Family plunged into panic mode :(

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

RJ, I want to tell you how proud I am of you.

As a social worker-in training, I am taught to focus on a person's strengths. Let me tell you, you have an abundant amount of strengths: brave, friendly, kind, and caring, intelligent, humorous, empathic, disciplined, gratitude, determined, and inspiring (just to name a few).

I understand you have recently started with a trainer, however, have you thought about seeing a counselor? I believe those of us that have body issues from obesity need to see someone professional to assist them on their journey. Many of us have body dysmorphic disorder, which affects the way we view our bodies (I personally look in the mirror and still see the morbidly obese person even thought I have lost a lot of weight). I do not know if this will truly change once we reach our goal weight.

There comes a time when we have to focus on something other than the number on the scale. That being said, how are you feeling? Do you feel healthy? Can you participate in life without physical discomfort cause by weight issues? I think these are a better barometer than the number on the scale.< /p>

Your family LOVES you and wants to have you in their lives for a long time to come. Your forum family loves you and wants to continue to hear from you for a long time to come. Please understand your families concerns are founded in love.

As someone said earlier, consult with the plastic surgeon and discuss the options with your family. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. You are an inspiration for those of us that are still struggling in our battle over weight.

I do see a psychiatrist each time I go for an update appointment. Before all of this new life...I went to several for years trying to fix my problems that stemmed from my childhood....Very few of them were helpful... one or two made a change in me in red light moments but they were rare and far between. The last one I saw said that the rest was up to me to make the changes I needed from then on....Oh she was a gem...lol

Anyway.. Thank you for all the kind words..But I have to tell you hun...no one is as good as all that!

I also know where my family is coming from and that they do love me and want the best for me...but this is still a journey inside and outside for me and I want to experience it all. The good the bad and the ugly....i think I have seen all sides of this....But sometimes like everyone else I get a bit confused at what to do with the new me or what I need next.....Like everyone else I turn here for encouragement......

To be perfectly honest I feel better about myself then I have in soooooooooooooo many years..But I want to keep the feeling by fixing the things I find I still need to. Exercising is one of the fixes I need. what I did not know but know now is that to do that successful I have to up my complex carbs and Protein intake....I feel I eat enough and now I have to ingest more......Will do it though..Just wanted to know if anyone else had this issue too. I got a good answer from CBT as he has been through it....

Thanks again for your sweet comments toward me!

[CBT 450]

I'd love to see research on the idea that metabolism will triple post op. Not challenging you, this is just a curious thing to hear. I've had several major surgeries and never was this mentioned as a side effect.

Her comment falls squarely within the context of our conversation. She told me I could not

lose another pound before surgery. She asked what caloric intake was. She needed to know how much I was working out and what type. She explained the metabolic needs to recover with my goals. She was trying to reassure me that I would not gain weight by eating and being inactive. Her experience is that WLS patients emotionally struggle to eat enough postop to promote wound healing. She also was asking me to trust her so I did not lose too much weight in recovery. It was a long and involved consultation.

So I don't think it's a typical conversation for a general surgeon or cardiac surgeon or a orthopedic surgeon to have unless you ask. They will tell you to eat and the demand for calories and Protein is high but they tend to say vague things like "you need it heal" "you need your strength" etc. Probably won't get into metabolic rate. Only us WLS patients get hyper about it :-P

I will say the night nurse was a bit freaked when I asked for yogurt at 7pm and then a turkey sandwich at 3am. Lol.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Very odd. I looked all over for research supporting this and can't find anything. Interesting theory, though!

[Sassy Pants1 186]

RJ, I love your attitude of gratitude!

[sassypants 674]

Didn;t read the whole thread its almost 5am here so tired lol
But correct me if I am wrong isn’t goal weight meant to be what you reach without plastics?
I personally didn’t set a goal with my team I only put one in my ticker because I had to for an end goal.
But I assumed goal was weight lost not weight lost plus skin removal for final tally, what if your skin is 10lbs more or less than you thought?
If its less then your not at goal again and back we go to the scale watching and loosing.
Also what if you don’t get plastics its denied or you can’t afford it or like in the uk it goes to a board for approval then goal is who knows when away.

