Struggling

[rome 156]

I am struggling with whether or not to tell my parents and daughter about this surgery. In large part because I know they will not be happy about it largely because of the fear factor; the "what if's" of surgery. I'm just not sure if I can just go into the hospital not having told them. Fairly sure they would be upset if I do that. So......any suggestions and/or advice on how to share this with them? Thanks!

[Christian Zaccone 243]

Just tell them you want to live to a long old age!!! Simple as that.. I bet they will be very supportive!!!!!

[Catherine707 253]

I had the same problems pre-surgery. I told my parents when I started the process and while they were always supportive, my Mom said a couple of things that sounded like "are you sure this is right for you?" that I interpreted as unsupportive. I told friends and co-workers after I had been approved by the surgeon and insurance. In hind site, I think I would have waited until I had a surgery date to tell anyone but my closest friends. It just seems easier to tell them a couple weeks in advance than to have it out there for comment for a longer period.

I really don't recommend not telling your family before surgery. It isn't fair to you or them to not prepare in advance for the changes that will come post surgery.

I recommend writing out your reasons for having surgery so that you can make the most compelling points about why this is the right choice for you! Also tell them that if they don't have any thing supportive to say to please keep the negative stuff to themselves. Also be prepared to answer questions about what kind of help you will need post surgery. If you are organized and clear about the process then it will be easy to answer their questions and deal with their concerns.

Finally - know that they love you and are concerned about your well being. That may cause them to ask questions or say things that seem unsupportive, but just be grateful that they care and want what is best for you.

Good luck as you head into surgery!

[Recycled 2,182]

Surgeries have risks and this one is no different. If you think they would be upset with your going to the hospital and not telling them, my guess is you're absolutely right. They are worried and concerned because they care for you and subsequently should be informed. You probably feel they might try to talk you out of it suggesting that because it's elective, it's not worth the risk. That being said.....advise them your mind is made up and explain that your did not come to this decision easily and the risks of obesity far outweigh the risks of the surgery. And because there is risk involved, you really need their comfort and support.

Be firm. They're gonna be there for you no matter what.

[rome 156]

Thanks to all! I will be telling them and my daughter when I am approved. I know if it were any of them making this decision I would want them to share it with me. Having my thoughts in order to help answer their questions; already starting the list :-)

Thanks again!

[CalifGal 8]

Hi, I know how you feel about telling people your getting "Sleeved"...I thought about it along time before my surgery and decided ther were only 2 people that really needed to know, my husband and my daughter. I also told my older nephew whom I'm very very close to. I never told my sisters or my brothers or any of my friends. I just didnt want anyones opinions or advice. I had thought very very hard for over a year about getting the sleeve, the pros the cons ...everything. So my decision would be just that, MINE! I had to own it. I still have not told them to this day, its been since Dec. 17th 2013. Maybe some day I may decide to tell all, or not. Just remember, it's YOUR BODY, it's YOUR FUTURE and it's YOUR LIFE and it's looking GREAT!!! and it's only gonna get BETTER!!! So Hang in there !

[rome 156]

Thanks again for all the support! I am grabbing on to "The decision is mine and I have to own it". I own it and I will share it with them shortly before surgery date, which by the way I am waiting with great anticipation for!

[Mrs. Whatsit 33]

I've always been pretty open about everything I do. A lot of people would probably say I am too open, lol. My mother has nagged me about my weight all my life. When I was thin, I was too thin. When I was heavy, I was too heavy. She does not want me to have this surgery but it's simply because she worries that something might go wrong. My 31 yr old son is also opposed to the surgery, and like my mother, it is the fear of something going wrong.

I told them if I don't have the surgery, I will die from obesity and diabetes. My brother died at age 56 from complications of his diabetes and I don't want to have the same thing happen to me.

I have not told any of my friends. I really don't want to have to defend my decision. And to be honest, I don't want their opinions. I've made my decision and I don't want to feel conflicted about it. I probably won't even tell them after I've had the surgery. I only want positive influences right now. That's probably a wee bit selfish but it is what it is.

Good luck to you.

[slocin12 41]

It is a personal session for sure. I had a hernia surgery at the same time. So when it came to work. I said I had hiatal hernia surgery. I told my brother but not my Mom as I thought she would not understand and worry. She is in her 80 s and lives in another city. My surgery went well no issues

[Sha0717 46]

Im 56. Getting sleeve and hernia today. Biggest fear not loosing after spending the money because of age. Thyroid. Yoyondieting for ever. And menapause.