snide remarks

[betty_s 476]

so.. I've told a few people in my department at work, including my manager, that I will be getting the lap-band surgery (4 days left of the 12 month program required by insurance!!!!). I notice that my manager, who I've talked about struggling with weight, because she too is overweight, ALWAYS has some little jab to throw into the conversation. It's usually "i'd rather be fat", but the other day, we were all chatting and someone asked if I had my surgery scheduled yet, since I have been talking about it for awhile, I replied "no", and they asked a few more questions.. could I eat bread, could I drink coffee/soda, etc.

when I replied that I would probably keep to a lower-carb diet, my manager says "couldn't you just do a low-carb diet without the surgery?"

the more I thought about this comment, the more it pissed me off. for someone who has struggled with their weight as well, I thought she would be happy for me. shes done ww and other diets, but they never worked, at least for an extended period.

i'm 26 years old, I remember starting my first 'diet' with my mom at age 6.. my weight has been a constant battle and I've never been completely happy with myself.

THIS is why I was so reluctant to tell people in the first place. I waited 9 months before I told anyone, and still wasn't sure I should. I try not to let comments like that get to me, but the fact is, I DONT HAVE THICK SKIN, ive been teased my whole life and its taken a huge toll on my self-confidence.

just needed to vent. not sure if anyone else has dealt with this kind of situation, but I was just so pissed off, I had to get it out.

[MistyfortheMountain 119]

The very best revenge for something like that is success. Just smile and think about how great it's going to be to walk in to work everyday at your goal weight and she will still be struggling. Be sure to smile and be super nice to her the whole time!

[betty_s 476]

that's exactly what I thought.

The very best revenge for something like that is success. Just smile and think about how great it's going to be to walk in to work everyday at your goal weight and she will still be struggling. Be sure to smile and be super nice to her the whole time!

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

This has nothing really to do with her. This is you looking out for yourself and your health. I am proud of you!

Don't let them get to you...It always seems to feel better when you are struggling with your weight to have someone who makes you feel safe. She is so going to lose that safety net she had in you... And good riddens I say..All the best kid!

[Bandista 7,466]

Maybe pull her aside and get her on your side so there's no undermining going on in the coming months. "I just want you to know how much I appreciate your support -- this isn't going to be easy. It's going to be a lot of work and of course I'm nervous about the surgery and being a success. I know you have got my back through this -- thank you so much." Or e-mail it to her. Send her a card, whatever. She'll get the message. Make her your ally. What's that saying, Keep your friends close and your enemies closer....

[B-52 7,113]

I don't get it with people's attitudes....

My PCP referred me for the surgery...every other Dr. I encountered looked at me and said "YOU? Why don't you just diet and exercise like everyone else!!"

My Cardiologist said it...my Endocrinologist said it...my Dermatologist said it...

When I was going for the pre-testing, the Pulmonary Dr. said it...even the lady who drew my blood!!

It was like "Oh NO! NOT SURGERY!"

Now, my Cardiologist cannot stop raving about me as if it was his idea.......I do not need to see my Endo anymore, she could not be happier to discharge me......I have no more skin issues (infections) so I do not need to see a dermatologist every 4 months either....

Go Figure!!!

[cheryl2586 3,053]

Everyone who has no desire to have surgery tries to make us look like we are crazy but I feel this way. Its my body, my journey and take me or leave me. I did none of this to impress anyone. I did it to have a life. Not that I didn't have a life then but it was a harder life. 300lbs is a lot of weight to carry around. I was in severe pain every single day. I still have pain from my fibro but it is manageable. I can never understand people who mean you no good but are interested in judging your decisions. It's not their life and if you can or want to change jobs so that entering a new job no one knows your secret. I would not work for any boss that would act like that. I have left jobs for bosses that care nothing about their employees. Screw them they don't deserve to even know you.

[jamilyne 102668 1,207]

I've too had problems with a couple of people regarding me having wls. I can't understand why people just can't be happy for someone, but they can't.

You have your surgery, hold your head up and only talk about it with the ones in your life that are supportive! You are trying to make your life better and you do that - With or without the support of a few! I just know that you are going to be ok and you will lose weight!

Take care & keep us posted! ????

[She's_Sleeved 93]

This is exactly why I am choosing to only tell a very small amount of people in my inner circle. I only want the people that matter most to me to know. I am lucky to have a fiancé who supports me 100%, my Mom, who can keep a secret and she is all for my WLS, and my best friend who is so excited for me. This is my journey and I don't need every nosey Nancy to know my business or to try to force their opinion down my throat. It is hard for someone who isn't happy with themselves to be happy for you. You are doing this for you, don't let this woman bring you down with her small minded remarks. You are going to be so happy and confident once you start dropping the pounds. Good Luck!

