Should parents be able to smack children in discipline

[anon 1]

My boys are older now, but I did smack them when they were younger rarely... but it happened. They are healthy happy, law abiding, individuals who have a strong moral compass.

M usual punishment if they misbehaved was the 'naughty step' a kind of time out away from everybody else....

Beating your kids is obviously wrong, but reasonable smacking can be a good form of discipline for children.

[musicalmomma 1]

I was just thinking about how much times have changed in the last 50 years. Kids didn't have any rights when I was a child. If you went to school with stripes on your legs from a peach tree switch, no one called the police. They just figured you sassed your mom and she switched you, and good for her...

A switch, which is what my mother spanked me with, is a brutal form of punishment, once very popular in the South. A thin, limber switch will leave whelps and may even draw blood. Since I was a quick learner and did not enjoy pain, I only got switched once or twice.

I once asked my mother if she ever got switched when SHE was a little girl. She said the same thing....."once or twice". I think I must come from a long line of very intelligent people. Or at least people who have enough sense not to bring the wrath of a peach tree switch down on themselves more than once or twice in a lifetime.

I can't honestly advocate cutting the blood out of children's legs as punishment, but I can say that the more distasteful the consequences, the more likely you are to think before you misbehave. My DH says we need caning in America. I'm not sure he's right, but I'm not sure he's wrong, either.

My parents are from the south too...They got switched (a couple of times). My brothers and I got switched (a couple of times). Boy did we learn FAST! haha!

There was a study done recently on the most common problem in schools 50 years ago vs. today. 50 years ago, the two most common problems in school was 1- running in the halls and 2-talking in class! OOOO...BIG problems!!!! Today? 1-Extreme Violence 2- Rape! Yeah, we sure are getting better as a nation by changing the things that worked 50 years ago aren't we?

[lizrbit 0]

musical right on!

smack those rotten kids!!!

[enterprise01 0]

musical right on!

smack those rotten kids!!!

lizrbit, you are cracking me up!

Although I don't have kids, I've babysat entirely too much in my lifetime. I occasionally smacked the little boy whom I babysat regularly. When he was a toddler, he'd sometimes have a temper tantrum and get out of control. I'd smack him with my hand on the back of his leg. It was the only thing that would snap him out of whatever mental frenzy he was in, and he'd usually stop crying/screaming at that point and listen to me. Have you ever seen the way Cesar Millan (the Dog Whisperer) will "kick" a dog? It's not really a kick -- he just uses his foot to make contact with the dog to break the dog's focus on whatever it is obsessing about and to correct the undesirable behavior. It's not much different with kids. With some kids, a smack is the only thing that will get their attention.

As others have said, there's a huge difference between child abuse and discipline, and the same type of discipline does not work for all children. The government should not be regulating how parents raise their children. That's a dangerously slippery slope.

[anonemouse 1]

I'm not sure what to think. In some cases, I think spanking is the right decision, but in others I think that the parent can easily go too far. To me, it isn't something that should be done in anger, because the parent could easily hurt the child. I think that in many cases, children get spanked when the parent is angry or embarassed, and they may not necessarily realize how much strength they are using or may not be very careful of where the strikes are hitting on the child. I think it is an action that can easily get out of hand, and you can't tell a parent that they can spank their children in some situations but not in others. For that reason, I guess I advocate banning it entirely. You can either allow it at all times or allow it at no time.

I gues I think that the majority of children can be disciplined in ways that don't become physical. I think that a lot of behavior (especially in young children) is learned, and that bad behavior can be headed off by not allowing the child to learn that he will get his way if he acts like that in the first place. To me, that doesn't require physical punishments, just stability and continuity of whatever punishment you give them.

[bluejay 0]

Well, I think that if you truely have to spank your kid, then go ahead. I have spanked my kid on the butt a couple of times, not hard or anything but just enough to get his attention. But like musicalmomma said, each kid needs his/her own type of discipline. Kids need discipline, that is how they are molded into adults.

[Devana 0]

Ain't THAT the truth!!!!

I didn't answer the poll only because there is a BIG difference between "smacking" and "spanking". Spanking, done without anger, always with prior warning, with discussion before and after about 'why' they are getting a spanking, is NOT child abuse nor poor parenting.

When I hear the word 'smacked', I invision it being done out of frustration and in the heat of the moment. That is not discipline, that is the parent venting on the child.

I never used spanking as a discipline. I have, however, in the heat of the moment given a smack on the bottom to get his attention. Not something I'm proud of. I have continually tried to build my communication and parenting skills so that I'm not compelled to use physical violence, because that's what it is. My general rule is that I strive to treat my child (and everyone else for that matter) the way I would like to be treated.

As a child I could make sense of things when my mother gave me a smack out of frustration or anger. However, even as a young child I thought it quite strange when she would, like all parenting authorities in the '50's recommended, give me a spanking when she was calm and not angry. "Come here, Devana, you've been naughty and now I must spank (hurt) you." To me, that still seems totally bizarre! (My best friends, who were not disciplined physically, thought the whole concept was sick. When we got older, they saw that it was pretty prevalent in our society.)

[Morsaille 4]

I voted 'No'. Not because I advocate physical discipline, but because it is not the governments responsibility to 'parent, parents'. Child abuse is already illegal and I agree that that is a great law.

I love the idea that all wrong and hurtful things should be illegal, but in practice, it is just impractical. The government is too big and stupid now, more laws just make it messier, bigger and less efficient.

..has this already been said? I didn't review before posting.

