Started the journey, came to the 1st fork in the road. Left for the truth, right for the discretion

[inittothinit 145]

"Well, I guess it's Hello World huh?" (a thinly veiled reference to one of my favorite pastimes)

OK, so I have been lurking at the BP site for a little while now since deciding on WLS. I have been looking for the most opportune spot to jump in the forum pool and looking at another thread concerning hiding WLS from friends and family struck pretty close to home for me......

The subject of keeping the WLS private has probably been something I have thought about the most since my decision.

I, too, am also considering keeping it a secret but wonder how I will feel about deceiving people I am close to in my life.

I have had some minor stomach issues in the past that required hospitalization so my "alibi" is already in place but still not sure how I want to proceed. I am concerned with the stigma that is associated with electing to have surgery. I generally have the physical make up of the big, burly tough guy but I realize that my long term health is what I need to deal with at this point in my life. I don't subscribe to any of the stigmas associated with having the surgery but I am not naive enough to think they aren't there. Are there any guys out there who have dealt with this dilemma? Or maybe just any thoughts or feedback?

[kata13 56]

A male coworker had bypass surgery 4 yrs ago and everyone seemed to be very supportive. His experience led me to WLS eventually. But it really depends on your work situation. It seemed my coworkers were supportive but I guess I will really know once I return to work.

[1Day1Life4Now 882]

Hello Benny,

I know you are waiting on some guys to weigh in on this topic and Im sure they will soon but just wanted to say that other than my Husband and daughter, I've not told a single soul. I don't intend to tell anyone either. I am not interested in anyone else's opinion of whether I should or should not have the surgery, I don't want anyone watching what I eat or don't eat and I don't want to be judged by others. By not telling others about the surgery, I don't have to put up with any of that. If they want to be supportive of my diet and weight loss, then they can do so. The surgery is my business and not a decision that I came upon without great thought and research. I do not feel I am deceiving anybody...it's my prerogative and legal right to keep my medical information private.

[inittothinit 145]

Thanks for the responses. I am looking for any feedback on this, not just from the guys. I should have written the post clearer.

One of my concerns is that my job is such that there is a fair amount of time between contact with people I deal with. So with as much time between contacts,, my appearance(hopefully) will be pretty drastic to them. Undoubtedly, there will be questions asked and I am not sure how I will be dealing with it.

[scarlet333 386]

I only told my husband and that is it. People did not start noticing my weight loss until about 50 pounds down. Most people then just said you look great, how much have you lost. The few who demanded specifics I didn't feel obligated to tell them about my surgery but just said what everyone knows its expending more calories then eaten. So basically I concentrated on telling them about my exercise regime. Good luck.

[sleevethefatbehind 95]

I was secretive at first, but have now told a healthy handful of people I like at work and lots of relatives, and if they happen to slip and tell someone else, I'm OK with that. I'm not going over a loudspeaker with the info, but I'm also not keeping it a secret. I'm proud of my choice, feel it was the best one for me, and have received very close to nothing but support. Plus, it just would have felt uncomfortably deceptive to me not to tell, though I know that's just my personal feeling and not everyone shares that thought.

Edited January 22, 2014 by sleevethefatbehind

[erp 2,016]

Initially, I floated the idea of surgery with a friend. She wasn't overly negative but she was clearly not for it. After that, I decided to keep my decision to myself as I realized this was a decision I was making for me. I also realized that I wouldn't consult people on any other surgery (e.g. knee surgery or whatever) so I decided to not consult on this one. None of my friends or coworkers have to live with my decision, only I do, so why was I giving anyone a say. So while people at work speculate about, did she or didn't she have wls. I say nothing, let them speculate and look fabulous in my size 6 clothes. :-)

[Pachary 8]

I work in a steel mill. It is the most brutal, crude group of people you can find in one place. "Normal" people would not work there. I have not hidden anything from them. I have also had reactions to my decision run the gamut of any and all possibilities.

That's OK. This is for me and my family. At least I know there won't be any surprises when I go back to work.

But then again, I work in a steel mill, "normal" people wouldn't work there!

[Kindle 8,667]

So I was going to be very discreet about my surgery and only told 4 people.... my business partner (to explain the time off), a friend here in Idaho who had gastric bypass years ago (for some insight and support), my sister in Wisconsin (she accompanied me to TJ for surgery), and my parents (because my sister convinced me how pissed they'd be if they found out afterwards).

