male only To tell or not to tell...

[justabill 27]

Hi everyone. I'm new on the forum. I've been through my initial consult and I am waiting for a response from my insurance company so I can schedule.

I'd like to hear from other men who they chose to tell about getting sleeved. Right now I've, of course, discussed it with my wife who is great and very supportive. I've also talked with my two older kids (14 & 11) and they have been great. I'm choosing not to tell my 6 year old just because I don't think he'd understand and he'd blab in no time.

As for work, I'm just planning to tell my boss I'm having abdominal surgery and leave it at that.

I really just feel this is a personal decision and not anybody else's concern.

What was your policy? Did anyone have someone they wish they had told and didn't? Or someone they told and wished they hadn't?

[1Day1Life4Now 882]

Hi Bill, I'm not a man but thought I'd reply anyway. This topic comes up quite often in this forum and you will find a mix of responses. Like you, I have chosen to tell nobody except my husband and my daughter. I've noteven told my office anything, I'm just taking a week off of work. Like you said its a private matter and with the HIPA laws now, we shouldn't have to share with anyone right? I chose not to because I didn't want people judging me, either positively or negatively. I have my reasons for having this surgery and I don't think I should have to share those with friends or relatives. I have heard from others who wish they had not told people and there are a few who told everyone they knew and got lots of support back. Of course one can never know what they say when they are not within earshot of us either. Anyway, that is just my 2 cents on the matter. When I want to share, I come to this forum where I can enjoy others posts, get information, and ask questions. Good luck to you. I'm getting sleeved Monday.

[gmanbat 5,889]

Hi justabill, and Welcome!

You will find the responses to your questions here will vary from tell everyone to tell no one and all shades in between. Whatever works is ok, no definitive policy.

I have an 85 year old eccentric brother-in-law that decided for me.

Wherever we go together, especially restaurants, he announces loudly to all about my banana sized stomach. Happily, I am a guy that doesn't give a rodents posterior what anyone thinks so I am merely amused by it. It would infuriate some people and I can understand that and sympathize.

I am amazed at how humans can be so similar in so many ways yet react in so many different ways to the things in our world including drugs, foods, situations, and stimuli. What causes trauma to some people can cause a belly laugh to others.

[feelingdown/but determined 3]

IN THE BEGINING WHEN I CHOOSE TO GET THE SLEEVE DONE I DIDN'T TELL ANYONE NOT EVEN MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH ANY TYPE OF NEGATIVITY. I COME FROM A FAMILY OF GENETICALLY LARGE PEOPLE AND MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER IS DANGEROUSLY OVERWEIGHT. I DID TELL HIM I WAS GOING TO HAVE SURGERY BUT NOT TOTALLY WHAT FOR UNTIL A FEW DAYS BEFORE. AS I FIGURED HE WAS TOTALLY AGAINST IT AND NEGATIVE AND THAT DISCOURAGED ME FROM TELLING ANYONE ELSE. AS FAR AS MY EMPLOYER I JUST TOOK PERSONAL DAYS I WAS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS WHAT FOR I WORK IN THE MEDICAL FIELD AND DID'T WANT TO HAVE TO MAKE ANY EXPLINATIONS GOOD OR BAD. ITS HARD TO TAKE THIS JOURNEY WITHOUT A GOOD SUPPORT SYSTEM. DO WHATS RIGHT FOR YOU AND YOUR SITUATION

[jtwildone05 4]

Hello!

I told my parents, close friends, my boss, and a handful or work friends who I trust. I work in healthcare and I was worried I'd get some judgey responses so I wanted to be able to explain my thoughts which is why I didn't tell everyone. Everyone I have told has been super supportive, the more people you tell the more opportunity you have to garner support.

[mikey856 11]

I have lost over 50 pounds in the last two months(that includes the pre op diet). It is very noticeable and people at work always ask how I did it. I usually just tell them. Haven't had any negative response yet.

[PapaG 2]

I told my wife and oldest child, like you I didn't trust my 6 year-old. No one else knows.

[belunos 93]

I tell anyone that will listen. I mean I don't start conversations with strangers about it, but I'm not shy about it. I've been shrugging off judge-y people my whole life, so they don't bother me. However, there's a TON of big'uns out there, and a lot of them are really curious about their options

[inittothinit 145]

I am not telling anyone. My wife knows and I told my kids that I am going on a hardcore special diet (but wont tell them about the surgery itself)....but I also told them it's "family" business and we don't ever talk about family business outside of us 4.

