How did you handle telling everyone about your surgery

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

Its everyones choice.. But not telling your husband? I don't think that's entirely fair to him. He's your life partner.

What will he be left to think if he loses you on the operating table? That the last thing between you was a huge whopper of a lie?

Sorry, not for me...

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

I agree with Madame R. If you love him enough to be married to him, I would re-think this. After surgery there is no way to keep this secret because so much will change fr you with food, Vitamins and meds. God Bless.

[vincereautmori 323]

I have told no one of my surgery. Not even my husband. Everyone thinks I am having surgery because of ulcers. I have no idea what I'm going to do when my husband come to the hospital. I don't know if the doctor is going to tell him. I hope not. I hope my husband doesn't start asking questions. Do I feel bad..... Yes, of course. I'm doing this for me. I didn't want negative feedback on my decision. I didn't want opinions, questions, or concerns. I know my family will support me but they talk to much. My mom has always told me the best person to tell you secret to is yourself. So that is what I did.... Kept it to myself. Now, the ulcer wasn't a complete lie because while on this gastric sleeve journey I found out that I had ulcers but they healed with medication and diet. Don't get me wrong I feel guilty........ BUT; I have worked so hard for my family and friends. Put so much before myself and woke up one day realizing I didn't know who "I was" anymore. I was 5'4 200 lbs with bad knees and back. I spent 10 years in the military proudly before getting medically discharged. I was so consumed in my family and everyday life that I couldn't tell you what made me happy anymore. I had faked my smile for so long I couldn't even tell you what was real and what smile was fake. So I needed to do things for me. Mentally..... Spiritually ....... And physically! That is what I have done. For 3 years I have slowly got back to me and I am happy. So I made this choice for me and me alone. This was my gift to myself. Yes it was selfish not telling my husband and family and I maybe wrong, but I am proud of myself and I love me!!! My husband loves me and my family. Right now I am going through my pre op liquid diet my surgery is 1 March 2014. And nobody knows that I'm having gastric sleeve surgery but me.

I respect your decision, only you know what's best for you, but are you sure you want to continue to keep this from your spouse? All I can say is, my wife would be hurt if I didn't include her in my journey, it would question my trust in her and she would know it. You're going to need support, the surgery is only one step in the process, you can get support on this forum at anytime, but in your day to day life you can't beat having your spouse there for you unless they are part of the problem.

[McButterpants 2,846]

I have told no one of my surgery. Not even my husband. Everyone thinks I am having surgery because of ulcers. I have no idea what I'm going to do when my husband come to the hospital. I don't know if the doctor is going to tell him. I hope not. I hope my husband doesn't start asking questions. Do I feel bad..... Yes, of course. I'm doing this for me. I didn't want negative feedback on my decision. I didn't want opinions, questions, or concerns. I know my family will support me but they talk to much. My mom has always told me the best person to tell you secret to is yourself. So that is what I did.... Kept it to myself. Now, the ulcer wasn't a complete lie because while on this gastric sleeve journey I found out that I had ulcers but they healed with medication and diet. Don't get me wrong I feel guilty........ BUT; I have worked so hard for my family and friends. Put so much before myself and woke up one day realizing I didn't know who "I was" anymore. I was 5'4 200 lbs with bad knees and back. I spent 10 years in the military proudly before getting medically discharged. I was so consumed in my family and everyday life that I couldn't tell you what made me happy anymore. I had faked my smile for so long I couldn't even tell you what was real and what smile was fake. So I needed to do things for me. Mentally..... Spiritually ....... And physically! That is what I have done. For 3 years I have slowly got back to me and I am happy. So I made this choice for me and me alone. This was my gift to myself. Yes it was selfish not telling my husband and family and I maybe wrong, but I am proud of myself and I love me!!! My husband loves me and my family. Right now I am going through my pre op liquid diet my surgery is 1 March 2014. And nobody knows that I'm having gastric sleeve surgery but me.

Wow! I can tell you're a strong person - I admire that. Going thru this alone is amazing to me. I hope you reconsider telling your husband - if something happens or if there are complications, your husband will have to cope with the fact you kept this from him while potentially making decisions for you. That's a lot to ask - I know complications are rare, but they do happen and we all need to prep for them.

Best of luck to you!

[Twylad 7]

Like others posting here, I was unsure who I wanted to tell. I told my immediate family and my 2 best friends. I received nothing but the best from each of them. My parents did, however, tell all my aunts who then proceeded to pass it on to others in the family. I would have been happier if that had not happened, but, oh well. My parents also put me on the prayer list at their church, so a whole new batch of people knew. As you consider who to tell, just remember you can't count on their holding your information confidential.

