I feel like a liar

[Ree 215]

I decided not to tell anyone either, only my husband knows. Almost 3 weeks after surgery I was visiting family and my sister who is 23 years old acts childish sometimes and while I was visiting she proceeded to jump on me and I had to hurry and cover my stomach and told her not to do that. She looked at me weird and then said "what? are you pregnant or something"? Yeah ok, we'll go with that, I'm pregnant so don't jump on me. LOL!

[Shells_Almost_There 357]

I have kept my surgery a secret from almost everyone, and I'm glad I did. I've mentioned this in other posts - those who know are the only ones who comment about my clothes, my weight loss, and feel ok to criticize what I have on my plate. It gets really annoying. Everyone else is thankfully oblivious. My surgery was the best decision for ME that I've ever made, and it's no one else's business. My attitude has been that it's my personal business and only those who I actually want to know are allowed to know. I say the above with conviction, because it was the right way to go for me - but each person has to make his/her own decision about this, and come to terms with our feelings when we realize we are lying by omission. Personally I'm ok with that to preserve my privacy. But that's just one person's take on the situation.

[VSG AJH 499]

Hey ad1203, I'm in the same boat as you. I am lying too b/c I am not getting the support I am looking for. Everyone has an opinion on the subject, and mostly when I tell people I'm thinking about it, they say, "What? Can't lose the weight without cheating?" There are some very insensitive people out there. It is only your business what you do to your body. Best of luck to everyone! I"m nervous as hell and change my mind on and off too...my husband says I'm being selfish and not considering our 2 children (ages 4 and 1)...very torn too...

Is your husband saying you're not considering your children because you're planning to have the surgery, it because you're torn? I have six kids - ages 13, 11, 4, 2, 2, and 7 months (was 5 months old when I had surgery). I'm two months out and down 56 pounds. Sure, I was concerned I'd have complications that would steal me away from my children, but obesity comes with complications that will steal me away from my children. As I'd unsuccessfully tried everything to lose weight on my own and keep it off, I was guaranteed the complications from obesity. At least now I have a tool to hopefully help me avoid those. Already, I can do so much more to care for and keep up with my crazy bunch. Even my husband commented on this last night as I rocked our little one to sleep, then just stood straight up from a seated position on our deep couch (without struggling or scooting) with him in my arms to carry to bed. I attribute that to the 56 fewer pounds, a much smaller gut, and the air squats I'm now able to do. . While it's normal and reasonable to be scared, this is a tool that can actually bless your children.

[lcoll 12]

Reading your post and the responces has been a big help to me... as its clear now... you and I are not alone in our Boat! I didnt tell people either. I told my boyfriend and my children and ONE very close friend at work. I knew non of these people would judge me and they would all be quiet about it. My biggest struggle now is the feeling of lying to my family. My sister keeps asking me to go to dinner wth her... im three weeks Post op and I feel so bad not telling her. UGHHHHH But this has been the hardest choice I have ever made and I dont want anyone judging me. I dont want anyone saying I took the easy way out because as we all know... this is far from easy!

I wish I could tell some others and maybe have more support (no one who knows understands how this feels) I am getting some great support here though and Im so glad for that. I hope things get easier for you and this feeling of lying passes.

[Sboulie 90]

Is your husband saying you're not considering your children because you're planning to have the surgery, it because you're torn? I have six kids - ages 13, 11, 4, 2, 2, and 7 months (was 5 months old when I had surgery). I'm two months out and down 56 pounds. Sure, I was concerned I'd have complications that would steal me away from my children, but obesity comes with complications that will steal me away from my children. As I'd unsuccessfully tried everything to lose weight on my own and keep it off, I was guaranteed the complications from obesity. At least now I have a tool to hopefully help me avoid those. Already, I can do so much more to care for and keep up with my crazy bunch. Even my husband commented on this last night as I rocked our little one to sleep, then just stood straight up from a seated position on our deep couch (without struggling or scooting) with him in my arms to carry to bed. I attribute that to the 56 fewer pounds, a much smaller gut, and the air squats I'm now able to do. . While it's normal and reasonable to be scared, this is a tool that can actually bless your children.

Thank you so much for that. I am so scared that I am being selfish. But not being able to BE the mom I want my children to have is so much more crippling for me. Complications or not I am resolved in my decision.

