So, should I be 'disappointed', 'flattered' or 'indifferent'?

[runnergirlsmom 6]

I had to laugh because I have not gotten that 'holy crap' moment I've been waiting for from anyone either. The other day someone at work took a good look at me and said your ponytail looks nice lol. I'm like really that's the best I can get out of people! I keep thinking 5 more pounds, 10 more pounds and then it will come. I think maybe people don't want to acknowledge my weight loss because they politely ignored my weight gain. Loose skin, wrinkles and Hair loss but I just keep truckin along. Maybe a summer tan will do the trick lol .....signed, Hopeful

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

Rev's..you know my story! When I came home from the hospital and had dropped 90+ lbs. i made my way into the bathroom because that was the first time I had seen myself in over 5 months. No one told me how I looked and no one prepared me for the change that had occurred in me.

I looked in the mirror and could not believe the person that stood there. She was old. Frail. Hairless. Wrinkled and could barely stand up. Needed to use my walker still at this point. Looking back at me was my 80 year old mother. My mother was a striking woman in her younger years but as age happens to us all she changed.

There I was Rev's looking like she did now. It was one of the most painful things I have ever encountered. I had hoped when I did this that it would be so gradual that I would not be different. that it would not make me look old, or my age....

But it did..And i cried about it for weeks and weeks and weeks and wondered if I would ever get over how I looked then....Since then another several lbs. have gone missing and I still see myself as I did in that mirror that day..........I would give anything to not have made a complete transformation...

As I have said it was so dramatic that no one knows me and so therefore I never get the wow factor. And never will because of how it all came out.....

Be glad it was not so dramatic in your mind Rev's. Be glad that you had friends and family that did not notice a huge difference....

Me...I live with the difference every day. I will never see myself different then what I saw in the mirror that day...It has stuck with me like a coat of metal over me.....

I am just trying to make the best of it for all of us..they worry so much about me and my mind set....So i pretend it is all good most of the time!!!!!!!!!

[deedadumble 1,033]

We have very similar stats and I think you're tall like me (5'11" here). I didn't start getting those types of reactions until I was around 185, so give it a little bit more time.

Also, even Demi had to have $100,000 in plastic surgery!

[belunos 93]

I know what you're looking for.. you're looking to walk into a room and hear "daaamn girl, lookin gooood"! I know because underneath all that gratefulness at losing weight, it's what we all want

If its any consolation I'm hoping for a Leo DiCaprio moment!

[sassypants 674]

my face seemed to be the last ting that would drop in weight every time.

so for the longest time I still looked the same from the neck up never really noticed the difference as I personally don't own a full length mirror lol

to look at myself fully I have to go to my sister.

every now and again I noticed the face but it honestly took over a year and looking back over that year to be like oh that's different!

now that being said I am in total 222lbs smaller to date and I get less attention now than I did at 350lbs or 380lbs 400lbs and 425lbs it was interesting and very very odd.

not shy never have been used to attention when I go out so to be in a group on a night out and completely overlooked the whole time (not that I am looking but you know um hello!) is like what the hell?!?!

I say as a joke but really do mean it "oh I am just another skinny girl now and I don't even have massive boobs any more!"

its drummed into us on all fronts skinny is better/beautiful/what everyone wants/looking for, so when you become "skinny" and your not (or don't feel like one anyway 24/7) a supermodel with everyone saying wow and falling at your feet its like your robbed a little.

don't think I had my butterfly moment either always had sharp features they just got lost when I went over 380lbs.

[abarta83 118]

I totally get it..deep down somewhere we all wanna be a hot babe...I was kinda suffering from frump girl syndrome prior to surgery..and little by little I have started taking extra care in things to fancy myself up..fancy way different blonde highlights..more feminine shoes vs my favorite "grandma flats "...jewlery..spent some money on some quality makeup...point being..I guess now I actually give a rip and am trying to do little things here and there to be noticed for my newly transformed self instead of desperately wanting to blend in with the scenery...I suppose I could be skinny frump girl....but the trendy one with beautiful smelling hair and the dangly hearings just seems more fun...lol..