[kyethra 0]

I'm not sure. I think a swat on the bottom for small kids who won't get anything else, rarely, is ok. But that is all that is ok, to me. Only kids don't know what the line is. Sure, there might be a day in school when kids are told the textbook definition or given a pamphlet. But that is it. No one is questioning kids about how they are punished, and if they are hit, where and how often, and how hard, etc.

I used to think getting slapped, kicked and so forth was normal. My mother said it was. One time I think I threatened to call the authorities when I was a kid and I was told good luck and think about how I would like a foster home and how they probably wouldn't treat me very nice, etc.

I can't recall I single time I actually learned anything from being spanked or hit other than that I was terrified of my mother and that I was stupid and incompetant. The last time I got spanked on the but when I was a little girl was because I was painting my nails (or trying to at least) and I promised I wouldn't spill any polish on the carpet, but I accident got a drop on the carpet. Since I got some on the carpet, I got spanked. What did that teach me? I didn't mean to spill any. And I was already being careful (as careful as a clumsy child of that age can be). The screaming sessions weren't exactly helpful in shaping my behavior either. I remember one time when I was a teenager and my mother broke her back scratcher on me. She really liked that thing, so I felt great that she had broken it even if it did draw blood. Maybe I learned defiance and anger. But I thought that sort of thing was norrmal. It wasn't until later, after I grew up, that I learned it wasn't so normal.

Kids don't know that stuff. So what one kid thinks is just a normal physical punishment might not be. So maybe thats why it is better to not have it at all. Or define what is ok very exactly.

[Betsyjane 2]

It ain't time out if it's locking him up with his toys. Physical punishment doesn't work with people or animals. Just causes resentment and sneakiness. I don't think it should be legislated but I think there ar emore effective ways than swatting.

[bitteroldhag 0]

I'm a big believer in spanking though I don't have any kids. I do have 6 animals since Nose, the cat, disappeared this week, and I spank them. I only have to do it once and they learn that when I get out the flyswatter, they are in trouble. My mother did the disciplining when I was young and she used a flyswatter. I didn't hurt much, but we danced around so much she'd hit us with the wire part. That hurt. I just have to swat something like a chair and the animals sit up and listen. But worse than any spanking was having to "talk" to daddy. He would logically point out why we were such idiots and we would crawl out of the room. Both my brother and I are upstanding citizens who are quite successful in life. I think a spanking get a kid's attention, and then they can "talk" to daddy. Horrible!

[BlueTattoo 43]

Well, i was brought up on spankings, time outs, grounding, ect. I have a 2- year old and a 3 year old. when the time outs dont work and the taking of toys dont work i spank. not hard but enoguh to get their attention. When my daughter reached for the hot stove and wouldn't stay in the corner, by gawd i spanked her butt. after i had a talk with her about it i took her back to the stove , put my hand on the stove door *which was slightly warm not scalding hot then put her hand. i said feel that? Feel how hot it is, it can hurt u really bad and i dont want you hurt. That's why i said dont do it. The stove isn't on right now but when it's on it can hurt u. Ever since she's never touched the stove again. After i spank i tell them why they got spanked. I explain it to them not very often do i have to spank but when i do there's a good reason , i dont leave welps or bruises.

I'm all for spankign if done right , there is a difference between spankings and beatings. And seeing what some of these kids say to their parents and do to their parents they could use a good spankin or two. I saw a 6 year old slap her mother in the face, i bout came out of my chair when i saw it happen and she told me to leave the room so she could talk to him. I heard him scream at her and she tried to talk softly to him He just walked all over her.

but anyway i better stop my rambling before i open up a whole new can of worms. this is just my opinion. take it as u will.

[smatyas 0]

Man, I remember one time I had to go to the principal's office for a swat when I was a child. That was the longest walk EVER, and it was only a few hundred feet.

I only got talked to on that trip, but just going there thinking I was gonna get it made me remember that day... I straightened up real quick.

I remember when I was rotten at home, all my mother would have to say it "you just wait till your father gets home". Thats all it took for me. After that I kissed butt for hours trying to erase that bad mark, and get my mom to forget she was supposed to tell dad somehting...

[Wheetsin 714]

Hahaha, I remember loving it. "Go to your room!" (where I had a TV, VCR, a Sega, a boom box, a phone, a whole cabinet of books, a whole chest of toys, and a window that overlooked the baseball field behind our house)

I'm not going to <insert bragging about all of my vocational, educational, and personal accomplishments here>, but I'm in generally good standing. And none of it had to do with the fact that my father spanked me. What I will attribute to that, however, is the fact that we barely spoke to each other until I was 18 and took the initiative to ask him why he hated me. Until that night we were in constant opposition. Now I consider him a best friend and we're very close, but I often wonder what things would be like if something that night had been different... if we hadn't both happened to be awake at 2am, if I hadn't taken the step to ask him the question (after debating it for close to an hour), etc.

Being spanked/hit/whatever you want to call it never taught me something was wrong, that I can remember. But I do remember times when seeing the consequences of my actions did. I can't speak to being 1, but I can speak from memories when I was 4 and 5. I was never grounded. I never had an object or privelege taken away, really - I was sent to my room which really just added more to my environment. And I was shamed, but I really can't make any connections between that and good behavioral changes, just to rebellious ones.

Like Is aid very early on, I don't have kids. I can't say how I do or do not discipline them. But I plan to have kid, and this is something DH and I have already discussed and we're both in agreement that there has to be a better way than making your kids fear you, or causing them physical harm. What works best? More than likely depends on the kid. Obviously I don't have all the answers, or I'd be on my yacht in the Galapagos.

[juliegeraci 7]

I don't care what any of you say but I definitely spank my children!