Drop It, Roxy! (Letting go of stinkin’ thinkin’ and bad habits in Recovery From Obesity)

[Connie Stapleton PhD 342]

The Post Op: What a strange title for an article about Recovery From Obesity, unless of course, Roxy is obese…which, she isn’t. She is actually a big dog with a stubborn streak. She’s a lot like me (The Post-Op), which is where the idea of this story originated. It can be easy to make life more complicated than it is, especially with complicated instructions and rules, but if you’re a dog, you really only hear about two words at a time so, you’d better make those words count! If you’ve ever had a dog, you know that common commands – uh, behavior modifications – are “sit”, “stay” and “heel.” My personal favorites are “speak” (for obvious reasons) and “Drop it! Leave it! That’s not yours!” The last one usually involves things like my dirty laundry, clean socks, or the cat’s food, but basically, the message is to step away and leave it alone.

Think about junk food in the break room at work. Oooh…tempting, but if you want what you say you want when you choose to have weight loss surgery (improved health and less weight), and if you try to tell yourself you “can’t have it,” chances are, you’ll want it even more. That’s where a seemingly “negative” instruction works really well. Next time you feel the pull of the chocolate chip Cookies, try this: “Drop it! Leave it!” This works equally well in the cookie aisle at the grocery store or the family reunion picnic! And applies to more than just cookies!

What if it’s not food that’s giving you the problem? What if you keep finding yourself in the midst of family or Facebook drama and “just can’t stop it”? Well, next time you’re seduced by the drama say, “Drop it! Leave it!” That kind of behavior is not healthy; it’s distracting and destructive, and who needs that?

Are you starting to understand why the subtitle of this article is, “Letting go of Stinkin’ Thinkin’ and Bad Habits in Recovery From Obesity?” Yes? No? Not exactly? Roxy didn’t understand the message the first time either, so I’ll hand it over to The Doc!

The Doc here! I loved it when Cari first used her humungous, solid-muscle dog Roxy as an example for “dropping” and “leaving” things. If you’ve ever had a dog, you know exactly how sternly you sometimes tell the pooch to “DROP IT” or “LEAVE IT!” I had a beautiful Doberman for a while (sadly, she died at the age of 6 from a heart condition common to the breed). One time on a walk (yes, she was on a leash), a tiny little toy dog ran up to her and Lucy (my Doberman) snatched her up like a rag doll and started tossing the yelping little pup to and fro in the grips of her Dobie-sized teeth. You can imagine how loudly and firmly I yelled at her to “DROP IT” and “LEAVE IT!” (She did and the tiny dog was fine!) There may be times you need to use the same degree of firmness with yourself… when it comes to unhealthy food choices, the use of negative self-talk and negative other-talk (gossip, comparing, snarking).

I get sad when I think of how “natural” it is for most of us to verbally, mentally and emotionally abuse ourselves with thoughts and words. We (theoretically) wouldn’t treat the ones we love with harsh, critical words. I say theoretically because, tragically, it often is our loved ones we treat the worst (along with ourselves). Many of us talk more kindly to co-workers and store clerks and passers-by than we do to our own spouses and/or children. BAD HABITS, indeed! Sad habits, for sure.

And what power our words have. Much stronger than the ability of my Doberman to literally drag me down the street when I “walked her.” Our words cut to the core. Think about it… you can probably recall with ease the most hurtful comments that have been uttered to you - about you. I’ll bet your kids can recall the harshest things you have said to them, no matter how long ago it’s been. And your spouse? Hopefully they aren’t so accustomed to hearing you speak negatively and critically about them (and you) that they barely notice it any more. You can change this by DROPPING IT (the negative words) and LEAVING IT. This is not who you want to be. Put GOBS of effort into changing your self-, and other-talk so it is kinder, gentler, and more encouraging. (This can only be done with practice, practice and more practice).

How about food choices and exercise habits? Are you doing well in these areas? If you are, we extend tremendous congratulations to you because, for the obese and formerly obese, making healthy food choices (to include portion size) and getting exercise were not in the category of “long-standing habits.” Quite the opposite. Poor eating habits and life as a couch potato were more the standard habits.

