I need to vent!

[XXShelXX 346]

I think it's wonderful that u reached out to us. Sometimes it's easier to talk to people you don't really know for some unbiased opinions. It's great to be able to see all sides. As far as your son and his grandmother arguing goes, I think it's just a big misunderstanding between generations. He is at an age where he's going to rebel just a bit and she is from another time where children didn't act out to their elders. I agree that kids today really test their boundaries and come across as disrespectful when really they are good kids. They need to know they are loved first and most importantly and I'm sure you provide that. Maybe directing his energy away from himself would be a good thing. Have you ever thought about getting him involved in some sort of charity work such as volunteering for projects to help those in need? He's not too young and the kids learn sooo much about how tough life really is for some. It opens their eyes to more of the world and not just their own little world. Habitat for humanity has a youth program that is really cool. He would meet other kids who are all working together doing something wonderful for someone less fortunate. When they are finished, they get to experience what it's like to help someone and the pride in himself will grow tremendously! I think u would see a new young man emerge as someone with a lot more respect and both u and his grandma will see that beautiful young boy mature into a compassionate and self confident man. I wish u well with this situation, I know it's tough and I'm sure you feel trapped in the middle. Anger breeds more anger so this is just another option. Take care of yourself! Im just another mom (of two beautiful girls).

Edited February 9, 2014 by XXShelXX

[HotButterFly 981]

That's ^^^^ beautiful.

Read it more than once

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Respect respect respect, no matter what his age is. Children need to learn how to respect elders, that is his grandmother and I'm sure whatever she is saying is for the best for that young man. You need to STOP walking on egg shells with him and learn to discipline him. In the beginning you said defiant, because that is what he is...he doesn't want to listen to authority and he has a lot of out burst with people. You are a single mother probably feeling guilty because his dad isn't around so you allow him to run all over you but when someone really put there foot down on him then there is a problem. Children like that will never respect authority when you have a mom that is always apologizing. You will need that weight loss because very soon you are going to need the energy to run behind him. His teenage years are just starting, get some control over him now before it is too late.

Since you used the word defiant there must be a problem at home. You need to be honest with yourself about the behavior problems your child has and seek counseling and maybe meds. Find a big brother program in your area or maybe the boycotts. He really needs it even if he is just sensitive, it needs to be broke. He will soon be a man and can't lash out just because he doesn't agree with what is said to him.

Hope you have a speedy recovery.

Wow! Unless you know this family personally, you made a LOT of huge assumptions.

I agree that mom needs to either make sure her son honors his grandmother or get out of her house, but meds? Single parent guilt? He needs to be "broke"? Wow!

Edited February 9, 2014 by LipstickLady

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Or how about when children grow up to be adults who appear to have little social awareness and are uneccesarily harsh in the delivery of their opinion?

If deploying playground level psycho-babble is the order of the day here, then maybe - and this is just a thought - that those with little social awareness and an apparent inability to tailor their communications to their audience, may, themselves, have required a 'softer, more understanding hand' when they were growing up?

Who knows? It might have cultivated a more measured, inclusive and empathetic attitude?

With a few more hugs and words of gentle encouragement, it could then have prevented the somewhat disproportionately aggressive high-handed judgement and advice intoned on others - no matter how well intentioned - and allow for the fostering of effective and warm relations with all participants? Not, as it appears, for it to have been delivered out of frustrated aggression which has ultimately undermined the core tenets and value of what has been said and affected the social marginalisation of the message bearer?

Now there's a thought...

Right. Time for my smoking jacket, warm fire, Freud compendium and slippers, methinks....

I would have said this if I wasn't all Vicodined up!

[eyoung 47]

I wanted to delete this the moment I pushed send. Thank you for all the kind words. The unkind words fall on deaf ears. I love my son more than life itself. My son is a great young man who helps alot of ppl, he does volunteer work. This particular morning my mother was out of line. She admitted it and apologized for it. I may have used the words very defiant but I was wrong. My son listens and respects. I taught him to stand up for what he believes. Although u did not teach him to disrespect his elders (and we talked about this after it happenes)

Just wanted to say thank u again.

[Cherryhair 88]

LadyD you have just been internet bullied by the usual gang don't take it personal-it's what they do Apparently 'they" can say whatever they want in whatever manner (offensive or otherwise) but others better not try it or you get gang banged...lol

Edited February 9, 2014 by Cherryhair

[LipstickLady 25,682]

The usual gang? What!? One person was ugly, everyone else was supportive. How was that a gang? What in the world are you talking about?

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

The usual gang? What!? One person was ugly, everyone else was supportive. How was that a gang? What in the world are you talking about?

I was going to post something about being very confused over that last post myself. LL - shall we agree to deconflict our opinions before posting?!

[Cherryhair 88]

If a couple people already shared there displeasure with what was being said why is it always necessary for several more posters to chime in and attack the person making the comment- that is gang/ bullying behavior Think about your past post-they are not always stated in the most "loving" manner a lot of it can be taken the wrong way

Anyway...OP sorry for hijacking your thread just wanted to address the hypocrisy

Edited February 10, 2014 by Cherryhair

[LipstickLady 25,682]

The usual gang? What!? One person was ugly, everyone else was supportive. How was that a gang? What in the world are you talking about?

I was going to post something about being very confused over that last post myself. LL - shall we agree to deconflict our opinions before posting?!

Just talk for me. You are much better at it.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

If a couple people already shared there displeasure with what was being said why is it always necessary for several more posters to chime in and attack the person making the comment- that is gang/ bullying behavior Think about your past post-they are not always stated in the most "loving" manner a lot of it can be taken the wrong way

Anyway...OP sorry for hijacking your thread just wanted to address the hypocrisy

Incorrect. I don't always read an entire thread before posting. I was far too amazed at the attack on the OP not to comment right away. That doesn't make one a bully by any stretch of the imagination. Intent makes one a bully, IMO.

Name calling is one characteristic of bullying. Where does that leave you?

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

1) If a couple people already shared there displeasure with what was being said why is it always necessary for several more posters to chime in and attack the person making the comment- that is gang/ bullying behavior

2) Think about your past post-they are not always stated in the most "loving" manner a lot of it can be taken the wrong way

3) Anyway...OP sorry for hijacking your thread just wanted to address the hypocrisy

In response:

Point 1) Because I don't always agree with how those who have expressed their 'displeasure' have couched it. There is always more than one angle. Every opinion if delivered appropriately is valid - and diversity of opinion leads to discussion and balanced reflection. I do not 'attack' (unless 'attacked' and more often than not, I can't be bothered to respond) and I find the broad accusation of such to those whom simply had dissenting opinions, lumping us ALL into the one category as 'bullies' (which is only applicable if every one who disagreed showed an element of collusion in their actions), as objectionable as some of the content and tone of the original inflammatory post.

2) That's absolutely correct. Posts can be taken the wrong way - can't they! Therefore everyone should be mindful of what they're saying and how it's being perceived - which is why, as per point one, I chose to 'chime in' if I do not think the 'dissenting' opinions encompass what I believe to be one of the 'core' issues or objectivity is required.

3) Address the hypocrisy? Yep, it's hypocrisy-o-rama round here, don'tcha think?!

[KristinaRnY 455]

LadyD you have just been internet bullied by the usual gang don't take it personal-it's what they do Apparently 'they" can say whatever they want in whatever manner (offensive or otherwise) but others better not try it or you get gang banged...lol

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