Rant!

[dragonflylvr21 161]

Recently I had lunch with a friend who had a Gastric Bypass! She has lost 120lbs and looks amazing! I know that it isn't my place ..... To voice my concerns about her surgery! That was her choice and I only offer support!

I had lap band surgery a month before she did and have lost 55 pounds in 7 months! The last two months I have stalled ... Not gaining but losing a pound or so every two weeks! I have 6.5 cc's in my 10 cc band and I am not at green yet! I am almost there but it takes time and I won't drop weight consistently until I hit green! I am ok with that! I am ok with sloooowww! She's not! Short of ending the friendship I am at a loss! We had different surgeries! I love this woman and don't want to start a war but I can't stand the .. Looks of ... You should of had this surgery!!! Look at me and my new body! She drags me shopping and says... Should of had my surgery and you would be wearing this! Ugh!

One side note about me!!! I don't bite my tongue very well but for this friendship I have! However, I am wearing thin! I am gonna snap!

What should I do???

[cheryl2586 3,053]

If she is what you call a friend then I would rather have none. I don't think people who are constantly boasting of themselves are what friends are supposed to do. I don't even like it when it's people I don't know. That kind of behavior irritates me and she is no better then you because she had by pass surgery and ten to one she will be the one who will end up weighing more then you later on as most by pass patients do gain weight back. So you can either sit back and wait to say I told you so or end a friendship that to me is toxic.

[dragonflylvr21 161]

My sister used the same word.... Toxic! Hmmm!

[Leepers 1,195]

She's probably just very excited about her weight loss and doesn't realize that she's being inconsiderate. Maybe you could address the issue tactfully and say something like, "I'm so happy that you've had such quick success, but I too, am happy with my decision and my success so far. Your support means so much to me." She'll probably get the picture and realize she's not been a good friend. Unfortunately, sometimes we start to feel powerful and judgemental of others and forget how we struggled before. I'd give it a try and if she doesn't change her tune, you might need to see less of her.

[dragonflylvr21 161]

When she reached Onederland she asked me if I had any regrets! I said, "No!" Her exact response was... " You have to be kidding me!" I looked at her and said, "I may not be where you think I should be.. But I like where I am!" She just shook her head and said..." I think you're lying!" I just can't take it anymore and we have been friends for 10 plus years! Toxic is probably right on the money!

[kayzoog 129]

I agree with Leepers. Maybe she thinks you are good enough friends to joke about it, and doesn't understand that it hurts you. Maybe she is just excited in her weightloss. It's a great point though. I can imagine myself being so excited about Lap-Band progress that I overshadow my non-lap-band overweight friends who may still struggle on their diets, while I am losing steadily. It will be important for me not to belittle their efforts. Weight loss is weight loss regardless of the method, and we should all be supportive.

- K

[luv2golfnow 29]

Slow and steady has less saggy skin plus better eating options!

[NancyintheNorth 112]

I don't think this person is a friend. How would she feel if she was constantly be compared against. Different bodies/different surgeries/different philosophys. Even had you had the same surgery, I suppose it's possible that your experience STILL may have been different from you.

This person isn't your cheerleader, isn't happy for you that you made the right decision for you, but rather is competing with you in some twisted way.

As you honor her choice, she should honor yours. That's part of a loving adult relationship of any type.

Nancy

[Bandista 7,466]

This is not a competition, this is each of us saving our own lives. We are getting in touch with our bodies and our behaviors, learning to stop beating ourselves up and to make healthy choices. If people create stumbling blocks to our happiness we need to really look at that. Why? Because finally, finally it's time to choose ourselves first and foremost. Choosing health and happiness means putting your own feelings at the top.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

This is a journey not a race. Comparing WLS is like comparing apples to apples. Does not make sense. It is a matter of choice which one you chose to have and it has a lot to do with body type and genes and a lot of other things like activity and so on. There are dozens of differences in people and the way each surgery works.

You are happy with your progress and should be. She is over shooting her success and not celebrating your success as well. Friendship is a two way street. She needs to be reminded that you are who you are and she is who she is. And while you are happy for her she in return should be happy for you not trying to make you feel inferior to her.

She is not being supportive of your choice and should be reminded that friendships end for less. Being a friend is being happy for another's successes. this is not just about her, your doing it too.

It is your journey as well and I would point this out to her. Not that you wish she will not succeed but that both of you will at your own pace...

She can be happy but not at your expense ever.......Never at your expense!

[kll724 3,055]

I would never voice that one persons option is better or not as good as mine. everyone has to make their own decision. I hope that you and your frienemy can come to a mutual understanding before you dissolve this 10 year friendship. Good luck!

[2muchfun 8,927]

Your friend needs to be acquainted with the risks of both surgeries and that you made a less riskier choice with a less invasive surgery. Also, malabsorption issues with RNY are always a concern.

The two surgeries are opposites of each other. RNY or Bypass is a forced way to absorb fewer calories. She has little choice unless she finds a way to eat around the surgery and it can and is done regularly. The band is more of a voluntary choice of consuming fewer calories by dimming the appetite. It takes a stronger person to succeed with the band. imo

tmf

[Stacyann81 31]

I have a friend like this.. toxic is right. While my situation is different (she's always been skinny and she thinks I'm taking the lazy way out) I had to cut her out of my life for now, we still remain "friends" I refuse to hang out with her until after my surgery and hopefully a large amount of weight loss. If you have tried talking to her nicely about it, then it's time to get blunt and strong.

[Sharpie 3,306]

This is kinda like criticizing someone's child when yours is not grown yet.. She hopefully will not experience any of the down sides to bypass.. but, if she does I doubt you would be a "told you so" type of person . but, she is . I am not sure I could keep quiet and let her dig on me. You need to explain to her how you are feeling and if she continues kick her to the curb.

[Chickie D 76]

Here's what I said to my bestie: I demand that you be supportive me even if you disagree with the decision I made.

You don't have to say it like that, of course, but if you don't say something very clear, it doesn't sound like she is going to understand your point of view.

You owe it to her and your long friendship to be direct.