Secret Surgery

[bigloser2014 144]

All,

I am new here. My initial consult is scheduled for next week. I have a question: Has anyone done the surgery without letting friends and relatives know? My husband and daughters are very supportive and ofcourse they know. But I am thinking of not telling anyone else. Scared that people will not understand my reasons, including my own brother who is a doctor. Wondering if anyone has done this. What were your reasons and have you been able to maintain your secret?

Edited January 21, 2014 by bigloser2014

[Healthyoutlook 0]

I didn't tell my extended family until the night before surgery. I didn't want to listen to their concerns, arguments, etc. I told them the night before so all they could do was wish me well for the surgery. It worked well for me.

[hayesa727 4]

I had a secret surgery. I just had my surgery last friday on 17th. I didn't tell anyone other than my mother, who also had wls, until the week before. This was done because I would have the " your not fat enough to have surgery". REALLY what is fat enough? In any case, I will continue to keep it a secret from my boyfriend's family and co-workers. This is primarily because they are from an older generation and his aunt is a nutritionist. Ultimately, I am choosing not to care, because it's done now, I doing great and really that is all that matters.

[bigloser2014 144]

I had a secret surgery. I just had my surgery last friday on 17th. I didn't tell anyone other than my mother, who also had wls, until the week before. This was done because I would have the " your not fat enough to have surgery". REALLY what is fat enough? In any case, I will continue to keep it a secret from my boyfriend's family and co-workers. This is primarily because they are from an older generation and his aunt is a nutritionist. Ultimately, I am choosing not to care, because it's done now, I doing great and really that is all that matters.

I am hoping to get to a point where I can say, "I don't care". My concern is that my extended family will act like I took the easy way out, whereas all of us know that this is no easy way out. If it was, I would have taken it 10 years ago.

Edited January 21, 2014 by bigloser2014

[enjoyinglife 313]

I was slightly hesitant to tell anyone for fear of: "you took the easy way out" But, if you really stop and think about it, what we did to our body and our mind when we had WLS, was anything but the easy way out. The easy way out would have been to say screw it, I am who I am and I don't care how heavy I am or what anyone thinks. In the end I did tell my family, friends, and co-worksers. 90% of them have been supportive, the other 10% were concerned that I would die on the operating table. I don't know that I could have kept my surgery a secret. I have lost 91lbs in just under 4 months. People have taken notice. When people ask me how I did it, I proudly tell them I had WLS, of course I am also busting my butt at the gym and eating cleanly. Good Luck!!

[cutiepieinchi 158]

I wont be telling anyone (other that my mom) about my surgery. I just feel that I dont want a ton of people knowing because I dont want to hear all of the comments.

[2biglamb 65]

I told most of my family and friends. ( I had surgery yesterday.) Sometimes I regret telling so many people because I was told I am taking the easy way out, I am crazy or that I should do research and make sure I am 100% sure! Then there are the ones that make it all ok by how very supportive they are!! Some I did not even think would support me! Good luck!

[jtickle 295]

I have my first consultation on February 3rd. There are only two people that know I am going to go thru with the surgery. My husband and a friend I met at the weight loss seminar. I have really bad back pain along with other issues from being overweight, My friends and family think I should get a surgery on my back to fix it, but I think my weight has a lot to do with my pain. I have already had 5 surgeries on my back. It's completely up to you who you tell. Personally its just something I am going to keep to myself for now.

[ReaRaes 49]

I have told very few people. Only those that I know will support me. I will not be telling any of my family other than my husband, a cousin and my mother in law, ever if I can help it. I've told a couple people at work and will have to tell my brother's doctor, but will be asking him not to tell my brother. I won't be seeing my family much for the rest of my life so I don't really think it is any of their business. Let them mn think what they want when they see me.

[Cherry 71]

I had a secret surgery - and I mean SECRET.....

Aside from my surgeon, only my husband knew/knows. I am 9 months out. I NEVER regretted keeping this a secret. I joined this forum and only those here know.

Last week I had a breast cancer scare and saw several doctors, of which different family members came to different apts. That was tough because I HATED that I had to reveal to each doctor, my surgical history. I did well though with keeping my family from hearing.

I was told I was INSANE for doing this without ANY help....

My husband was out of state for work and was scared for me and didn't approve because I went through it all alone. I had one friend drop me off (lied to her why I needed ride to hospital) and had a different friend pick me up (also lied to that friend why I was there). I then took care of myself alone for the entire time. 6 weeks later, my Doctor cleared me to travel and I drove 500 miles to where husband was working.

So here is an issue I am facing....

I am 9 months out, and down 100lbs. People have indeed noticed the loss. I was VERY careful to not plan dinners with friends or go to restaurants with family - and if I did, I would generally say I wasnt too hungry or I didnt feel so great. I used the excuse of menstrual cramps pretty regularly. NO ONE questions those.

