What About Your Friends?

[luckyknickers57 62]

Help!! My best friend of 25+ years has basically turned her back on me! I am so confused... My family keeps telling me it's jealously, but I just can't wrap my head around it. First off let me start by saying I didn't tell my BFF I was having gastric until after I had the surgery and was settled in my room. But hold on, I didn't tell anyone but my immediate family. Now my mom knew I was having surgery but was under the impression I was having lapband until 3 weeks before the surgery.... Sounds crazy, but I didn't tell my mom which surgery because she is a worry worm and has always been scared of gastric, I didn't tell my BFF because she always downs and talks very negative about any and everyone she knows that has had the surgery. (Even though she wanted the surgery but couldn't get it because her insurance didn't cover it) My doctor told me to make sure I had people that would support my decision to have surgery and not talk me out of it or talk negative about it. Fast forward 7 months.... All seemed to be ok for a while after she told me she was hurt because I didn't tell her and I apologized... A week or so after I had my surgery she went on a diet and joined the gym. I praised her told her that was great and that even though I had the surgery we could lose weight together! She said ok and seemed to be excited about it, but stopped calling & texting me. So again I initiated a gym schedule so that we could work out together and she agreed. So the 1st thing I noticed when we would go to the gym & do our cardio is her staring at me when I would enter my weight on the treadmill. So, I was thinking ok not really sure what's that's about but what ever. So some weeks go by and I'm noticing when I attempt to share with her anything about guys that are taking interest or how good I feel she cuts me off or jumps the subject... So, I make a note to self not to discuss personal things even though we've shared our personal life with one another for years & years... Next thing you know she's telling me how guys are taking interest in her and that her husband better get it together. So I listened and laughed and made sure not to talk about myself. So I was thinking ok this will work I can be a good listener.. Lol... Then she starts texting but only to report how much she has lost & to ask how much I have lost. (Well she started doing this early on & that would be the only reason she would text). So a few weeks ago she started skipping our gym dates.... A mutual friend told me she made a post on Facebook that she was at the gym. Needless to say it wasn't on our workout day. So the next day I went to the gym (on our regular day) thinking she would be there, but she never showed. So the next day comes and she was still a no show. . Now it's almost a month and she never comes on our 3 scheduled days during the week. No I didn't call or text to see why not because it is clear to me that she's really not my friend!!! dde22 So now I get it, but I'm so sad!!!! I'm still ME I'm still the same person! Why is she making this a competition? Why would she ditch me? Ughhh. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Please share your story with me. I need to make sure I'm not the crazy one!

Hi shear Diva,

I too have lost a really close friend, my best ever friend for over twenty four years. I started to diet, successfully in perpetration for my sleeve, and told her what my plan was. In the past she always said the right thing, but when I think back, she helped break my diet every time. This time I was seeing a dietician, so had her support to carry on when times got hard. I explained what was happening after her probing and got to realise that my friend had started to sabotage my diet yet again. With the support of my dietician and then psych I worked through it and carried on with my dieting and lost my friend. I was devastated, feeling dreadful. My dietician told me that this is more common than anyone could believe. Some people have friends that are bigger, older, shorter, less attractive etc than themselves. When things change, it changes their whole relationship with us. It effects their self esteem and their place in our friendship. This is not our fault, although we still feel it.

[jamilyne 102668 1,207]

I had a problem with my brother & sister-in law. I used to do things with them all the time and then things changed after I had wls. We are all still nice to each other when we do see each other but it's changed dramatically. I was upset for awhile about it but they never mention my weight loss and I don't talk about it either, but my parents comment about me when I'm with them - but they say nothing. I've lost 56 pounds in a few months and they don't comment - I would have been happy for either of them / but that's how it goes! I think they are a little jealous but I don't go around and talk about it alot or anything!

Just wanted you to know that it's not just you going through this / and I believe it's happened a lot to different people on here. It's real sad because jealousy is the big green monster! Why can't people just be happy with other people's accomplishments? But they can't!

[luckyknickers57 62]

Ohh Jamilyne

I'm sorry for you. It's so sad when relationships change, and all because you have made the choice to change your lifestyle. Perhaps you have changed a little and started to become a little stronger, perhaps your relatives are envious, perhaps if they can't support you they really shouldn't make you feel bad. People are strange when it comes to weight loss. What is bugging me is, would they be closer with you if you some how put all your weight back on? Strange thought hey?

Maybe things will be better in the future, they may overcome this. I really hope so.

[jamilyne 102668 1,207]

Well it's ok - we all still talk and we do things occasionally but it's changed. They are both overweight and our relationship has changed and I think it's because of my surgery & my weight loss. But, I've asked them if something was wrong & they say no - so I don't know. My husband and I also are trying to buy a house and my brother was being very negative about it. So - I don't think it's me. My brother called me while we were at the realtors office and he asked me what I was doing and I told him then he called me later that night to ask me more about the house and he was being very negative and he didn't seem happy at all for me and I wasn't flaunting the fact that I was buying a house & I haven't flaunted the fact that I've lost weight - they are both just very negative about anything good that I do for myself. So - I can't do anything about it & I am nice to them and would do anything for them I just can't talk about anything good that's happening for me - sad

Edited February 25, 2014 by jamilyne 102668

[HotButterFly 981]

WoW. ^^^

[7 Bites_Jen 479]

I think so many of us have been in your exact shoes -

I was always the fat one in my group. I weighed more than ANYONE at 310 lbs.
When I got the sleeve all my 190-210 lb friends told me how jealous they were b/c they didn't weigh enough to get surgery done.
One even went as far as to start LYING about her wight loss every time I would post something about mine.
We finally had a long heart to heart together about it - and luckily we were both receptive to what the other was thinking.
It all boils down to 100% jealousy. That ugly green monster is a violent little bugger ...