Weird Feelings

[Stephanee 0]

So, I had my surgery "eons" ago (in Jan 07!), I had my first fill in Feb, and I need to update my ticker because I am now down to 195 pounds. Which means that I am back down to where I was when I felt extremely confident and sexy. Only this time, I dont have those same feelings. I am wearing the same size clothes I did back then and that really excites me. However, when I happen to pass by a mirror and sneak a peek (before, I would break a leg rushing to find a mirror to check myself out!) and I gasp. Literally, I gasp. I quickly look away in disgust and rush through the store so no one has to see me.

Never in my life (except the past year and a half that I spent being really over weight) have I ever had such low self esteem issues and it is really concerning me. I mean, I should really be enjoying being back down to my original size. So why am I spending my time obsessing over "not being thin enough"? Does this mean that I was never really happy with my body before? Will I ever be satisfied with the way I look? Will I ever be thin enough?

Has anyone else had these feelings before? :faint:

[Gummiebear 0]

I am down to 175 and I have those feelings. I feel like a fat cow and I feel like I look horrible in pictures. When I weighed 175ish before I had kids I could wear a smaller size now I am so untoned its not even funny and I have skin hanging off my stomach so I have to wear a bigger size. I still see the fat girl (which I am still over weight) but I feel like maybe I have a distorted view of how big I really think I am. I am not sure if seeing myself that way will ever go away really. Not sure if that even helps lol.

-Gummie

[chatgirl6 2]

About ten years ago I had that same thing happen to me. (when I lost a bunch of weight) but I kept thinking I was fat still. I was the skinniest I had ever been as an adult 137lbs (which is too skinny for my frame) but I know I kept thinking I needed to loose a couple more pounds. Well needless to say.... ten years later and at 273lbs I sure hope I dont have those feelings again when the weight comes off.

banded 3/22

[juliegeraci 7]

Hi Stephanee, the first thing we have to relearn is being good to ourselves. Our thought become real. So next time you pass the mirror just smile to yourself and say "I'm on my way". Congrats on your NSV. Good job!

[Iluvharleys 15]

I sometimes think we can't see the thinner person in the mirror. I think we keep seeing the old person. The time I was amazed the most was when my DH took some pictures of me and I couldn't get over the difference! Pictures don't lie!

[Stephanee 0]

I am really relieved to hear from all of you. I will def work on my attitude. Tomorrow is my first day back in the gym and although I am nervous, I am more excited than anything!

I did look at my pics that I took before my surgery. I will spend tonight taking some new pics so I can do a real comparison.

Again, thanks guys!

[JudiM 1]

But, for some reason, we can't really see what's in front of us!!! We look back and think "gee I looked good then". But, I'll bet (in the past), we didn't think so at the time!!! I'm trying to remind myself that as much as I want to loose the weight, I am not trying to "go back to the good old days", I'm trying to move forward to brand new days that are even better!!! I just have to keep reminding myself!!!! I'll never be able to go back anyhow....:phanvan And, of course---even though we might not want to consider this---the passing years do have an effect on how our bodies distribute our weight!!! Your new SEXY look might be at another number now!!!!

I am really relieved to hear from all of you. I will def work on my attitude. Tomorrow is my first day back in the gym and although I am nervous, I am more excited than anything!

I did look at my pics that I took before my surgery. I will spend tonight taking some new pics so I can do a real comparison.

Again, thanks guys!

[Marimaru 7]

You will do alot better if you think about how you look compared to before, vs how you 'want to look'.

For myself, there are so many 'spots' on my body that I just hate how they look, and while 'deflated' is better than fat and puffy, it's still not really what I'm going for, you know? Whenever I start to get on myself for that, I just think about what it was before. How much stomach I could grab before, vs now, how I always had a double chin before, and I only do now if I try to put my chin on my chest, or how I CAN SEE MY COLLAR BONES. Those are all NSV's... you should start an NSV list, it's really neat to see all that stuff in one place.

I have a before picture from when I was pretty much at my highest, maybe JUST a little less. Yikes. There are plenty of times where I just don't feel smaller and I still feel huge compared to my sisters (even though I'm only 15lbs bigger than one of them), etc, but when I look at that picture, I see the difference and I know I'm doing well.