I don't want or feel the need to tell my story and all the minute details over and over again. I also don't want to have the subject of my weight loss dominate conversations in social settings. So I am just resolved to answer "diet and exercise" when someone comments on my loss or asks how I did it.

[cubbies76 132]

I told friends, family and coworkers. I didn't and don't keep it a secret. It was no secret I was morbidly obese, even if I didn't see myself that way. I also didn't want to lie to anyone when the questions about how I'm losing this much weight started coming in. Now, I don't tell my clients because at some point, I'm tired of talking about it as much as I have been and I don't see them often enough for it to matter.

I got a wide range of support when I told people. Most are really supportive, some don't care, etc. I had one person tell me in a roundabout way that he thought I would fail because I wasn't committed. But whatever, my success isn't dependent on him. I'm down 114 pounds in about 4 months so he can EAD.

[micphd 7]

I was like you when I started. My wife, mother in law (only because she had to watch my kids all the time for appointments when the wife was working) and my sister knew. I told one coworker (we sit in the same area 40 hours a week so he would figure out something was up).

The night before I told the remaining adult members of the family.

I am now 3 weeks post op and 55 pounds down. It is almost impossible to hide the fact I did something. So I have slowly embraced it and have started telling folks if they ask. If they pay a compliment or just notice I lost weight then I won't tell them what I did. If they specifically ask (heavy people tend to do that) I will let them know

Good luck!

[familyguy 147]

I told my wife and my parents and that's it. I have two young kids and even though I went to surgery, was laid out for a few days and have lost 50 pounds since, they haven't noticed.

I have a high profile job and just didn't want all the attention or to have to deal with everyone's questions. I think your average person just doesn't understand this. When people ask what I'm doing to lose the weight, I say "high Protein, low carb, small portions and very little alcohol." All 100% true. Since people typically don't like that answer, they just shrug their shoulders and say something like "good for you."

BTW, as part of my job, I'm frequently out at business lunches and dinners. For the first 2 months post opp, I really avoided them, but now I go all the time. Everyone's so busy stuffing themselves, they hardly recognize how little I eat. I just order something that reasonably fits into the prescribed diet and then pick at it slowly. At some point the waiter passes by and I say "you can take my plate". He scoops it up (1/3 eaten) and that's it. Personally I was really worried about all this, but it's fine. And bigger parties with buffets are even easier -- you just nibble unnoticed.

Totally respect those that told the world but I'm really a private person, so that's not my thing.

[gvsulakers 0]

I have not gotten the surgery yet, however I have not hidden my decision with anyone. With that being said, I am an extremely open person in general. Anybody that knows me understands that, what you see, is what you get. 95% of the people that I have told have been overly supportive and can't wait for me to be healthy again. Then there are a select few people that have never struggled with weight their entire life and tell me I should try a diet. I usually say back to them, "No Kidding, you should be my doctor, cause that might just work." They typically get the point rather quickly that they sound pretty silly.

Like others have said though, the decision should be based on the type of person you are. If you are the type of person that doesn't divulge much about yourself regularly, you will probably keep it quiet. However, If you are like me, the neighbors brothers dog knows I'm getting WLS.

Edited February 11, 2014 by gvsulakers

[DBubba 3]

I kept it to close family and one subordinate at the office only. He is very trustworthy so I didn't and still don't have any regrets about that decision.

Honestly for me personally I didn't want anyone at work knowing my personal business. Like others hear I was not interested in skeptics or any negative energy coming from anyone. I am a bigger large framed man and most did not probably know I had elevated blood sugar, foot problems, classified as morbidly obese etc. My life would definately been short if I had not taken actions.

[justabill 27]

Thanks everyone for all the replies. It seems opinions run across the whole spectrum so I'm not really an outlier.

I heard an opinion here I absolutely support. If any of our hypergravitationally challenged brethren ask about the weight loss and seem genuinely interested, I'll pull them aside and give them the whole answer. I'll also refer them to my blog where I am journaling my experience from thinking about WLS to my staggering success in the future. Of course anybody here is welcome there also.

BTW, I just got my surgery day, 3/10. I'll start my diet a week from Monday.