I feel like a liar

[Texasmeg 568]

I told my bosses I needed to be off for surgery and they didn't ask for details. As time got closer, I did get questions from coworkers and answered " I don't really want to talk about it". They dropped it.

[Tamosy 65]

I feel your situation. I am not quite sure how I will handle it either.

Everyone that knows me, knows I am always dieting, working out, trying to lose weight and it's a super frustrating battle. I started with a bmi of 32 and worried about being judged for not being big enough... but I swear I would be twice as big if I hadn't spent the last 20 years being on and off (mostly on) obsessive about my weight. Yet... i've never been in a normal BMI. I spent the last year paying for a nutritionist and personal trainer... a whole year, I lost about 20 pounds total and then injured my shoulder. It was the final straw. Within one month of the injury I gained 8 pounds back, still eating right!

I am so relieved to have made this decision. I honestly don't care what anyone things anymore. What has been surprising to me is the fact that every friend and family member I have told has been 100% supportive and all expressed seeing how hard I am always working at it and how unfair it seems to have such a hard time. My dad and sister both had bypass surgery and I feel like my goal was not go that route. I struggled through feeling like I've failed, but today, I am 8 days post op and I feel hope I have never felt before. Hope of a normal life without obsessing about trying to be a normal size. Hope my pcos and metabolic issues won't always feel like a sledgehammer hovering over my head.

I don't care if my coworkers know... but personally, I don't want to talk to them about it, it isn't their business. So when the time comes and people ask I'm just going to say I made a decision to make some changes and I have, thank you for noticing. And literally move away from the topic. They can find out... I don't care, but I don't need to tell them or open myself up to their judgement.

The only negative response I've received was from the bariatric registration process before the surgery. Two nurses very clearly informed me they thought I was not a good candidate. One I ignored, the second I engaged in a conversation (time just allowed it) and by the end, she was totally in my camp and wishing me success. No one walks in our shoes, knows our struggles, and frankly, I know lots of folks that have had different procedures done, and some I suspect did but don't share. Everyone I know who is open about it, has a ton of support for others and I bet their experience is far more positive than those who hide it.

This is just my 2 cents, but if you already struggle with guilt around the thought of being secretive, don't be...own it. You will be surrounded by people that are supportive and encourage you. The few who aren't are sad in their own state of mind and probably wouldn't be very supportive if they didn't know either.

The risk is real, so I understand people focusing on that tiny chance that something bad could happen, but we get in cars everyday, we fly in airplanes, we work on home projects, accidents and illness happen everywhere, the chance of you living a longer, healthier, better quality life are 10 fold with the surgery. So be proud of doing something to take control of your life and let the others who barely know you, or can't get past their own objections dwell on it if they must. It isn't your problem. You did this in part to free yourself from things that hold you back from loving life...don't give them the power to minimize you.

Edited February 11, 2014 by Tamosy

[gmanbat 5,889]

Hey ad1203, I'm in the same boat as you, but my hubby is NOT supportive. I am lying too b/c I am not getting the support I am looking for. Everyone has an opinion on the subject, and mostly when I tell people I'm thinking about it, they say, "What? Can't lose the weight without cheating?"

There are some very insensitive people out there. It is only your business what you do to your body. Best of luck to everyone! I"m nervous as hell and change my mind on and off too...my husband says I'm being selfish and not considering our 2 children (ages 4 and 1)...very torn too...

Cheating? CHEATING?...

Where's the freaking rule book and who enforces it?!

It's stuff like this that made me into a meany at times. When I get a question about the surgery from somebody with an attitude I go into "livid detail mode".

"Well, they pumped my abdomen area up with gas, ran a camera probe in, robotically controlled a combination stapler/cutter which they probably got at Office Max and lopped off a great part of my stomach and stapled what remained. Then they dragged my severed stomach out a slit by my belly button. They drained the excess blood out through a tube that was stuck in my side for a couple days, yanked out the tube and took out the catheter. Darn good fun to be such a cheater!"

[Steph W-O 75]

I'm with you all-which is why I like these boards so much! . I told my husband and I happened to run into a friend at one of my nutrition classes, so obviously she knows. And that's it! I only missed three days from work so no one really questioned it. I didn't even tell my kids. I'm embarrassed on one hand yet proud on another. But I'm also very private. I don't think it's anyone at work's business! Since my surgery (only 2 weeks ago) I feel very empowered, so....I may change my mind and scream it from the mountain tops eventually. ????????

[LumpySpacePrincess 594]

To be honest, though, you're not lying. You *are* losing weight by eating less and exercising. The surgery doesn't cause some kind of trauma that makes the body go into this insane fat burning mode for no reason. Like we always say, the sleeve is a tool we use. Some people run to lose weight, some people use body tracking devices, we use our smaller stomachs. No shame in that.

