Embarrassing Question - What To Tell Casual Friends

[Karen W 8]

Hi Everyone,

I am scheduled for a band to sleeve revision March 3. I had very limited success with the band, lost only 35 of 75 lbs in over seven years, I have not lost or gained any weight in a couple years. Now I have reflux, and need to get the band out. I have no doubt the sleeve is the right answer for me, and have done lots of research and preparation.

Here's the issue: When I was banded, I lived in a large city and had close, long-time friends who were very supportive. Now I live in a small, close knit community, where everyone knows everything about everyone. There are many retirees here, so "keeping track of friends and neighbors" is mostly well-intentioned. I moved here years after I was banded, and only a few, close friends in my current community know I have a band. It has just never come up.

Friends and neighbors here will know I had surgery. It is impossible to hide. And being vague is not who I am, so no one will accept that. So...I was thinking of just saying I had hernia??? gall bladder??? whatever??? surgery, and that I just need a few days rest and will be fine soon. My question is, what kind of stomach surgery has about the same recovery time as a band/sleeve revision? Some folks know I have had reflux problems, so would a hernia cause that? I am guessing the liquid diet, etc. would not be unusual in other stomach surgeries, so that would be understandable. I am clueless when it comes to stomach surgeries.

I know, lying isn't my preference either. But I have even less preference for being judged - not by close friends, but by the many casual acquaintances I have here.

All suggestions would be much appreciated.

Karen

[Branmuffin 190]

I would say you're having gallbladder out but if you don't have it out and need to later... Then what?

[Recycled 2,182]

A heital hernia can cause reflux and the repair is usually done laparoscopic, same as the sleeve. So your covered.

[jallsop 39]

I'm in the same boat. I am choosing not to tell anyone other than my immediate family, two best friends and my boss. I do not want my co-workers and acquaintances from town watching to see what I loose or don't loose, what I eat etc. This is very private for me. I am telling everyone I am having my gall bladder out. The hiatal hernia repair, as mentioned by Recycled, is a good idea too. Good Luck

[Recycled 2,182]

I am telling everyone I am having my gall bladder out.

Careful, sleeve surgery can sometimes cause problems later with the gall bladder requiring removal. How ya gonna explain two gall bladder removals.......??

[re14768 72]

I'm telling most people I'm having hiatel hernia repair. .which will be repaired during surgery. .just not going to mention sleeve. .I have judgmental people all around me.

[DirtyHarriett 94]

I am blessed. I told folks and received nothing but support. I really never hesitated...

It is truly a personal decision.

[SuperFab 689]

Yeah. Hiatal hernia is the way to go. Do not say gallbladder.

[britt2415 17]

Hi Everyone, I am scheduled for a band to sleeve revision March 3. I had very limited success with the band, lost only 35 of 75 lbs in over seven years, I have not lost or gained any weight in a couple years. Now I have reflux, and need to get the band out. I have no doubt the sleeve is the right answer for me, and have done lots of research and preparation. Here's the issue: When I was banded, I lived in a large city and had close, long-time friends who were very supportive. Now I live in a small, close knit community, where everyone knows everything about everyone. There are many retirees here, so "keeping track of friends and neighbors" is mostly well-intentioned. I moved here years after I was banded, and only a few, close friends in my current community know I have a band. It has just never come up. Friends and neighbors here will know I had surgery. It is impossible to hide. And being vague is not who I am, so no one will accept that. So...I was thinking of just saying I had hernia??? gall bladder??? whatever??? surgery, and that I just need a few days rest and will be fine soon. My question is, what kind of stomach surgery has about the same recovery time as a band/sleeve revision? Some folks know I have had reflux problems, so would a hernia cause that? I am guessing the liquid diet, etc. would not be unusual in other stomach surgeries, so that would be understandable. I am clueless when it comes to stomach surgeries. I know, lying isn't my preference either. But I have even less preference for being judged - not by close friends, but by the many casual acquaintances I have here. All suggestions would be much appreciated. Karen

I only told about 5 family members and 4 of my best friends and I live in an apartment community that is close knit and/or my neighbors are really just nosy! Im single and live alone so my neighbors try to keep tabs on me (weird, i know) but I dont know why you think people will know about the surgery? Say youre going out of town? You have a lot going on? Youre starting a new lifestyle on the healthy track...Ultimately its up to you, but I think itll all work out and good luck!!