[Teachamy 1,042]

I just love you. That's all. Just love.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Girl, I feel you. I didn't have even a glimmer of that moment until about 90 pounds down. No one even noticed my weight loss until about 75. Just the other day, at 103+ pounds down, I had more WTF?!?! moments from people who have seen me along the way, than I have the rest if my journey put together.

Healthier is great and all, but dammit, people, give me some freaking confetti and whistles! I deserve them.

Patience butterfly, that Demi moment is coming.

Edited February 11, 2014 by LipstickLady

[dlc0963 22]

You mean I'm not going to wake up one morning with Sandra Bullock's body in Gravity? Ah man.

[CrazyJaney 775]

Girl, I feel you. I didn't have even a glimmer of that moment until about 90 pounds down. No one even noticed my weight loss until about 75. Just the other day, at 103+ pounds down, I had more WTF?!?! moments from people who have seen me along the way, than I have the rest if my journey put together. Healthier is great and all, but dammit, people, give me some freaking confetti and whistles! I deserve them. Patience butterfly, that Demi moment is coming.

"Patience Butterfly". New favorite quote.

[Seela 1,187]

It's funny isn't it? Some people tell me I'm getting too skinny, yeah right (still in a 12-14), others say they can see a small difference. I've lost 59lbs and when I show a before pic then it's like WOW! I think that I had gotten to a point before vsg that I just didn't care so now that I do care I feel fat and gross. Wtf am I supposed to do with that? I guess I expected to look the way I used to, even though I knew I wouldn't, so now the way I look is a constant disappointment to me. I mean, I know compared to how I looked at 250lbs that I look great now, to others, but I just see a middle aged woman with saggy skin and some old grandmother's boobs that looks nothing like what I should look like. Ahhh

[bearman99 228]

Yes.

One of the fantastic about the online community is that you can meet and discuss things with people without actually seeing them. The benefit is I have from post #1 thought you were a quirky, intelligent and sexy woman. This was prior to any photos. So did I "see" the "real" you or ?

Metaphysically speaking WHO are you anyways? Are you the body? Are you the mind? WHO are you? What makes you think you were not already beautiful just as you were? Was that you or You?

I have no answers for you other than I still think you are quirky, intelligent, and sexy.....regardless of your weight. I will grant you the lizard part of my mind is more on alert with your after photos, but this is just the body saying you are a hottie.

Anyways, sorry if I inserted too much reality here.

But really, all the long-held deep-seated and total misery about my weight - was it really only my problem all along?!

[jdmama911 224]

That Whoaaa moment? While I have not seen the total difference quite yet (down 90lbs), I have had friends that...shall we say were a little over supportive. I mean I was 312lbs. at 5'3 3/4". That's big, and by the time I'd lost 15 lbs. I started getting "OMG you look FANTASTIC! You must have dropped at least 2 sizes!!" ?? Really? My weight fluctuated near 10lbs. on a daily basis b****.

I was and still am very public about my surgery. The amount of support I have received is amazing, but at the same time Im over it, kind of. I feel like some of it is over dramatized. Every time I walk out of the door right now, I know Im going to be talking to someone about the surgery. And while Im not embarrassed about my surgery, I hate when someone starts talking loudly around complete strangers about it. It just irks me sometimes that people don't think some of those things through. I doubt they would like it if I started loudly talking about their colonoscopy with complete strangers around. I guess I feel like a spokesperson :/ I'm sure given a year a so when I've steadied, in weight, it will slow down with the ridiculous amount of (maybe fake?) compliments and questions. I do talk about the surgery because its new and it's what's going on in my life. That doesn't mean I want to hear how fat I was on a constant public basis.

Although, I think I have "inspired" one person to look into WLS for herself. That is awesome to know. Ok, I think Im done whining about my overbearing support now.