I am now 6 mos post-op. I've lost 78 pounds and 5 dress sizes so far. This is the best decision I've ever made for my health. I have not announced my surgery, but when asked how I have lost so much weight, I do tell people about my surgery. I've even recommended my doctor to one person who is contemplating the surgery.

This is a very personal issue. Do what feels best to you. Wishing you much success!

[Ballermom 803]

I have told no one of my surgery. Not even my husband. Everyone thinks I am having surgery because of ulcers. I have no idea what I'm going to do when my husband come to the hospital. I don't know if the doctor is going to tell him. I hope not. I hope my husband doesn't start asking questions. Do I feel bad..... Yes, of course. I'm doing this for me. I didn't want negative feedback on my decision. I didn't want opinions, questions, or concerns. I know my family will support me but they talk to much. My mom has always told me the best person to tell you secret to is yourself. So that is what I did.... Kept it to myself. Now, the ulcer wasn't a complete lie because while on this gastric sleeve journey I found out that I had ulcers but they healed with medication and diet. Don't get me wrong I feel guilty........ BUT; I have worked so hard for my family and friends. Put so much before myself and woke up one day realizing I didn't know who "I was" anymore. I was 5'4 200 lbs with bad knees and back. I spent 10 years in the military proudly before getting medically discharged. I was so consumed in my family and everyday life that I couldn't tell you what made me happy anymore. I had faked my smile for so long I couldn't even tell you what was real and what smile was fake. So I needed to do things for me. Mentally..... Spiritually ....... And physically! That is what I have done. For 3 years I have slowly got back to me and I am happy. So I made this choice for me and me alone. This was my gift to myself. Yes it was selfish not telling my husband and family and I maybe wrong, but I am proud of myself and I love me!!! My husband loves me and my family. Right now I am going through my pre op liquid diet my surgery is 1 March 2014. And nobody knows that I'm having gastric sleeve surgery but me.

Wow! I'm in awe of you. I wished I had your courage. Because some of the people I told were unsupportive and till this day the relationships has changed or maybe i just got thinner. Lol

However, I told my husband and yes he was concerned in the beginning and did not give full support. But when I took him my psychologist appointment , he, from then on begin to give full support.

I am Telling you in the hospital he did everything for me including holding me up the whole entire time. My husband has been a great support person. In this situation you really need someone. But I commend you for being able to be as strong as you are. And I wish again I wish I had your courage for the other people i told. Because some people did turn their backs on me. I tell you I couldn't have done this without my husband so you have to consider what's best for you.

We are here to support you regardless of what decision I respect you.

congratulations for start this journey

[Jaime_Boston 44]

I didn't read through all responses but I started out by telling family and slowly began telling my closest friends. It's a form if support that I believe you need in order to go through this! Good luck!

[girliegirl 49]

I dreaded telling my parents - my mom has struggled with her weight her entire adult life and my dad is fit as can be.

My mom was so supportive - she said if she had to do it all over again, she would have surgery. That surprised me. She cried because she knows I have been worried that I will follow her same path.

My dad teared up and asked a lot of questions. "Are you sure it's come to this?" "What exactly are they going to do to you?" "Have you talked to your doctor?" "You love food, are you sure you're going to be able to give up the things you love?" (my answer to that was, "Dad I've eaten enough bread for a lifetime. It's time to stop." He didn't want me to go thru with it and expressed his concerns - I was deeply touched by his reaction.

Today, my parents are on board 100%. My mom tells me weekly (at least) how proud of me she is. My dad asks me questions about my diet and he can see me work out at the gym. He can tell if I eat something that doesn't agree with me. He actually calls this a "necessary medical procedure" now. I laughed when he said that.

your parents sound so much like mine. My mom is so supportive of my choice to have surgery, as she struggles with her weight too. so she can relate. she now has diabetes but has been trying hard to manage it with iet and is doing good. My father on the other had is partly the reason I have been holding off on this surgery. he is the one who thinks "I can do it on my own", he thinks I just need to get my heard in the game, he says surgery doesnt change your mind set, that comes from with in. These things he says are all true and thats what keeps me going back and forth with my choice. Im putting it off because of his belief in me. Im trying for him, but im just not getting anywhere. i have lost 5 lbs like 5 weeks, yo-yo back an forth with these same few pounds. Im done!!!!!