[hopeful2 be slim 121]

I have told all I was having ulcers and was operated...so now am on a liquid diet for long...cant risk irritating the ulcers...

hence the weight loss..cause we loose a lot of weight.

[Jerziegirl 42]

You sounds like me Karen! Lol! My name is Karen, I have a band that has caused me so much reflux that I am having it taken out with a sleeve revision on March 3 too and the doctor is repairing my hernia! Unlike the band where I told almost no one, I have shared my intentions because someone else I work with had a sleeve revision and they are getting tremendous from our coworkers and I decided to draw from that as well. I'm 225 right now and hoping to get to 145. I start 2 weeks of liquids only on Monday! Good luck to you!

[Inactive Profile 104]

I'm from a super small town! I went home home once for the weekend while my husband worked just to see my dad and before my bag was unpacked ppl where saying I had left my husband and moved home, my phone was blowing up! So I turned right around and left ( I'm to old and came to far in my life to be sucked in to small town small mindedness and more) . So when it came down to me having my sleeve I did not want anyone to know, but then I thought, oh God these damn ppl will start even worse rumors like iv got HIV or a eating disorder. So if a friend will ask " how are you dropping weight" I tell the truth, iv told maybe 12 ppl from back home, but the whole town knows now. I had gained 128 lb from the time I moved away till my sleeve, so ppl gasped at me and talked ab me for that, so is rather them talk ab me " taking the easy way out" . Sorry I'm just going on and on. But maybe it helped.

[JurneeOfOne 14]

I have told no one of my surgery. Not even my husband. Everyone thinks I am having surgery because of ulcers. I have no idea what I'm going to do when my husband come to the hospital. I don't know if the doctor is going to tell him. I hope not. I hope my husband doesn't start asking questions. Do I feel bad..... Yes, of course. I'm doing this for me. I didn't want negative feedback on my decision. I didn't want opinions, questions, or concerns. I know my family will support me but they talk to much. My mom has always told me the best person to tell you secret to is yourself. So that is what I did.... Kept it to myself. Now, the ulcer wasn't a complete lie because while on this gastric sleeve journey I found out that I had ulcers but they healed with medication and diet. Don't get me wrong I feel guilty........ BUT; I have worked so hard for my family and friends. Put so much before myself and woke up one day realizing I didn't know who "I was" anymore. I was 5'4 200 lbs with bad knees and back. I spent 10 years in the military proudly before getting medically discharged. I was so consumed in my family and everyday life that I couldn't tell you what made me happy anymore. I had faked my smile for so long I couldn't even tell you what was real and what smile was fake. So I needed to do things for me. Mentally..... Spiritually ....... And physically! That is what I have done. For 3 years I have slowly got back to me and I am happy. So I made this choice for me and me alone. This was my gift to myself. Yes it was selfish not telling my husband and family and I maybe wrong, but I am proud of myself and I love me!!! My husband loves me and my family. Right now I am going through my pre op liquid diet my surgery is 1 March 2014. And nobody knows that I'm having gastric sleeve surgery but me.

[justforme2014 28]

I decided to tell just about everyone I love. ...coworkers, family, and close friends. I feel the support I will get from people who love me and are a part of my life will just motivate me more. I was sleeved on 2/11/14 and feel almost like myself already

[DirtyHarriett 94]

Jurnee-

My surgeon required a family visit to discuss the surgery. Risks, benefits and home care immediately after. You may want to determine if your surgeon requires such a visit as well. Mine occurred the week before surgery...

Good luck to you