Need some mental support as I realize this...

[Wires 25]

As I'm going through pre-op appointment still, it's starting to hit me...

How BAD and disgusting I must really look and how husband probably sees other people and wishes I didn't look like this. He has never given me reason to feel like this (except maybe lacking in making me feel attractive...but that could be because he's just not very vocal--and to be honest, maybe it's hard for him to feel attracted to me but he would never say that).

As I realize all of this, coming to terms and being honest with my weight (which I apparently ignored and tuned out to), I can't believe how awful I look. If we have to go out somewhere together, who cares if I 'dress up' because I still look fat and gross. I really am looking forward to this surgery and changing my life around.

I'm just struggling and it's upsetting to realize how big I really am...it's like a fact I tried to ignore for many years except when I shopped by myself :-\ I can't believe how 'not normal' I look, in his field of work he is with a lot of fit people and I can't imagine what he really sees when he sees ME

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

You probably could really benefit from some psychological support Wires, about your body image and worth prior to surgery and following surgery. Before I had the surgery, my husband kept me feeling good about myself and now, even better. Your husband obviously loves you, and when is the last time you really sat down and told him how you feel, and had a real conversation about it.? If you are not ready for that, begin your search for someone professional to talk to. Losing weight will not take those issues away, seek help. Best wishes, Linda

[BigGirlPanties 957]

I agree with Linda... fortunately my husband gives me signs of support all the time...heck we got married when I weighed 350 (well by that time 300)... but you are definately playing a mind game with yourself and you need someone to talk to...as well as sharing your thoughts with your husband... we have all gone thru stages where we feel "gross"...even those Victoria Secret models, if you want to believe it ... but you are headed to a new place and you need to be able to accept the new you as well as the old one.

Take care...

[BKLYNgal87 503]

The self love needs to start today, because it will go along way toward keeping you motivated down the road. I admit, I am 20 lbs from goal and have never been more critical of my body in my life. I spend way too much time agonizing over the scale and the mirror. But I realized recently that I need to start loving myself as I am now and appreciating my accomplishments thus far, because if I don't, I still won't be happy when I'm closer to goal or at goal. The mind always looks for things to nitpick at. Something to consider. You are more than just your weight, you know?

[Carlotta1 401]

I have been seeing a physchologist two months prior to surgery and continue to do so. She told me I am way too hard on myself. If this is your case..be kind to yourself..understand why you went to food for comfort, and share with your husband how u feel ...your confidence and self esteem will improve as u lose wight ..however it would be good to get deep into yourself to understand the why and making peace with yourself ( or others) so that you will not use food as your comfort.

[NewSetOfCurves 1,553]

I too have a husband that is fit. Always has been. He doesn't have protruding abs (he carries his excess weight in his midsection, but his pectoral muscles, arms and legs are very muscular and defined. I too refused to believe or admit how big I was. I rarely took pictures, I never owned a full length mirror, and I refused to see myself as I really was. He never told me anything, he never made me feel insecure, and--similar to you--he rarely complimented me--but his love for me was undeniable.

Now that I have lost all the weight and am close to goal, I have definitely noticed my husband's physical reaction to me. I confronted him about it. This is what he basically said: "When we first met, I was drawn to you because I was attracted to you [i was skinny before]. Then I got to know you--the you that is inside--and I was a goner. The you inside is what I love. Not the outside. When you started gaining weight, it didn't matter--other than you health--because I married you for you, not your body. However, I cannot deny that what drew me to when we first met--that basic animal, physical attraction--has re-emerged. But, no matter what happens; not matter what you look like, I will ALWAYS love you."

Point is, talk to him. He loves you. He has been by your side. He will love you no matter what.

Good luck to you!

[Wires 25]

I really appreciate all of these replies. I'm going to talk to him tonight, I hope he doesn't think I'm just nagging him about his lack of making me feel loved/attracted/whatever...

I really want this surgery and am looking forward to not feeling like this anymore.

[BigGirlPanties 957]

"When we first met, I was drawn to you because I was attracted to you [i was skinny before]. Then I got to know you--the you that is inside--and I was a goner. The you inside is what I love. Not the outside. When you started gaining weight, it didn't matter--other than you health--because I married you for you, not your body. However, I cannot deny that what drew me to when we first met--that basic animal, physical attraction--has re-emerged. But, no matter what happens; not matter what you look like, I will ALWAYS love you."

Curvy...that is so lovely...!!! That he was able to articulate that...just lovely! Brought a tear to my eye!...truly

[NewSetOfCurves 1,553]

Curvy...that is so lovely...!!! That he was able to articulate that...just lovely! Brought a tear to my eye!...truly

He made me cry too! What can I say, he is a keeper!!! Our relationship has improved so much since this surgery, but I attribute it to my mental health. I am finally allowing myself to love who I am, and give value to my self worth. It's weird, I always thought I was confidant, and I didn't realize how miserable I was until I did a lot of soul searching through this whole process. In doing so, I have closed a lot of old wounds and changed my outlook. He was totally against this surgery. He told me I was fine the way I was, but now he says that it was the best thing I could have done; not because of how I look, but because I have changed internally and exude a happier, more confidant, and active me.

So to the original poster, I am glad you are willing to open up the door for discussion with your husband. He might have more perspective than you realize, and together you can explore those issues and deal with them.

[sassypants 674]

i also feel your kinda punishing yourself to make yourself feel as low and bad about yourself as possible to sorta explain why you need to have the op.

you dont need to do that you don;t need the op as a punishment because your A B and C its ok to WANT the op, and its ok to want it for positive reason not as a punishment because your so A B and C.

don;t be so hard on yourself its ok to admit your unhappy deeply unhappy, its also ok to admit you don;t like yourself if thats how you feel you don;t have to punish yourself every step of the way to beat yourself up more to feel even worse.