feeling hopeless

[moi1234 1]

This year is my 10 year anniversary from when I had my RNY. I originally lost 155 lbs and had not felt better in my life! I was addicted to running and working out...which isnt a bad addiction! 18 months after my RNY, I had my Gallbladder removed. 5 years into my weight loss I slipped my SI joint and there began a serious of complications with my lower back!

I started a serious of steriod injections in 2009, and began to gain weight. Not too much weight, becuase I was still working out despite doctors orders. Then in 2012, I lost feeling in my left leg and had to have emergency back surgery. I ended up with drop foot and a discectomy in my L4, L5 and S1 joints. After that I felt pretty ok, except i had to learn how to walk normally again. A few months after my back surgery, I ended up in the ER with pain in my stomach and violently throwing up. Again, I had emergency surgery....a obstruction in my intestions. When they went in there, they found my intestines were twisted. I woke up 5 hours after surgery to find out that they couldnt do the surgery laprosopically, and they cut me right open and it was more serious than they thought. So after recovering from that, and all the steriods I have been on over the past few years, I had now gained 50-60 lbs back.

Last summer I had to return to a pain specialist for my back, and they discovered they my back pain is now coming from the scar tissue from my back surgery. So here we go again....more steriod injections.

Over the past few months, I have learned that I have developed sleep apnea, and now high blood pressure! These 2 things I have NEVER had before in my life!

As of today, I have gained 90 lbs of my weight back! Im so overwhelmed. I still cant work out like i used to, because of my drop foot, and I am limited in my activities.

I have started drinking diet sodas again...although i still drink my required Water throughout the day. But I just cant seem to break this cycle, and stop the downward spiral! I feel so hopeless, my spirit is broken, I feel lost and afraid! This is affecting my health, my marriage and my quality of life!

I see my gastric bypass doctor for my monthly B12 shots, and all they tell me is, keep track of your eating and cut back. YES YES...I KNOW!!!! Easier said than done....especially when you are not depressed!

Ive tried the 5 day pouch test, and my doctor has done a upper GI to see if my pouch has stretched and it hasnt.

I would love feedback! I just dont know what to do anymore!

[reinangel 78]

As far as exercise.. What about a bike where you can just strap your foot onto the pedal and let your other leg do the moving.

you can try doing more upper body exercise or asking a PT about what you can do for the rest of your body. maybe even try googling for "exercise for single leg amputees" until you get some strength back in your foot.

Don't loose hope. start from the beginning with your diet. we are all here for you. and

DROP THE DIET SODA.. that stuff will kill ya,

[kespy74 103]

I am so sorry for all the issues you are having to deal with. You've taken a great first step by letting it out and talking about it. It's good news that your pouch hasn't stretched. My suggestion would be to address the depression with your doctor. Water aerobics may be a good exercise and less impact to your injuries. I will be sending prayers for you.

[DLCoggin 1,788]

Welcome to the forum Michele. This is a special place with a lot of special people.

When I read "I'm so lost and afraid" it brought to mind a quote that I've fallen back on for more years than I can count. It has taken me through, and out of, some tough situations. And I have experienced the truth of it many, many times. That's saying a lot for three little words.

• Action quells fear.

So the message is do something. And do it now. Don't spend too much time stressing over doing exactly the right something - you can always make adjustments and even changes later. The very act of doing something, taking a step in the right direction, is empowering. It gives you hope. It opens your mind to discovering new possibilities. Perhaps most importantly, it calms your fears.

My suggestion is that you reconsider your surgeon's recommendation. Start maintaining a food log. I highly recommend My Fitness Pal. Yes, it is easier said than done. Logging can be tedious. And it can be frustrating. Consider the flip side.

After your surgery, logging is the most powerful tool you can have in your arsenal for taking control. Logging can "break the downward spiral". Logging can renew the spirit you had when you lost 155 lbs. The spirit you still have or you wouldn't be seeking help. Logging can boost your confidence like nothing else I know of. Logging reinforces your success and your commitment every day with every entry. Logging can calm your fears. You'll never again "think" you did well today - you'll know. Logging makes you accountable to the most important person - you. It's quick, it's easy, it doesn't cost a dime and if you commit to it for 90 days, you'll be amazed at the results.

If you're interested, if you're ready to take action and quell the fear, PM me and I'll be more than happy to share some ideas with you. I've logged every bite for more than two years and I'm confident I can give you some great suggestions on how to get started and how to realize the almost unlimited potential logging offers.

You're gonna love the new you!!

Edited February 19, 2014 by DLCoggin

[Sallyawbc 46]

Michele, your post made me so sad, you seem to be kicked down every time you got up. I really, really hope you get a referral for a therapist. So much of this is out of your control and I know how hard that is. I've just started my journey, my surgery was 2-4 and I'm 64 so I already have issues that I'm dealing with that get me very frustrated. Please know that everyone is pulling for you and hope you can find the help and strength you need to get back on track. Sally

Edited February 20, 2014 by Sallyawbc

[moi1234 1]

Thank you all so much!

I have just been feeling so defeated!

I have been using the myfitnesspal app since last May.

