Secret Surgery

[KristinaRnY 455]

I have been criticized my entire life for being fat and there is no way in hell I'm going to criticized once I'm healthy because I had WLS. No fricken way. That's why I'm not telling people.

[soontobestacy 3]

I too have kept my upcoming RNY a secret. My husband knows, of course, he is also having the surgery in March, we have shared it with my stepdaughter as she worries about her fathers recent diagnosis of Type 2 diabetes and we wanted to ease her mind that the WLS should help eliminate that. Other then that I have only shared with one friend at work and she is supportive and excited to see my progress. I will probably tell my family once it's done. I'm waiting until then for 2 main reasons, 1st I do not want anyone worrying and 2nd I need to keep my thoughts clear of any other opinions except my own. This is a huge decision and I am making it for me alone. Everyone has an opinion but right now I do not need any added confusion. I've done my research and feel good about my new future. My main concern with not telling the people closes to me (my mom, son and daughter, sister) is that they will be hurt and upset with me for not sharing prior. I guess that spells out my issue with pleasing others before myself pretty clearly :-0 this time it's about me and I cannot be swayed or confused by the opinions of others no matter how much I love them, they will be happy when I'm healthy and around much longer :-)

[Wallflower7522 328]

I should be getting a surgery date this week and I've only told a few people. My husband, brother, and a handful of friends are the only ones that know. I'm usually pretty open about stuff but I'm also very introverted when it comes to the heavy stuff and I can not bring myself to tell my family. I think they'll mostly be supportive but I also know they'll be overbearing. My parents haven't always been great and now it's like they try too hard. Our relationship is complicated to say the least. They'll want to "be there for me" but they'll only want to do what makes them feel better about it, and not do what i really need. I've had two minor surgeries this year and they stressed me out both times by trying to out "good parent" each other. My mom is a nurse so I'm hoping she'll at least be helpful but I just really don't want my dad around. He's not going to take this "rejection" well.

I also just really don't want people visiting me in the hospital or at home. I'm going to look and feel like crap and be stuck in a hospital gown that leaves me super exposed. And my house is going to be a wreck because I won't be able to clean it.

Unless my husband insist I tell his close family I'm going to tell my parents a few days before and ask that they respect my choice and my wishes. I have plenty of support from friends who've had the surgery so I think I'll be fine. I'll tell everyone else after when/if the time comes. I'm sure I'll get put on the "why didn't you tell me" guilt trip more times than I can count but I guess I have to do what's right for me.

[pupichupi 124]

I should be getting a surgery date this week and I've only told a few people. My husband, brother, and a handful of friends are the only ones that know. I'm usually pretty open about stuff but I'm also very introverted when it comes to the heavy stuff and I can not bring myself to tell my family. I think they'll mostly be supportive but I also know they'll be overbearing. My parents haven't always been great and now it's like they try too hard. Our relationship is complicated to say the least. They'll want to "be there for me" but they'll only want to do what makes them feel better about it, and not do what i really need. I've had two minor surgeries this year and they stressed me out both times by trying to out "good parent" each other. My mom is a nurse so I'm hoping she'll at least be helpful but I just really don't want my dad around. He's not going to take this "rejection" well.

I also just really don't want people visiting me in the hospital or at home. I'm going to look and feel like crap and be stuck in a hospital gown that leaves me super exposed. And my house is going to be a wreck because I won't be able to clean it.

Unless my husband insist I tell his close family I'm going to tell my parents a few days before and ask that they respect my choice and my wishes. I have plenty of support from friends who've had the surgery so I think I'll be fine. I'll tell everyone else after when/if the time comes. I'm sure I'll get put on the "why didn't you tell me" guilt trip more times than I can count but I guess I have to do what's right for me.

Hi Wallflower, boy your story about your parents sounds like mine. I don't blame you, but at this point if that is the way they are going to be do you really want to tell them before your surgery? I'm not telling either of my parents. My Husband is taking me to the hospital and picking me up, I am not dealing with my mom and dad, specially cause I had my mom at my lapband surgery and she just was all negative about having the surgery and not that I am doing the gastric bypass I can only imagine how she is going to be. I don't want negative, I need positive, and my husband is basically the only person that knows. I am not even telling our kids at this point cause my kids have big mouths, and I don't want my daughter telling my mom, she is very close to my mom and I know she will spill it. So i am just keeping it to me and my husband and then from there I will move on. I am just ready, My tentative surgery date is march 5th and it could possibly be moved up, just waiting on my doctors office. I will find out more next Tuesday. So anyway do you, don't worry about who gives you the guilt trip, tell them that it was a surprise that you wanted to surprise everyone with your weight loss? Don't worry about your house too, if your husband and friends are as supportive as they sound then they will be there to back you up, and help with those things that you can do for a little bit. When I had my lapband surgery the only day I had a problem was that first day after surgery, because they fill your belly up with air and they can't get it all out after so you get gas pockets in your belly but get some gas x strips or melts, and you will do fine. Your going to do great, just have faith in yourself, and that's all that matters is you not everyone else!!!

