guilty fitness conscience

[Fiddleman 4,376]

I am a strong person and do not usually quit something unless there is a good reason.

A couple days ago I quit cross fit.

There I said it.

My conscious just won't let go of the guilt. There is nothing wrong with the concept of cross fit nor the people I worked out with daily for a year. We sweat, cursed, bled a little, got sore and collapses on the mat in a heap together. As a team. I never did sports in high school and this was a close to a team as I have been.

I loved every moment of it. Except when I got injured. And I got injured often, almost chronically in my back and my shoulders. It was to the point I had trouble making progress in strength and, well, it was just not as much fun. I did not look forward to certain workouts because I knew it would either lead to disappointment or to unnecessary body ache. And not the good ache like sore muscles, but structural ache. However in the back of my mind, I knew if I stuck with something long enough, I would eventually get good at it.

I didn't improve on certain Olympic lifts nor did my pain diminish.

I got tired of constantly hurting so I made a decision to walk away from it. It was partly my fault as I went to long without taking adequate rest (would run 10k on my 1 non cross fit day while doing a highh intensity met con 6 days a week).

I focused a lot on form and spent countless hours practicing good mobility, but I still struggled to have good form on some of the more technically challenging things like Olympic lifts. Just was not mobile enough in my hips and shoulders. However, I kicked ass at the things I could do like running, rowing, pull ups, pushups, double unders, box jumps, squats, etc.

I feel so guilty. I am not a quitter in anything I put my mind to. It is hard breaking up with cross fit, with the coaches with my friends there.

I had to walk away even though cross fit has done so much for me in terms of overall fitness. Sigh. I feel so guilty. I hope to return to it again someday when the fun is back in it for me. And I am better about not injuring myself.

Now I am going to try something else that will help me go after my fitness goals, but not be so prone to injury.

This last week I did something completely different. It was strength workout, but off a DVD. Not only did I feel better after each workout, I got stronger day by day. The DVD is designed to do on a daily basis without leading to overtraining and / or burn out.

I am going to start a new program at home (p90x) and see where that takes me. There is certainly a lot that can be done with this program and programs like it.

In the meanwhile, if you have any suggestions to ease this guilt, please share. Sorry for the long post, but I had to get it out. Part of the grieving process I suppose. I feel like part of me has died.

Edited February 26, 2014 by Fiddleman

[B-52 7,113]

I go to the gym every chance I get...at least 5 times a week...aside from my 5 mile run, I attend classes...one of which is "Advanced Training" aka "Bootcamp" on Monday mornings at 5:30am....

Looking to make time for a Yoga class...

I am 62 years old...I do not quit either...at my age, I am afraid that if I did quit, I will never get it back...EVER!..."Use it or Loose it"

Entirely too much at stake....

Also been going to the batting cages since Jan....softball season practice will start after DST....I play on a team with guys at least 10 years younger than me.....

[wcn1970 239]

I am a strong person and do not usually quit something unless there is a good reason. A couple days ago I quit cross fit. There I said it. My conscious just won't let go of the guilt. There is nothing wrong with the concept of cross fit nor the people I worked out with daily for a year. We sweat, cursed, bled a little, got sore and collapses on the mat in a heap together. As a team. I never did sports in high school and this was a close to a team as I have been. I loved every moment of it. Except when I got injured. And I got injured often, almost chronically in my back and my shoulders. It was to the point I had trouble making progress in strength and, well, it was just not as much fun. I did not look forward to certain workouts because I knew it would either lead to disappointment or to unnecessary body ache. And not the good ache like sore muscles, but structural ache. However in the back of my mind, I knew if I stuck with something long enough, I would eventually get good at it. I didn't improve on certain Olympic lifts nor did my pain diminish. I got tired of constantly hurting so I made a decision to walk away from it. It was partly my fault as I went to long without taking adequate rest (would run 10k on my 1 non cross fit day while doing a highh intensity met con 6 days a week). I focused a lot on form and spent countless hours practicing good mobility, but I still struggled to have good form on some of the more technically challenging things like Olympic lifts. Just was not mobile enough in my hips and shoulders. However, I kicked ass at the things I could do like running, rowing, pull ups, pushups, double unders, box jumps, squats, etc. I feel so guilty. I am not a quitter in anything I put my mind to. It is hard breaking up with cross fit, with the coaches with my friends there. I had to walk away even though cross fit has done so much for me in terms of overall fitness. Sigh. I feel so guilty. I hope to return to it again someday when the fun is back in it for me. And I am better about not injuring myself. Now I am going to try something else that will help me go after my fitness goals, but not be so prone to injury. This last week I did something completely different. It was strength workout, but off a DVD. Not only did I feel better after each workout, I got stronger day by day. The DVD is designed to do on a daily basis without leading to overtraining and / or burn out. I am going to start a new program at home (p90x) and see where that takes me. There is certainly a lot that can be done with this program and programs like it. In the meanwhile, if you have any suggestions to ease this guilt, please share. Sorry for the long post, but I had to get it out. Part of the grieving process I suppose. I feel like part of me has died.

