Husband has hesitation about lapband

[Owl1212 9]

Yesterday I made the decision to have the procedure. My husband has been involved with the research and now has concerns. He thinks it is going to be hard for me to keep up with all the things I do and having such major restrictions on my diet. A few years ago I lost a significant amount of weight through diet and exercise and believes I can do it again without the band. He's supportive but wants to make sure this is the right step for me. He suggested I start my diet and exercise first then if having problems we can revisit the idea of having the band. One major thing is I take meds and I have to continue taking no matter what. Are taking meds a difficult process? Anyone else had a spouse with hesitation? Please any suggestions or advise.

[mrsto 2,925]

When I first mentioned the idea to my husband, he was concerned. He had no judgement about WLS, but was concerned about "surgery" and my well being. I mulled it over for awhile, and then the both of us went to my surgeon's seminar. After that he felt SO much better about it, and I was actually going to have a bypass. But I chickened out of that about 10 days before surgery, and decided against doing anything. Well, in those few weeks I put on another 2-3 pounds, and it was all too painfully clear that I wasn't going to lose weight without taking my efforts to the next level. Like you, I'd lost and gained hundreds of pounds over my 58 years of life. I was pretty good at losing the weight, but long term maintenance has always been the issue. Also, at my age.....when everything slows down, there was no way I would eat as little as I need to eat for the weight to come down. So, I settled on the lap band with gastric plication, and close to one year later, I'm thrilled with my decision! I'm very close to the goal I set for myself, and I feel like an entirely new person.

Owl, I understand where your husband is coming from, and it sounds like he's got your best interest at heart. But look back at your history and ask yourself if you think you'll be able to take the weight off, and MOST importantly.....maintain it for years to come. That's been the real issue for most of us. I know it was for me. With the band/plication, I feel that I have a fighting chance to keep my weight within a normal range, without being hungry and miserable all the time. I'm not saying that it's always easy, but it is effective......as long as you follow the rules set by your surgeon's practice.

As for my husband, he is SO happy that I'm healthy. Though I gained the last round of weight during our marriage, he never gave me crap about it. His biggest concern was always about my health. He wants us to be together as long as life with allow, and have an active life. I had a few obesity related health issues; all of which have resolved with the weight loss.

I wish you all the best, whatever you decide to do

Edited March 14, 2014 by mrsto

[KateB 63]

The band only affects how you eat. It will not affect you in terms of your physical abilities you currently have. The band is a tool for weight loss. Use it if you think you need it. I lost 60 lbs before my surgery but that took me 3 years and i have lost the same amount with the band in 6 months. It is well worth it. Good luck with your decision!

[mrsto 2,925]

PS: regarding meds. I do take medications without issue. It really depends what you're taking; size, can they be broken in half, do they come in liquid form, etc. Discuss this with your doctor, and you'll work out what's best for you. I haven't heard of anyone not being able to keep up with their med regime because of LB surgery. It's tricky in the beginning.....while you're getting used to your new internal setup. But in time, it gets much easier. I can easily swallow a Mucinex tablet, and those are huge!

Edited March 14, 2014 by mrsto

[PrettyThick1 1,860]

Whether it be spouse, parent, best friend...anyone who has considered WLS has had someone in their life - some more than others that were against them having the procedure. It's one of the first steps you deal with on this journey, welcome aboard! He obviously loves you or he wouldn't be concerned, so consider yourself a lucky woman in that respect. Without knowing your specific situation (how many WL attempts, how long overweight, any comorbids or risks) it's hard to help you with a more detailed "reasons to have the surgery" list, but here is my two cents:

1. Yo-yo dieting is more dangerous than never having lost weight.

2. You can lose the weight on your own, but are you able to maintain it?

3. There are more risks to staying overweight than in having WLS.

4. People who have deadly diseases have been "cured" through WLS.

• I was diagnosed with Type II diabetes in February 2013. Six months after my surgery, I am happy to say that my blood glucose levels are normal without medication.
• I was diagnosed with Severe Obstructive sleep Apnea only after my band surgeon required a sleep study prior to my surgery. I have likely had it for years and it could have killed me, quickly...it certainly reduced my quality of life. Six months after my surgery, I no longer need my CPAP, I don't snore and I get the best sleep I've had in my life. I also need a lot less sleep than I did before.
• My blood pressure was starting to fluctuate in crazy numbers. After I lost 20lbs. my blood pressure stabilized and is back to 120/80 or less each time I check it.

5. Being overweight affects your psyche. Your self esteem, outlook on life, drive and ambition climb with each pound lost.

6. Being smaller feels good.

7. Being smaller looks good. I thought I was the cutest thing walking the earth at my highest weight but I didn't do it for vanity.

8. It will increase your chances at living a longer and better quality life.

9. He will benefit in many ways: better nutrition, a happier wife and better sex (trust me on that) to name a few.

10. You want it. You go out of your way to make sure your loved ones have what they need as long as it is in your control. You should do the same thing for yourself. No one else can or will ever live in your body, therefore the decision is ultimately yours to make.

Good luck in whatever you decide. I'm very happy with my decision, I don't miss anything (I can eat whatever I choose to) but have gained so much...things that I didn't anticipate. My only regret is that I didn't do this sooner.

