Keeping it a secret?

[bandmember 0]

I was banded 12/13/07 but I've only told close friends, 4 close co-workers & my family. I can always say something later, but once I "out" myself I can't undo it, so I keep silent. I work w/a group of caddy people & they would have a field day with the information... I also would have a problem w/critisism such as; "you took the easy way out". After all I went through to have this procedure; the appointments, the liquid diet for what seemed like forever, and the surgery itself, NO, I didn't take the easy way out! I did it so that I would live longer. I tell people that notice my 39 lb weight loss (in a very short period of time) that I am under my doctor's care for weight loss; and also have a nutritionist at the hospital that I am working with. The rest is none of their business. I'm not lying, but I'm not sharing more than I want to.

[txteachingirl 1]

I have only told a 4 friends, mom (she told my sister and brother and probably my uncles). My friends were supportive but randomly the other day my one friend out of the blue told me that she didn't want me to have it and that she didn't think it was the right solution so we have quit talking about it.

I am a new teacher at my school and when I put my request in for time off I simply said that I was having an outpatient procedure done. I have decided not to tell my fellow teachers until they ask me about my weight loss (if they ask me).

I feel that society looks down on you like when you lose the weight it isn't and accomplishment simply because you had WLS.

[GenaO 0]

I'm having a Party!! 2 weeks before my surgery(Which is soon Feb 11) I have invited all my friends and told them all what we are celebrating. I am very lucky to have such supportive friends and family.

[bandmember 0]

I have only told a 4 friends, mom (she told my sister and brother and probably my uncles). My friends were supportive but randomly the other day my one friend out of the blue told me that she didn't want me to have it and that she didn't think it was the right solution so we have quit talking about it.

I am a new teacher at my school and when I put my request in for time off I simply said that I was having an outpatient procedure done. I have decided not to tell my fellow teachers until they ask me about my weight loss (if they ask me).

I feel that society looks down on you like when you lose the weight it isn't and accomplishment simply because you had WLS.

You are right about how society looks down on people because they've obtained a (healthy) weight loss via WLS. If these critical people only knew how difficult the process is they may (?) be less critical. Ignorance is bliss!

[Doddie63 6]

They know only too well how difficult is but their problem is usually only 10 or 20 lbs. They turn their noses in the air because in my opinion they are jealous that we have finally made the decision to control our bodies and minds. People seem to like to snear at someone rather than look at themselves. When we take away their object of superiority, I think they then have to look at themselves and they don't like it.

[KimInMD 1]

I've seen a couple different covers on lady's magazines lately with headlines like "They lost 200 pounds WITHOUT SURGERY. Find out their secrets". I've seen commercials for episodes on Doctor Phil, Oprah and others with the same type of message. It sends the message that in order to be considered a success, you have to do it on your own the "old fashioned way". I totally agree that society does NOT view WLS as a valid way to lose the extra pounds. Many people feel the same lazy, sloppy, undisciplined people who overate and got fat are now taking the easy way out to get control over their lives. It's just validation to them that we ARE exactly what they believed us to be all along.

[bandmember 0]

I've seen a couple different covers on lady's magazines lately with headlines like "They lost 200 pounds WITHOUT SURGERY. Find out their secrets". I've seen commercials for episodes on Doctor Phil, Oprah and others with the same type of message. It sends the message that in order to be considered a success, you have to do it on your own the "old fashioned way". I totally agree that society does NOT view WLS as a valid way to lose the extra pounds. Many people feel the same lazy, sloppy, undisciplined people who overate and got fat are now taking the easy way out to get control over their lives. It's just validation to them that we ARE exactly what they believed us to be all along.

Well said!

[Anyalee 0]

I agree with you Kim- the media controls us all! But, you have to be secure enough in yourself to care more about your health than what people "think" about you. My grandfather doesn't approve of the surgery- but he sure as hell didn't approve of my being a big fat a**. He'd rather see me alive than be worried about me taking the "easy" way out. I have no problem telling people what I'm doing. If they really are ashamed of me taking the "easy" way out, then I know they were the same people thinking "Why doesn't she DO something about her weight?" I did & it's working!!

[green 6]

I've seen a couple different covers on lady's magazines lately with headlines like "They lost 200 pounds WITHOUT SURGERY. Find out their secrets". I've seen commercials for episodes on Doctor Phil, Oprah and others with the same type of message. It sends the message that in order to be considered a success, you have to do it on your own the "old fashioned way". I totally agree that society does NOT view WLS as a valid way to lose the extra pounds. Many people feel the same lazy, sloppy, undisciplined people who overate and got fat are now taking the easy way out to get control over their lives. It's just validation to them that we ARE exactly what they believed us to be all along.