Holy, never saw that coming. I will say you should not feel guilt but instead feel pride in making a decision that is good for you. Pain and discomfort is no way to live. You can always crossfit when you want, join another gym and get better at other things fitness oriented. I am proud of you and look forward to the next step in your journey!

[niassy151 60]

It sounds like your intent isn't to quit fitness though. You aren't quitting, you're just changing to something that doesn't injury you. That's called being smart. Lol You're stopping Crossfit and starting P90x. Not QUITTING!

Besides some people get super into P90x/Insanity. You should check out meetup.com. I know my city has an Insanity meetup group and they go to parks multiple times a week. If you like the "team" aspect, that may be something you'd like.

[NewSetOfCurves 1,553]

Fiddle, I understand and completely relate to the type of guilt that you are feeling. However, you have to shift your perspective. Don't think of it as quitting, rather closing a door and opening another; a door that will take you further along this fitness journey. Crossfit, in this past year, has helped you find new purpose and opened you up to the realm of ultimate fitness; but it has run it's course and it's no longer satisfying the goals you have set for yourself. It's doing the opposite now...regressing...slowing you down...creating unnecessary injuries, discomfort, and limiting your mobility as you try to recover. You'll find something else that works for you. You're resilient. Determined. And when you find it and it runs it's course, another door of fitness opportunity will be open for you to step through. Don't feel guilty. Be proud of your humble fitness beginnings and where crossfit has brought you, and will eventually lead you. Proud of you Fiddle!

[NMJG 1,266]

Fiddle, this is not quitting. This is adjusting your fitness plan to something that better suits your body. Just like ice skaters don't do slalom and curlers don't luge, some sports and fitness activities are better for different people. It is smart to adjust and try new things until you find your niche. No guilt!

[Fiddleman 4,376]

Thank you for the kind words everyone.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Okay, I am donning my protective gear, in anticipation of the flaming I am sure to receive...

You say that it is partly your fault for not giving yourself adequate rests. In my personal non-physician opinion, it is almost completely your fault. I have watched your progress as a crossfitter from here, I too am a crossfitter (when stateside) and you overdo it. There, I said it. You attack fitness to the point of crossover addiction. These issues are not the fault of Crossfit per se, but in your approach. You are going to experience this same bodily failure no matter what you do, if you pushpushpush without any consideration of the needs of your machine.

I hope it is understood just what esteem and respect I have for you, how I am in no way saying these things to be hurtful, but because I am concerned that you will continue to experience pain and frustration, without understanding why.

[webbRN78 72]

I understand the guilt but my feelings are you must find something that works for you and that you enjoy doing. Recognizing that the workout was causing more pain than enjoyment is important. I'm glad you didn't continue and injury yourself worse. I tried Focus T25 for 5 weeks and quit. It hurt my knees every day.....never getting any better for me and I got to the point I dreaded the workout. I knew it was something I wouldn't stick with if I hated doing it. If that makes any sense..... Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Try not to feel guilty

[Fiddleman 4,376]

Okay, I am donning my protective gear, in anticipation of the flaming I am sure to receive... You say that it is partly your fault for not giving yourself adequate rests. In my personal non-physician opinion, it is almost completely your fault. I have watched your progress as a crossfitter from here, I too am a crossfitter (when stateside) and you overdo it. There, I said it. You attack fitness to the point of crossover addiction. These issues are not the fault of Crossfit per se, but in your approach. You are going to experience this same bodily failure no matter what you do, if you pushpushpush without any consideration of the needs of your machine. I hope it is understood just what esteem and respect I have for you, how I am in no way saying these things to be hurtful, but because I am concerned that you will continue to experience pain and frustration, without understanding why.

Thank you for taking the time to provide your comments. It is true. My personality is always push push push and I try to excel at whatever I put my mind to. As for cross fit, it was gradual during the first 6 months (2-3 days a week in box, 3 days of other exercise) and did not really ramp up until the last 6 months where all I did was 6 days of cross fit met con and strength training. That was my mistake. I should have done about 3 days of met con 100% effort a week, 2 days of strength training with no met cons and 2 days of active rest. Learned my lesson on it.

My mentality the whole year was not about cross over addiction or about addiction at all; Rather, it was about doing my best and actively preparing myself for the coming cross fit games. And I have come a long ways. I can do a 4:30 minute mile, a 5 minute Fran, a 20 minute filthy 50, etc. push-ups and pull-ups are easy and I can do dozens of them unbroken. All my lifts are improving except overhead stuff (s n a t c h, overhead squat, etc). I can do a 350 # deadlift, a 220# front squat, a 300# back squat. Thought I could "bring it" at the cross fit competitions if I just put enough effort in. This took a year to advance to from basically only able to run long distances (10k+).

Sounds like a normal athlete mentality, but again, you are right about listening to my body when pushing does get to be too much. I did not take the time to deload and rest, instead always push though the discomfort and fatigue. I will always give 100% in my focus to whatever I am doing, but I am going to do a better job at resting when I even sense a hint of overtraining and/or burn out. As I stated in my original post, I am not blaming anyone, not even the sport of cross fit. I hope to come back to it some day when I have a better approach to push and rest.