[lsereno 2,525]

RJ,

I think your family may not be used to seeing you at a normal weight. Also, after the rapid weight loss and thinning hair, many look a little peaked until the fat resettles around a bit and the hair grows back.

I heard lots of comments about not losing anymore, but I stuck to my original goal of 21.8 BMI and I'm happy at this weight. I know you have health issues too, so I think the doc would be your best bet for setting a goal weight.

Lynda

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

Didn;t read the whole thread its almost 5am here so tired lol

But correct me if I am wrong isn’t goal weight meant to be what you reach without plastics?

I personally didn’t set a goal with my team I only put one in my ticker because I had to for an end goal.

But I assumed goal was weight lost not weight lost plus skin removal for final tally, what if your skin is 10lbs more or less than you thought?

If its less then your not at goal again and back we go to the scale watching and loosing.

Also what if you don’t get plastics its denied or you can’t afford it or like in the uk it goes to a board for approval then goal is who knows when away.

Here in Canada we have a free plastic surgery because of WLS. One time only..So we are very selective as to which surgeon we go for. Who gives you the most bang for your buck! But there are hacks here too. So I will be careful who I chose....No panel.....Just Doctor recommendations can get it done.

Here they do include skin loss as part of a goal. It would not be prudent not too. It is unnecessary skin adding potential problems to your health. It makes since to me that they would include it and have a good idea about how much skin you have to have removed.

They leave it up to you if you want it or not....No pressure. does not matter as some find it not a problem. Me it is a big problem.......

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

RJ,

I think your family may not be used to seeing you at a normal weight. Also, after the rapid weight loss and thinning hair, many look a little peaked until the fat resettles around a bit and the hair grows back.

I heard lots of comments about not losing anymore, but I stuck to my original goal of 21.8 BMI and I'm happy at this weight. I know you have health issues too, so I think the doc would be your best bet for setting a goal weight.

Lynda

Yes that is who I depend on but it does not stop my supporting family worrying about me...Silly! Last night I said to my husband....You know it is very difficult to eat more..He said....Just try harder....What does that even mean?

[sassypants 674]

Didn;t read the whole thread its almost 5am here so tired lol

But correct me if I am wrong isn’t goal weight meant to be what you reach without plastics?

I personally didn’t set a goal with my team I only put one in my ticker because I had to for an end goal.

But I assumed goal was weight lost not weight lost plus skin removal for final tally, what if your skin is 10lbs more or less than you thought?

If its less then your not at goal again and back we go to the scale watching and loosing.

Also what if you don’t get plastics its denied or you can’t afford it or like in the uk it goes to a board for approval then goal is who knows when away.

Here in Canada we have a free plastic surgery because of WLS. One time only..So we are very selective as to which surgeon we go for. Who gives you the most bang for your buck! But there are hacks here too. So I will be careful who I chose....No panel.....Just Doctor recommendations can get it done.

Here they do include skin loss as part of a goal. It would not be prudent not too. It is unnecessary skin adding potential problems to your health. It makes since to me that they would include it and have a good idea about how much skin you have to have removed.

They leave it up to you if you want it or not....No pressure. does not matter as some find it not a problem. Me it is a big problem.......

It never seemed included to me as no one can predict how much you will lose and they can’t predict how your skin will be.

I was told I would have no loose skin on my legs as they were not really big- well that was rubbish I lost weight on my legs first and so fast I have saggy knees on up lol

They know we WILL have loose skin but to what degree and how much is a unknown variable so didn’t think anyone factored it in when they start and decide (if they do) on a end goal.

I think the concerns are further down the line if you can’t slow it down now or even go a few weeks on a plateau they are projecting that you will just keep losing weight month after month get sick and then it’s a scary problem that none of them want.

