depressed

[Sweetbaby1 77]

I am almost finished my 6 month follow up for surgery. Things were going as planned and right on point until I received not so great news. My Doctor told me I had sleep apnea. As I pretended that it did not bother me I can't fight the pain. I am 27 years of age, 5'6 285lbs. I have never in my life been this size and I seriously wonder how the hell did I get here.

I am a youth counselor and work with boys. Many times they make comments to myself and other staff members about my weight, sometimes I brush it off, but deep inside it bothers me. I guess I am in denial about My actual size, when I look in the mirror I feel as if I'm looking at someone else. Between college life, stress, depression, and bad break ups I guess that will really do it to a person

I honestly thought this would never be me. Someone who has to seek surgical treatment in order to lose weight. I have yet to tell anyone but my two best friends about my sleeve operation. My mom, dad, and sister will flip out, and try to encourage me that we should workout together.

I was born and raised in the church. My family owns 3, I feel terrible when my mom asks me "hey did u go to church today" I tell her no all the time, not because I don't want to be there, but because I am so ashamed and embarrassed of my size. Most days I don't even want to get up and go to work. This summer I took my daughter to the fair, when they came around to secure the bar I almost could not ride the ride.

I'm not looking for a pity party what so ever, and the type of person I am, I usually bounce back in a second I chose not to dwell on things for a long period of time. ( one good quality about me)

Because I got this news today, I plan on being a better person to myself, I will push myself harder than yesterday. I will live a long fulfilling life so I can be around to love my family. By this time next year, I will not have sleep apnea, and nor will I be obese.

Aaaaaaaa I feel a lot better now

[Carlotta1 401]

You r taking the steps on improving your health and appearance. Concentrate on that. Accept yourself as u r today. Try not to listen to your negative tapes as well as others. I know how u feel about hiding from people.. I was like that when I was younger. However, age makes u wiser and those comments are not as hurtful.. I understand your pain. Look at the future and imagine where u will be in one year from now..doesn't it look bright and hopeful. I love my sleeve. And you will love it also. Thanks for your honesty of how u feel. As u know it helps to share depressive moments.. That is the real beauty of this website., keep us posted on your journey.

[Teachamy 1,042]

I so identify with what you shared with us! I just wanted to point out that sleep apnea (which I have also) if left untreated makes it physically difficult to get out of bed in the morning. Your body has not received enough sleep. Combine that with depression, and you need to sleep in! Take good care of yourself. This surgery is great!

[JerseyGirl68 1,172]

I give you a lot of credit for making this decision and moving forward in a positive way. Most likely the sleep apnea will be cured after you start to lose. Our families only want the best for us, and are afraid to lose us. You know what you have to do and you will start feeling better that you have taken control of an out-of-control situation. We've all been where you are. Asking how did we get here. There are many variables, we all need to figure out the why so it doesn't happen again. You are making positive decisions for your future and you are among friends here. Best of luck to you.

[m&m4ever 109]

Hang in there. This journey, although not an easy one, has been the best decision I ever made for my health and family. I was also diagnosed with severe sleep apnea about a year ago. My breathing was compromised 56 times an hour!! That's just about every minute.....every minute!! That was the final straw for me. Once I got those results, there was no question on my mind about the surgery anymore. I needed to do it for my health! My surgery was 6 months ago. I am almost at my goal and I no longer have sleep apnea! You can do this! We are all here for you!!

[Tamik78 12]

I think depression is normal for the most part as long as it does not last too long. Please know that no matter what ANYONE says to you or about you, you are a WONDERFUL, PRECIOUS VERY LOVED CHILD OF GOD! You WILL be victorious you will do what YOU need to do to get healthy. Start thinking like a healthier you. You ARE smart, you ARE healthy, you ARE beautiful, you ARE strong! Say this to yourself several times a day. Before you know it, you will feel better! Write back and lets keep in touch.

[kristenleigh435 10]

I so can relate. I was the same way where I felt it wasn't really me looking in the mirror. I still saw the "old" me for the longest time. The one when I wasn't overweight and still in high school. But I too work with young kids, mostly boys and all are SBH (severe behavior). I was fine until last year with the comments they made. Last year they got very brutal with what they said. I was so depressed and embarrassed and so many other feelings. It was all I could do to go to work. Since the surgery I have lost a lot of weight but still have a long ways to go. They still make comments but it doesn't hurt as much. I know I am doing something to change that and to be healthier. Keep your chin up. You can do this!

[Sweetbaby1 77]

Thank you guys so much for the support. It's so nice to know I have someone to listen and help encourage and vice versa. I am in the social work profession and I am so use to encouraging and supporting others and it feels great to have this in return. I will continue to post and track my journey, I know tomorrow will be a better day. Thanks a million guys I really feel better: )