Embarrassing Question - What To Tell Casual Friends

[JurneeOfOne 14]

DirtyHarriett - I didn't think of that!!! Even though my doctor has never mentioned it. I will ask, if that's the case and it is required I will tell him.

[re14768 72]

I have told no one of my surgery. Not even my husband. Everyone thinks I am having surgery because of ulcers. I have no idea what I'm going to do when my husband come to the hospital. I don't know if the doctor is going to tell him. I hope not. I hope my husband doesn't start asking questions. Do I feel bad..... Yes, of course. I'm doing this for me. I didn't want negative feedback on my decision. I didn't want opinions, questions, or concerns. I know my family will support me but they talk to much. My mom has always told me the best person to tell you secret to is yourself. So that is what I did.... Kept it to myself. Now, the ulcer wasn't a complete lie because while on this gastric sleeve journey I found out that I had ulcers but they healed with medication and diet. Don't get me wrong I feel guilty........ BUT; I have worked so hard for my family and friends. Put so much before myself and woke up one day realizing I didn't know who "I was" anymore. I was 5'4 200 lbs with bad knees and back. I spent 10 years in the military proudly before getting medically discharged. I was so consumed in my family and everyday life that I couldn't tell you what made me happy anymore. I had faked my smile for so long I couldn't even tell you what was real and what smile was fake. So I needed to do things for me. Mentally..... Spiritually ....... And physically! That is what I have done. For 3 years I have slowly got back to me and I am happy. So I made this choice for me and me alone. This was my gift to myself. Yes it was selfish not telling my husband and family and I maybe wrong, but I am proud of myself and I love me!!! My husband loves me and my family. Right now I am going through my pre op liquid diet my surgery is 1 March 2014. And nobody knows that I'm having gastric sleeve surgery but me.

Wow! Amazing. .I'm not telling many people also. First my mom and sister was all for it , but once I got serious and started my 6 mnths pre op testing and diet. They flipped the script on me..oh well! Just glad I stuck to it. Hope to be sleeve sometime in March. They have no idea how my weight had affected my self image..that's the only issue I haven't in my life..healthy kids, great hubby and decent career. My hubby is behind me 100%, but of course he's scared for me. Praying I have no complications. Sister and mom don't know the physical pain I have with my body aches, severe knee pain and heel pain. And working in health care you are constantly on your feet.

[re14768 72]

*I have

[Schmincke 118]

Hiatal hernia surgery generally requires a special diet very similar to ours. Probably your best cover - and maybe your surgeon will be doing this anyway, many do this at the same time as VSG, so not a lie.

See:

http://www.upmc.com/patients-visitors/education/nutrition/pages/diet-after-nissen-fundoplication-surgery.aspx

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Just tell them you are fine, you are going to be having some surgery that is very personal and that you appreciate their concern. Keep it simple.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I have told no one of my surgery. Not even my husband. Everyone thinks I am having surgery because of ulcers. I have no idea what I'm going to do when my husband come to the hospital. I don't know if the doctor is going to tell him. I hope not. I hope my husband doesn't start asking questions. Do I feel bad..... Yes, of course. I'm doing this for me. I didn't want negative feedback on my decision. I didn't want opinions, questions, or concerns. I know my family will support me but they talk to much. My mom has always told me the best person to tell you secret to is yourself. So that is what I did.... Kept it to myself. Now, the ulcer wasn't a complete lie because while on this gastric sleeve journey I found out that I had ulcers but they healed with medication and diet. Don't get me wrong I feel guilty........ BUT; I have worked so hard for my family and friends. Put so much before myself and woke up one day realizing I didn't know who "I was" anymore. I was 5'4 200 lbs with bad knees and back. I spent 10 years in the military proudly before getting medically discharged. I was so consumed in my family and everyday life that I couldn't tell you what made me happy anymore. I had faked my smile for so long I couldn't even tell you what was real and what smile was fake. So I needed to do things for me. Mentally..... Spiritually ....... And physically! That is what I have done. For 3 years I have slowly got back to me and I am happy. So I made this choice for me and me alone. This was my gift to myself. Yes it was selfish not telling my husband and family and I maybe wrong, but I am proud of myself and I love me!!! My husband loves me and my family. Right now I am going through my pre op liquid diet my surgery is 1 March 2014. And nobody knows that I'm having gastric sleeve surgery but me.

Wow. If you had asked my advice, which you didn't, I'd tell you that it's going to be close to impossible to hide your change in eating and drinking habits from the people in your home. I'd also tell you that I imagine your husband would feel betrayed/angry/lied to when he finds out what you've done. I am not one that told the world - just my husband, kids and besties - but I can't imagine hiding something of this magnitude from my husband.

I pray that you have no complications, but what if you do have a leak or a stricture? What if you develop a lactose intolerance or start dumping? How scary that would be for him if he had no idea what you did!

If you asked, which you didn't, I would advise you to trust your husband or ask yourself why you don't. This is a HUGE move towards your good health and one he should know about.

Yeah. That's what I'd say if you asked, but you didn't, so I won't.

