage without every day being awkward. I hope the two of you work it out.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

I say eat before you go anywhere with your "friend" and let her buy the food she wants. or Order FIRST. Enjoy your Soup, salad, or spritzer of Water & lemon and relax. If that doesn't work for you, move on. You can only be sabotaged if you allow it. You are in charge. When she sees her money spent is going to waste she will stop doing that. Best wishes!

[Sherlock1969 231]

As they say..... When a door closes, a window opens.

And now we can FIT through that window!

[Judyr 57]

I had a friend who I thought we were close. I told her about my decision to have WLS so she wouldn't be hurt when I had it. After surgery it was 2 wks before she called to see how I was. She has called about 2 times in 4 months. I see her every once in a while and feel she thinks I took the easy way out by having surgery. That if I ate 1200 cal every day I wouldn't need the surgery. She has gotten very large and I feel it is jealousy that is talking. She has always been extremely opinionated and very hard to be around, especially now. Our friendship of before is no longer and I just try to ignore her comments. Everyone else has been wonderful and very complementary. One even surprised me who I thought would give me a bad time, but did not.

[Andrea K 33]

As they say..... When a door closes, a window opens. When you're far enough away from this, you will see it for what it really is/was. Toxic relationships are left behind, and healthy ones appear. Not an easy transition, but at some point you look back and it all becomes crystal clear :-)

Sounds like my first marriage

Mine too!!

Mine too as well! When I quit drugs and alcohol I was told " you need to change your playmates and your playground" or you will eventually go back to your destructive ways. I know the same will be true of WLS.

Edited March 22, 2014 by Andrea K

[Shea_Shea 39]

It's actually getting worst. Our bosses are now involved and I feel like she has all the other girls pissed at me. Our bosses are staying neutral but the other girls are just being so disrespectful. Clearly working together is not going to work.