[pupichupi 124]

I had a secret surgery - and I mean SECRET.....

Aside from my surgeon, only my husband knew/knows. I am 9 months out. I NEVER regretted keeping this a secret. I joined this forum and only those here know.

Last week I had a breast cancer scare and saw several doctors, of which different family members came to different apts. That was tough because I HATED that I had to reveal to each doctor, my surgical history. I did well though with keeping my family from hearing.

I was told I was INSANE for doing this without ANY help....

My husband was out of state for work and was scared for me and didn't approve because I went through it all alone. I had one friend drop me off (lied to her why I needed ride to hospital) and had a different friend pick me up (also lied to that friend why I was there). I then took care of myself alone for the entire time. 6 weeks later, my Doctor cleared me to travel and I drove 500 miles to where husband was working.

So here is an issue I am facing....

I am 9 months out, and down 100lbs. People have indeed noticed the loss. I was VERY careful to not plan dinners with friends or go to restaurants with family - and if I did, I would generally say I wasnt too hungry or I didnt feel so great. I used the excuse of menstrual cramps pretty regularly. NO ONE questions those.

Do I feel a bit like a fraud? eh well yeah a little bit. Do I give a flying f*ck - NOPE. I could care less if anyone THINKS I had bypass.

I did have a family member ask me - and I burst out laughing in her face saying "seriously, you think I could have hidden a major surgery like that????"

You know what it sounds to me like you have done a great job of doing what you set out to do on the surgery, so my suggestions to you is that maybe it's time to let the cat out of the bag and let the people that your close to know. You shouldn't have to stress about going to dinner with friends or meeting with family and worried if they will find out. You have done this for yourself and who cares if they don't approve after it's already done, they have seen the results obviously. I think now you can just be like here I am and this is what I had to do to get my health in order, and if you don't approve well it's not your life and I am sure everyone will accept the fact that you did it, cause they love you, and they want to support you, but man I give you big props for doing it all on your own. That's insane, I had the lapband surgery prior to me now going in to have the bypass, and I remember how that was and I can only imagine how much worse this one will be and so I think your pretty amazing and I don't even know you!!! You do you, no worries about what others think!!!!

[SouthernFriedPugs 8]

I'm on here because my sister just had bypass surgery on Monday so I really have no room to speak. However, I just want to tell all of you with unsupportive friends and family that they are jerks. I've seen how my sister has struggled since she was a child with weight. I've seen her lose and gain. I've seen her not go to amusement parks because she was terrified that she wouldn't fit on the rides. This surgery was an enormously difficult choice for her, but one she made for her physical and mental health. Anyone that sneers at you for "taking the easy way out" needs to be flogged. The easy way out is to give up.

I didn't know a lot about these surgeries until my sister really started investigating them. Yes, they are drastic and life-changing. Isn't that the point? So is cancer treatment. No one tells a chemo patient they are taking the easy way out. That if they had just tried harder, they could have beat cancer.

I applaud every single one of you. You are taking control over your life in a way that you couldn't before. I wish I could give you all hugs.

[Krystal7k 243]

I have told very few people about my surgery..Had intentions of having it coming home and getting down to business and looking like I was on a supervised diet............That failed miserably...So After 5 months in the hospital due to complications with the WLS I fibbed and said I had scar tissue removed from my stomach due to ulcers and went septic..........

So far so good,,only a few know and I plan on keeping it that way until the book comes out...lol

What made you have to stay in the hospital

[soontobestacy 3]

<p>I'm on here because my sister just had bypass surgery on Monday so I really have no room to speak. However, I just want to tell all of you with unsupportive friends and family that they are jerks. I've seen how my sister has struggled since she was a child with weight. I've seen her lose and gain. I've seen her not go to amusement parks because she was terrified that she wouldn't fit on the rides. This surgery was an enormously difficult choice for her, but one she made for her physical and mental health. Anyone that sneers at you for "taking the easy way out" needs to be flogged. The easy way out is to give up. </p> <p>I didn't know a lot about these surgeries until my sister really started investigating them. Yes, they are drastic and life-changing. Isn't that the point? So is cancer treatment. No one tells a chemo patient they are taking the easy way out. That if they had just tried harder, they could have beat cancer. </p> <p>I applaud every single one of you. You are taking control over your life in a way that you couldn't before. I wish I could give you all hugs. </p>

Thank you so much for your support and understanding :-) I don't know what more to say