Edited February 16, 2014 by LipstickLady

[Beach Lover 1,084]

I said absolutely nothing. When people started noticing a difference (40 pounds lighter) and I felt comfortable I let them know what I did without having to feel embarrassed or trying to keep up with any untruths that I might of said early on. Just don't say anything and when you are comfortable with it you can let them know more. You don't owe anyone an explanation about your choices. Once you have lost some weight your confidence grows and you will be able to talk about it. It is done and your are proving what you did was the best thing for yourself.

[BellaHugz 331]

Hiatal hernia surgery generally requires a special diet very similar to ours. Probably your best cover - and maybe your surgeon will be doing this anyway, many do this at the same time as VSG, so not a lie.

See:

http://www.upmc.com/patients-visitors/education/nutrition/pages/diet-after-nissen-fundoplication-surgery.aspx

This is a great article and I would use Hiatal Hernia too! Dont feed the gosip monster!

[Karen W 8]

Thanks so much to all for your suggestions. Hiatal hernia repair definitely seems like the way to go. And I've had some reflux problems of late, so who knows what the surgeon will find.

I don't have any family in the area, and only a couple family members 1500 miles away. My 90 year old mother doesn't need to know. I am very close to my daughter and will tell her soon.

At this point, I am thinking I won't say anything before the surgery. I am going to spend a couple days with friends in the city I used to live in. When I return home, IF I find I am more house bound than anticipated (eg not playing bridge, etc), I will say I had a hernia repair. And that will explain everything. My weight loss will be the result of eating (much) less and lots of exercise. Everyone knows I used to spend a lot of time in the gym anyway.

Thanks again, everyone! And I know all of you will travel your journey with great success.

(The "other") Karen -- yes...we are both revisions and having our surgery on the same day. I would love to keep in touch.

Karen W

[CrazyJaney 775]

I have told only a few people who I know won't judge me one way or the other (husband, sister, best girl friends). I loathe being under a microscope. I don't like discussing weight with acquaintances. I've read many threads where people say they've been shown nothing but support and told everyone. I'm always amazed at that. My family loves me dearly. I know they want me happy and healthy. But most have little to no Education about WLS and have preconceived ideas that are often off base. One close friend (we are both nurses) talked to me like he was an expert in a subtle, yet condescending way about my plans. I was shocked and disappointed. Did he really think I'd enter into this without tons of preparation and research? What nurse would do that? Most surgeons require at least moderate education. I was testing the waters with him. I realized then that very few people have the ability to walk in someone else's shoes. I'd like to think this isn't true but I think some normal sized people see obese people as slightly stupid about "choices". That doesn't mean they don't like us or even love us - they just sort of doubt us. I'm 45 years old. If I don't ask for your opinion, chances are I didn't want it but that never stops anyone! This will be my biggest challenge - the balancing of who to tell, who to listen to, who to avoid, who to trust. I'm close to getting scheduled. I'll likely be sleeved in the next month. I've only told a few and I'm waiting to the last min to tell my 70 year old parents. Not sure what to tell my boss. I don't need others doubts and worries hanging over me. I have enough of those on my own. I need a few cheerleaders and some empathy. Glad for this site. It has been a Godsend!

[runnergirlsmom 6]

I told no one besides my husband. The day before surgery I told the kids I was going in for a hernia operation. And that is what I told my job and family. I took about a week and a half off from work. That was 4 months ago and I'm down 32 pounds (slow loser but that's okay with me) almost half way there, 43 pounds to go. I've been able to do this at my own pace without everyone watching my every bite and not have to talk about it non stop. Not telling was the 2nd best decision I've ever made

Edited February 16, 2014 by runnergirlsmom

[re14768 72]

I told no one besides my husband. The day before surgery I told the kids I was going in for a hernia operation. And that is what I told my job and family. I took about a week and a half off from work. That was 4 months ago and I'm down 32 pounds (slow loser but that's okay with me) almost half way there, 43 pounds to go. I've been able to do this at my own pace without everyone watching my every bite and not have to talk about it non stop. Not telling was the 2nd best decision I've ever made

Having hiatel hernia repair during my surgery also. Sometime in march..done with my requirements. Waiting doe psychologist to send results to my surgeon. It's been about 1wk..don't know why it's taking soooooo long. Maybe, I didn't pass or he thinks I'm crazy. .lol..I just need him to send results and then they will submit to insurance. That's another wait time. God only knows how long insurance will take before they approve. My doctor won't give date. .wish they would at least give me a tentative date.

[dlar57 29]

I tell anyone I feel like am proud of it it takes guts to do what we done, my husband and I went to a social ,people ask how I am , I just said am good just had sleeve done in nov, he was surprise I said anything , but I didn't care this is for me, you will know who your friends are , and they all wish me luck, so be true to your self , good luck

[dlar57 29]

You will deal with negative. , like my neighbor who drops off brownies, which cracks me ups , I smile thank her, right to trash can.! And she knows I did sleeve , and she a nurse We will deal with all kinds,

[1Day1Life4Now 882]

Im with you on the privacy thing Karen. I've been on a diet for a few months now and everyone at work is used to it, I took a week off work, called in with the flu so no one would try to stop by and see me. I am 1 week post op and I feel great and am going back to work tomorrow. People can watch how I eat and they will see how I lose weight. The surgery is none of their business. If you have to tell them you had surgery than go with the hiatal hernia and ulcer. They should all understand that. Good luck and happy weight loss. Janet