How to tell your friends and family that you are having WLS surgery

[Amyllf2 206]

I worry about how to present this to my 16 year old daughter, who has a precarious view of her own weight right now, even though she is very thin and healthy. I think she worries that she will turn out like me. I know what that feels like, as I have spent a lot of my life worrying that I would end up like my sweet mom.

I have a 17 year old daughter who lost 65 pounds over the last 15 months doing weight watchers. I started out with her but I was not successful. After failing at WW again, and Ideal Protein, I gave up. When I first mentioned the WLS her reaction was not great. In her mind, if she can lose weight then I should be able to as well. But once she realized that she exercises and always has despite being very heavy, and I can't exercise at this point, it made more sense to her. And she's realizes how much she will benefit from having less food around too. (I can't begin to express how proud I am of her. She wore a size 16 prom dress last April and is trying on 8/10 this year. She's done a good job of maintaining a teenage social life but makes better choices when she's out with her friends.)

My hubby and I have been talking about who I will tell and who I won't. The out-laws (aka my in-laws) will never be told. My family is ok as my mom had hers done 9 years ago. My dad will be worried, but I think my cardiac issues really scared him so this is being done to improve that problem. I just don't know how people don't tell people. I mean, once the weight starts to drop and people ask, what do people say? I just don't want to hide. I will probably only tell a few people pre-op. The people closest to me will be fine because they know my medical issues this past year. And others can judge me if they want. It doesn't really matter. Along with my health, I'm working on my unhealthy need to please people.

I did tell a co-worker today that my date is 4/15 and she was very nice but obviously caught off guard by it. I only told her because I may need her to cover a class for me. She doesn't know my medical background and is much larger than me. I think that's what caused the shock.

[*Misty*Raine* 192]

How to Tell Your Friends and Family that You are Having WLS Surgery

One of the things that I have struggled the most with in my pre op journey, is knowing how and when to tell my friends and family that I was going to have gastric bypass surgery. I have been terrified to have this conversation with people because I was afraid of being judged or told that they don't support my decision. We've all heard people say that "it's the easy way out," or that "we could loose the excess weight with diet & exercise," and then of course there are people that will tell us, "you don't need to change because you're fine just the way you are."

Three days ago, I finally told my first friend about my decision, and it was like having a major weight lifted off my chest! I made a video about it at well: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIHgcJA3tEs. One down...a dozen more to go and I'm as nervous as can be!!!

Have you shared your secret with a loved one? Have you told your friends that you've decided to take control of your obesity once and for all. Did they offer you encouragement and support, or did they try to talk you out of your decision and act jealous? I'm hoping to gain courage from some of your stories! Please share your experience about telling others about your WLS decision so that we can help inspire and support one another.

I just want u to know .... I totally love all the vids u are doing. Keep makin...I'll keep watchin!

[Nellarifixmom 5]

Thank you, Pupichupi! My husband is going to my next appointment, and I will be sure to remind the surgeon of my previous complications so that she can assure him that they were unique and not likely to be repeated. I had gone to her a few years ago for a consult (chickened out), so she is familiar with what I (and, thus, my family) went through.

[pupichupi 124]

I worry about how to present this to my 16 year old daughter, who has a precarious view of her own weight right now, even though she is very thin and healthy. I think she worries that she will turn out like me. I know what that feels like, as I have spent a lot of my life worrying that I would end up like my sweet mom.

I have a 17 year old daughter who lost 65 pounds over the last 15 months doing weight watchers. I started out with her but I was not successful. After failing at WW again, and Ideal Protein, I gave up. When I first mentioned the WLS her reaction was not great. In her mind, if she can lose weight then I should be able to as well. But once she realized that she exercises and always has despite being very heavy, and I can't exercise at this point, it made more sense to her. And she's realizes how much she will benefit from having less food around too. (I can't begin to express how proud I am of her. She wore a size 16 prom dress last April and is trying on 8/10 this year. She's done a good job of maintaining a teenage social life but makes better choices when she's out with her friends.)

My hubby and I have been talking about who I will tell and who I won't. The out-laws (aka my in-laws) will never be told. My family is ok as my mom had hers done 9 years ago. My dad will be worried, but I think my cardiac issues really scared him so this is being done to improve that problem. I just don't know how people don't tell people. I mean, once the weight starts to drop and people ask, what do people say? I just don't want to hide. I will probably only tell a few people pre-op. The people closest to me will be fine because they know my medical issues this past year. And others can judge me if they want. It doesn't really matter. Along with my health, I'm working on my unhealthy need to please people.

I did tell a co-worker today that my date is 4/15 and she was very nice but obviously caught off guard by it. I only told her because I may need her to cover a class for me. She doesn't know my medical background and is much larger than me. I think that's what caused the shock.