[Sboulie 90]

I'm with you all-which is why I like these boards so much! . I told my husband and I happened to run into a friend at one of my nutrition classes, so obviously she knows. And that's it! I only missed three days from work so no one really questioned it. I didn't even tell my kids. I'm embarrassed on one hand yet proud on another. But I'm also very private. I don't think it's anyone at work's business! Since my surgery (only 2 weeks ago) I feel very empowered, so....I may change my mind and scream it from the mountain tops eventually. dde04dde04

Good for you!!! I plan I only being out a week so no one will know. Is that even possible?? What's recovery like?

[LynRN 294]

I didn't take anytime off. I only work weekends and I have every 4th weekend off. So I scheduled my surgery so that I could recover over that time. I went back to work on Day 10 post op. That worked for me as I had no complications and literally no pain. My only issue that I'm still working on is the Constipation. So I was able to be really incognito about the whole thing.

[BladeFox 235]

I think there is such a stigma associated with this surgery that it makes us feel like we cheated ourselves. Then when we finally tell people what we are going to do or have done, we go into this whole dialogue about why we did the surgery and so on, and that gets to be overdone and old.

I am in the same boat as you. I have only shared it with about 3 coworkers and my husband and kids and my girlfriend but no one else. I would love to share it with everyone but I wouldn't love explaining all of my ill with them about why I chose the surgery. I mean, why do we feel the need to tell why? Do exercise enthusiast, runners, Olympians have to tell why? Geesh, it's a madness isn't it?

[taylokat 180]

I took one week vacation time and went back on post op day 10 also. No complications. I was on full liquids the first few days so I just had plain lowfat yogurt for lunch, then threw half of it away because I couldn't eat a full container yet!

[Lulah 18]

My family knows and they are supportive for the most part. My mom occasionally tosses a snide comment my way, but that is the norm for her. As far as work I only told my boss because I consider her a great friend and a very close coworker. Everyone else can just think I'm on 2 weeks vacation. Even HR does not need to know, as long as I get clearance to be out and return. If anyone works up the nerve to ask tell them you had "lady issues" lol watch them turn beet red and walk away!

[Steph W-O 75]

I had surgery in Wednesday and went back to work on Monday. I work a desk job and had not problems. I had little energy but got around just fine!

[gmanbat 5,889]

My family knows and they are supportive for the most part. My mom occasionally tosses a snide comment my way, but that is the norm for her. As far as work I only told my boss because I consider her a great friend and a very close coworker. Everyone else can just think I'm on 2 weeks vacation. Even HR does not need to know, as long as I get clearance to be out and return. If anyone works up the nerve to ask tell them you had "lady issues" lol watch them turn beet red and walk away!

That'd do it for me...outa there!

[gmanbat 5,889]

I think there is such a stigma associated with this surgery that it makes us feel like we cheated ourselves. Then when we finally tell people what we are going to do or have done, we go into this whole dialogue about why we did the surgery and so on, and that gets to be overdone and old.

I am in the same boat as you. I have only shared it with about 3 coworkers and my husband and kids and my girlfriend but no one else. I would love to share it with everyone but I wouldn't love explaining all of my ill with them about why I chose the surgery. I mean, why do we feel the need to tell why? Do exercise enthusiast, runners, Olympians have to tell why? Geesh, it's a madness isn't it?

We gotta get more celebrities sleeved. Remember nose jobs? hair transplants? Face lifts? Expensive orthodontics? They became status symbols because the "beautiful people" did them.

Maybe someday we can flaunt our scars and be "cool".

I do it already because I am my own fan club.

[Sboulie 90]

I also work a desk job. So I'm hoping a week will be enough. It's really sad feeling this way. I'm ashamed to be overweight but when I'm finally doing something about it, I'm ashamed to tell anybody. I truly wish everybody the best of luck and success in this journey.

[JeanZ_RN 378]

My viewpoint is different from most of the others on this thread. I have never been ashamed that I'm fat. I've been disgusted with my lack of willpower, and dissatisfied with my size, but not ashamed.

I'm a nurse, working in an administrative job in a small hospital. Another nurse was hired for a similar position in our hospital, and in the course of conversation he soon volunteered the information that he had the sleeve surgery. I was aware of the band and RNY, but had not heard of the sleeve, so I asked some questions, did my research and decided to start the journey. When I scheduled the time off for the surgery it just seemed natural to tell my peers on the management team the purpose of that leave. They have ALL been supportive, which has helped me tremendously. My only family - 2 sisters and 1 brother - all live hours away, and while we are emotionally close and do keep in touch by phone and email, it's great to have supportive people whom I see every work day. Now I get to hear several times a week congratulations on how great I look and other congratulatory stuff. I'll TAKE it!