Oooh, that is such crap! I really hate this moralising mind-set which so many normoloids display. Why repeatedly struggle and fail to lose weight by continually attempting to use those old-fashioned methods when we have the option of the lapband? Indeed the percentage of overweight folk who manage to lose weight and keep it off by using these methods is sadly very tiny. This is why obesity is a problem for oh so many of us. Those methods simply do not work!

[Angie4b1g 1]

I told exactly 4 people and I wish I had only told 1. I didn't tell them to get their opinions on it. :smile:

[gingerbug 3]

I *thought* that when I told my mother and told her that this was very private and that I did not want anyone else to know in the family until I was ready to tell them, that she would actually keep her damn mouth shut. Nope. My whole farking family knows now. I am so peeved.

[KimInMD 1]

I agree with you Kim- the media controls us all! But, you have to be secure enough in yourself to care more about your health than what people "think" about you. My grandfather doesn't approve of the surgery- but he sure as hell didn't approve of my being a big fat a**. He'd rather see me alive than be worried about me taking the "easy" way out. I have no problem telling people what I'm doing. If they really are ashamed of me taking the "easy" way out, then I know they were the same people thinking "Why doesn't she DO something about her weight?" I did & it's working!!

I agree with you too, Anyalee. Every person ever banded has ALREADY decided that their health was more important than what others may think of them. As to the part about being "secure enough in yourself", well, I wish it were so, but in truth most obese people (myself included) have suffered from security and self esteem issues in one form or another. Every obese person, banded or not has family and friends that worry daily about our health and quality of life. That doesn't mean that all who love us are as supportive as your grandfather. They are vocal in telling us they want us to be healthier, but they also want us to use the weight loss methods THEY feel would be best for us, and many times, for whatever reason, weight loss surgery is not what they feel would be our best interest.

Choosing to tell or not tell ISN'T always rooted in our self esteem. It is about making a calculated choice based on the past relationship we've had with particular individual and their reactions to us regarding a variety of past issues. It's true that we can only guess what an individual's support will be when and if we share our news with them, but we are all smart enough to know that a person's past behavior is usually the best indicator of their future reaction and support.

[gingerbug 3]

I agree with you too, Anyalee. Every person ever banded has ALREADY decided that their health was more important than what others may think of them. As to the part about being "secure enough in yourself", well, I wish it were so, but in truth most obese people (myself included) have suffered from security and self esteem issues in one form or another. Every obese person, banded or not has family and friends that worry daily about our health and quality of life. That doesn't mean that all who love us are as supportive as your grandfather. They are vocal in telling us they want us to be healthier, but they also want us to use the weight loss methods THEY feel would be best for us, and many times, for whatever reason, weight loss surgery is not what they feel would be our best interest.

Choosing to tell or not tell ISN'T always rooted in our self esteem. It is about making a calculated choice based on the past relationship we've had with particular individual and their reactions to us regarding a variety of past issues. It's true that we can only guess what an individual's support will be when and if we share our news with them, but we are all smart enough to know that a person's past behavior is usually the best indicator of their future reaction and support.

Very well said. Thank you for this post.

[Doddie63 6]

Hi: Good news. Has anyone seen the Federal Court (Canadian) has ruled that Air Canada must supply physically challenged people with two seats at the cost of a single. This includes obese people as well. I am sure the judgment will be appealed but at last, the obese are now considered physically challenged. Of course, editorials came out complaining that all we had to do was show some self control and loose weight but now we would be allowing ourselves to eat ourselves to even higher weight. Ohhhhhhh how I would like to get my hands on that guy. Doddie

[TedOB 0]

I have made an absolute decision to keep it between myself and my wife. (I'll be banded on Feb 12). I have already told the lies at work. I've started my Protein Shake diet now so they won't be able to point out that I began drinking them after that "week I took off". Is it deceptive? Yes. Is it sleazy? No. I know I've been judged and discriminated against for years. I don't have any obligation to those who feel I am weak. I feel bad about not disclosing those I feel are friends, but even well meaning friends have their own weaknesses about secrets.

I'll play it by ear, and if there are other points of view, I'm open to them.

Ted