Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

post surgery and relationships.



Recommended Posts

I'm pre op. Three days from surgery. I have been in a relationship for two years now, and this thread more or less is targeted to those who had the surgery while in a relationship. I'm a motivated and very driven woman. I have a great career ahead of me, I have a loving family, I've seen my troubles but I use said issues to fuel my drive to success. So when I get motivated(such as my lifestyle change) I get INTO it. Now I never ask my partner to change his habits, I'm confident, though it was hard to switch the first few days of pre op I did it. I'm 26 lbs down before surgery, yay! But there is an issue...

It's causing a rift, I guess what I'm asking is there anyone out there who has had to make a choice based off your own needs and healthier lifestyle that ended in the heartbreak of another. Because you no longer can provide for this person the lifestyle they are accustomed to? And because of their bitterness or uncomfortable feeling toward yours?

I would like to hear some stories. Please share! I hope to find this feeling is one I'm not alone with.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

HMMM.. Common thread in here. There is definately resentment sometimes with your partner. they get scared your going to find someone better though that may not be your intention.. Its been thrown at me so i kinda get it. Its a tough one.

Im from Boston area but i own a home on Lake Livingston.. Is that near you?? Just wondering,,,

I cant wait to get out of the cold!!!

Chris

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

HMMM.. Common thread in here. There is definately resentment sometimes with your partner. they get scared your going to find someone better though that may not be your intention.. Its been thrown at me so i kinda get it. Its a tough one.

Im from Boston area but i own a home on Lake Livingston.. Is that near you?? Just wondering,,,

I cant wait to get out of the cold!!!

Chris

I think that's more closer to the fear for him, but the intention is entirely for me to be healthy.

Glad it's common!

And unfortunately no, I wish it'd get colder. Houston, Texas! All the harsh ridiculous weather you can ask for. One day you're sweating to death, the next it's freezing. Or it's just plain neverending breath takingly hot.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My best friends live there already. about 60 miles north of Houston. We are having this home as a retirment home but in the Summers when it is ridiculous there we have a home on the Big Island and just outside Boston.,, So we will be splitting time up...

Chris

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My best friends live there already. about 60 miles north of Houston. We are having this home as a retirment home but in the Summers when it is ridiculous there we have a home on the Big Island and just outside Boston.,, So we will be splitting time up...

Chris

How nice!! A retirement home? In Texas? I'm sorry! Haha

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

KayVon,

My hubby has voiced the same fears. Though he is a tall, handsome, THIN beast....he still worries that I'll "find someone better." Really? Makes no sense to me. He loves that I've dropped weight and am still dropping but he still worries that the "new me" won't like the "old him" anymore. It's a typical worry of our partners, I think. Now if you're with someone who has his OWN weight issues...and he's doing nothing about it...then it's truly a VALID worry. You can't have people around you who are not supportive or being self-destructive (at least I couldn't).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

How nice!! A retirement home? In Texas? I'm sorry! Haha

You have obviously never lived in a shitty, cold climate if you think that is funny.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm down a little over 30lbs and even though he's supportive, I know sometimes my husband has a little resentment, but if I'm honest, sometimes I have resentment toward him too!

Since I don't eat much, I'm okay eating the same thing for dinner 2 - 3 nights in a row before I get sick of it, whereas he eats a lot, so he wants something different each night. I resent that a dish/side that would last me for an entire week (like ground turkey meat w/taco seasoning) will only last him 1, maybe 2 meals (if he doesn't have seconds). It's an adjustment.

I think keeping communication open is how we keep from blowing up or staying mad. He hasnt said he is afraid i'll meet someone thinner and leave him, but when i asked him before surgery if he'd resent me for being smaller he said ''only if u started treating me badly because i'm a big guy''.

We havent had any major blow outs yet but i'm only a month in. I feel most irritated that he NEVER cooks and since i don't eat out during the week(processed foods put the pounds on me even in moderation) I end up having to prep ALL our Protein rich meals. We'll probably discuss that tonight because I also end up washing all the dishes (but that's a discussion for another forum)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

KayVon,

My hubby has voiced the same fears. Though he is a tall, handsome, THIN beast....he still worries that I'll "find someone better." Really? Makes no sense to me. He loves that I've dropped weight and am still dropping but he still worries that the "new me" won't like the "old him" anymore. It's a typical worry of our partners, I think. Now if you're with someone who has his OWN weight issues...and he's doing nothing about it...then it's truly a VALID worry. You can't have people around you who are not supportive or being self-destructive (at least I couldn't).