In the course of 3 weeks, my partner told her whole family and any mutual friends that asked why I wasn't around at Christmas time. My friend told a number of other mutual friends because "it's no big deal and they will all see you losing weight anyways", my sister told most of the rest of my family, including brother, nieces and nephews, and my mom told any family members that my sister missed -aunts and uncles, and everybody in her retirement park down in Arizona. I actually got texts and calls from friends in North Carolina and Florida asking how my surgery went! They wouldn't tell how they found out. So my "secret" is now known by no less than 50 people in 5 states.

Luckily I have had nothing but supportive feedback. If anyone is saying anything negative, at least they are doing it behind my back. Turns out this may have been the best thing, though. I did feel awkward about potentially having to lie to friends about my weight loss, but now I won't have to, and I didn't have to do the explaining about the surgery and justify my decision over and over.

[Megaloo 4]

I'm glad I'm not the only one debating this topic in my head! I'm a high school teacher, and I'm looking at having the procedure done over Spring Break. I have told a few colleagues I am close to, but I feel adamant about not telling my students. Sometimes it just feels like a little too much information about their teacher. Also, if you think adults are bad with the filter, try 120 sixteen year olds!

[truck8595 64]

Hey Benny,

From one big burly fella to another, hi-five!!

I can tell you that this was a decision I had to make judiciously as well. When my wife and I did the research and discussed WLS with my primary doctor as a viable option back in July, I kept it to just the three of us. There were two reasons for this: 1.) I wanted to leave myself an "out" if I ever needed to hit the eject button on the process, then I wouldn't owe anyone any explanations (not that I really would anyway)... and 2.) I'm fortunate to lead a pretty awesome social life and have many circles fo friends through the band I play in, an adult wiffle ball league that I founded, and a karate school that I'm a student with. I did not want to subject myself to the mountain of annoying but well-intentioned advice, recommendations, and judgments of others.

As time passed and more hoops were jumped through, I became more comfortable with the decision and the process, enough to let a select few people in on "the big secret". People who sort of needed to know, really. My boss, my parents, my kids, and my very closest friends.

Finally, after my initial surgeon's appoinement about 2 weeks ago, it all became pretty real, and with an insurance approval and subsequent surgery date almost imminent, it was time for me to peel back the proverbial curtain on this whole thing.

And you know what? I have no regrets. Yes, I have a few friends that are baffled why I am going this route (coincidentally, all of them are in-shape gym rats who probably haven't been on this side of the fatty fence a day in their lives), but there were just as many who confided in me that they too have had WLS, and I never even knew! By and large, though, I've gotten so much love and support from everybody, that I knew I made the right call making it public.

It's nice to have a big cheering section when going thru something like this, so I feel very very fortunate.

Edited January 22, 2014 by truck8595

[woo woo 872]

The concern for me is becoming a WLS poster child -- I don't want that to be the first thing people think of when they see me.

I also am not crazy about the idea of others gossiping about me when I am not around. I am a pretty private person though.

[inittothinit 145]

thanks for all the replies.

Hi Five, Truck......I am sure you know what I am trying to convey about big and burly.....it's real cool to be the big bad ass guy in the room, but big and bad doesn't age well......all our skinny, healthy buddies will be our pall bearers at a much too young age for us if we don't drastically change our weight. that's my main impetus for WLS....getting to a healthy weight that extends my life expectancy

My job is such that I will go a month or more in between contacts with clients...I know there will be questions and I don't know that I need or want to explain the whole process I am headed for. Maybe just a simple "diet and exercise" will be enough of an answer to suffice them. I guess that's not really a lie or deception......just a partial answer

As far as people closer in my life........I am still struggling with who to tell......

[truck8595 64]

It's all about keeping ourselves around and healthy as long as possible for those who love and depend on us, my man.

Figuring out who to tell (or not) and when sort of morphed throughout the process for me. There's no right or wrong answer I don't think-- whatever answer brings the most happiness to you and for you is the right one. And that might change over time.

Keep the faith, Benny! We'll me miniature versions of ourselves in no time!!

[SuperFab 689]

thanks for all the replies. Hi Five, Truck......I am sure you know what I am trying to convey about big and burly.....it's real cool to be the big bad ass guy in the room, but big and bad doesn't age well......all our skinny, healthy buddies will be our pall bearers at a much too young age for us if we don't drastically change our weight. that's my main impetus for WLS....getting to a healthy weight that extends my life expectancy My job is such that I will go a month or more in between contacts with clients...I know there will be questions and I don't know that I need or want to explain the whole process I am headed for. Maybe just a simple "diet and exercise" will be enough of an answer to suffice them. I guess that's not really a lie or deception......just a partial answer As far as people closer in my life........I am still struggling with who to tell......

Why can't you say "it's amazing what being more active and eating healthy can do to a body" when someone mentions your change in appearance?