Did you keep it a secret?

[DylanRae 71]

My boyfriend... Was apprehensive to say the least. I had already been debating on WLS for years before we met.

My girlfriend was concerned but also supportive her main concern was the years fallowing surgery and keeping up with the weight loss.

My best friend was worried but supportive after she met another person who has a successful WLS story.

I was extremely nervous to tell my family about it but I finally did during a holiday family gathering. Once I fully told everyone my decision, I got the overwhelming reaction of "we just want you to be healthy and happy." I cried with tears of relief.

A friend of mine had surgery several years ago and she decided to keep it a secret. Which is fine. I personally am such a loud person that keeping this big of a secret would be impossible for me.

I also decided to yell it out loud, because the more I hide it the more shame and disapproval I am feeding to the beast so to speak. The more out I am about it the less room others have to be against me, and the more room for others to be for me. Yes, not everyone is educated on the stuff but that is when you find a trusted source that has an article about WLS and share it on their Facebook.

Anyway, personal choices, we all have them. Being out and proud is the way I was raised, and the way I will continue to live.

[TheNewSleevedJulie 43]

This is something I have thinking about quite a bit lately, as I plan to get the sleeve in May. So far only my (very supportive) husband, and my mother (who had RNY 4 yrs ago) know. As far as telling others, I think I will decide on a case by case basis. As someone else pointed out, those who have not been overweight all of their lives cannot understand what it is like to try diet after diet, to exercise and count points, calories, carbs over and over again, only to fail, and usually end up a few pounds heavier in the process. So I think that if people ask how I'm losing so much weight (assuming I do LOL) I will simply reply Portion Control, and exercise. If someone who I know has had a similar struggle with their weight asks me, I may divulge the information, but for friends who have always eaten what they want with no consequences, I think it's none of their business. Another thing I am struggling with is what to tell my job(s). I am an ER nurse, and my surgeon told me no lifting more than 10 pounds for at least a month post-op. Now, generally I don't lift an awful lot at work but my job description says I need to be able to lift 50 pounds... do I tell them I had surgery, and need light duty? Or do I just take the month off for personal reasons?

Butterfly effect I do vascular ultrasound for a major hospital. I had to tell HR and my supervisor BC I was restricted when I came back to work to the ten lb rule. People knew I was out on med leave but didn't pry as to why I was on leave and if asked I was going to say it was something personal and private

[BellaHugz 331]

I have kept it private. I wouldn't call it "secret" -- I certainly wouldn't call it a dirty little secret. I have no shame in it either way. I'm a rather private person; when I had other medical procedures done I kept those private as well.

I agree I am a very private person and i only told my husband, my daughter and two very supportive friends this time around with the sleeve. When my inlaws knew about my lapband every success moment I had they would comment on or just give me that look. So this time I decided not to give those who dont support my efforts any information. When I get down to my goal I might share. It depends how I feel. Just got to remember true friends will support you and those that Hate will continue to be Haters.

[mtnhomeeee 27]

I have had mixed responses when I've told my friends and family, I have a younger cousin who is taller than me but 3x larger than me argueing with me on Facebook last night that she has received the tools to lose her weight and keep it off yet has only lost 12 lbs in 8 months and that the tools I received in my journey should be enough when I tried to tell her why I decided to use this tool and my life long battle with my weight she just wanted to argue it more, yet she knows how many times I've lost the weight and put it back on and then some, so I told her this was the right choice for me and she can make her choices and wished her luck.

[Soontobesleeved 9]

- Sister - I know someone who knows someone who knows five people who have died from that!<br><br> - <br><br> So a mixture!

Yeah my sister just was having a teary telling me she didn't want me to do it. We're both heavy but she's never had the desire to lose. She says she has a 'bad feeling'. I think she just wanted me to hear her concerns.

[1Day1Life4Now 882]

This is a great topic for discussion and one that has been asked a few times so we know it really is an "issue". I am a private person and don't feel the need to share my medical information with others. I have included my husband and my daughter into my "circle of trust" and I have told a bit to my best friend who lives 1000 miles away. Ive not told any of my family members (parents, siblings, nieces, nephews) and I haven't told anybody that I work with. I am not ashamed. In fact I am excited and overjoyed at this opportunity which will take place a week from Monday.(Feb 10th yayyy) I know too many people that will say negative comments and I don't wish to hear any of those comments. Also, I don't want to be the subject of conversation for others that don't have anything better to talk about. Regardless of how kind and supportive people can be to our face, they will use our situation as topic of conversation with others. I hate gossip and don't want to be involved with it. Now, if people wish to talk about me when I'm thin and hot... well, that's another story. lol

[CrazyJaney 775]

This is a great topic for discussion and one that has been asked a few times so we know it really is an "issue". I am a private person and don't feel the need to share my medical information with others. I have included my husband and my daughter into my "circle of trust" and I have told a bit to my best friend who lives 1000 miles away. Ive not told any of my family members (parents, siblings, nieces, nephews) and I haven't told anybody that I work with. I am not ashamed. In fact I am excited and overjoyed at this opportunity which will take place a week from Monday.(Feb 10th yayyy) I know too many people that will say negative comments and I don't wish to hear any of those comments. Also, I don't want to be the subject of conversation for others that don't have anything better to talk about. Regardless of how kind and supportive people can be to our face, they will use our situation as topic of conversation with others. I hate gossip and don't want to be involved with it. Now, if people wish to talk about me when I'm thin and hot... well, that's another story. lol

Ditto!

