I don't understand this site?

[catnapper 34]

After browsing around in here a bit, I've noticed how ppl hv shared their very private stories, emotional struggles,fear of upcoming surgeries,slow progress with weight loss,ect & reaching out for advice or help in one way or another & 'no comments'. Plenty of ppl "stopping by" but none taking time to say anything. What's up with that? If I want to share my story why bother when I can sit & talk to my walls here @ home. Alex,the founder of this place is the only one to has made an effort to communicate in a generic sort of way.He has a site to maintain & hopefully see grow in leaps & bounds so of course one would expect that from him. Are there cliques here? I know I am being negative & rude but hoping to smoke somebody out to explain so I can know how it works in here.

[SugarFreeMe 293]

I'm not sure what your not seeing, I see comments on almost all posts. Give me an example.

[stormatsunup 10]

Hi catnapper,

I'm new here and have been enjoying reading up on what to expect in my journey. I very much appreciate this site and will certainly post, reply, share at some point. I'm not understanding the purpose of your post when it appears you have only 2. Why not join in?

[kltklass 144]

Sometimes I don't know what to say or I disagree with the poster. I was raised to believe "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all". In addition, I feel I need to add something worthwhile. If I can't add to the topic I keep quit.

[catnapper 34]

I didn't jot down any specific names but there were some who,on their own pages,after posting a question or asking for help no one took the time they weren't alone,even a ,'I hear your frustration' or ' tomorrow might be better'.just acknowledge that you are listening. Personally I came here to share & try to encourage others.If that's not being nice then so be it. I had my surgery in Costa Rica,came home to the states less than a week later.No professional assistance & a husband so defiant about the surgery wouldnt drive me to airport 2 1/2 hours away.so of course,after having two diff surgeries,drove myself home too.we all have our stories,right? It's just nice to know someone else is listening,even if it's a 'yes,I think that is great...or a,'this too shall pass'. That's all I have to say,except thank you for your responses.

[stormatsunup 10]

No professional assistance & a husband so defiant about the surgery wouldnt drive me to airport 2 1/2 hours away.so of course,after having two diff surgeries,drove myself home too.we all have our stories,right? It's just nice to know someone else is listening,even if it's a 'yes,I think that is great...or a,'this too shall pass'.

I'm listening and I'm sorry to read that you had to go it alone. I can't imagine not having support from my family. How are you doing today?

[skennedy1012 26]

Hi Catnapper,

I to felt a little confused about this sight on when and when not to join in on postings and conversations. I find I jump in when I relate to something. Most of the time I am reading others posts for guidance. Even reading offers me the support and a connection to others going through this process. I feel less alone. I like you also have a non supportive husband. I can't talk to him about my fears or concerns, what stage of my diet, basically nothing. This site has helped me through the lack of family support and the ultimate conclusion I did this for myself. I have seen this same conclusions from others on this site. They did their surgery for themselves and when they need advice or somewhere to share their experiences or day to day moments this offers a great venue to do so. I hope you read and participate when you feel a connection to a posting. It has helped me a great deal even when I am just reading through the comments. Good luck on your journey. It's a wonderful and bumpy ride.

[sassypants 674]

Topics move off the first page very very quickly so sometimes they are missed.
Also a lot of the same topics are post if not daily every couple of days sometimes you feel like your on repeat typing the same answers to the same questions over and over again.
Search function works but isn’t used very much it seems.
Its not to be rude or ignore anyone but if a title is or seem the same as something you posted on you overlook it.
Or if you have posted about the topic 5 times that week you just might not feel like posting a 6th time thinking hey they will see it in the other 5 threads about the same thing.