I started seeing a psychiatrist last May as well, not because of my weight issues, but because my father passed away.

I do have a very stressful life....I have 5 kids, 3 dogs and I have been taking care of my husband’s ex-wife’s newborn baby part time to help her out.

My stepdaughter who lives with us full time is 8 years old and she is autistic....so that’s a challenge in itself.

I also work full time. I just need to find some "ME" time and get myself back into the swing of things.

I go to the doctor tomorrow about my blood pressure. Today it is 165/115! Its been like this all week. But its probably due to the stress and anxiety. I just need to BREATHE!!!!!!!

Thank you for your encouraging comments!

[Birthsjourney 146]

Michele... You are an amazing woman! The very truth that you have endured through such adversities is your proof! YOU are so empowered by every issues that you faced and WON!

You have been on the weight loss journey before so try to see that as a benefit that many don't have.... You did it before, you have the knowledge and tools! Celebrate that your pouch is NOT stretched.

I think learning to take time for yourself is all too often, the hardest step for most Moms.... You have many blessings in your life but they all need you in so many different ways! But they need you... So now YOU need to need you! Find some time in your day for you.. I know it is hard.. And it may mean they all must wait 30 minutes for you?

I have 4 grown and 10 grandchildren. I work with birthing woman and took care of my invalid Mom.. I HAD to find my turn.. ( also had many of your same health issues) open heart, type 1 diabetes. Herniations in L4-5). I took these issues and saw my amazing strengths... Then at age 64 I did something I never thought I would do.... I went in and had the word BALANCE tattooed to my wrist ( small but MY constant reminder ) LOL

I am here for you if your just needing a support for a crazy day! Thinking great thoughts for you.. It will happen again! DYAN from Ohio

[septappt 74]

<p>This year is my 10 year anniversary from when I had my RNY. I originally lost 155 lbs and had not felt better in my life! I was addicted to running and working out...which isnt a bad addiction! 18 months after my RNY, I had my Gallbladder removed. 5 years into my weight loss I slipped my SI joint and there began a serious of complications with my lower back! </p> <p>I started a serious of steriod injections in 2009, and began to gain weight. Not too much weight, becuase I was still working out despite doctors orders. Then in 2012, I lost feeling in my left leg and had to have emergency back surgery. I ended up with drop foot and a discectomy in my L4, L5 and S1 joints. After that I felt pretty ok, except i had to learn how to walk normally again. A few months after my back surgery, I ended up in the ER with pain in my stomach and violently throwing up. Again, I had emergency surgery....a obstruction in my intestions. When they went in there, they found my intestines were twisted. I woke up 5 hours after surgery to find out that they couldnt do the surgery laprosopically, and they cut me right open and it was more serious than they thought. So after recovering from that, and all the steriods I have been on over the past few years, I had now gained 50-60 lbs back. </p> <p>Last summer I had to return to a pain specialist for my back, and they discovered they my back pain is now coming from the scar tissue from my back surgery. So here we go again....more steriod injections. </p> <p>Over the past few months, I have learned that I have developed sleep apnea, and now high blood pressure! These 2 things I have NEVER had before in my life! </p> <p>As of today, I have gained 90 lbs of my weight back! Im so overwhelmed. I still cant work out like i used to, because of my drop foot, and I am limited in my activities. </p> <p>I have started drinking diet sodas again...although i still drink my required Water throughout the day. But I just cant seem to break this cycle, and stop the downward spiral! I feel so hopeless, my spirit is broken, I feel lost and afraid! This is affecting my health, my marriage and my quality of life! </p> <p>I see my gastric bypass doctor for my monthly B12 shots, and all they tell me is, keep track of your eating and cut back. YES YES...I KNOW!!!! Easier said than done....especially when you are not depressed! </p> <p>Ive tried the 5 day pouch test, and my doctor has done a upper GI to see if my pouch has stretched and it hasnt. </p> <p>I would love feedback! I just dont know what to do anymore! </p> <p> </p>

I'm experiencing a numbness is my foot and now I have a drop foot. I go for an MRI tonight. My question to you is did your drop foot go back to normal?

[Orama1985 1]

Hey Michelle I just had surgery on my L3 L4 a month ago I understand I had my gallbladder removed a year and a half ago and 2 weeks prior to back surgery they had to do emergency surgery on 2 hernias in my upper abdomen by my stomach I have 2 serious ulcers the doctor says they can't do anything about but medication and I was just told I need surgery on my right foot from an injury a year ago a so called sprain I got a 3rd opinion on and it's not good. Anywho I feel your frustration I was into working out hard doing it all right I am doing the 5 day pouch test but longer than 5 days I'll probably go 10 I'm on 3 now lost 2.5lbs it's a start I guess. My excersize consists of physical therapy for now. I do log my food in my fitness pal I eat no more than 1100 calories a day and all the Vitamins and Water. But it's hard I want to give up so bad i try everything I feel like the odds are against me. We can't though keep moving. This can't be for nothing. There is a reason for everything and life is a test. It's time to pass and I know I have ADD so it will take time but I will do it in due time. Good luck my dear and we are all hear for support on this long and tedious journey.