You have to fight for it...

[CoffeeGrinDR 148]

...every single day.

Some days are easier than others. The first month was certainly an emotional roller coaster and physically draining. I'm just heading into week 6 and I finally feel like things are not SO out of control as they felt.

This IS the head struggle everyone talks about. Not giving up hope, not losing focus, not giving in. I got up today and pushed myself on Protein. If this were someone ELSE that needed this kind of support to be successful I would give it. Why is it we don't give that kind of love and support to ourselves?

So starting today I am becoming my own coach, my own best friend, my own mentor. When I get scared I think "I can't do this" or "I don't know what to do to be successful" or "there is something weird about me biologically, I'm not going to lose like everyone else." But every day we have to fight that back.

I get so excited when I start to lose and I have gotten so down when it doesn't move. I've gotten much better about only weighing once a week. I'm now considering moving to only weighing ONCE a month (on my surgery date) to check in on on things. The head game is a KILLER. I'm not feeling sadness about eating I'm feeling impatient with myself.

I have no patience for this. But I'm also struggling with a breakup and something in me thinks that losing the weight will make me stronger, less hurt somehow. Wow, we all have so much built up hurt over the years, don't we?

I'm going back to see my therapist this week. It is time to do the emotional and head work to complement my sleeve and my nutrition work.

I haven't figured out what works yet and it frustrates me. I want there to be a set formula that says if you do x you will get y. I workout and it seems like on the days I workout the scale doesn't move. I stick to protein and low calories and the scale doesn't move. And then when I do things I shouldn't (like put crackers in soup) the scale moves. This is a confusing process. Nothing feels consistent.

My only remaining thought is that Water matters the most and on days I don't get enough I don't lose. So I'm now drinking water like it's medicine. This is not only about what I want to put in my body, it's about what I need to put in my body.

Thanks for everyone out there who shares their struggles, their victories, their insights. I have no one right now and you all mean a lot to me - you help me get through the fight - everyday.

-coffeegrinDr

Edited February 23, 2014 by CoffeeGrinDR

[gmanbat 5,889]

Great post!

A battle it is. Some we all have in common, some seem custom made for us.

All are winnable. We can help each other find the right weapons and skill in using them but we have make them our own.

Learning about war and being in war are 2 different things. War is messy, chaotic. The winners are the ones who never give up.

Now we have a powerful coalition. We have the sleeve and each other.

Let's win together!

[XXShelXX 346]

U know just when I start to feel so frustrated with the scale not moving fast enough for me, someone makes a post like this. This really does help and u are right we are all in the same boat here. Only you guys really know what it's like day to day. To want it sooooooo bad and know you are doing what you're supposed to and still the scale stays the same. I too want x=y. If someone said do this and it'll move, I would so be doing it. But it's the patience thing. I just want to skip the next few months and wake up and there it is lol continuing the fight in my lil part of the world. You're not alone.

[southernsoul 773]

I think it's important to be aware of the number on the scale, but not to let that dictate whether or not you're doing "good". You are dropping weight that plagues your health (both physical and mental), and you're only at the beginning of the journey. The long term effects are gearing up & you WILL see a difference. Keep following your plan, keep exercising, and keep your focus on the bigger picture. You can do it....and you will!!