February 2014 post op losers

[Sokoyoko 6]

Hey ladies,

Haven't posted for a while. So here i sit almost 3 weeks out on wed. I was admitted into the hospital on 3/9. I went into the er not once but twice for severe back pain. They ended up giving me a ct scan because my surgeon wanted to make sure there was no leak. Well there is no leak, but they found a clot in my portal vein. I have been very emotional and having regretful feelings. I am a lap band to bypass revision. Had complications with it had to get it out before t destroyed my stomach. I just worry a lot now, hard for my to get in my Water and Protein drinks, sometimes it upsets my stomach. I was given the okay for yogurt and sf pudding, couldn't tolerate broth. My story is that my original surgeon didn't think anything was wrong with my band, so I looked for a second opinion and was able to get the revision covered. Now my original surgeon won't follow me so I have to go to a new pt orientation group this week just to be a new pt even though I already had surgery.I am such a mess .... no one should ever be 25 with like a life threatening blood clot and I could of potentially loss my liver if I never caught it early.I really need some support. I am -22 lbs but i feel like such a failure. I see the docs about twice a week and have my INR check every day almost because I have no vit k to counteract the coumadin. Anyways please send prayers for speedy recovery. I get so tired and I am weak.

[PrincessErin 64]

I'm so so so sorry. These are the horror stories we wish didn't happen.

How did you get the blood clot? That sounds so scary.

You aren't a failure. You are going through a horrible bump in your journey. But you are still on your journey of life and that, even in it's darkest days, is still beautiful.

Please keep us updated.

I am also a band to bypass patient and I understand the frustration of having to find a new dr because the first one just won't help. My band almost killed me and it did destroy my stomach for a while. I can to relate to those feelings of failure. But I am not and you are not.

What happens next for you once you get established?

[PrincessErin 64]

I thought about this while I was laying in the hot Florida sun today:

I'm moody.

I'm a horrible, raging moody girl right now. I take things extra personal. I yell. I throw fits. I'm a brat

Sometimes I am just a brat but I'm hardly ever an angry brat.

Until now.

I think it's twofold.

Reason one: my bestie called food has stopped talking to me but still hangs out will all my friends and family.

Reason two: my fat is angry.

I think we store toxins and hormones in our fat or something. I'm no scientist but there has to be something going on. I'm not normally a crazy human.

Thoughts?

[hmjdreamingbig 93]

Erin!!!!! Are you reading my mind???? Oh my goodness...I feel the exact same way. Today is the 1st day I haven't been a um...angry brat. That said...watching my family have Pasta and sauce and veggies and bread for dinner while I ate my teaspoon of loose mashed potatoes...not freaking easy. food was awesome....it NEVER let us down. It always made us feel better if even for a few mins. But guess what???? My friend in your words " it will get better" and we will find true happiness...not just in a burger or chicken. Hang in there girl!

[PrincessErin 64]

Erin!!!!! Are you reading my mind???? Oh my goodness...I feel the exact same way. Today is the 1st day I haven't been a um...angry brat. That said...watching my family have Pasta and sauce and veggies and bread for dinner while I ate my teaspoon of loose mashed potatoes...not freaking easy. food was awesome....it NEVER let us down. It always made us feel better if even for a few mins. But guess what???? My friend in your words " it will get better" and we will find true happiness...not just in a burger or chicken. Hang in there girl!

It's wacky isn't it? I just feel like I've been abandoned at times. I think we will find balance but I'm just really blown away by what a drastic change this is.

[PrincessErin 64]

Guys. One more thing. (Sorry for posting so much today but I've really had a lot of time to think).

I'm like wacky-crazy over the food I CAN eat. I feel like I have to FIGHT for it.

Here are my examples and I can assure you, this is not a healthy way to feel.

1. Last weekend when I was out in Orlando, I ordered hummus and crisp pita bread knowing I would be eating it slowly and would be fine.

Well, my boyfriend and his daughter just started digging in. They know I won't eat more than a tablespoon so there was plenty, but I felt like I have to eat so slow and so carefully it was just rude to assume they could just eat my food!

I got territorial. It was weird.

2. Today I brought some gluten free multigrain crackers that go down easy. I asked them to understand that they were the ONLY thing I could eat, so please don't eat them. One small package will last me the week as my safe lunch at work. Well, my bf just digs in! Says he will buy me more. It made me angry! I'm like you have chicken. Doritos. Cookies. Why the HELL are you eating gluten free multi grain flax seed crackers?!!?!! Seriously!!! He is like "I'll buy you more, they are good".

