post surgery and relationships.

[KayVon 68]

I'm pre op. Three days from surgery. I have been in a relationship for two years now, and this thread more or less is targeted to those who had the surgery while in a relationship. I'm a motivated and very driven woman. I have a great career ahead of me, I have a loving family, I've seen my troubles but I use said issues to fuel my drive to success. So when I get motivated(such as my lifestyle change) I get INTO it. Now I never ask my partner to change his habits, I'm confident, though it was hard to switch the first few days of pre op I did it. I'm 26 lbs down before surgery, yay! But there is an issue...

It's causing a rift, I guess what I'm asking is there anyone out there who has had to make a choice based off your own needs and healthier lifestyle that ended in the heartbreak of another. Because you no longer can provide for this person the lifestyle they are accustomed to? And because of their bitterness or uncomfortable feeling toward yours?

I would like to hear some stories. Please share! I hope to find this feeling is one I'm not alone with.

[Christian Zaccone 243]

HMMM.. Common thread in here. There is definately resentment sometimes with your partner. they get scared your going to find someone better though that may not be your intention.. Its been thrown at me so i kinda get it. Its a tough one.

Im from Boston area but i own a home on Lake Livingston.. Is that near you?? Just wondering,,,

I cant wait to get out of the cold!!!

Chris

[KayVon 68]

HMMM.. Common thread in here. There is definately resentment sometimes with your partner. they get scared your going to find someone better though that may not be your intention.. Its been thrown at me so i kinda get it. Its a tough one.

Im from Boston area but i own a home on Lake Livingston.. Is that near you?? Just wondering,,,

I cant wait to get out of the cold!!!

Chris

I think that's more closer to the fear for him, but the intention is entirely for me to be healthy.

Glad it's common!

And unfortunately no, I wish it'd get colder. Houston, Texas! All the harsh ridiculous weather you can ask for. One day you're sweating to death, the next it's freezing. Or it's just plain neverending breath takingly hot.

[Christian Zaccone 243]

My best friends live there already. about 60 miles north of Houston. We are having this home as a retirment home but in the Summers when it is ridiculous there we have a home on the Big Island and just outside Boston.,, So we will be splitting time up...

Chris

[KayVon 68]

My best friends live there already. about 60 miles north of Houston. We are having this home as a retirment home but in the Summers when it is ridiculous there we have a home on the Big Island and just outside Boston.,, So we will be splitting time up...

Chris

How nice!! A retirement home? In Texas? I'm sorry! Haha

[FieryRed 55]

KayVon,

My hubby has voiced the same fears. Though he is a tall, handsome, THIN beast....he still worries that I'll "find someone better." Really? Makes no sense to me. He loves that I've dropped weight and am still dropping but he still worries that the "new me" won't like the "old him" anymore. It's a typical worry of our partners, I think. Now if you're with someone who has his OWN weight issues...and he's doing nothing about it...then it's truly a VALID worry. You can't have people around you who are not supportive or being self-destructive (at least I couldn't).

[woo woo 872]

How nice!! A retirement home? In Texas? I'm sorry! Haha

You have obviously never lived in a shitty, cold climate if you think that is funny.

[Comfy_Blue 285]

I'm down a little over 30lbs and even though he's supportive, I know sometimes my husband has a little resentment, but if I'm honest, sometimes I have resentment toward him too!

Since I don't eat much, I'm okay eating the same thing for dinner 2 - 3 nights in a row before I get sick of it, whereas he eats a lot, so he wants something different each night. I resent that a dish/side that would last me for an entire week (like ground turkey meat w/taco seasoning) will only last him 1, maybe 2 meals (if he doesn't have seconds). It's an adjustment.

I think keeping communication open is how we keep from blowing up or staying mad. He hasnt said he is afraid i'll meet someone thinner and leave him, but when i asked him before surgery if he'd resent me for being smaller he said ''only if u started treating me badly because i'm a big guy''.

We havent had any major blow outs yet but i'm only a month in. I feel most irritated that he NEVER cooks and since i don't eat out during the week(processed foods put the pounds on me even in moderation) I end up having to prep ALL our Protein rich meals. We'll probably discuss that tonight because I also end up washing all the dishes (but that's a discussion for another forum)

[KayVon 68]

KayVon,

My hubby has voiced the same fears. Though he is a tall, handsome, THIN beast....he still worries that I'll "find someone better." Really? Makes no sense to me. He loves that I've dropped weight and am still dropping but he still worries that the "new me" won't like the "old him" anymore. It's a typical worry of our partners, I think. Now if you're with someone who has his OWN weight issues...and he's doing nothing about it...then it's truly a VALID worry. You can't have people around you who are not supportive or being self-destructive (at least I couldn't).

Thanks for the advice! He is a bigger guy but he is 6'4" and 250 he has a bit of a tummy but the way he eats is literally atrocious to me now. Greasy big burgers, whole pizzas, ranch. Ranch on everything. It's hard for me to sit down at a dinner with him. The smell makes me feel sick. But we have made improvement, since this post he on his own accord wanted to try a life in my shoes he has gained since then more respect and less snide comments regarding my life style change.

[KayVon 68]

I'm down a little over 30lbs and even though he's supportive, I know sometimes my husband has a little resentment, but if I'm honest, sometimes I have resentment toward him too!

Since I don't eat much, I'm okay eating the same thing for dinner 2 - 3 nights in a row before I get sick of it, whereas he eats a lot, so he wants something different each night. I resent that a dish/side that would last me for an entire week (like ground turkey meat w/taco seasoning) will only last him 1, maybe 2 meals (if he doesn't have seconds). It's an adjustment.

I think keeping communication open is how we keep from blowing up or staying mad. He hasnt said he is afraid i'll meet someone thinner and leave him, but when i asked him before surgery if he'd resent me for being smaller he said ''only if u started treating me badly because i'm a big guy''.

We havent had any major blow outs yet but i'm only a month in. I feel most irritated that he NEVER cooks and since i don't eat out during the week(processed foods put the pounds on me even in moderation) I end up having to prep ALL our Protein rich meals. We'll probably discuss that tonight because I also end up washing all the dishes (but that's a discussion for another forum)

Thank you so much for sharing, We have been better about being open, as I told another replier he decided to try a day in my shoes and since then the snide comments and sighs of my lifestyle change have thus ended and he's given me more praise than anything. But I understand that resentment, I absolutely do. I am starting to see a portion he eats and my jaw drops.