So, should I be 'disappointed', 'flattered' or 'indifferent'?

[longtimecoming7 390]

I just marched right into the office and said " wtf, people!, I've lost a boat load of weight and you people better start acknowledging it". Turns out they DID notice , but they were afraid to speak up about it! They thought by doing so, they'd be reminding me that I was fat....as if I'd forgotten

So, I think in order to experience that BIG REVEAL, one would need to walk in to the perfect storm of a situation. A setting where not only has this audience not laid eyes on you for some time, but also a bunch that is not afraid of/ intimidated by you (as they were in my case)

[greensleeve 457]

Maybe have a party when you reach your goal weight!

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

As I said in a previous thread.. When I hit goal, I'll be running around my high street stark-bollock-naked. I'm sure that'll get a modicum of attention.

[greensleeve 457]

<p>As I said in a previous thread.. When I hit goal, I'll be running around my high street stark-bollock-naked. I'm sure that'll get a modicum of attention. </p>

Ha! Yes I'm sure it will get a lot!!!

[McButterpants 2,846]

As I said in a previous thread.. When I hit goal, I'll be running around my high street stark-bollock-naked. I'm sure that'll get a modicum of attention.

Invite me when you do it - I'll be there to cheer you on!!!!!!!!

[CrazyJaney 775]

I have read through the entire 5 pages of this post with great interest. I too get what you are feeling, I think. I struggle to see a "Demi" transformation. It is like I went from Sloth to RuPaul. Why did I pick a drag queen to compare? Because under the wig and war paint (make up) and body shapers he is nothing but a skinny dude. I get compliments how I look now, out in public. People do notice a change. But it is a total and complete sham and I feel like a fraud. I go home, take off my wig and war paint and less fitting clothes and I am no Demi. I see an old woman. Things dangle and jiggle. I have scars. I have aged. I love being thinner for every health benefit imaginable. But I have to work a lot harder now to be "passable". I am not a natural beauty. I would never say I was, but I was ok. Now I am not. I am so self conscience now, and I never imagined this. I thought fat was the worst thing. But this is running close to it. Anyway I think I went off on a tangent here. I guess the thing is I do have some who have noticed. Wasn't until I was down nearly 60lbs before that happened. And I know I have a lot more to go to be near or at goal. I have had to realize I am no longer in my twenties. ( although my mind has issue with that fact) I am not going to look like those who are. No matter how thin I get I won't be a Demi. ( unless I win a lottery and get LOTS of plastics and a hair transplant) I sit and think " I haven't been this size in about 15 years", but it isn't as I had hoped. Because I put my body through the wringer with the fat in those fifteen years. It is a whole lot different coming down than it was going up. And I am fifteen years older, that won't change either. It is hard to put what I mean into words. I think it boils down to expectations. Pre op my expectations were different than where I am at now. I had the dream, believed the fantasy. I saw all the amazing before and after pics and wanted that for me. Now, I just hope to lose as much as I can to be healthier. And maybe, just maybe, I can hope for a older Demi moment! LOL

Rev - you do stir up the best conversations! Roo - you just put to words my deepest fears about this journey. I have always been the big girl with the pretty face and great hair. At 45, weight falls off differently. I've only lost 20 preop but I can tell my skin won't hold up. My face is already sharper with more lines. I've had many a moments like feeling like Jabba but I've also been the pretty girl with a fair amount of attention.

It's scary to think there won't be that one shining moment where you go "Yes - this is it". For me, I think those moments might come when I am DOING something I wouldn't do before. It's the freedom that health brings, not so much the beauty. Butterflies are Free aren't they? But what a thought to think you do this and no one SEES it. Ugh.

[CrazyJaney 775]

I just marched right into the office and said " wtf, people!, I've lost a boat load of weight and you people better start acknowledging it". Turns out they DID notice , but they were afraid to speak up about it! They thought by doing so, they'd be reminding me that I was fat....as if I'd forgotten So, I think in order to experience that BIG REVEAL, one would need to walk in to the perfect storm of a situation. A setting where not only has this audience not laid eyes on you for some time, but also a bunch that is not afraid of/ intimidated by you (as they were in my case)

I was gonna say the same thing about intimidation. We use it to protect ourselves from others - not intentionally. - but it's sometimes what we big girls do. I definitely think that holds some back. Shouldn't hold back your besties though. Work people, yes but good friends, no.

[americangirl302 10]

Something is playing on my mind so I thought I'd just 'throw it out there' to the great and good on this site for discussion...

When I was big, I was repeatedly told in response to my insecure mutterings about my size; 'I never see your weight, Revs. You're just Revs. Always have been, always will be.' 'You have a big personality, Revs. That eclipses anything else. People see your character before they notice anything else.'