[betty_s 476]

This is exactly why I am choosing to only tell a very small amount of people in my inner circle. I only want the people that matter most to me to know. I am lucky to have a fiancé who supports me 100%, my Mom, who can keep a secret and she is all for my WLS, and my best friend who is so excited for me. This is my journey and I don't need every nosey Nancy to know my business or to try to force their opinion down my throat. It is hard for someone who isn't happy with themselves to be happy for you. You are doing this for you, don't let this woman bring you down with her small minded remarks. You are going to be so happy and confident once you start dropping the pounds. Good Luck!

yes, i'm so happy I have a super supportive fiancé, as well. I've talked to her about a lot of stuff and I wanted to let her know why I would be missing some work days, because I usually never take time off. I only bring it up when they ask me. I guess I should have kept it to myself!

Thanks for the support everyone! I would never let anyone discourage me from getting this surgery.. I've been thinking about it since my 18th birthday, but I just can't get over how rude some people can be about it.

[Cat225 93]

One of the reasons I haven't told anyone except my husband is because I know some people wouldn't be supportive. I also started dieting early, 7 years old. My mom and I were always "diet buddles." We went on a bunch of crazy diets together, and I ended up like this. Obviously, what I was doing wasn't working. I grew up always being told, "You have such a pretty face. If you would only lose 30 pounds...." My weight was always fair game for our entire family. Even into my late twenties, my 90 year old grandfather was still pestering me about losing weight. I think in relationships, people who are insecure define thmeselves through other people. What I mean is maybe your boss doesn't want you to lose weight, because then she will have to look at herself and make changes she isn't comfortable with. i know that once I start losing enough where I wearing normal size clothes again, my sister is going to feel threatened. She has always been the "thin one", and I've always been the "fat one". My mom might feel a bit threatened, too. I don't care. Stop discussing your personal life at work. These people aren't your friends. You are going to lose weight and be successful. That's the best thing you can do!

[PrettyThick1 1,860]

That's jealousy sweetie...get used to it, because it's going to get a lot worse the sexier you get with your band! Woo Hoo!!! We are your support system, blow the haters off! BAM!

#drops mike and walks off stage

[lisacaron 5,075]

Ah friend I've got some news for you....you are going to get snide remarks from lots of people. Even people that are banded might make some ignorant snide comments on the way you work your band vs. the way they choose to work theirs. It's just the way the world is.

The truth is that the people/person that makes the snide comment is saying more about themselves then they ever could about you! They are showing their ignorance and insecurity about something that you have found confidence and belief in. These type of people want to introduce doubt into your mind, so you can be more like them. However you are not like them you are YOU.

Your doing what's right for you, you have walked this path for a long time and your just near the end ready to schedule your big event. You could be talking about your wedding for just as long or longer, and would people be questioning you about it with snide comments? Maybe......but you would not let them affect you and your vision for your big day. So don't let them steal your happiness or underscore it with snide comments.

You've come a long way, and the big day is in sight! Getting banded was the BEST thing I have ever done for myself, and I do not regret it for one second.

My BEST advice to you as you move forward is to listen to and follow your Dr.'s orders, and if you have questions about anything that is the place to turn for the most sound advice.

Congrats and good luck to you as you move forward!

[She's_Sleeved 93]

@Cat225, I hate the "You have such a pretty face" saying!!! I imagine punching the person in the face as those words come tumbling out of their mouth. I have struggled with my weight since middle school and have done every diet out there. My Mom took to me to a weight loss clinic when I was 15 and the doctor told me to take the pills and drink coffee and not to eat. I am serious that is what he said. My weight has gone up and down and I am now at my biggest weight gain ever since having my 2nd child. I am now 36 and I feel that the Lap-Band is what is right for me and I am doing this for me and only me! I see so many wonderful posts here in this forum and can not wait to get my surgery!

[2muchfun 8,927]

Your co-worker is afraid she'll be the last and only fattie in your department and she's right. Give her time, if she's got any brains at all, in a few months she'll be secretly asking you if it was hard or painful. You can tell her "only the hurtful remarks of your friends and co-workers".

And the "I'd rather be fat" comment can be answered with "I'd rather continue to live".

Edited February 14, 2014 by 2muchfun