Do I feel a bit like a fraud? eh well yeah a little bit. Do I give a flying f*ck - NOPE. I could care less if anyone THINKS I had bypass.

I did have a family member ask me - and I burst out laughing in her face saying "seriously, you think I could have hidden a major surgery like that????"

[knt4ever 137]

My Wiff knows and NO ONE else.

I have being telling people I am seeing a Nutritionist (which I am) and I am on strict diet that only allows food with low fat and low sugar with drinking only Water (which I am). Also said I am eating a lot smaller portions (which I am).

So I am not lying to them, I am just not mentioning the surgery because it is none of their bees whack!!!!

Some tell everyone and some tell only one. There isn't a right or wrong in this.

I believe a poet once said, "It's my Prerogative!"

Edited January 22, 2014 by knt4ever

[Emeree 19]

I too had a secret surgery, hence why I don't have a pic of myself on this site out of paranoia that someone I know may have done this and tell my family . My husband knows and one of my out of state friends, who is my fibromyalgia penpal knows, but that's it.

I have been able to easily hide it because I moved away from family and friends and live in a very rural area and I have no friends where I currently live.

However, my husband and I are planning to move back home and I'm not sure how I am going to hide the way I eat. My family and a friend back home know that I lost weight, but they think that it is from a combination of me eating healthy for over a year and from me losing my appetite a lot from my fibro flare-ups.

It will be hard to eat so little when I am around them, so although I have another 6 months before I return home, I am a lil bit worried about that.

Just wanted to share this so you will know that you are not alone .

[Cherry 71]

I too had a secret surgery, hence why I don't have a pic of myself on this site out of paranoia that someone I know may have done this and tell my family . My husband knows and one of my out of state friends, who is my fibromyalgia penpal knows, but that's it.

I have been able to easily hide it because I moved away from family and friends and live in a very rural area and I have no friends where I currently live.

However, my husband and I are planning to move back home and I'm not sure how I am going to hide the way I eat. My family and a friend back home know that I lost weight, but they think that it is from a combination of me eating healthy for over a year and from me losing my appetite a lot from my fibro flare-ups.

It will be hard to eat so little when I am around them, so although I have another 6 months before I return home, I am a lil bit worried about that.

Just wanted to share this so you will know that you are not alone .

Actually, when I am out w/friends &/or family, I have just found that if I skip appetizers, Soups, salads, then I can eat 1/2 of a small 7oz steak with some of the veggies.... I constantly say that one of the ways I have reduced my weight is by reducing the portions and eating more often through the day. No one has really questioned it.

Sadly, I have also found the serving sizes of other people's plate to be disgusting and I constantly feel ashamed that I myself had eaten portions of such size. My smaller portions have also made my sister feel embarrassed for her own over-portions.

[hmjdreamingbig 93]

I have the most wonderfully supportive husband...and other than 1 of my kiddos being really worried about it..the most supportive family. My mom, step dad and brothers know...I tried to tell my dad and step mother but...was met with my father ignoring me and my stepmother telling me how her sister had it and put all the weight back on...it was just a big waste of money. (That feels great) I finally got up the courage to tell 2 of my closest friends. And they both have been supportive. Other than that...I believe I'm done for now. If someone were to ask me point blank...I don't think I'd lie... But at the same time the fear of what others will think of me...really gets to me.

[terry1118 1,274]

All,

I am new here. My initial consult is scheduled for next week. I have a question: Has anyone done the surgery without letting friends and relatives know? My husband and daughters are very supportive and ofcourse they know. But I am thinking of not telling anyone else. Scared that people will not understand my reasons, including my own brother who is a doctor. Wondering if anyone has done this. What were your reasons and have you been able to maintain your secret?

I told my hubby and two of my three adult children. My son is a marine stationed on the other side of the country. I didn't want him to worry so I didn't tell him till he came home on leave, a month afterward. My doctor requires a support team of friends and/or family at home AND work so I also told my manager (who had the band surgery and supported my decision), my immediate supervisor, and one coworker who I consider a friend. I needed support at work so if I got sick someone would know why and would look out for me, offering encouragement and filling in for me till it passed. I had at least four separate incidences of food getting stuck at work, with nausea and vomiting for several hours. I couldn't have managed without help and support from my 'team'.

I told no one else, but word got out eventually. My daughter accidentally spilled the Beans to my mother-in-law and within a couple days everyone she knew heard. A bitter coworker eavesdropped on a conversation between my friend and supervisor and proceeded to blab it to anyone with ears (she was reprimanded by HR and my boss for invasion of privacy). But the story was out and spread quickly. When anyone tries to talk to me about it I redirect the conversation. When that doesn't work I tell them it's personal. If they still push me then the polite responses stop and it's time to be firm. It's private and personal and it's my business, not theirs.