Keeping it a secret?

[MacMadame 81]

I have only told my immediate family and my mom. Once I have the surgery and the weight starts coming off, I will tell people if they ask. But I don't want the world to think I'm inviting them into my business. I've done that before and then you get people asking you how much you lost every day and commenting on everything you put in your mouth. Even if they aren't doing it to be mean, it gets annoying after a while.

OTOH, I just found out my dh told a mutual friend of ours! I think I need to talk to him. I don't really mind that much that our friend knows, but I wanted it to be my decision to tell people.

[kathystrick 3]

Ok, so I thought I was doing pretty well picking and choosing who I shared my upcoming surgery with. Then I found out that my mother has made it the hot topic of conversation not only with various extended family members but also her entire Sunday School class!! So much for my choice of privacy!

[lapthismargaret 0]

My husband knows I am going to do this and thinks I am crazy but supports my choice " as log as i am happy " My friends that I have told ( all size 0 to 4 ) think I dont need it (by the way I am in a 18 working on a 20 ) ..So I give up on talking to people about it ...Thats why I am trilled I found this site !!!!! I have gained something other than weight from this site (lol)...I finally feel someone understands!

I have been talking about this for sometime and I think everyone thinks this a process taken littly and its not there are many choices and options to way out and this site helps give light to my questions and fears ! BUT with that being said once I am banded I wont answer any of my family and friends questions.... maybe I am being childish but support starts from the begining not the middle.....

[kellygirl0520 0]

I am scheduled to get my band on May 9th and have been very open about my experience. If my jouney can help one person that struggles with obesity than my experience is even more valuable. I know people that have had WLS and tried to keep it a secret and they constantly have people talking about them behind their back making statements like "does she really think we don't know!" The thing to remember is, most people know or speculate anyway. I feel better shedding a positive light on this procedure and confronting the haters head on!

Edited April 29, 2008 by kellygirl0520

[Abby Normal 0]

Im pretty conflicted on who to tell about this process. Im not banded yet, but the pre-op process is pretty intensive. I told my mom, and she knows me the best, and thinks its a great idea. She doesnt want to out live her daughter...and I think thats her motivation for being supportive. My boyfriend knows, ONLY because we live together and have a child, so all my 5 hour appointments and such would be difficult to keep from him. I told my sister, and she thought it was an okay idea, said she would be supportive, but then kinda fizzled out in support. My office knows (all two of them), because Im taking so much time off for appointments and such, I thought it only fair to tell them. My boss isnt terribly supportive, I assume because of all the time I have to take off. I told him that I want to be around to see my kids grow, and I think he understood.

Im seriously considering telling my best friend. She's truly the best, and I know she will ask all the pertinent questions, and play devils advocate, but in the end she will support me...I just dont feel like getting into it so in depth right now with her....I like the idea of surprising her with all my weight loss, but I think Ill crack and tell her wayyyyy before.

I dont want to be embarassed by this, but I am. I used to be so critical of my friend who had gastric bypass (she eventually died from her obesity), and I was totally one of those people who thought it was the easy way out....I know now I was mistaken, but I dont want others to think the same about me...but I also dont want to be a liar...ugh...

[Allison 2]

I'm really struggling with telling people right now. The only people I have told are my mom, my sister, and 2 close friends.

Everyone but my sister is supportive. When I told her she just started at me with this evil look, I was so taken back, I had to say, "isn't that exciting?" Just to break the silence. She replied with, "no, thats f**king stupid, you're so f**king lazy, get off your fat ass and do it yourself." Needless to say I will never discuss it with her ever again, I live with her so it will be hard but I was so hurt by her comment. My mother has told my father, he is obviously not supportive (he and my sister are both athletes and best buddies, gag me) but, as with most situations in my life, he just ignores them, and me.

I told a few friends when I started all the research back in September. I had mostly negative responces, but then again most of my friends are between ages 17-22 and have never struggled with their weight. The only 2 that were supportive are the two that I am confiding in now, one is a childhood friend who is an athlete but the biggest sweatheart in the world, and is also a biology major who wrote a paper on the positive outcomes of Lap Band before I even mentioned it. The other is my narcisistic gay male friend who I think is just super excited about me being able to go shopping in designer stores with him hahha.

When it comes time to tell the other couple friends, and I really only plan on telling about 3 more people, I'm going to be really blunt about it, "so I've been doing a lot of research the past few months and I finally decided to get my stomach banded. I've been gaining so much weight lately I really think this is the right decision and will help me in the end." I don't want to have to explain everything in detail, but I don't want to be a liar either, I have a couple weeks before surgery so I'll use this time to prepare for everything, including telling people.

[SeattleSweetie 5]

Tomorrow is my band date and the only people I've told about the band are my mother, my best friend, and my fiancee.