It does slow down and will when your body is done it will work its self out and find its sweet spot and you will maintain maybe going up and down 10lbs either side all the time.

I no way thought I would lose this much weight and still be losing, to be frank neither did any of my doctors!

I haven’t stalled once to my knowledge in almost 2 years its slower and I know once there isn’t anything left to lose it will stop.

I sometimes wonder where the weight is coming from when I am down yet again I assume all the lose skin is just skin but its not its got a lot of fat in it still especially my belly and that’s where its going from.

As long as you’re not under eating and going crazy your body will settle down soon enough.

Families just love you and worry if you have underlying medical issues, which I read you do then they can overly worry about you.

Maybe sit them down and say look I get it your worried I wont or can’t stop even if I try to and become a 50lbs frail sick skeleton but its ok my body is still using its fat storage you may not be able to see it as much but its still there under the skin in places.

I will adjust to working out too find the even keel where fuel in is maintaining what I output.

I think if you just settle their fears a bit that your still ok and its not going to be some crazy obsession like them crazy people on the biggest looser who go too far to win they might settle down a bit and back off for a while.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

Didn;t read the whole thread its almost 5am here so tired lol

But correct me if I am wrong isn’t goal weight meant to be what you reach without plastics?

I personally didn’t set a goal with my team I only put one in my ticker because I had to for an end goal.

But I assumed goal was weight lost not weight lost plus skin removal for final tally, what if your skin is 10lbs more or less than you thought?

If its less then your not at goal again and back we go to the scale watching and loosing.

Also what if you don’t get plastics its denied or you can’t afford it or like in the uk it goes to a board for approval then goal is who knows when away.

Here in Canada we have a free plastic surgery because of WLS. One time only..So we are very selective as to which surgeon we go for. Who gives you the most bang for your buck! But there are hacks here too. So I will be careful who I chose....No panel.....Just Doctor recommendations can get it done.

Here they do include skin loss as part of a goal. It would not be prudent not too. It is unnecessary skin adding potential problems to your health. It makes since to me that they would include it and have a good idea about how much skin you have to have removed.

They leave it up to you if you want it or not....No pressure. does not matter as some find it not a problem. Me it is a big problem.......

It never seemed included to me as no one can predict how much you will lose and they can’t predict how your skin will be.

I was told I would have no loose skin on my legs as they were not really big- well that was rubbish I lost weight on my legs first and so fast I have saggy knees on up lol

They know we WILL have loose skin but to what degree and how much is a unknown variable so didn’t think anyone factored it in when they start and decide (if they do) on a end goal.

I think the concerns are further down the line if you can’t slow it down now or even go a few weeks on a plateau they are projecting that you will just keep losing weight month after month get sick and then it’s a scary problem that none of them want.

It does slow down and will when your body is done it will work its self out and find its sweet spot and you will maintain maybe going up and down 10lbs either side all the time.

I no way thought I would lose this much weight and still be losing, to be frank neither did any of my doctors!

I haven’t stalled once to my knowledge in almost 2 years its slower and I know once there isn’t anything left to lose it will stop.

I sometimes wonder where the weight is coming from when I am down yet again I assume all the lose skin is just skin but its not its got a lot of fat in it still especially my belly and that’s where its going from.

As long as you’re not under eating and going crazy your body will settle down soon enough.

Families just love you and worry if you have underlying medical issues, which I read you do then they can overly worry about you.

Maybe sit them down and say look I get it your worried I wont or can’t stop even if I try to and become a 50lbs frail sick skeleton but its ok my body is still using its fat storage you may not be able to see it as much but its still there under the skin in places.

I will adjust to working out too find the even keel where fuel in is maintaining what I output.

I think if you just settle their fears a bit that your still ok and its not going to be some crazy obsession like them crazy people on the biggest looser who go too far to win they might settle down a bit and back off for a while.

