So many emotions.

[LaylaJ 17]

I'm just starting this journey. I just had my nutritional visit today and I have been compiling all info for my insurance. Today was a roller coaster ride for me. I was down then up and now at almost 1 a.m. down again. I just felt that I needed to vent amongst my peers who may understand how I am feeling. I'm 28 years old 374lbs with BMI of 59.5. My health is poor it has been for years. I have a devoted husband who was my high school sweetheart that has loved me at any weight. I have two beautiful children that are my life. So given so many reasons to live and live better, I made the decision this was my year to change my life by having the sleeve. I didn't anticipate the emotional aspect because all I could see was how healthy I would feel and that excited me. Everything has been going relatively well until today. Today I spoke with my insurance and I can't use the surgeon I chose because my out of pocket expense would be $8,000. I just don't have that type of money to spend. Therefore I will have to use a in network surgeon so my out of pocket will be 4,000 total. That's with my 1,000 deductible included. I am so grateful that I have insurance. I have read about so many people who desperately need this surgery and can't have it due to no insurance. However when I think about even the $4,000 out of pocket expense I feel so guilty. I feel like this is money I will have to take away from my family because I am overweight. I feel like they are having to pay for my problem. We are not wealthy by any means but my husband ever the supportive good man he is says he wants me to have this surgery no matter what because my happiness means everything. I just feel so selfish. I know it's for my health and I should just grasp this chance any way I can if I can afford to but I can't help feeling like a burden. I debated on whether or not to attend my nutritional visit but I went anyway. She put me on a machine that weighed everything out muscle mass, Water weight, etc. Afterwards she told me I was gonna lose weight great because of my muscle mass and body build. Which made me feel so good then I got home and watched the t.v. Show my 600lb life and wept like a baby. I know I am not currently at that weight but I can see myself getting to that weight or above in a matter of years if I don't get a handle on this now or even worse I may die. I can identify with these people on the show because in many ways I see myself in some of their struggles. I just feel stuck right now between the guilt of spending the money and the hope that reaching out for that lifeline will give me. Has anyone else felt this way? I need advice please.

[Mom2-3 6]

I am so sorry you are at a place right now where you are starting to debate your decision. I too went through the negative emotions as well. Just remember how UNselfish you are being by getting the surgery done. It is hard work....nothing about it is easy, but it will be so worth it not only for you, but your family. They too will reap the rewards....they will earn a healthier, happier and more active mom/wife. It can help to give you your life back and keep you around longer for your kids and hubby. Keep your chin up girl. You got this!!

[Christian Zaccone 243]

Truly. Nothing to debate $4000.00 to live for your kids and your husband.. Thats the main focus. You are supported 100% on this board.. I was at 415lbs and now down to 220lbs in 8 months,, my results are not typical but im telling you it saved my life and will save yours also,, I wish you the best and I am here for anyone..

Christian

[Ariella 73]

I can understand how you feel girl! My partner is giving up a lot for me to get this surgery done, and he does so effortlessly. I feel selfish everyday. But I keep telling myself that I don't want to die before him and leave him all alone, that would be selfish. I take a step back and am just thankful for his support. Family is a give and take relationship. We have your back on this board! I hope you have much success.

[LaylaJ 17]

Thank y'all so much for responding to my post and for all your uplifting words. It means a great deal to me that all of you would take time to reach out to me. I have decided to go through with the surgery. I still have my psych eval. to get done then I will be ready to submit my official approval papers. I keep trying to remember that this in an investment in my life and that I need this surgery to live life to its fullest. I'm gonna try very hard to put all the other feelings out of my mind. Once again thank y'all and much love from this Louisiana girl.