When you decided to have weight loss surgery, you were, in effect, saying “DROP IT,” and “LEAVE IT” in a firm voice to yourself when it comes to unhealthy foods and a sedentary lifestyle. DROP IT… that is not the same as “maybe I’ll have a cookie just this once.” LEAVE IT… means “leave it alone”… walk away or get it out of your house (as opposed to “leave it there” to torment you until you cave…).

Cari and I hear it a lot, and you may be thinking it as you read this, “It’s not as easy as you make it sound.” We know it’s not easy to change long-standing bad habits, whether they are negative self- and other-talk or eating and exercise habits. That’s why you need to have tools (for changing behaviors) like you have the tool of WLS to make it easier to eat less and therefore, to lose weight. The following are some tools to help you change your long-time negative habits into healthy new habits you can use for the rest of your life:

Practice kind self- and other-talk. When you hear yourself (in your head our out loud) saying something unkind, stop yourself as soon as you catch it, and change it into something neutral or positive.

Get support. The Post Op & The Doc are forever saying, “You can’t do this alone… and no one can do it for you!” So DROP IT (the idea you don’t need help) and LEAVE IT (the false pride). Instead, utilize the support that is out there for you.

Write things down. When you’re upset or even when you feel accomplished, write it down! Getting the negative stuff down on paper will help unburden you from going over and over and over the same negative thoughts in your head. If you’re feeling happy or proud, your written word can be used as a reminder that you CAN get through the rough times and as a guide for how to get through another difficult time in the future.

Celebrate success. Whether it’s engaging in positive self-talk, stopping the gossip train, making healthy food choices, or getting your exercise completed, Celebrate with a written page about how proud you are of yourself by sharing your success at support group, or by encouraging another to do the same!

Make use of goals. Cari and I refer to daily goals as “Gonna Do ‘Ems.” Each day, set a small, achievable goal for health, and a second goal for life that is related to some other area of your world. Remind yourself in the morning that you’re Gonna Do these things TODAY!

Maintain daily accountability to yourself and to another. At the end of the day, check in with yourself regarding your Gonna Do ‘Ems and let someone else know what you did. Then celebrate in a positive, non-food related way.

OK, Cari – sum it all up!

The Post Op: Recovery From Obesity is serious business, and it’s easy to want to give up and give in. After all, most of us have years and years of practice (in dog years, I had 280) with negative self-talk and unhealthy behaviors, and very little experience with healthy self-talk and behaviors. It’s really easy to do what “comes naturally” (too often, the negative). BUT, consider the fact that the “natural” behaviors weren’t always natural; you learned and perfected negativity over time until, one day you were able to be mean and destructive to yourself without even thinking about it. That means in order to undo years of negative thought and behavior, you’ll have to put forth consistent effort and do some training, just like my dog. The good news is, by following the steps The Doc explained above, you can start modifying your unhealthy behaviors and begin treating yourself in a kinder, healthier way TODAY. By the way, I don’t yell at Roxy. I say it and expect her to listen. Perhaps you should try the same thing with yourself. Don’t yell… just say it: “Drop It. Leave it.” And carry on with your healthy new self!

Cari De La Cruz and Connie Stapleton, Ph.D.

The Post Op and The Doc

info@apostopandadoc.com

P.S. Be sure to watch our APODCast this month on Wednesday, March 19^th titled “DROP IT, ROXY!” For details, go to our Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/APostOpandADoc.

[Dee_1111 317]

What you're talking about, I call it my 'Inner Dialog"..we fight like siblings! I remember my first real Inner Dialog about a month after surgery, and was at my daughters house and there were 'pinafore's' on the sideboard (a delectable treat).

I'm pretty sure I skidded to a complete stop. Eyeballed those mouth watering objects, and reached for one. It wasn't me, it was my inner obese-self..she is shameless, that one..I had to SLAP her hand!!..she can get me into mischief if I allow it. She's my biggest cheerleader and my biggest enabler. I keep a tight eye on her. I talk to her constantly. She will be with me forever, so I gotta love her. And I do. But she's very mischievous. She keeps me on my Game.