Keeping it a secret?

[Teresajo 0]

Who you tell and how much you tell are totally person decisions.

In the beginning of my journey I decided I wouldn’t tell any one. It was embarrassing enough that I had eaten myself to this weight and of course there was that collective thinking of surgery being the “easy way”.

But I changed my mind early on . I decided that the lap band is the tool that will work for me, because I’m willing to work for it. If I were to tell people right now that the way I’m losing weight is ONLY by eating less and exercising more then I lose the option of being proud that I made a life changing , life saving decision to have the band.

Six months from now I wouldn’t want to say oh by the way I sorta lied by omission and had lap band surgery in November.

Thats what my decision was based on, but like I said, who you tell and how much you tell are totally person decisions.

[Doddie63 6]

You have told it much better than me although our message was the same. All you have to tell you boss is you have a "medical procedure and need time off" However to lie is not good as all lies are eventually discovered. Better to stay silent and give only the information the law requires. Doddie

[My Life Back 1]

I don't really want to tell anyone at work at this point.

I have told a handful of my closest friends, but my DH has told almost ALL of his friends....lol. He is excited about it and wants to talk about it to others and almost "brag" to a couple of his friends. I think men see it as the bigger and better "toys"....lol.

I however, have only told the wives of his friends (who are my best friends), who would have found out anyway....lol.

I don't want to feel like everyone at work is 'hawking' me everytime I eat, drink, or don't eat. I don't need that pressure - I feel like they all stare at me already for eating too much.

I am just taking 1 week vacation off and, like someone else said, it is my time off, I will do with it what I want.

I may change my mind later, but right now, I feel like I will be judged for having surgery. It is almost like admitting failure or defeat. I am not mentally ready to deal with it right now....I need a little more time on that topic.

I have gotten support from all our friends (and wives) and I will probably be more open with them about it, but I am still pretty new at work and don't want to go into great details just yet.

I probably will by the time I return to work, but just not now!

Good luck to everyone who does tell and I hope you get the support that you want/need.

To those who don't want to tell anyone - don't. If you don't feel comfortable telling about it - then keep it your secret. You have no moral obligation to tell ANYONE that you don't want to!!

To those who had someone else blab about it - I am so sorry you had to go through that. That just sucks!

I am not telling my family (other than my 2 kids and MIL) because my family wouldn't understand any of it.

I had a mini Tummy Tuck about 6 yrs ago and my brother thinks I had my "stomach stapled"....rotflmao!!!

[TachaBaby505 2]

i have only told my mom, sister, and 3 friends. all my coworkers just think im going on vacay lol!

[circa 0]

my surgery is coinciding with me ending a year long steroid regimen that has caused the majority of my weight gain so I'm just telling everyone I got off the steroids. :eek:

[Catalystmb 2]

The list of who I might tell is getting smaller in my head.

The ones who I have told are 50/50 split on being supportive of critical.

I need answers to it being an easy way out.

I need answers to "why dont you just eat less now?"

And when I explain that I have eaten less and lose weight but itll just come back on..I get the WEAK speech.

Then the talking goes to ok, I have the band, and am forced to eat less so I lose weight, I am NOT doing it, the band is.

I have no answers for that one.

[saleel22 0]

Hi Mary, I have copied something that I lifted from elsewhere on the forums. I don't think the person would mind as this is very helpful. I hope this helps you with answers to give to the negative people.

Saleel22

The answer to people who think the lap band is the easy way out.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>

<o:p></o:p>

<o:p></o:p>

Soula, I went to a seminar this week presented by an obesity surgeon

and was talking to him about the issue of people saying it's the "easy way out"

and he said this...

Well sure, the lapband tool is designed to make losing weight easier for people

but isn't that the same with any 'tool' ???? Why should anyone judge us for

that? So would someone say to a carpenter that using a nail gun is the easy way

out when they should use a hammer? Would someone say to a baker that using a

mixing machine is the easy way out when they should mix by hand?