This has come in many forms and in various machinations. When done with love and delivered gently - its been from friends and family. With moderate, clumsy indifference and accompanied with the obligatory 'you have such a nice/pretty/beautiful/attractive (delete as appropriate) face' and lets not forget the 'You always dress really well and have amazing make-up'... (Subtext - your body is like the back end of a bus), its been from random colleagues and acquaintances.

So, when I was researching weight-loss options (this was over 10 years of dedicated YouTube, surgery website, academic journal perusing), I saw all these a-maz-ing transformations. People who had metamorphosed from looking like Sloth from the Goonies

into Demi Moore (in her heyday) and every shade of beautiful in between.

Consequently, when I had the surgery, I envisioned my kilo-losing metamorphosis. The egg, larva, pupa, to beautiful butterfly...

So here I am, a truck load of weight down and well, I haven't changed into the metaphorical butterfly I was hoping for. Don't get me wrong, this is not a pity-party or anything. I am elated with what I've achieved so far and before anyone bores me to tears with the 'but you've got a healthier you, that should be reward enough', line of tedium.....I wanted to look like Demi Moore GODDAMNNIT! <that's a joke btw and before anyone gets on a tip about 'loving who you are and not aspiring to look like someone else' in a yawn-fest, stating the obvious manner>

Now, I know miracles can't happen. You have what you've been given. I am VERY grateful for what I've been given, don't get me wrong. What I'm actually getting at is that there has not been the 'woooaaaah, you've changed' moment for me, as there have been for others. I go to my bariatric meeting and some people have had the 'Whoaaa' transformation. The Sloth to Demi moment. I, have not.

People of course recognise that I have shifted some weight and rarely acknowledge it - which is socially normal. But its like nothing has changed. Why?!

As the title suggests - should I be disappointed by this, flattered or just indifferent to it? Of course, I wanted a 'transformation' of sorts and have achieved that - of sorts. But were the utterances of others about my personality and face actually true all along and in fact, the only person who appeared to be bothered by my weight, or even noticed it, was, well, just me?!

By virtue of this, does it make the fact that I went through surgery ludicrous? Of course not, because (and I'm appealing to the health-freak tedious here), I have made myself more healthy. But really, all the long-held deep-seated and total misery about my weight - was it really only my problem all along?!

Who knows...

I am Revs. I have a personality. And everything else, despite this surgery, just appears to be, well, irrelevant!

<Omitting, of course, that my backside is considerably smaller and I can now buy the hottest clothes and the highest heels>

Anyone else had something similar? Anyone else after weight loss just been 'You' - but a 'lighter' version. 'You-Light', if you will!

Have your expectations matched reality both in physical, social and psychological terms?

Do, please tell! Looking forward to reading your thoughts... x

N.B I am hoping this will not become a 'before and after' photo opportunity thread, btw...... <The grumpy OP>

Hi. I just got sleeved last week so no transformation for me yet. Im not sure how to ask so I just will. I don't know if there is a photo section but id love to see your before and after

[BigGirlPanties 957]

I do think the little things that we can do now matter, as well as, the full" butterfly effect", while I will never (and have never) thought of myself as beautiful; I take solace in what I have accomplished along this journey and how I feel overall. Being able to walk without assistance, to be able to FIT in a bathtub so I can use the jets to make my legs feel better , to fit in the car/airplane/movie seat without feeling I need to use two seats, to cross my legs again (talk about a WHOA moment)... these are all good things... If I do get my hair and makeup done, I will definately take pictures, as I am sure, for at least that day, I will feel like a butterfly in the sunshine!

Thanks, Rev, I always look forward to your insightful postings!

[Roo101769 742]