I still have some days where I run from my reflection, but what I've been trying to do lately is look at myself and who I'm walking with and trying to see the comparison. My reflection doesn't completely block their's, even if I'm between them and the window

[Stephanee 0]

Ladies...thank you SO much! I do feel alot better now. Its crazy how emotional I can get because one day, I am excited that a new size fit me and the next day I am in tears because I look puffy. But anyway, thanks alot for the different advice, I really needed it!

[spldgrl 0]

Stepahnee:

I am finally starting to see a difference, not in the mirror but in pics. I think we see ourselves in our minds more than our mirror. a friend of mine was so discussted with me she printed a years version of pics and literally threw them at me, I saw a diffreence but i didnt "see" a difference. I will tell you that toning up and working out made such a difference. in my mental state and the toness of my body. the Tummy Tuck and breast lift helped too! We go thru crazy mind tricks with the weight loss, my advice is to find someone private you can confide in and stick with that person for your pep talks. good luck

[Fauxnaif 1]

I'm much more critical of my body now than when I was so overweight. I think for me, it's the fact that I am so close to "normal" or whatever yet I am not there. So those 15 pounds or so are this huge deal to me and my stomach really annoys me. I understand how you feel.

[tonya66 13]

Stephanee, you really are my twin! I am back down to where I was in the past, I tend to stay in the 190's. I used to feel "skinny" at this weight, although I wanted to lose more, I felt confident. Now, I still feel fat like a huge cow.

I think the reason is I know I am going to lose more - Maybe my brain is telling me don't stop now? I'm not sure, I just don't feel like I have come far in some areas, but then I look at my stats, and say, I've lost 50 lbs. But then the negative side of me tells me "yes, but its just the same weight you gained before". Anyhow, I'm working on this and working on staying positive.

[Stephanee 0]

Tonya...you are sooooo beautiful! You look amazing, dahhhhhling! It really is nice having someone like you around, and you are in my homestate, too! I went to the Dr yesterday and they told me that I lost 49% of my excess body weight in only 3 months, so I am still glowing from that news!

TTYL!

[Stephanee 0]

and thanks to everyone's support and advice! You really helped me when I was having a bad week!

[kyethra 0]

I remember when I was a teenager in highschool. I felt horrible about my body (what girl doesn't). I wouldn't ever wear anything without sleeves because if I did then people would see how fat my arms were, etc. Whats sort of funny is that back then I only weighed about 180 pounds! Maybe a little more. So if I had lost twenty or thirty pounds, it would have been perfect for my frame. But I thought I was supposed to weigh 120 pounds because I was a stupid teenager and I thought thats what a girl like me should weigh (I would have been crazy underweight at 120 pounds). So I was always thinking that I needed to loose 60 pounds. Thats a lot of pounds. So of course I was always starting a new diet and then failing at it and setting myself up for failure and then I would gain more and feel even worse about how I looked.

Then I got over it. It didn't just happen one day, it was a process. I decided that there wasn't anything wrong with my arms. So what if they were bigger? All of me was bigger. If someone was going to be offended by my flabby upper arms then they were going to have to deal with it. I started to wear thing without sleeves. Not often. But everyonce in a while. usually with a shawl handy. I wore a greater variety of clothes than I had before-- including things that were more feminine. And no one was digusted. No one was shocked that I dared to expose my flabby arms. Some people even told me I looked nice! I knew I had to lose weight but I stopped worrying about it. I would even flirt with guys on rare occasions. apparently they didn't all find me distgusting. Then I would focus on things I liked about myself. Like my eye color (grey) because monochromatic is easy for eye makeup or other things. I also noticed that the beautiful girls weren't always so beautiful. Sure they might be pretty, but not anything special usually. Some of them looked plain wierd if you looked at them close up. So I learned to look for the things I liked when I looked in the mirror and not look so much at the things I didn't like. It took a while. But it worked. I'm not happy to say that my self esteem is probably too high!

I know that I'll probably frown over overly flabby thighs and other body parts as I get closer to goal. Or wonder why I don't notice the weight loss except in the way clothes fit. But I already feel sexy. I think its important to feel good about myself no matter where I am physically.