I felt like he was taking my personal possessions. I normally do not have issues sharing food. What the hell?

[hmjdreamingbig 93]

Guys. One more thing. (Sorry for posting so much today but I've really had a lot of time to think).<br><br><br> I'm like wacky-crazy over the food I CAN eat. I feel like I have to FIGHT for it. <br><br> Here are my examples and I can assure you, this is not a healthy way to feel. <br><br> 1. Last weekend when I was out in Orlando, I ordered hummus and crisp pita bread knowing I would be eating it slowly and would be fine. <br><br> Well, my boyfriend and his daughter just started digging in. They know I won't eat more than a tablespoon so there was plenty, but I felt like I have to eat so slow and so carefully it was just rude to assume they could just eat my food! <br><br> I got territorial. It was weird. <br><br> 2. Today I brought some gluten free multigrain crackers that go down easy. I asked them to understand that they were the ONLY thing I could eat, so please don't eat them. One small package will last me the week as my safe lunch at work. Well, my bf just digs in! Says he will buy me more. It made me angry! I'm like you have chicken. Doritos. Cookies. Why the HELL are you eating gluten free multi grain flax seed crackers?!!?!! Seriously!!! He is like "I'll buy you more, they are good". <br><br> I felt like he was taking my personal possessions. I normally do not have issues sharing food. What the hell?

Erin, honestly, I think this is normal. We are adjusting. We are learning and we are..mourning. (To be honest I'm thankful someone else is experiencing some of these emotions...I was beginning to think I was literally the crazy one) time will heal us. Time will teach us. I remember eating quickly pre surgery because I didn't want someone to eat my portion...now.. We can't. It's all a learning curve I think.

I bet after a really good night sleep and maybe a nice bath...things will look better. But please know...it's ok to have some times that...(well for lack of eloquence on my part) ...just Suck!

Take care friend! You got this!! You're doing so amazing!

[Sokoyoko 6]

Princess Erin,

I ended up having to find a new surgeon who would listen to my complication. I was getting gerd and what not and my surgeon is like I don't think you will necessarily do better with another wls. I became friends with a girl from tx and went to her surgeon. I am kind of upset left the hospital on thursday and flew on a plane on sat,,, I wish they gave me shots so maybe this clot would of never happen. But everything happens for a reason. Next step is just getting a new doctor and trying to get some clear directions on my post op diet. I went into surgery at 190 and loss -22 so far. If you have email or Facebook we should talk since we are similar. private pm me if you can.

[beane007 3]

I understand completely about the territorial thing. I don't know why we get so hung up over them eating what we call "our food." I get the same way sometimes. It's like my eyes are bigger than my stomach.

[clairec 44]

Hi,

Oh Sokoyoko you poor poor thing. What a terrible and frightening time you are having. You must be feeling so miserable and worried, as well as being in major recovery mode. No wonder you feel tired and weak, I still feel that way 5 weeks down the line and I haven't had any of your problems. How can you think that you are a failure tough? Look at what you have been, and are going, through. You are truly amazing, to keep on your track to have the body you want, and deserve, despite all the set backs. As you say the fact that it was diagnosed so quickly is the only piece of positivity in all this. You will get there, but feeling so miserable must be normal, considering how bad you must feel. You will get support on here and we are all here for you. Just keep telling us how you feel and we will try to help in any way we can.

I think feeling angry and resentful is part of it. It is easy for other people to say the wrong thing to me and I am normally a calm person. I haven't had anyone saying that it is easy option, I don't think that they would live to see another day if they did! However just concentrating on how much I have lost when there is a major bereavement process going on here is not good either. Making assumptions about how I might feel and assuming that everything must be fine if I am not having post op recovery problems are other annoying things. Feeling irritable and angry must be par for the course then, so that is something else that must be normal for us. I suppose I do feel that I was eating as healthily as possible and was already doing all the right things and denying myself things I like, and it just isn't fair that I have had to put myself through this too. So nobody else has the right to think this must be a good thing and they wouldn't find it too difficult. They should try it themselves!

food might have been a friend, but it was a toxic friend. Like all toxic friends it gave us something that we thought that we needed, but it wasn't wanting our best interests and was making us feel worse about ourselves as a result of it being our friend. So it was no friend at all really. However, it was a highly sociable thing to know and it allowed us to be sociable with others and to fit in with what other people are doing and was fun and entertaining. We miss what it enabled us to do, but not how it made us feel. We are now starting to make new friends, who perhaps are not quite so much fun, but they allow us to be sociable too. They are things like gluten free multigrain crackers, and they are our friends and nobody else's. Other people have other friends, but these are the only friends that we can go out with so it really isn't fair when people want to go out with them too. No wonder we are angry, why can't people just let us have our own friends at least, because we can't mix with old friends who were not really friends at all. These friends will make us enjoy life more and will maybe become better friends over time, but we still miss our old friends.