[sweetjam69 20]

So I have chosen to keep my surgery secret. Only my husband, mother, sister, and aunt know. I did, which I am regretting, talk to a few coworkers who have had the surgery by the same surgeon, so they know. I am an OB nurse and I work with my OBgyn, so she and one of her partners know. It's not that I am ashamed, but I am private and I don't constantly want questions about my weight loss. Well, it's starting to show and the questions have begun. I just usually say that I'm eating a lot less and exercising a little more, which is true. But I feel like its only a matter of time before someone spills the Beans and then I'm going to look like a liar. Why do I feel obligated to tell them the whole truth? And why don't I want to? Why do I care so much? Help?

I am feel the same way and say the same thing when people ask me! My husband says "don't tell em nothing, it ain't their business anyway"! Still I can't just ignore them when they ask the question. I understands how U feel.

[bulldog1973 88]

Before my surgery and right after I worried about people knowing, but now that I am 7 months out and down almost 100 pounds, I could really care less. I am also a nurse, but I work in Corrections, so I get the double wammy with the gossip circles. When people ask me now I tell them "I went to Mexico and had weight loss surgery". They are usually far more interested in the fact I went to Mexico than they are in the actual surgery. The conversation usually ends with "well you look great".

At the end of the day, do what makes you comfortable and happy. Most I have found are very supportive, the ones that aren't are usually just jealous of the fact that I now look like a new person.

[iris26 64]

I have only told my hubby, daughters and a friend that also had the surgery. I didn't drop all my weight at once. My co-workers saw me eating less and drinking Protein Shakes. They saw me walking around my building and leaving from work with my workout outfit. I continue wearing clothes baggy and it was not until 6 months later they started asking me what the heck I'm doing to lose weight since I had to get new clothes. I just told them I change my eating habits and I'm exercising more. Now that I have lost 85 lbs they all tell me how great I look. I just tell them I'm working out hard doing boot camp and going to the gym everyday. I don't have any regrets of keeping it my secret. I know that this was a tool I needed to lose my weight and I'm proud that I didn't share it with anybody. At the end of the day, you need to do what is best for you.

[MN_Thin0211 17]

I am just 3 days post-op, but...

I didn't owe anyone an explanation as to how I got so fat, so since when is anyone entitled to answers about my weight loss? I told my husband, my brother (who is my best friend), my mom, and my assistant. That's it! No one is in a place to judge my weight loss and deem it acceptable or unacceptable in their eyes, I could really give a flying flip if someone thinks a "good girl" is someone who will lay out her medical history at a moment's notice simply to satisfy someone's curiosity (NOT an attack on anyone, just how I feel). Do you want to know more about my bloody monthly clots or how I have to use an extra-long speculum at the OB/GYN because I have a deep set vagina? While we're at it, let's discuss my mental health issues so you can deem me "cheating" or not by taking meds....sheesh... MYOB people!

The only exception I personally would make is if I someone struggling came to me in search of what worked for me, because they are at their wit's end. I wouldn't lie in their face or blow them off.

That's just me, though.

[hatters 47]

We live in a really weird time where people feel the need to tell everyone everything. I am not ashamed of the surgery I just don't feel the need to tell people about what I am going through when they can’t help me. That’s what you guys are for. And if in time someone you work with (that you like and care for) finds out so what. If they are your friend then they will understand and respect that decision. If they are offended then they are being selfish and who needs selfish people.

[annasue 8]

I also only told a few people but I figure when someone asks me directly I will tell them. I don't want to lie about it, however I lied about why I needed a week off of work...
I have a close family member who lied about it and honestly it made it into a bigger deal than it really was. Everyone talked more smack knowing that she lied instead of that she did it. So I am going to try to avoid that by just telling people the truth when they ask me how I lost this weight. Or if someone asked me directly did you have weight loss surgery of course I will say yes.
It is complicated, I get that but for all the people out there trying to do it themselves and struggling I feel like I should tell the truth when asked because it just might convince them to go ahead and do it themselves or at least look into it.
Everybody secretly wants a little help or a little cheat... I know I did!

http://ihadgastricsleevewls.blogspot.com/

Edited February 16, 2014 by annasue

[Band2Sleever 78]

good point, and inspiring to read!

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/297443-i-feel-like-a-liar/page-3

I think there is such a stigma associated with this surgery that it makes us feel like we cheated ourselves. Then when we finally tell people what we are going to do or have done, we go into this whole dialogue about why we did the surgery and so on, and that gets to be overdone and old.

I am in the same boat as you. I have only shared it with about 3 coworkers and my husband and kids and my girlfriend but no one else. I would love to share it with everyone but I wouldn't love explaining all of my ill with them about why I chose the surgery. I mean, why do we feel the need to tell why? Do exercise enthusiast, runners, Olympians have to tell why? Geesh, it's a madness isn't it?