[Danni-doinit4me 140]

I kept it private for the most part. My husband was the only one to know for quite sometime. Once I was approved I then told other members of my family and a few very close friends. Today if somebody asks I have no problem telling them my story, but I don't volunteer the info. The ones who do know have been very supportive. I think its a personal decision.

[Kiara5244 62]

I have told quite a few people which I am honestly regretting! Everyone has to comment or at times judge me for my decision. What annoys me most about this is that almost all of my friends and family that I have told are not overweight. They never have been and they dont understand whats its like to be the one size 20 in a room with size 0-8. And quite frankly its a part job explaining the whole concept with the surgery and the diet. I made the mistake in looking for support by telling people and some honeslty will support me in whatever I choose to do but all of their questions are killing me!

[sbarbiegirl 109]

I didn't tell everyone until 2 weeks after the surgery. I guess I'm lucky. Everyone was every positive. I didn't get any negative feedback about the wls surgery. I did have co workers tell me they can't believe I had it done in Mexico. I'm 18 weeks out and down 94 pounds. Now I hear man that surgery does work you look great. When I dine out I even tell the wait staff. Since I get a drink and normally only order a side dish I dont want them to think extreme cheapskate here. It's a personal decision. I think you have to do what you feel comfortable with. Which is weird for me because normally I'm a very private person.

[Shells_Almost_There 357]

I made the conscious choice to not tell anyone, based on the advice of the psych doctor when I went to that appointment. He said (and he was right) that those who know will constantly watch what you eat, comment on your weight loss, and also feel free to criticize your weight loss. Approximately 10 people know I had surgery, and only 3 of those are at work -- 1 is constantly commenting on how great I look in my "new" outfits (my old clothes that fit now), 1 looks me up and down whenever I see him (drives me bananas), and the other has told me not to eat certain foods when we are out together. It is annoying but I have to laugh because that psych doc was so right! Anyway, this decision was my personal medical business and no one needs to know unless I choose to share the news.

Of course this is my experience and everyone should always make their own choices. In my immediate family, only my mother knows and she was a complete spazz before surgery ("Now tell me again what they're going to do to you") and after surgery ("Should you be eating that?" over and over) - for weeks. She has finally calmed down Also, now that I've lost a bit more weight, people have really started commenting. I tend to tell them that I'm 1/3 of the way to my goal, and then we talk about high-Protein diets. That always distracts them!

Edited February 1, 2014 by Shells_Almost_There

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

We are happier that we told 3 people and we have constantly lived on a diet so it is nothing new to friends. My husband is very private and asked me not to tell all. I have learned I do not want to have my health and eating the topic of conversations. Even now, when we say we are dieting, it is question after question. Gets old. Good luck!

[Blondiee 278]

This is a great topic for discussion and one that has been asked a few times so we know it really is an "issue". I am a private person and don't feel the need to share my medical information with others. I have included my husband and my daughter into my "circle of trust" and I have told a bit to my best friend who lives 1000 miles away. Ive not told any of my family members (parents, siblings, nieces, nephews) and I haven't told anybody that I work with. I am not ashamed. In fact I am excited and overjoyed at this opportunity which will take place a week from Monday.(Feb 10th yayyy) I know too many people that will say negative comments and I don't wish to hear any of those comments. Also, I don't want to be the subject of conversation for others that don't have anything better to talk about. Regardless of how kind and supportive people can be to our face, they will use our situation as topic of conversation with others. I hate gossip and don't want to be involved with it. Now, if people wish to talk about me when I'm thin and hot... well, that's another story. lol

Circle of trust. I like that...isn't that from Meet the Fockers?

Whenever this topic comes up I always think to myself...you can't unring a bell.

[amanda mills 2]

I guess it's a totally personal decision to tell others or not, maybe it is also your way of dealing with the decision you have made to change your life! For me I wanted to get others opinions incase there was something I hadn't thought of before I had surgery. I had many ? For a parent of a child in my sons class at school who had the op 6 mths prior so I bugged her with many ? Also. She is great support now as I had a hard time after the op. My family do make remarks on how much I will be able to eat in the future but I tell them a lil of the good stuff is better than a lot of crap. It's my decision & I am happy & hoping to have a long happy life. They were also upset that I spent so much on the surgery $18 000 out of pocket as insurance classed the op as cosmetic ????. Best of luck with the choices u make ????

[Tate777 84]

I told only the people I am closest to--- a few very close friends, and my 2 sisters that I am closest to. The only people at work who know are my boss and the HR person. As far as I am concerned, it is no one's business. I am a supervisor and my employees know I needed to take a week off for medical leave. I did not offer details. I do not need anyone's opinions. I do not need them telling me their "horror" stories. Sometimes I wish I could talk about it more openly, but that is what this forum is for, right?