My dad is a really judgmental person, so my mom agreed to keep it a total secret from him. If I lose a lot of weight, he'd be happy for me, but if he knew it was because of a band, it would just turn into a big episode of how I wasn't able to do it on my own, and that's no fun for anyone. I'd rather he just be proud of me for me.

My fiancee and best friend are both great people and have promised secrecy (fiancee isn't one to really talk much anyway - he doesn't like having other people in his business).

I've had to take a good amount of time off work for various doctor appointments, so I just told my boss I had a thyroid problem and was having a small exploratory surgery. She's a blabbermouth and if I tell her about the band, it will get around to the entire company, and like many others who have posted here, I don't want everyone judging every bite I take of food or if I'm losing wait too fast, to slow, or otherwise.

[NickyCynCyn 0]

I didn't want pressure or criticism, so I've only told my very best friend. Everyone else thinks I had hernia surgery.

As far as I'm concerned, no one needs to know.

[Carrie_C 9]

I have only told my husband and my mother, and I only told her today. (My surgery is scheduled for May 22). I don't plan on telling anyone at work. They are all very judgemental and jealous of everything, so it would only make it worse to tell them. I don't plan on telling anyone else, but I'm sure my mother will spread it around the family, she can't keep a secret. But I don't really care. Like someone else said in a previous post, the people who make fun of me now for being fat will probably be the same ones making fun of me for the band. But I am only trying to please myself, so I am not going to worry about what they say. My husband was against it at first, and he still thinks I'm insane for doing it, but he is supporting my decision. My mother didn't really say much when I told her. She didn't believe I am 100 pounds overweight (I hide it very well), but she has always struggled with her weight as well, so I think she understands.

[Coo 1]

Oh, Allison, I am feel so bad for you. You highlight exactly why I am in the camp of "Secret Keepers".

I must be appalling having to live with your sister when she is so judgmental and lacking in understanding - your father too - we aren't all so damn perfect to be athletes - some of us have issues, and we must deal with them as best as we can.

Big hugs for the journey, hang on in there, once you start to see results, I am sure you'll feel better able to deal with them and their negativity.

[Cathy231 0]

I only told my dh and sister. i did not want my kids to know in case their was a problem. well, I DO have a problem. I am going Monday to have another operation for a slippage. If my children knew, they would just think this was all my fault, and I did it to myself. For me, it was the right decision.

Cathy

[shorty184 1]

Allison..

I'm with you on this one.....I too have sisters (8) that use me as their measure of themselves...everytime I have lost any substantial amount of weight they have said " I like you better "heavy" you just don't look like yourself ".....and when the weight comes back, it's ..." this is how I like you"....I think they feel safe with me being the "fat" sister....so I know that I'll be raked over the coals on this....I'm doing this all alone, except with you guys....who have given me more support than I've come to expect from my family...and I love you all for that. Allison you do what you think is right for you..because in the long run it really is all about you......GOOD LUCK

SHORTY

[sharona 2]

I think this is a personal decision. No one is walking in our shoes or knows the many reasons behind making this decision. Its those same people who judge us for being "fat" that have their own opinions which really mean nothing to me. I have shared with a few and otherwise its my own business. As I am losing weight and people comment I just say I've just been eating better and excercising. That of course is the truth. We don't need any more guilt in our lives!!!!

sharon:)

[tmfritts 0]

I too have decided not to tell many people. This is pretty easy for me because my family all lives in Florida and I live in California. My husband is supportive of anything that will make me feel better about myself and my children don't know yet. They are 17 and 20 and I don't want all of their friends to know!!

My mom thinks that if I stop eating dessert I will lose all the weight I want! So the next time I see her I will tell her that I took her advise and just stop having desserts!!

I have very supportive friends, but I'm not sure if I am going to tell them - maybe after surgery.

This site has been such an inspiration for me and has truly helped with my fears! Thanks all! :thumbup:

Terri

[Frangipani 1]

I struggle with this one because I would like to keep this private. So many people (including many of those in the medical community) don't understand weight problems (i.e., want to blame it on "character or psychological issues"when it is glaringly obvious that this is largely a physiological, metabolic issue in response to our modern environment and lifestyle), and therefore do not understand weight loss surgery.

However, I am frequently asked nowadays how I lost weight and when I am asked that question by someone who has a weight problem, I feel a responsibility to tell them the truth.

The exception to this is my husband's family who don't know and will never know about this (per my husband's wise suggestion). They have been harshly judgmental about my weight problem and ironically just as bad about my weight loss. My mother in law's response to my weight loss was to tell my husband (in an email sent to a box that we both share) that he must be very happy about this because "no man wants a heavy, overweight wife at his side."

They live very far away and I don't see them very often (for obvious reasons), so its fairly easy to keep the secret from them -- and at this point, they are probably just about the only people who don't know.