If a tool such as the lapband is available to us and makes losing weight easier

(not saying EASY, but EASIER) than other methods and therefore saves our lives

then whose business is it anyway? Probably the same judgemental people who make

mothers feel guilt if they need pain relief in labour (as that's taking the easy

way out rather than suffering!) geeez, some people should just find something

more constructive to say.

Anyway, I'm sure you didn't let that one negative person get to you Soula but

for anyone else who gets that shit from someone there's the reply! If we weren't

supposed to use tools that make life easier for us then we'd all still be living

in caves eating raw meat without cutlery!<o:p></o:p>

[Doddie63 6]

excellent article. Should be reqired reading for all bandsters. I really don't know why we find ourselves in the position of "explaining" about the band. Sometimes I think it is the person asking the question that doesn't want an obese person to succeed. In reality, they just are interested in what the band is and their questions are insensitive but I don't think they set out to be mean. I answer these people with "yes, I have the tool to help me loose weight but more importantly, it is going to help me keep it off. I find taking off weight easy it is the keeping off that is the problem. The band will do that for me". Works for me.

[circa 0]

The list of who I might tell is getting smaller in my head.

The ones who I have told are 50/50 split on being supportive of critical.

I need answers to it being an easy way out.

I need answers to "why dont you just eat less now?"

And when I explain that I have eaten less and lose weight but itll just come back on..I get the WEAK speech.

Then the talking goes to ok, I have the band, and am forced to eat less so I lose weight, I am NOT doing it, the band is.

I have no answers for that one.

i've noticed that the people that say things like this have vices of their own - smoking, drinking, breathing...etc. Ya know, you don't have to breathe all the time to stay alive - so tell them to stop breathing when its not absolutely necessary

[gingerbug 3]

It would be nice to have a list of slightly smart@ss things to say to the nay-sayers who are rude about their opinions. I have no problem justifying and explaining to those who just dont understand but theere are people who are just plain rude when they realize you might actually succeed.

[METALBAND 0]

I had my lapband in May....still have not told anyone except my husband and kids! For me that is a huge deal because I admittedly cannot keep a secret! I just did not want to deal with any of the judgments or remarks but I honestly thought by now I would have told at least someone else.

Sometimes I feel guilty not telling someone else who is struggling with their weight but I am sure they know it is available. I did it on my own...if someone told me, I probably would have been offended......just my 2 cents!

Good luck on your journeys!

[Lin12/20/07 0]

I only told my husband, my sister, and our 2 closest friends. After doing 4 months of the supervised diet/exercise for insurance I told my teenage girls. That's it. When I discussed it with my parents several years ago they were very negative & discouraging. Preparing for surgery takes a lot of positive mental energy- I didn't feel I could do it with all that negativity.

When people at work comment that I'm losing weight & want to know what I'm doing, I respond I'm exercising more and eating less (the truth!)

Everyone has to make that decision! good luck

[sharona 2]

Hello Everyone

I've started telling people but have decided to stop. I'm getting comments like "have you tried weight watchers?" and are you sure you want to do this....We all know that's a stupid question to ask a fat person. I've decided to just keep quiet to others about it now. I don't have a date yet but have had almost everything done. Waiting for my echocardiogram and stress test next week and one more nutrition consult then done. Hope to get banded in April or May..

sharon RN/MSN

[sharona 2]

I also have said to people if I was a diabetic and opted to get an implanted insulin pump no one would question it. So I am obese which is a disease and I've opted for a lapband....same difference in my mind...

sharon;)

[circa 0]

Hello Everyone

I've started telling people but have decided to stop. I'm getting comments like "have you tried weight watchers?" and are you sure you want to do this....We all know that's a stupid question to ask a fat person. I've decided to just keep quiet to others about it now. I don't have a date yet but have had almost everything done. Waiting for my echocardiogram and stress test next week and one more nutrition consult then done. Hope to get banded in April or May..

sharon RN/MSN

Yah - I loooove the "have you tried weight watchers" or "what about jenny craig?"

No - I didn't try those...I thought I would go the extreme route of having surgery instead of trying things that are readily available to me...FREAKING DUH of course i tried them!