Thanks for the advice! He is a bigger guy but he is 6'4" and 250 he has a bit of a tummy but the way he eats is literally atrocious to me now. Greasy big burgers, whole pizzas, ranch. Ranch on everything. It's hard for me to sit down at a dinner with him. The smell makes me feel sick. But we have made improvement, since this post he on his own accord wanted to try a life in my shoes he has gained since then more respect and less snide comments regarding my life style change.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm down a little over 30lbs and even though he's supportive, I know sometimes my husband has a little resentment, but if I'm honest, sometimes I have resentment toward him too!

Since I don't eat much, I'm okay eating the same thing for dinner 2 - 3 nights in a row before I get sick of it, whereas he eats a lot, so he wants something different each night. I resent that a dish/side that would last me for an entire week (like ground turkey meat w/taco seasoning) will only last him 1, maybe 2 meals (if he doesn't have seconds). It's an adjustment.

I think keeping communication open is how we keep from blowing up or staying mad. He hasnt said he is afraid i'll meet someone thinner and leave him, but when i asked him before surgery if he'd resent me for being smaller he said ''only if u started treating me badly because i'm a big guy''.

We havent had any major blow outs yet but i'm only a month in. I feel most irritated that he NEVER cooks and since i don't eat out during the week(processed foods put the pounds on me even in moderation) I end up having to prep ALL our Protein rich meals. We'll probably discuss that tonight because I also end up washing all the dishes (but that's a discussion for another forum)

Thank you so much for sharing, We have been better about being open, as I told another replier he decided to try a day in my shoes and since then the snide comments and sighs of my lifestyle change have thus ended and he's given me more praise than anything. But I understand that resentment, I absolutely do. I am starting to see a portion he eats and my jaw drops.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Bashbee91

      Hey guys new to the process looking forward to this new life. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Bugg

      Hi everyone! I’m brand new here. I just went through all my pre-op requirements per my insurance company and now everything has been submitted and I’m just waiting for final approval and my surgery date. I’ve been doing research, watching YouTube videos, TikTok’s, ect.. trying to prepare my mind and what to expect so I’ll be ready for the surgery. I was so sure and so set and so ready and excited. However, now that I’ve done everything & it’s almost here, I am sooooooo scared! I know why I want it bc I’ve tried everything and I just don’t feel like I can lose weight by myself. I’m tired of being overweight my entire life. I’m miserable, but I keep psyching myself out afraid of GERD bc I know how that can be and I don’t want to have to get a bypass after already gaining the courage to even get VSG. I’m scared of complications like I’mgoing to regret doing it and be depressed that I didn’t just be more disciplined and try again to lose the weight on my own even sitting here typing this knowing in my mind i just can’t and don’t possess the discipline. I’m also afraid I won’t be able to handle the restrictions of the sleeve. What do I eat? I don’t know how to eat healthy really and don’t enjoy healthy food. I don’t know how to do this! I feel so defeated!Someone tell me they felt anything similar to this or am I not ready? I thought I was. I am so tired of being sick and tired and so tired of myself and so tired of being stuck and stuck in this body and somebody different on the outside from what I feel inside. I just want to ball up and cry.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • buildabetteranna

      over 20 lbs down since4 the pre surgery diet and surgery on the 14th
      · 1 reply
      1. Selina333

        Yay!! Congrats. I know how good that feels. 🤩

    • Jenopolis

      Had a sleeve in 2017, lost over 100 pounds. Had a DS surgery this year (2025) for more sustainable weight loss. 🤞
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • buildabetteranna

      The 14th was my day. I am home and recovery is going pretty smooth. They even let me walk out of the hospital. Picture of me in recovery curtesy of my boyfriend lol. 

      · 3 replies
      1. DaisyChainOz

        Glad it went well!! Wishing you a speedy recovery and wonderful success!! 🤗

      2. buildabetteranna

        Thank you ❤️

      3. Selina333

        Neat you have a pic of this day! I was sooo happy to get my surgery. It was well worth it! And I'm not even near my goal. I had surgery Dec. 2!

  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×