[MichiganChic 3,262]

Catnapper,

Not sure what you posted and didn't get a response to, but right now your name says you only have 3 posts. I agree with the others, things move off the page quickly sometimes, and just get missed. You never know who's on, and what title will strike a cord with another person. One thing I've found is that there are the same kind of people in online forums as there are in real life. Some are nice, some not so much, some caring, and some less so. There are also cliques here, just like in real life. As for getting a response or not, try not to take it personally. The more you jump on and contribute in a positive way, the more likely people are to recognize your contribution and respond to you, too. There is a wealth of information here, and I have found it valuable to my success. I'd suggest that you just hang in with us, and you'll find your place here in a way that works for you.

[JerseyGirl68 1,172]

After browsing around in here a bit, I've noticed how ppl hv shared their very private stories, emotional struggles,fear of upcoming surgeries,slow progress with weight loss,ect & reaching out for advice or help in one way or another & 'no comments'. Plenty of ppl "stopping by" but none taking time to say anything. What's up with that? If I want to share my story why bother when I can sit & talk to my walls here @ home. Alex,the founder of this place is the only one to has made an effort to communicate in a generic sort of way.He has a site to maintain & hopefully see grow in leaps & bounds so of course one would expect that from him. Are there cliques here? I know I am being negative & rude but hoping to smoke somebody out to explain so I can know how it works in here.

I'll bite...

Tons of people look around for months and months before they feel comfortable enough to post or respond.

I almost never create posts, but do frequent the boards to gain information and insight, often times I do not add my two cents. If I rely on my cell phone for access, I don't' see a good portion of what is current.

In my 18 months or so on the site, I have never really witnessed "cliques" in a negative way. I do see some people forming closer bonds based on like-minded thoughts and comments, and I don't really see anything wrong with that.

To be fair, there are a lot of people who post a strongly covered topic without searching the boards (ex: I'm three weeks out and hit a stall".) That topic is covered weekly and is not "new" to people who have been around longer, depending on my time I'll go through those posts as I do feel it's important to contribute when I can. Often, if someone posts just to get something off their chest or rant, I'll "Like" it or not. Sometimes people just want to put things out there and depending on what I'm reading, I either feel compelled to comment or not. Sometimes I'll just acknowledge that I read it by "liking" it.

There are a ton of folks on the boards that take an enormous amount of their time to thoughtfully post, I don't' think for a second that they are required to do this, I appreciate any time they give and I'll take this opportunity to thank them.

Personally, I don't get a ton of time to read through all the topics, I default to those showing trending currently, so I miss things done the night before or in the hours leading up to my logging on. When I have more time, I dig deeper.

I joined about 6 months before my surgery, and trolled around a lot, just reading. I grew to respect some members based on their well-thought posts, and similar mindsets to how I was approaching my surgery. A few weeks after surgery , I had some very specific questions, and I direct messaged a few "Vets" for their feedback. They replied graciously and I got the answers I needed. For their time, I could not be more thankful. My point is, that there are many ways to share. Not all posts get the same feedback, or the same attention and there is not one singular reason why.

If you or anyone feels posts you have written have been widely ignored, ask yourself a few questions... When did i post this? Late night posts I often miss unless I do some real looking.

Did I post to the correct board? Did I take time to search for an answer before posting?

Every person's experience and what they need is different. Like I said earlier, I almost never start a thread, I will always do a search to see if the topic has been covered. I don't' think anyone here owes me their time, I like to put my share of the work into finding my answers too.

A community forum is a give and take. Based on your own stats, you have been a member since 2012 with only 3 posts. I don't want to make assumptions, you have your reasons and I respect that.

We all share this common experience, in very different ways. I would venture to guess that just about every topic has been touched on. If anyone feels they are not getting answers or replies they have more options than to sit and wait for responses. Reach out specifically to members. Reach out to the Hosts. Hell, reach out to me. I would always be happy to offer any insight I had to anyone who cared to ask.

Throughout my experience here, I have found that when people genuinely reach out, they are supported.

When people post and start off by saying things like "I know I'm doing this, or that wrong, but I want to vent so don't lecture me" they don't get as many replies. I know for my part I will continue on. If I get the feeling that a person only wants justification and not open to other's opinions, I won't offer mine. And, lets be fair here, there are a great deal of those types of posts.