Edited March 14, 2014 by PrettyThick1

[Bandista 7,466]

Great posts above -- all so true! I've only been banded four months but when I started researching last June and my husband saw the fierce determination to reinvent my life, I think there was a teeny part of him that worried I'd shed him, too, along with the weight. Not going to happen -- together 25 years and we still hold hands in the car. There is a strong bond but even with that knowledge he just needed some extra reassurance from me that he will always be my mate, no matter what. We've navigated many hurdles together but this is one I had to do myself. He can help a little but it is so absolutely in my domain and of course he's had to weather me on every dietary regime known to man in the last two decades. He probably didn't want to see me setting myself up for disappointment. He was neutral but now he's pretty gung-ho as it's all working, I'm feeling better about myself and I'm on my way to the happier healthier future we all long to share with the ones we love.

[BlueMoon~T 276]

My husband also voiced concern about me having WLS. I also took him to a seminar. That didn't really change his tune much. I had several health issues and shortly before I committed to having the Band I was hospitalized for a month. Not to be over dramatic, but I really almost died. Several times my family was told that they didn't think I was going to make it through my first night in the hospital. I too, had lost 90 lbs once through diet and exercise, but in 13 years I managed to gain it all back plus an additional 50 lbs. Every time I would go to the Dr. I would have gained more weight. and my comorbidities grew.

As, PT mentioned above. YO-YO diets are dangerous and for the most part we're all here because we weren't able to lose the weight and keep it off on our own. You have to want this for yourself. Only you can make WLS work for you. It's a personal challenge. I'm not telling you to disregard your husbands concerns but make sure you're educated on the procedure so you can help him understand what's going to happen after the surgery.

My husband was ultimately just concerned for my safety of actually going through the surgery. He worried if my body was strong enough. He just wanted to protect me the best way he felt he could. Finally, after my surgeon and my PCP reassured him I was perfectly healthy to have the surgery, he was there by my side. It's also fair to note that some men worry if their wife loses a bunch of weight and gains confidence she may leave him, etc. Just a thought.

Also, as PT said. My hubby rather enjoys the changes that are happening with my body and after 21 yrs. of marriage its like were teenagers again. Enough said! LOL

I am still on several medications that I have to take daily and I have not had any issues with taking them. You can talk to your surgeon about the best way to take your meds. I have one medication I have to break in half to ensure it goes through my band.

I had a bit of a learning curve when it came to feeding myself and my family. They don't necessarily like the things I eat and my cupboards are not always lap band friendly. It just took some adjustments but everybody is happy now. Including me. Honestly, I didn't realize how much me getting healthier would affect the rest of my family. I've said it before in my blog... If Mama Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy. Do something for you! Best of luck!

[Owl1212 9]

Thank you for the posts. I've been married for 14 yrs and it's been up and down for the past 2 years. I know a huge part to the problems is my self esteem and how I feel. I've been diagnosed with a major mood disorder, anxiety disorder and depression. I have sleep apnea and use a cpap---going on 2 years. I have a 6&13 yr old boys and it's almost impossible to keep up with them and their activities. Today they are heading to six flags and I can't go because the walking and I can't ride any rides. It is depressing and I'm really havering a hard time with all of it. I've shared this with my husband but maybe not enough. Tonight, I think I will let him know I need this for me. Goodness, this is such an emotional process and I haven't even had the surgery! Sorry if I'm rambling, I just never had a place where I can talk about my weight freely without feeling judged. Thank you all for that. I'll keep y'all posted.

[mrsto 2,925]

Owl - so much of the emotional roller coaster IS before surgery; coming to terms with various things about ourselves, choosing surgery, etc. Hang in there.....I'm sure you'll make the best decision for you :-)

[SandyM 1,956]

I know how you feel about the physical limitations. My daughter talked about wanting to go to this huge flea market and I've wanted to go, but I knew I would hate it as I would tire out so quickly. Now, I have more energy than I ever had and hubby and I go to the gym regularly and are planning hiking trips and alot of other fun stuff. Things I had written off are starting to sound exciting and tempting. I understand your husbands reservations, and I would never try to talk somebody into doing something they didn't want to do themselves, but I will say, this was the best decision I've ever made. Your children are young and you want to be able to enjoy them and time with them. We're here for you, feel free to get involved and learn about your options.

[Bandista 7,466]

Thank you for the posts. I've been married for 14 yrs and it's been up and down for the past 2 years. I know a huge part to the problems is my self esteem and how I feel. I've been diagnosed with a major mood disorder, anxiety disorder and depression. I have sleep apnea and use a cpap---going on 2 years. I have a 6&13 yr old boys and it's almost impossible to keep up with them and their activities. Today they are heading to six flags and I can't go because the walking and I can't ride any rides. It is depressing and I'm really havering a hard time with all of it. I've shared this with my husband but maybe not enough. Tonight, I think I will let him know I need this for me. Goodness, this is such an emotional process and I haven't even had the surgery! Sorry if I'm rambling, I just never had a place where I can talk about my weight freely without feeling judged. Thank you all for that. I'll keep y'all posted.

Ramble away -- this is a great place for that. We all get the emotional roller aspect, that's for sure. It's a very powerful thing to choose yourself and your health first. Think about a year from now and how great you'll feel. And keeping up with those boys! We only have one, now 18, and I'm so glad to be on my road to better health. I use a CPAP, too, and long for the nights when it won't be needed.