[aroundhky 1,174]

Fiddle......no need to feel guilty man. Fitness, especially resistance training is really about switching things up anyway. As soon as your body adapts to a type of training, you get less benefit from it, so it's best to constantly change to keep your body firing on all cylinders. So this fits right in with that concept. Curvy stated it perfectly, you gave it a try, it gave you a new perspective and some benefit, and now it's time to move on to something else that will benefit you. No need to do fitness and work on physique if you're constantly in pain. I can tell you are a bit of a perfectionist...which has it's place at times, but I certainly see no need to beat yourself up over this. Good luck with the P90X and other things that you will try along the way! Main thing is staying active and getting exercise, and you've got that covered!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

So, my first thought is that Cross Fit is a means to an end... not the goal itself. When it was useful great, when it is no longer useful... kick it to the curb. no guilt, no regrets, lick your wounds and move on.

I kinda think Globe may have a point. one of the challenges that I suspect many of us face is "all or nothing" thinking. I remember last summer when I regained about 5# - my clothes still fit, it was not a calamity but there was this little part of my brain that thought "5 pounds, 100 pounds - all the same... FAILURE". That is completely ridiculous of course, but you can see how your thoughts mirror that a bit.

Couple of other thoughts. We, the formerly obese, may look fit, may have outstanding cardio fitness and can kinda "fool" standard ways of looking at fitness. Truth is some of us have joint damage, cartiledge gone, etc etc. Most of us were NOT lifelong athletes. I was hurt at my local gym working with a personal trainer and I am still ticked off about it. I am rehabbing with a different one and this lady was a star athlete in college and has played soccer for 30 years. i don't know her age, but probably in my ballpark. I will NEVER EVER EVER be her. We have decades of difference that can only be slightly amended by my current actions. I personally HATE the biggest loser TV show because it glamourizes obese people being physically pushed beyond any reasonable limits. Now, we are no longer obese and it is tempting to think... "hey, I can do it if so and so can"

As it relates to me, I am just mad. I did a lot better with my Julian Michaels DVDs combined with spinning. I was fit, felt good and somehow managed to avoid hurting myself because I listened to my own body. I have spent the last month in constant pain because some so called expert decided I needed to be pushed beyond my body's limits and now I can hardly do the things in life I enjoy (my horseback riding, cycling - heck I even walk with a limp now!)

Anyway - walk away guilt free.

Find a new way to stay fit... and if that doesn't work, find something else. All these "methods" are just tools... they are not the goal in and of themselves.

[Fiddleman 4,376]

CGJ- I have been thinking about your comments for a couple hours. I understand that someone who is on biggest loser should not be doing a filthy 50 (sorry, had to get the reference in). You know, 50 of each exercise without rest : box jumps, jumping pull-ups, 45# back extensions, wall balls, toes to bar, double unders, etc (12 different exercises) just because Bob H thinks they should to blast the fat off and get massive scale drops (he is now a very rabid cross fitter). However, why should that apply to a formerly obese now fit person? I think where there is a will there is a way. A WLS graduate should be able to stand side by side with the best of them, maybe even perform better. It just takes the right type of training and commitment. And be careful about not getting injured. Even professional athletes injure themselves. Anyways, I get your point, but am not willing to accept it. Not yet.

Edited February 26, 2014 by Fiddleman

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Maybe I didn't say it right. What I really meant was that for a variety of reasons (former obesity in my case) our bodies may not really be what they seem. I have no cartiledge left in my knees... and I have also apparently used my muscles wrong in the past and I carry that history with me.

I have a friend who has never weighed more than 100#, is my age, and just had to have a knee replacement. For reasons unrelated to obesity - she has some physical limits too.

What I am really getting at is respecting our bodies for our reality is all. For some formerly obese, perhaps there is no limit and they can compete at world class athlete level, but for many of us that isn't the case.

I just think it is easy to get misled... the youngster personal trainer I was working with surely was.

[CBT 450]

Fiddle some people do guilt better than they do grief. You mentioned both. I think you have made a hard decision after much thought and gathering of evidence to support your decision. You haven't acted impulsively. You finished CF.

Still you continue to feel mixed about it.

This is the duality of two things being right at the same time. Westerners aren't very good with duality. "Give me this or give me that." "Only one is true."

Anyway, I think you just recommitted to your self. I agree with so much of what's been said above.

I offer you this: all feelings have a function. Just like behavior serves a function. The function of guilt is to keep you in line with your personal values. If you attempt to breach a value, you will feel guilt.

Okay, so if you believe it's wrong to lie and you think about lying (thought) you will feel guilt (feeling). That corrects behavior.

In your current situation you want to ask your self what value of yours it is that you are breaching. Also, whose rights have you violated?

If you can not answer these questions then what you are feeling is not guilt but inappropriate guilt. You're taking on responsibility for something that isn't yours...I do not know what that is.

You have a tremendous amount of support on this board. I'm so glad you put it out here.