I am a shameful human being doomed to fail

[KittyChick 140]

I'm really discouraged and feeling completely ashamed about almost EVERYTHING following this surgery. Pretty much the same amount of self-loathing before the procedure! The three week stall, the weird things happening to my insides, the stomach acid...I could go on. It's all distressing. And frustrating.

Even though I'm on soft foods now, I still can't get in enough calories on high Protein stuff. I try to choke down 1/4 cup of tuna or egg salad each day for lunch but I can't force myself to eat more than 4-5 bites of it.

Two days ago I decided to eat a piece of pizza and I was able to eat the whole slice! Then another a few hours later! It was music to my mouth and I was SO relieved to be able to eat something. But now? Eater's remorse. I feel like crap for doing that now because I feel like this isn't the right food to be eating.

The last day or so I've done a tortilla once or twice a day with a little cheese and guacamole and have been able to eat and enjoy it. Again, I feel like this is not what I should be having but my hunger is starting to finally come back & I want to start eating more.

I'm going to bake salmon tomorrow & see how I tolerate that but I really hate that the high protein foods I'd LIKE (and NEED) to be eating aren't being tolerated successfully.

Please tell me others have had this happen and have gone on to do better, have the ability to eat the "right" foods over time AND have gone on to lose weight.

Edited February 22, 2014 by KittyChick

[Arts137 1,811]

Hey Kitty!

Consider using Protein shakes to get in more Protein.< /p>

See, if you can eat pizza, it's NOT your tummy, it's your head! So you need to start your head battle! We ALL have evil brains (I call mine Skippy). Skippy really wants me to eat sugars and carbs and stuff. And when I do I MUST have more and more and more. I have to be very strong for 3 or 4 days and the cravings DO go away.

Also, please consider OA or therapy. We all are a bit bent when it comes to food, and there IS help out there.

We are with you as you start this DIFFICULT path.

[MsRaven29 1]

Omg I thought I was alone. I'm going through the same thing. I can tolerate pizza, n most wrong things, it seems to go down a lot easier. But then feel bad because you can be jeopardizing the whole process smh

[EarthyGoalie 253]

You should check out my 3 weeks post op pizza Pasta post. You are definitely not alone dear! Hang in there. Stop weighin yourself. Get back on your feet and take it a day at a time. Tell yourself "no self loathing today! No!"

[KittyChick 140]

Maybe it IS in my head...it's stressful because I really only just started to do Protein shakes again this week. They filled me up on the pre-op diet and I enjoyed them. I fully intended to start drinking them again right after surgery but was shocked to find that I couldn't tolerate them. They made me physically ill so I quit drinking them.

I'm going to try to be more regular with them and hope that works. I hate feeling like I'm "bad" ya know? There is immense shame that comes from that and it effs with me mentally when I can't eat more than 2-3 bites of the "right" foods.

[EarthyGoalie 253]

I get so frustrated about eating just a few bites too. It takes time. You'll get used to it, and also start having more than 2 to 3 bites. But meanwhile, just make sure you don't hurt yourself and keep trying different things. I have had a huge problem with variety since surgery. Trust me, it does no good to eat the same things over and over. Go over the list of the good foods for u, and try to get creative with it. I myself am still trying to follow this advice. It ain't easy.

[Laura9643 22]

Protein in the beginning made me nauseous...I had to experiment with shakes until I found some that tasted good and felt ok. Hang in there! Don't be afraid to try different Proteins if your diet and surgeon allows.

[andreamy7 55]

I like muscle milk light chocolate flavor. I keep them in the fridge and then sip on them. Curbs head hunger and provides 20 grams of Protein. Gotta do the shakes so find one you like and can tolerate. Pre made is for some reason less chalky than the powder. You can eat a corn tortilla with a little chz and guac-that is not bad for you at all. I put a little bit of refried Beans with cheese and salsa and toast it in.the toaster oven sometimes I add chicken too. Super yum for lunch and cheese is light kind but very filling. Stop eating pizza that is self sabotage. I sometimes do tuna but love scrambled eggs, some crackers with cheese and turkey. Hummus and a mini pita, I eat the light cheese sticks, cashews, beef Jerky, yogurt with a little granola in it, fruit...all that good stuff. Go for it. You can do this!

[Stacy_wls 135]

Somethings that I found super tasty and good early on were:

greek yogurt

turkey chili

eggs w/ cheese

coffee Protein shakes

slow cooker meats - you can cook them w/ your favorite flavors (asian, buffalo sauce yum!)

Good luck!

Therapy and OA have been super helpful for me in getting to the food addiction aspect of it. The sleeve will only help with how much can fit, but not with what we put in it. I would consider looking for some additional support. OA is great b/c everyone is facing similar challenges.

Good Luck!

[KittyChick 140]

Whew, I'm very grateful for the responses guys.

Also, I made stuffed salmon for lunch today and I LOVED IT! I was so proud of myself.

Also, three week plateau broke! I weighed in this morning and am down 3lbs from last week.

Maybe I'll be alright after all?!

Edited February 23, 2014 by KittyChick

[Arts137 1,811]

Kitty, you are with friends.

Remember... No journey is too long as long as you do not stop. This is not magical. This is every day. Day in and day out. It's not painful. It's Mindful! Just think and plan, and work to place food in its proper perspective (which is NOT the most important issue and activity of the day!)

Stay with us, love.

[kvlasy 195]

You owe yourself a major pat on the back Kitty! You've kept going and kept on trying different things until you found a successful food that not only works for your meal plan but it works for your sleeve too. That's success!

[KittyChick 140]

Kitty, you are with friends.

Remember... No journey is too long as long as you do not stop. This is not magical. This is every day. Day in and day out. It's not painful. It's Mindful! Just think and plan, and work to place food in its proper perspective (which is NOT the most important issue and activity of the day!)

Stay with us, love.

Thank you!! I think that's the hardest part about the early stages of this. All food related decisions are SO stressful. I feel guilty for eating pretty much ANYTHING that isn't super high in Protein. My calves are sore all the time & my grandmother suggested bananas for the potassium and I fretted about eating one because it's high in carbs and low in protein! I put a lot of pressure on myself & have a really tough time relaxing about what I should and should not be eating.

Edited February 23, 2014 by KittyChick

[Zoumommy 61]

Kitty chick

I can COMPLETELY understand. I'm stressed out about eating all the time too! I move to pureeds tomorrow and I'm freaking out about the extra calories

[Sleeved&Hopeful 182]

If you need some low carb food options, check out the http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com she even had a low carb pizza version. I mean there's some really tasty ideas. I'm not a cook so I pretty much just bake Proteins in the oven in bulk for the week and the rest of the stuff I eat is ready-to-eat like cheese, boiled eggs, tuna etc. but if I were a cook---I'd be making the stuff on her website! Good luck! Don't punish yourself! Those first couple of months are hard :-) Just try to stay on plan the best you can and maximize your weight loss window. It is never easier to lose weight than RIGHT NOW.