I think that is where their concern is..They have never seen me gain or stall but that is probably because I never weighed myself that much. But to them it is becoming an issue. Not to me, just to them. My daughter is worried that I cannot stop losing and my hubby is always in over protective mode since I got so sick.....

I think you would be surprised how much skin does weigh. And it should be factored in because once it is gone that is how much less you will weigh.

I always felt great at 150, but felt fantastic at 170....Don't know if that will be the same today as I am a lot older. It is not consuming me it is consuming them.

I too have out lost more then they expected and they are so pleased with me....I am pleased with me as well...But the plastics is coming up and that is a concern my family is now worried about...I have had 15 surgeries in 1 year and another one is coming up the end of March. So they have a right to be concerned over things but they can suffocate me at times...you know....

By the way sassy...You have done amazing in your journey..My goodness girl you must be totally stoked at the differences you have made in your health and self.....inspiring truly!!!!!!!!!!!!

[CBT 450]

Sassy makes a valid point about fat. There is the fat that we see in our skin and then there's the fat that is packed like insulation in and around body cavity space, in organs (fatty liver) and marbled in our muscles. It's not just the weight they can "see".

[lsereno 2,525]

Yes that is who I depend on but it does not stop my supporting family worrying about me...Silly! Last night I said to my husband....You know it is very difficult to eat more..He said....Just try harder....What does that even mean?

Well to me, it means he doesn't quite get it. Although my husband loves to feed people, he is very supportive of my weight loss and normal BMI goal. I stress to hubby and family that I am eating healthy, getting enough fluids and No where near an unhealthy BMI.

I believe Cowgirl Jane lost very little weight from the skin removal. Bean is another recent plastics that was pretty extensive. Not sure, but think his was less than 5 lbs.

Lynda

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

I need to do what I need to do. I think it set them off when they said I could stop losing weight now!..okay then maybe 5-15 more if you want to...

Well right away fear entered their heads and their overwhelming protective mode started up in this area as well as everywhere else.

My daughter asked me this morning if i ate more yesterday because I worked out...i said yes I ate a Protein bar...She said not enough...It is going to be great when you get some muscle then you won't look anorexic anymore.....what?!!!

I know there is fat in muscle and organs and every where. This is their concern not mine. I am being affected by it because they are at me again about it...

Never thought in a million years that I would be hounded about not eating enough. That plastics will take off a pile of weight and that I am small enough in their minds to even be concerned about it all.

I will sit down with hubby and talk to him and try to get him to understand that I am not at goal yet and that if I only lose 5 lbs of skin then after I still won't be at goal......I just wish I could tell them all to back the hell up! Can't though...they have been through so much as well.......

[gmanbat 5,889]

According to Google;

How much skin on an average adult:

8-10 pounds...25 square feet

[sassypants 674]

I think the lose skin makes us look even smaller to other people in a odd way, we look like we are wearing clothes that are too big for us but this happens to be our skin hanging off of us not clothing!
Think of kids playing dress up mummy or daddies shoes and clothes how tiny they look drowning in them that’s us with skin.
So to peoples eye and a way to process it is to see it as we are way smaller than we seem because our skin is literally hanging off our frail bones.
Its that whole deflated within ourselves look.
For us we pull it and smoosh it and hold it here or there to try and see how we will look once its gone because its extra layers to us and makes us look bigger than we really are to them smaller in this layer.
The mind is a tricky little devil and lose saggy skin just sadly makes you look a bit frail and sickly because it is saggy sunken and hanging.
They are just worried and scared we go through the whole mind F part of processing the weight loss and how crazy and fascinating and mind boggling it is to see, they saw it but like with most people who see you every day or several times a week it really doesn’t hit them like someone who hasn’t seen you for month.
Maybe they are just REALLY noticing how much smaller you are now and its hitting them in the mind F way and they are trying to process it but not really understanding their own thoughts and feelings on why they feel this way.
Maybe some of it but not all of it so its coming out in a overbearing smothering really concerned way.