[vincereautmori 323]

My father on the other had is partly the reason I have been holding off on this surgery. he is the one who thinks "I can do it on my own", he thinks I just need to get my heard in the game, he says surgery doesnt change your mind set, that comes from with in. These things he says are all true and thats what keeps me going back and forth with my choice. Im putting it off because of his belief in me. Im trying for him, but im just not getting anywhere. i have lost 5 lbs like 5 weeks, yo-yo back an forth with these same few pounds. Im done!!!!!

Even though I haven't made my final decision, don't let your Father become an obstacle in your decision, he comes from a different time and a different perspective. What we understand is, even though the basics are calories in/calories out, the psychosematic problems are what are broken in us and the reason we can't just diet and exercise the weight away. Our bodies are fighting us with evolution, but our minds are battling back with our inteligence and knowledge about health, then our emotions are thrown into the mix for added pressure. Much easier for someone who's already fit and not suffering the internal struggle to just say, get your act together, I'm facing my own family members who don't get it either. I'd be willing to bet that once you're well into your journey and getting healthier, he'll appreciate your decision.

[sapphire2301 2]

Since my husband decided it is no one's business, we have not told. No one missed us 1 night in hospital. The weight has come off slowly over the past 4 months. My husband has lost 50 lbs LOL and even his 30 y/o son has not noticed. Life is good. We enjoy not having to explain our surgery and have gone on with life, focusing on our eating plan. Our life has been a dadgum diet of some sort for so many years, as our friends and neighbors know, that it is the truth to say this diet is working and we are eating less.

I feel exactly the same way - only my husband knows and work thinks I'm going in for some surgery on a cyst. I'm not ashmed of it but I don't want everyone to keep asking me about it and I don't want it to define who I am. It's just like any other medical problem you are getting fixed, some people will want to share that with friends/family, others won't. A personal choice I believe

[McButterpants 2,846]

I dreaded telling my parents - my mom has struggled with her weight her entire adult life and my dad is fit as can be.

My mom was so supportive - she said if she had to do it all over again, she would have surgery. That surprised me. She cried because she knows I have been worried that I will follow her same path.

My dad teared up and asked a lot of questions. "Are you sure it's come to this?" "What exactly are they going to do to you?" "Have you talked to your doctor?" "You love food, are you sure you're going to be able to give up the things you love?" (my answer to that was, "Dad I've eaten enough bread for a lifetime. It's time to stop." He didn't want me to go thru with it and expressed his concerns - I was deeply touched by his reaction.

Today, my parents are on board 100%. My mom tells me weekly (at least) how proud of me she is. My dad asks me questions about my diet and he can see me work out at the gym. He can tell if I eat something that doesn't agree with me. He actually calls this a "necessary medical procedure" now. I laughed when he said that.

your parents sound so much like mine. My mom is so supportive of my choice to have surgery, as she struggles with her weight too. so she can relate. she now has diabetes but has been trying hard to manage it with iet and is doing good. My father on the other had is partly the reason I have been holding off on this surgery. he is the one who thinks "I can do it on my own", he thinks I just need to get my heard in the game, he says surgery doesnt change your mind set, that comes from with in. These things he says are all true and thats what keeps me going back and forth with my choice. Im putting it off because of his belief in me. Im trying for him, but im just not getting anywhere. i have lost 5 lbs like 5 weeks, yo-yo back an forth with these same few pounds. Im done!!!!!

The decision to have weight loss surgery is such a difficult decision. I dipped my toe in the WLS pool a couple of times and backed out thinking I could do it on my own, I need to try harder, etc. Something clicked last year - and it felt like the right decision for me and I changed my mind from the band to the sleeve. WLS is not a decision to take lightly - you have to weigh the pro's and con's and listen to those people that love you, but, at the end of the day, only you can decide what to do.

[mommyjamie 83]

I am choosing not to tell my 5 kids ages 18,15,11,10 and 10. I did tell them that I am having surgery for my something with my stomach and one of the perks is weight loss. That's it. I never came out and said WLS. My classmates know and some are encouraging me to tell them and others agree with me about not telling them. Maybe someday I will.. Just not yet.

[Sweetbaby1 77]

My two bff ' s are the only ones who kniw. I'm very private to many opinions of others.

[Sweetbaby1 77]

My two bff ' s are the only ones who kniw. I'm very private to many opinions of others.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

I am choosing not to tell my 5 kids ages 18,15,11,10 and 10. I did tell them that I am having surgery for my something with my stomach and one of the perks is weight loss. That's it. I never came out and said WLS. My classmates know and some are encouraging me to tell them and others agree with me about not telling them. Maybe someday I will.. Just not yet.

My only thought Jamie is to make sure they don't think you have something like cancer. Kids worry so much about their little world when something happens. This jumped into my head for some reason. Best of luck to you. Linda