Amylife2, that is awesome about your daughter, I did the same thing and couldn't lose it. I know how hard it is, and how great it will be for you specially with all your health issues. You know as I was reading this, you don't have to tell anyone you don't want, and if you start losing the weight and they ask you then you can tell them, but it's no ones business what you do with your life, and that is the reason I am not telling people cause I am not doing this for anyone else, I am doing this for me. Thats just what you have to remember. Screw the rest of them that judge or whatever, and as for the co-worker that you told, maybe you will be an inspiration to her to do something for herself. Obesity isn't a fun thing to live with, I have lived with it for my entire life and I am ready for this more than anything. Good luck and Congrats to your daughter.

[pupichupi 124]

Thank you, Pupichupi! My husband is going to my next appointment, and I will be sure to remind the surgeon of my previous complications so that she can assure him that they were unique and not likely to be repeated. I had gone to her a few years ago for a consult (chickened out), so she is familiar with what I (and, thus, my family) went through.

Nellarifixmom, I am so glad that he is going with you, that will be good for both of you for him to get all the info. That is what I did, my boyfriend went to my first appt., cause he had a lot of concerns and questions too, specially about which surgery I should do, cause I wasn't sure if I wanted the bypass or the sleeve, and ultimately I decided that the bypass was best for me. It made him feel much more at ease about me getting the surgery too. Good luck and keep us posted!!!

[Wallflower7522 328]

So I finally told my mom about my surgery. I called when I woke up for surgery and told her I had decided to have gastric bypass surgery. She said "when" to which I replied "this morning." She was shocked and a little angry, but she got over it and has mostly been helpful this far.

[teacherlady2133 258]

I will say at first when I made the choice to start this 6 month process I didn't want to tell anyone. I told just my husband and my parents.

As the process has progressed I found myself in situations that required me to share.

When you are losing weight and others start see it and notice you are attending dr appointments monthly, people who love you can start to imagine bad things..

Being a very private person this was very hard to balance my own privacy and others caring thoughts, so I took a chance and started answering on a "need to know" basics.

I think how we define "need to know" is where it gets murky...

Now that I am almost 60 lbs down and waiting approval for surgery in April, that "need to know" group grows daily...

I learned that you can impact each person different.

I am 5 weeks before finishing my degree in college before the last step( student teaching).

I never thought to tell my professors what I had decided about WLS.

I had a advisor come to me and say we needed to talk. Ok.. Taken aside, and she looked at me and said, " are you ok?" I was like.."yeah why?" She said one of the professors came and said you have lost a lot of weight and was going to the Dr.'s and was worried about you.

I told her and the professor.. Even though it made me very uncomfortable but to be honest a little excited too.

[jtickle 295]

I want to tell my best friend so much that I am having the surgery. However, the last time I brought it up she got mad at me cause she is not able to do it. She is heavy too. My secret is easy to keep though, she moved to Mississippi and I live in Arkansas. It seems lately all she wants to talk about is food and going out to eat. I can't tell her I have turned into a food nazi. I actually started my preop diet on Monday 3/10 and I have lost 10 pounds already. I have my next appointment on the 7th of April and then I will be submitted to insurance. Hoping for a May surgery.

[PinkPolkadot619 337]

I have been telling people on a need to know basis, and a few that I knew would understand. But I didn't want my brother (whom I am very close to) to be the last to know. I am still 6-8 months out as I have Kaiser and have to complete 24 weeks of classes. But an opportunity presented it's self so I went for it.......It was just as bad as I had feared he told me he doesn't think I have tried hard enough to lose it naturally and I should just try a detox diet that and him and his GF are doing......yeah. I just cried and told him I'm not telling anyone else because of the judgment. It's hard to feel like I don't have my big brother in my corner on my side.....I'm pretty devastated.

[teacherlady2133 258]

Kendra I am sorry to hear your brothers reaction. I am seeing how others see my life and comments made about it are from their perspective only. My worst comment came from my father... It was about all overweight people but directed at me. It is sad when others can not be supportive.

I am doing this for myself and still going to share when I think it is a "need to know" moment...

[PinkPolkadot619 337]

Kendra I am sorry to hear your brothers reaction. I am seeing how others see my life and comments made about it are from their perspective only. My worst comment came from my father... It was about all overweight people but directed at me. It is sad when others can not be supportive. <br><br> I am doing this for myself and still going to share when I think it is a "need to know" moment...

Thank you @@teacherlady2133, I'm sorry your own father made a comment like that. Your right we are doing this for us, I am just going to be very cautious of who and what I consider need to know.