Jens....It is a double edged sword for sure. I think 99.9% of people go into this with the fantasies of the "perfect" thin body. You imagine being as you were at your skinniest, and being that person again. For me, my thinnest adult body was in my early twenties. I had curves for sure, but in a good way. I wore a medium or large. I could shop in regular stores. And I looked good naked! LOL Well now I am almost mid forties. I spent the better part of the last 20 years obese / morbidly obese. Even if I get down to the weight I was in my early twenties I will not LOOK like I did in my early twenties! That fact is probably the hardest pill I have to swallow now. It is why it is hard for me to see my progress. Instead of thinking "Damn! I haven't been 245lbs since I was around 28-30!" I think "dang, look at how old I look!" My face has aged. I don't have the multiple double chins, but in their place I have these deep lines where the skin was stretched out and the fat is no longer filling it in. I still have rolls on my stomach, but now they flatten out a lot more. My boobs....oh my poor boobs. They have lost much of there fullness. Since I am still obese they aren't pancakes, yet. But as I continue to lose weight they will continue to deflate. And the hair issue. That is probably my biggest and worst realized fear of all. Not everyone will be in the place I am so I don't want to panic anyone. My story is my own. I have struggled with Hair loss for years, starting in my mid twenties when I was diagnosed with PCOS. ( about the same time my weight started going up) In recent years it was made worse by health issues that have forced me to take blood thinners (warfarin) for the rest of my life. And now I have the post op / three month fall out. I have been wearing a wig since Thanksgiving. My hair has continued to fall out. Currently my real hair is so thin or non existent that I look as if I have been on chemo for months. You know how cancer patients look after a while? The paleness, sagging to their skin? The balding heads? That is exactly how l look at night when it all comes off. Sure, during the day I look better than I have in years. But that isn't ME! I am scared to death to allow anyone to see me for who I really am. I even wear a hat or scarf around the house most of the time ( when I have the wig off) because I don't like to catch a glimpse of myself. And let's not even begin to go into the dating/ meeting a new guy/ first time intimate thing. I am single, so I have had no one beside me during this journey. I have started dating someone new and he has seen me without makeup and in my hat or scarf. Trust me it was hard as hell to get to that point. I cannot imagine him ever seeing me without, in "all my glory". It is hard to live this way because I am not comfortable. But what small amount of vanity I have left prohibits me from being open with my true self now. Yet here is the crux of the whole matter..I m glad I did it. I am glad I had the surgery. While I still have a lot of weight to lose, I am glad to be where I am. I physically feel better than I have in YEARS! I have knees that don't hurt all the time now. I can bend and move and get around without constant pain or restriction from fat. I look forward to getting on a plane again sometime and NOT needing the seat belt extender! I just have to contend and reconcile with the fact that my appearance is not what I did this for. We all say it, we all say we do it for health. But in our hearts, we all want to be eye candy. We live for the moment when the world stops, draws in their collective breath and cannot believe the beauty in front of them. As Revs said, the Butterfly (Demi) moment. It is part of our human nature. We are all blessed / cursed with some amount of vanity. Sometimes vanity has to take a back seat. My reality is it is highly unlikely I will ever grace the cover of "SI Swimsuit Edition" or "Vogue". Can I live with that? I think I can.....

I have read through the entire 5 pages of this post with great interest. I too get what you are feeling, I think. I struggle to see a "Demi" transformation. It is like I went from Sloth to RuPaul. Why did I pick a drag queen to compare? Because under the wig and war paint (make up) and body shapers he is nothing but a skinny dude. I get compliments how I look now, out in public. People do notice a change. But it is a total and complete sham and I feel like a fraud. I go home, take off my wig and war paint and less fitting clothes and I am no Demi. I see an old woman. Things dangle and jiggle. I have scars. I have aged. I love being thinner for every health benefit imaginable. But I have to work a lot harder now to be "passable". I am not a natural beauty. I would never say I was, but I was ok. Now I am not. I am so self conscience now, and I never imagined this. I thought fat was the worst thing. But this is running close to it. Anyway I think I went off on a tangent here. I guess the thing is I do have some who have noticed. Wasn't until I was down nearly 60lbs before that happened. And I know I have a lot more to go to be near or at goal. I have had to realize I am no longer in my twenties. ( although my mind has issue with that fact) I am not going to look like those who are. No matter how thin I get I won't be a Demi. ( unless I win a lottery and get LOTS of plastics and a hair transplant) I sit and think " I haven't been this size in about 15 years", but it isn't as I had hoped. Because I put my body through the wringer with the fat in those fifteen years. It is a whole lot different coming down than it was going up. And I am fifteen years older, that won't change either. It is hard to put what I mean into words. I think it boils down to expectations. Pre op my expectations were different than where I am at now. I had the dream, believed the fantasy. I saw all the amazing before and after pics and wanted that for me. Now, I just hope to lose as much as I can to be healthier. And maybe, just maybe, I can hope for a older Demi moment! LOL

Rev - you do stir up the best conversations! Roo - you just put to words my deepest fears about this journey. I have always been the big girl with the pretty face and great hair. At 45, weight falls off differently. I've only lost 20 preop but I can tell my skin won't hold up. My face is already sharper with more lines. I've had many a moments like feeling like Jabba but I've also been the pretty girl with a fair amount of attention.
It's scary to think there won't be that one shining moment where you go "Yes - this is it". For me, I think those moments might come when I am DOING something I wouldn't do before. It's the freedom that health brings, not so much the beauty. Butterflies are Free aren't they? But what a thought to think you do this and no one SEES it. Ugh.

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

There's a before and after on my profile if you want to have a look.

BGP and JNJ - Many thanks, glad you find them interesting. I'm just vomiting my innermost thoughts and insecurities onto a public website!

[BigGirlPanties 957]

Roo...well put! I never really expected to be a SI model either... I'm just happy to be healthy again... sounds like you have your head in the right place! Congrats on being a "free butterfly"