[aussiekye 12]

Something is playing on my mind so I thought I'd just 'throw it out there' to the great and good on this site for discussion... When I was big, I was repeatedly told in response to my insecure mutterings about my size; 'I never see your weight, Revs. You're just Revs. Always have been, always will be.' 'You have a big personality, Revs. That eclipses anything else. People see your character before they notice anything else.' This has come in many forms and in various machinations. When done with love and delivered gently - its been from friends and family. With moderate, clumsy indifference and accompanied with the obligatory 'you have such a nice/pretty/beautiful/attractive (delete as appropriate) face' and lets not forget the 'You always dress really well and have amazing make-up'... (Subtext - your body is like the back end of a bus), its been from random colleagues and acquaintances. So, when I was researching weight-loss options (this was over 10 years of dedicated YouTube, surgery website, academic journal perusing), I saw all these a-maz-ing transformations. People who had metamorphosed from looking like Sloth from the Goonies into Demi Moore (in her heyday) and every shade of beautiful in between. Consequently, when I had the surgery, I envisioned my kilo-losing metamorphosis. The egg, larva, pupa, to beautiful butterfly... So here I am, a truck load of weight down and well, I haven't changed into the metaphorical butterfly I was hoping for. Don't get me wrong, this is not a pity-party or anything. I am elated with what I've achieved so far and before anyone bores me to tears with the 'but you've got a healthier you, that should be reward enough', line of tedium.....I wanted to look like Demi Moore GODDAMNNIT! <that's a joke btw and before anyone gets on a tip about 'loving who you are and not aspiring to look like someone else' in a yawn-fest, stating the obvious manner> Now, I know miracles can't happen. You have what you've been given. I am VERY grateful for what I've been given, don't get me wrong. What I'm actually getting at is that there has not been the 'woooaaaah, you've changed' moment for me, as there have been for others. I go to my bariatric meeting and some people have had the 'Whoaaa' transformation. The Sloth to Demi moment. I, have not. People of course recognise that I have shifted some weight and rarely acknowledge it - which is socially normal. But its like nothing has changed. Why?! As the title suggests - should I be disappointed by this, flattered or just indifferent to it? Of course, I wanted a 'transformation' of sorts and have achieved that - of sorts. But were the utterances of others about my personality and face actually true all along and in fact, the only person who appeared to be bothered by my weight, or even noticed it, was, well, just me?! By virtue of this, does it make the fact that I went through surgery ludicrous? Of course not, because (and I'm appealing to the health-freak tedious here), I have made myself more healthy. But really, all the long-held deep-seated and total misery about my weight - was it really only my problem all along?! Who knows... I am Revs. I have a personality. And everything else, despite this surgery, just appears to be, well, irrelevant! <Omitting, of course, that my backside is considerably smaller and I can now buy the hottest clothes and the highest heels> Anyone else had something similar? Anyone else after weight loss just been 'You' - but a 'lighter' version. 'You-Light', if you will! Have your expectations matched reality both in physical, social and psychological terms? Do, please tell! Looking forward to reading your thoughts... x N.B I am hoping this will not become a 'before and after' photo opportunity thread, btw...... <The grumpy OP>

You have stunned them into silence?

I would love to see a before and after of u. I believe that maybe u need to see them again also. A couple of things I have experienced when I was first successful with my band was that everyone who saw me regularly didn't really notice the change and I'd lost 60 kg. but those I hadn't seen for ages didn't recognise me. The other thing is I still always felt big. I had to keep looking in the mirror all the time to remind myself that this was now me.

Ps my band has now failed after 15 yrs and I am getting sleeved in 6 days! Omg I can't wait.

[KayleeC14 159]

I loved reading this! I have always thought I looked great and never crossed my mind on what I would look like after surgery. I just started to notice changes that are happening to me and I am 13 weeks post-op. Its one thing to notice your pants to start to get baggy and shirts getting more loose. But to actually look at myself in the raw about almost made me cry. I love the way I am looking now, and it makes me smile everyday when I notice more small changes. I can say I loved myself before I had the surgery but I even love myself more now then I ever had.