She likes me fat - I make her feel better about herself

[Kristin1969 57]

Am I the only one who is discovering the hard way that some of my friends want me around to give them an ego boost?

[McButterpants 2,846]

You will find out a lot about the people around you during this journey! Somethings you may not like!

[keish_lorraine 190]

I have a guy friend that I have been seeing, and he doesn't want me to have surgery. He told me that if I lose a lot of weight, then he won't like me. I think that's code for "I'm afraid you're going get skinny and leave me for another man." I told him that he could do me a favor and move on now, because I'm having the surgery for ME.

Edited January 22, 2014 by keish_lorraine

[nursnhearts 8]

Not only friends but family too! 2 of my sisters fought me tooth and nail to not have the surgery not because they were worried about my safety, they were worried about me loosing weight and looking healthy so they tried to get all kinds of support to try to stop me....On the day of my surgery they didn't even acknowledge me until days later they texted me and asked me how i felt. You trying to change yourself to get healthier people will do everything to stop you. I am 3.5 wks post op and so so hapy I did it, Just keep trucking on, you are on the right path

[Indigo1991 1,612]

Oh no, you're not, been there, done that and got the t-shirt!

When we start to lose weight, we shake up how people see us - and where they think we fit in their life. You might have always been the fat friend - so what are you when you're no longer playing that role?

I have one friend who, when she saw me after a couple of months, said "I have 19lbs to lose" - and that was before she said hello. It's been a bit awkward because she obviously felt better about herself when she wasn't the fattest of us.

Don't let anyone throw you off course as you lose weight. The problem is theirs but how we respond to them is our choice. Good luck!

[gmanbat 5,889]

I have a big problem with folks who feel better about themselves at the expense of the suffering of other people. Love does not do this. Such is not friendship, it is leaching. Count the surgery as getting rid of excess fat and excess bloodsuckers.

[greensleeve 457]

How do you know they want you for the ego boost? I'm just curious.

[Kristin1969 57]

I can't say for certain - it's a feeling I have been getting based on comments from a few people. One person who calls herself my BFF has said things like, "if it was me, I'd just stop eating" and, "are you sure you wouldn't rather be overweight than have all that gross loose skin?" The feeling I get from her is that I make her feel better about herself - my obvious flaws make her feel less flawed. She will come around - she's a very jealous person by nature (or upbringing I should say). If she doesn't come around I will cut her out of my life. It's time for me to be good to me.

How do you know they want you for the ego boost? I'm just curious.

[DaddyMarie 291]

Funny this is the first post I see this morning because just last night I was telling my best friend last night that I am scared she wont love me anymore after im a skinny non foodie, non drinker. She said, "OMFG are you KIDDING ME?! Did that really just come out of your mouth?" She goes, "Steph I love you!! All of you, big, little, skinny, fat, poor, rich, drunk, sober, whatever! We sill have tons of fun together when were sober so chill out mama, im here forever!!"

I love her!

[greensleeve 457]

I can't say for certain - it's a feeling I have been getting based on comments from a few people. One person who calls herself my BFF has said things like, "if it was me, I'd just stop eating" and, "are you sure you wouldn't rather be overweight than have all that gross loose skin?" The feeling I get from her is that I make her feel better about herself - my obvious flaws make her feel less flawed. She will come around - she's a very jealous person by nature (or upbringing I should say). If she doesn't come around I will cut her out of my life. It's time for me to be good to me.

How do you know they want you for the ego boost? I'm just curious.

She doesn't sound very bright! I'm sorry, those are terrible things to say to a friend!

[SuperFab 689]

My boyfriend flat out said "you're gonna lose weight and leave me for a skinny guy". Umm... He said it jokingly but it was what he was thinking. I'm like, get some self esteem babe!

[Comfy_Blue 285]

My husband has been super supportive this entire journey(including lifting me up so i could use the bed pan rightnafter surgery) but he let it slip yesterday that he "missed how we used to eat out and eat so much at Chevy's". I was like "honey we can still eat there" and he was like "yeah but sll you can have is like half a flauta and maybe a couple bites of quesadillas."

He apologized later andnsaid he was proud of me and he didn't mesn to make me feel bad, but I still think a little part of him misses when I was pre-opt because we were eating buddies. We'd do Chipotle, then share a carton of chunky monkey. When i start to miss those days, i remind myself how much I've gained(like lower blood pressure, control over myself, more money, better mobility, etc)

[Butterflyhigh 504]

That is the problem that I have with my family. The problem is not necessarily that my larger flaws are more visible than their smaller flaws....it's that my successes highlight their lack of success.

Many people no matter their size, income level, relationship status, etc. are insecure about themselves. When standing next to a person who is confident and/or more successful than they are they feel their insecurities strongly. It makes them uncomfortable. They feel "less than".

I feel empathy and sympathy for people like that, but I don't have the time or head space to devote to making them feel better. Either they work it out themselves within themselves or they don't. I had a friend who had a hard time when I started doing much better financially than she was. She was a good friend and I recognized that. We openly talked about how it was sometimes difficult for her to see me do so much better in the money department. She recognized that her feelings were her insecurities...and she dealt with it. Years later we are still the best of friends. So maybe just openly talking to your friend may help you both understand what is happening internally.

That is the reason why I am keeping my surgery a secret from everyone in my family. They would not be supportive, they would feel threatened, and they would not try to deal with those internal feelings. They would just gossip and trash-talk me behind my back. So screw them.

[MsVictorious1020 497]

I've encountered this as well. My soon to be ex told me before surgery, "I don't see how this is going to work. I mean how'd you get so fat in the first place?" When we met to discuss our impending divorce he prefaced a sentence with "Now that you're pretty and skinny...." I was like oh so I'm pretty now I wasn't before.

I've noticed women treat me way differently. And it's not always the overweight ones. The pretty thin ones keep me at arms length too. Additionally, guys who I've known for ages and never gave me a second look are popping out of the woodworks. In the words of Sweet Brown..."Ain't Nobody Got Time Fa Dat!"

[Kristin1969 57]

Your reply made me LOL - you hit the nail on the head. She is not the sharpest tool in the shed.

I can't say for certain - it's a feeling I have been getting based on comments from a few people. One person who calls herself my BFF has said things like, "if it was me, I'd just stop eating" and, "are you sure you wouldn't rather be overweight than have all that gross loose skin?" The feeling I get from her is that I make her feel better about herself - my obvious flaws make her feel less flawed. She will come around - she's a very jealous person by nature (or upbringing I should say). If she doesn't come around I will cut her out of my life. It's time for me to be good to me.

How do you know they want you for the ego boost? I'm just curious.

She doesn't sound very bright! I'm sorry, those are terrible things to say to a friend!