So I really think it is not a black and white issues. I think you get out of things what you put into them. I put in my part and search topics before starting a new post. And I put in my time to answer posts when I feel I have something to offer based on my experience.

This forum is just one part of the support system I have in place. There are smaller Facebook groups, sub-groups within this site and there are folks I directly correspond with.

To say that only the founder of this site has made an effort is not fair and grossly inaccurate. Anyone that frequents the site sees a good group of core members that daily share their insights, and offer their support and help. Any minute of their time is more than I anyone is "owed" . People work, have children and every day life. We can't expect anyone to be online and active exactly when we want them to be.

If your post was general, then I hope you find your answers/insight in the replies you get. If it was specific to you feeling unsupported, I hope you reach out in a direct way, there are many people ready, willing and able to help out.

Be well.

[catnapper 34]

No, I honestly was Not talking directly about my own experience though I can see how it could be interpreted that way.When I posted last night & after trolling around a bit, it was noticeable that with some posts,prolly that would be considered redundant,ppl had stopped by,but wrote nothing.They had specifically asked for help.Not meaning to sound like the poster police, it was simply a matter of wanting an explanation & I got several. Thank you. I feel better informed now.

[JerseyGirl68 1,172]

No, I honestly was Not talking directly about my own experience though I can see how it could be interpreted that way.When I posted last night & after trolling around a bit, it was noticeable that with some posts,prolly that would be considered redundant,ppl had stopped by,but wrote nothing.They had specifically asked for help.Not meaning to sound like the poster police, it was simply a matter of wanting an explanation & I got several. Thank you. I feel better informed now.

Valid question, and no one can ever be faulted for looking out for others.

[Kindle 8,667]

Topics move off the first page very very quickly so sometimes they are missed.

Also a lot of the same topics are post if not daily every couple of days sometimes you feel like your on repeat typing the same answers to the same questions over and over again.

Search function works but isn’t used very much it seems.

Its not to be rude or ignore anyone but if a title is or seem the same as something you posted on you overlook it.

Or if you have posted about the topic 5 times that week you just might not feel like posting a 6th time thinking hey they will see it in the other 5 threads about the same thing.

Catnapped, not sure what the purpose of your original post was, but if it was in reference to some posters not getting a response, then I have to agree with sassy pants. I used to come on here everyday while researching my decision to have surgery. I searched and read and asked questions every day. Even immediately after surgery, I was obsessed with checking the forums. I responded to a lot of posts with my advice and experiences. But then it got old with the same old posts.... "Three week stall"...."gained weight during surgery"..."preop diet sucks "..."can't get my Protein in"..."craving carbs". I realize each person making these posts feels they may be alone or the only one with these issues, but a simple search of the topics and responses would reveal a lot of answers without starting a whole new thread. I don't even bother reading these posts anymore much less respond to them because the answers have already been posted dozens of times.

I think we are all on here for support, and the search feature could probably reveal a lot more answers to everyone's concerns if it were used. Even reviving an older revalent thread can sometimes be more helpful than starting a new one that may get overlooked.

[survivingsleever 33]

I think your approach a bit rude, someone offensive. I hope that is not your intention. Good luck to you either way.

Edited March 2, 2014 by survivingsleever

[JulsOT 5]

Hi, Catnapper. I too am new to this site and learning my way around to navigate. I just had my surgery on 2/24/14 and have so many questions that I hope I can learn from others on the site. It looks like there are some well thought out comments and suggestions I can learn from. Hang in there and just try reaching out like you have and hopefully you will find a lot of support on here from people who have gone through weight loss surgery also. I really admire you for doing this for yourself despite no support from your husband. I am very sorry he is not supportive, hopefully he will come around. Remember, you are a strong lady and just reach out to others, and I'm sure you will find support.