[MegaBob 46]

Layla, others have addressed the emotional side of putting you and your health first so I will address the money issue. I think the surgery will pay for itself. I'm my case before surgery I was drinking at least 5 20 oz diet cokes a day at $1.50 each. The saving on diet coke alone is 2,000-2,500. Then I figured I went out for lunch 5 days a week at $7 including tip which is about 1,750 a year. Our family entertainment was going out for dinner, several times a week again costing thousands a year. Take away your out of pocket for medications and doctor visits, the savings keep going up. I keep downsizing the grocery shopping because I don't eat much at all, more savings. But the real question is what is the cost of happiness, health, quality of a long life? The psychological question is a why don't you think you are worth it? That same issue may be able why you put on the weight in the first place.

[LaylaJ 17]

Layla, others have addressed the emotional side of putting you and your health first so I will address the money issue. I think the surgery will pay for itself. I'm my case before surgery I was drinking at least 5 20 oz diet cokes a day at $1.50 each. The saving on diet coke alone is 2,000-2,500. Then I figured I went out for lunch 5 days a week at $7 including tip which is about 1,750 a year. Our family entertainment was going out for dinner, several times a week again costing thousands a year. Take away your out of pocket for medications and doctor visits, the savings keep going up. I keep downsizing the grocery shopping because I don't eat much at all, more savings. But the real question is what is the cost of happiness, health, quality of a long life? The psychological question is a why don't you think you are worth it? That same issue may be able why you put on the weight in the first place.

MegaBob, you presented 2 very good points. The surgery definitely will pay for itself when I think about it the way you have shown me. Second good point was right on target. I unfortunately have a lot of self worth issues which stemmed from my childhood. Even now surrounded by love and acceptance from my daughters and my husband I still don't think I deserve them. That has always been a struggle for me. I am anyone else's biggest cheerleader but struggle to be my own. It's amazing that you picked up on that having never met me. It is a issue I am working on but have made very little progress with.

[Carmen1963 27]

I would suggest getting a local support group and meeting other patients that have been through the process. Meet them in person. They are by the majority overwhelming in the knowledge and support. Weight issues are so highly personal and it does affect your self esteem.

I have taken care of others before myself for many, many years.

I decided it was time for me. In the beginning it did feel awkward and a little guilty. But how on earth am I going to be there for my loved ones being morbidly obese.

Many hospitals have bariatric support groups at little or no cost. Get out and attend some of those. It will only reinforce you decision with the knowledge that you are worth a healthier life.

The people you will meet are supportive, funny and full of life. That has really helped me a lot!

My surgery is on January 27th and I am happy and excited. I wish you all the best on this journey and lifestyle change. YOU ARE WORTH EVERY PENNY!

XOXOXO

[sharika 62]

I felt the same way about the money aspect. I'm only 4 months out and the number of hikes, bike rides, etc. we have taken together has already made up for anything monetary I could have given them.

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

my father died from obesity, heart disease and high blood pressure when i was 15. no amount of money could bring him back. he is dead and he never saw me graduate high school or college, never saw any of my career accomplishments, never saw me get married, met my husband or met his two amazing grandchildren. crap, i never even got the chance to have an adult conversation with him!

if your BMI is nearly 60, chances are, you are on the very same path as my dad. i know i was, i had my surgery to save my life. i dont give a shit what size pants i wear. i just didnt want to die and leave my kids the way my dad left me. if you cant see spending the money for yourself, do it for your kids and husband. cause to die from something you could have changed is really horrible, yk?

every time i go to yoga class and my teacher asks us to think about what we are grateful for, the first thing that comes to my mind is my sleeve surgery, cause i know i was given the gift of another chance at life. that is a very precious gift indeed. go ahead and grab your chance and spend the money, just be triple sure you are ready to follow your aftercare plan, cause you likely wont get a third change at a new life..... and your kids need you.

[LaylaJ 17]

Just wanted to update this thread. I went through with the surgery on 4-8-14. So I am only one day post op. I have to admit the pain is more than I expected and there have been times I have questioned what was I thinking but I know the long term benefits will far out weigh the temporary pain. Thank each of you for encouraging me to go through with it and reminding me that I am worth it. God bless you all.