Keeping it a secret?

[Wendell Edwards 73]

Although I told everyone, I don't believe that is the best course for most people. In an ideal world, everyone would love you and support your decision to have life-saving surgery. But this is the REAL WORLD, where some people just can't keep themselves from making nasty, hurtful, ignorant and insensitive comments to people. If you don't want those comments, or are not strong enough to NOT CARE what other people think, DON'T TELL THEM

[foxychick04 0]

I'm not telling anyone. I told two of my closest friends that I was thinking about Lapband surgery about 2 months ago and the look on their face told me that they were shocked but they both said they would support me if that is what I wanted to do. I haven't mentioned it again but I realised for me this was such a personal decision and I wanted to make the choice on my own. I didn't want the complications of explaining myself as I had so much to think about. I'm also splitting up with my husband (a 17 year relationship) and I'm already under the spotlight because of this (only close family and friends know so far). I may tell people once I have the operation but I have arranged things so I don't have to tell anyone anything if I don't want to.

I actually like the idea of keeping this to myself - why do I have to share all of me with everyone? I couldn't stand people watching me eat and questioning how much weight have a lost constantly - if I do lose weight rapidly I will explain it away with the end of my marriage/new image story - that will distract people

I hope to be banded on 8th October in Belgium and I can't wait although the nerves a beginning to kick in!!

Can I just say that everyone on this site is amazing and everyone is incredibly supportive. Thank goodness for the internet!!

[docsdeb 0]

OMG, what an extrodinary post, it brought tears to my eyes. God Bless you Dakota1984 on your continuing journey without your sweet husband.

Your post has helped me to see my husbands side a little more clearly. I have thought as I'm sure many wives do, what would life be like if I were to lose my husband, my best friend. I just can't answer that and I hope I don't have to for many many years to come, what I do know is I used to say the same thinkg about my Mom, then my Dad, and I lost both of them within 3 years of each other. You move on, you simply have no choice. You just can not stop living no matter how much you would like to.

When my parents passed away, they left me with a disabled, blind older brother to care for. I know some of the hardships you must face every day. It sounds like you have a very positive attitude and a wonderful spirit. Thank you for that very touching post.

[circa 0]

I'm not telling anyone. I'm not even telling my husband. Its not that he'll look badly on me for it, its that I personally look badly on myself for it. I never needed help before. After this illness, I can't seem to do anything I used to and I'm ashamed of that - not of the band, not of needing to lose weight, but of myself and my inability to do something I used to be able to do without a second thought. I have been a HUGE advocate for WLS - my mother in law, my own mother and lots of friends...But its my ego getting in the way. Sure, I have an illness that is now on the mend and being treated that has caused this gain that I can't get rid of - but its like admitting that it beat me if I tell other people - and I don't think my super ego can take that. At least not right now.

[Maggie63 0]

when i first got my band in dec of 2005 i only told my family and 2 close friends. now that i am a few years out i have started to tell people. some are judgemental and mean but overall they have been supportive and loving. what i have learned is that you must be true to yourself. i did not tell in the beginning because i was afraid of failing again. now that i have been successful it is all about education. the band is a tool not an easy fix. i have had to work HARD to get where i am and i am proud of that. do what your heart tells you is right.

best of luck all.

[lawanda jessica 0]

I told my family and they told the world!

Never again!

I told my friends.

Not sure how quiet they will be.

[Paulax 8]

I told my family and they told the world!

Never again!

I told my friends.

Not sure how quiet they will be.

I am sorry if that bothers you that your family told everyone, but trust me; it will be easier for you in some ways.

I have kept this a secret from my inlaws, mostly because my MIL is a worry wart, to the nth degree and I really feel as though this is my business. I told my sister, both parents are gone.

I find it a nuisance to keep it a secret. I feel like a fraud when my SIL tries so hard to lose weight and I just keep quiet about my successes. Perhaps I will open up to her one day, but if I do then I can be sure she will tell her mom.

I haven't told the 'women' at school, none of which are friends, but some of whom have come up to tell me how great I look. It feels a bit like lying,

BUT at the same time, my body is my business. And I don't have to share everything with everyone, right?

So I appreciate the comment from Wendell Edwards. It is good to hear that not everyone has to feel like we are open books for the world to read.

Cheers.

[lovekatz1975 1]

When I decided in July that I was going to get the band, I wasn't going to tell anybody, but then slowly but surely it started to leak out - I have a BIG mouth!!! Now everybody knows. I think it's helping having everybody know because it's more of a support group that I can depend on when the going gets tough. I'm almost done with my pre-op liquid diet and I am scheduled to be banded on Monday 10/1.