That is my interpretation at least! So we have a right to miss our old friends who were different types of food, and want to be back out with them. We also have a right to feel angry and resentful about people who mix with these old friends, and try to take our new ones.. However, toxic friends are not good and they lower our self esteem and confidence and make us less than we could be, we don't need them but we need to adapt to life without them. It is all a bit of a bereavement process - disbelief, denial, anger, resentment and finally acceptance. We will get there, we have new friends in food, but more importantly we also have other new friends, who are actual people, who understand how we feel and help us through bad days. A lot of them are on here, on this forum, and we certainly couldn't do without them.

We can get through this together, being honest about how we feel stops us feeling lonely and isolated. Long may this honesty continue and we will then be able to support each other.

Thinking of you sokoyoko, I hope you feel a little stronger every day. Carry on getting better Dreaming.

Take care

Claire

[zomgjj 29]

Omg Erin are we the same person?!

I have been extremely bratty lately. Everything gets on my nerves, I can go from happy to extremely annoyed or bitchy in like 2 secs or some days I just wake up angry and resentful and am like that all day. It's awful cause I have a 2 1/2 year old son and he loves to push my buttons and lately I'm just not for it. I seem to throw as many fits as he does lately. I know he he doesn't understand and won't remember mommy being so emotional and crazy but it still makes me feel horrible.

Also the territorial thing over food, yes yes yes! I even cleaned out a cabinet and part of the fridge and freezer for "my stuff".

I bought this pulled pork stuff the other night and made it for myself while everyone else had steak and It was delicious and granted it would have taken me 3 or 4 days to eat it all but I woke up the next day and it was gone and I flipped out. What the hell, everyone ate a huge steak and loaded baked potato and you STILL have to eat my healthy food which doesn't taste quite as good good as half the stuff in the cabinets or fridge!

I guess that's a lot of jealousy and resentment towards others eating. I mean if we can't have what they are eating then NO they can't have what we are eating. That also seems kinda bratty but hey whatever!

[SammyRN 11]

Claire,

You really do know what to say!! I always look forward to reading your posts about this subject. I feel how you all are feeling with being territorial about my food....but, as each day passes...I'm getting better.

Went back to work today and it's kind of tiring, but I will get through it....gotta just keep living by my new motto...this too shall pass...

Take care all of you!! Thank you for being so supportive and caring!!

Samantha

[clairec 44]

Hi,

Wow Samantha you are back to work already, I do hope that you are managing ok. That must be hard. Are you a nurse, it sounds like you could be from your name? I have not taken time off work as such but that is only because a lot of my teaching is online and I tried to arrange the surgery to avoid my face to face teaching sessions. If I had been doing the job I was doing up until November i have no idea when I would have felt ready to go back. I am having the usual blood tests next week and it will be good to know if my haemoglobin is where it ought to be. I am rather pale, interesting and tired at the moment.

Hope you made it through today ok an good luck for tomorrow

Claire

[Mr&MrsB 5]

I had surgery on February 28th and this was actually my 3rd weight loss surgery. I had lapband in 2008 and lost 100 pounds then it slipped and actually the band was really bad for me at least the whole time. Had VSG in 2010 in Mexico and now the bypass. This surgery has been the hardest and I had a couple complications and the pain was really bad for me. I am out 18 days and was ok with the Protein drinks week one because I was starving but then it got so bad I couldn't get them down anymore!! So I called my nutritionist and she said I could have yogurt....thank the lord!! I was so grouchy to my husband because I could smell his food even though he was in another room. I have been eating yogurt and getting my Protein in with no shakes I can't take them anymore!! This Thursday I get to start my mushy stage and I am so happy!!! Anyone else able to eat yogurt 2nd week?

[hmjdreamingbig 93]

So I'm needing a little weigh in/support I don't know...just my peeps I guess...

I started eating cottage cheese, yogurt and mashed potatoes yesterday. 1-2 tsp/"meal" everything went fine!! And I loved the food. But now...yesterday and today...the scale didn't move at all. This makes me not want to eat anything at all as when I was on liquids it was dropping... What the heck??