[pupichupi 124]

I have been telling people on a need to know basis, and a few that I knew would understand. But I didn't want my brother (whom I am very close to) to be the last to know. I am still 6-8 months out as I have Kaiser and have to complete 24 weeks of classes. But an opportunity presented it's self so I went for it.......It was just as bad as I had feared he told me he doesn't think I have tried hard enough to lose it naturally and I should just try a detox diet that and him and his GF are doing......yeah. I just cried and told him I'm not telling anyone else because of the judgment. It's hard to feel like I don't have my big brother in my corner on my side.....I'm pretty devastated.

Kendra, I am so sorry for how your brother responded to you. I know how you feel unfortunately, I have a big brother and little sister, and My brother and I really have been on the outs for a very long time in fact we haven't really talked to each other (not that I haven't tried) in over 12 years he doesn't approve of my lifestyle, not that I live any crazy way. I am involved in a mixed racial relationship with a puerto rican, and he doesn't approve. I had children with a puerto rican and he doesn't approve, and my kids he will talk to and play with but he won't speak to me and we live approx. 15 min. from each other. I know this has nothing to do with the way your brother treated for what your doing, but in life we have to do what is right and good for us, we can't live to please everyone else. We were born with our own body, brain and life, to live it without concern of others who are in our lives. I know it's hard cause he is your big brother, and trust me I think about my brother daily, but I can't control the way he thinks about me no more than you can control your brother. I love my brother and always will, but I am not going to let his negativity bring me down. I will continue to live my life the way I want. As for the Detox, what works for some doesn't work for everyone. If he doesn't understand maybe ask him to go to one of your doctors appointments and show him what it's all about. Maybe he will change his mind. He might just be worried??? Well Good Luck!!!

[PinkPolkadot619 337]

I have been telling people on a need to know basis, and a few that I knew would understand. But I didn't want my brother (whom I am very close to) to be the last to know. I am still 6-8 months out as I have Kaiser and have to complete 24 weeks of classes. But an opportunity presented it's self so I went for it.......It was just as bad as I had feared he told me he doesn't think I have tried hard enough to lose it naturally and I should just try a detox diet that and him and his GF are doing......yeah. I just cried and told him I'm not telling anyone else because of the judgment. It's hard to feel like I don't have my big brother in my corner on my side.....I'm pretty devastated.

Kendra, I am so sorry for how your brother responded to you. I know how you feel unfortunately, I have a big brother and little sister, and My brother and I really have been on the outs for a very long time in fact we haven't really talked to each other (not that I haven't tried) in over 12 years he doesn't approve of my lifestyle, not that I live any crazy way. I am involved in a mixed racial relationship with a puerto rican, and he doesn't approve. I had children with a puerto rican and he doesn't approve, and my kids he will talk to and play with but he won't speak to me and we live approx. 15 min. from each other. I know this has nothing to do with the way your brother treated for what your doing, but in life we have to do what is right and good for us, we can't live to please everyone else. We were born with our own body, brain and life, to live it without concern of others who are in our lives. I know it's hard cause he is your big brother, and trust me I think about my brother daily, but I can't control the way he thinks about me no more than you can control your brother. I love my brother and always will, but I am not going to let his negativity bring me down. I will continue to live my life the way I want. As for the Detox, what works for some doesn't work for everyone. If he doesn't understand maybe ask him to go to one of your doctors appointments and show him what it's all about. Maybe he will change his mind. He might just be worried??? Well Good Luck!!!

He said he wants to talk more later and tried to back peddle and become supportive after I started crying. Maybe having him go to something with me where he can become educated and the information is not coming from me is the best idea. Thank you for that suggestion!! My brother and I are very close and my family is very open minded, but this I think took him by surprise, and his first response was to prevent me from doing it and didn't think about his words. But it's too late and his words hurt. They are not going to change my decision, just how much information I directly share with him. I would be devastated if my brother didn't talk to me for 12 years, I'm sorry and hope one day your brothers mind will be opened.

[PinkPolkadot619 337]

Thank you for the advice!! I invited my brother to the orientation that I'm required to go to at Pacific bariatric, that is where Kaiser outsources their bariatric surgery. I'm hoping the information coming from someone else will be helpful for him to understand and possibly accept. Thank you so much for the suggestion, I would've never thought to invite him. The seminar is on April 2nd and he said he would do his best to be there.

[pupichupi 124]

Thank you for the advice!! I invited my brother to the orientation that I'm required to go to at Pacific bariatric, that is where Kaiser outsources their bariatric surgery. I'm hoping the information coming from someone else will be helpful for him to understand and possibly accept. Thank you so much for the suggestion, I would've never thought to invite him. The seminar is on April 2nd and he said he would do his best to be there.

Kendra that's fantastic!!! I am so happy for you!!! I hope he comes around for your sake cause its important to have those your close to to support you!!!