[MarySue33 0]

I only told my parents, my kids and a few very close friends when I was banded a year ago. Now that I have had some success (50# -- not breaking any speed records, but I'm 50# lighter than I was a year ago!), I have been very open about things. I guess I just needed to make sure I could make it work before giving them the chance to say, "Here she goes again...let's see how long THIS one lasts!" Well...now they can see for themselves. :rose:

[macacoza 0]

I only told my family and 2 close friends at first..I was embarrased that I HAD to have help..lol..How silly..NOW?? I will shout it off the rooftop if I can help someone. To date 6 people have changed their lifes because i told them! I was banded in April of 2003...95 lbs later and been maintaining for 2 yrs!..What a gift the band has been to me and I love to tell the story! Good luck to all! God Bless

[100lbsforsale 0]

I'm just starting the journey, but already I can see the wisdom of keeping it to myself. My husband was originally NOT supportive, and still isn't sold but at least he's not saying I just have to tell myself no and get up from the table anymore. Its hard! He's watched me cry with frustration as my weight goes up and is my best cheerleader when it goes down. Without my lifelong friend Michelle(dakota1984) I wouldn't even be on this journey. I was too scared and too..I don't know, ashamed I guess. Both my parents are gone, both were obese. Every celebration centered around food. My in-laws are all normal weight/underweight food phobes. They think I am just lazy, so nope won't be telling them. I asked my husband not to say anything but I don't think he will keep his mouth shut..he likes to talk too much.

I've mentioned the band casually to a friend who is very overweight and she was interested in knowing more, so I hope I can talk with her for some local support. Mostly it will/has come from this forum.

[Doddie63 6]

100: I tell anyone that will listen I am so proud of my decision but, when I told my sister who is very overweight like me, she cut off all contact. She was very jealous. What I am saying, even if you tell you overweight friend for support, be aware as you loose weight and there is no question you will, your friend may resent your success and turn against you. By telling everyone, there are no secrets and so surprises. Tell one person and there is no secrety. I am rambling, I guess, but the point I am trying to make is. The decision is yours and only yours. there are pros and cons to both sides. Doddie

[wannabthin 0]

I have only told my DH & my mom. I don't want anyone else to know. I already feel enough pressure from myself & I don't need it from anyone else. When I told my DH he was not happy at first, but then he realized how important it is for me to lose weight. My mom was excited for me and she knows that if she tells one person she is DEAD!!!!

I am still on the liquid stage and people at work think I am just doing a Slim Fast diet. What they don't know won't hurt them!!!!:confused:

[Sandy63 0]

My journey all started with my cousin wanting to go to an information class. She was considering the Lapband surgery. I was only along for support. I had a cousin who had gastric bypass surgery several years back and she did not do well at all. For this reason, my husband was dead set against me having any kind of weightloss surgery, even though my body seemed to stay in constant pain. Joint pain, lower back pain, foot pain, hip pain, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. When my primary care physican mentioned weightloss surgery to my huband he went bezerk!

After going to the information class, I found myself looking up all this information about the band. It took a lot of talking about it with my husband but I finally convinced him. My oldest son jokes with me about having a "zip tie" put around my stomach. My youngest son has been really supportive.

All my extended family and in-laws know about my decision, as does my boss and my work family. They are all very supportive of my decision. I know I will have a lot of support if I feel that I am failing with my weight loss.

I have already had an EGD earlier this year because of a hiatial hernia. I have had the sleep study and the psychological evaluation. The psychologist recommened that I have a physical therapist supervised exercise program before surgery. Simply because larger people are at risk for injury when starting an exercise program. All I am waiting on now is the dietician.

My surgeon said I should have my surgery by mid November or early December. Good thing...all deductibles and co-pays have been met for the year because of foot surgery...insurance is paying 100%!:biggrin1:

[MollyBrown 0]

I wasn't going to tell folks either but it does just seem to spill out of me. I needed to tell my manager because we are having a reorganization at work and they are throwing so much work on me. I have the time and intend to take at least a week off, but will take as much as I need, work be damned.

I also told my estate attorney, just to keep him in the loop. He said he was actually considering it too and we got into a big conversation about it.

I am trying not to let it out to much amongst my immediate co-workers though because I have some very hurtful and malicious people I work with and I could just hear them now. Eventually they will probably know, but I am dreading their immature banter about it.

I think such a huge life change is coming, it will be hard for people not to realize it, so I will be honest about it if asked.