Keeping it a secret?

[tulips 0]

I am getting banded later this month and other than my DH, I don't plan on telling anyone. My bmi is 33 and I know people would say I should try a regular diet (like I haven't already done that over and over again!) before resorting to surgery. I want this to be a permanent solution and just don't want to have to keep explaining this or feeling judged.

Plus, my mom would freak over the cost since insurance won't cover it for me. I don't even plan on telling our kids -- only 7 and 4-- they would blab it to everyone -- including my mom --for sure.

All of my friends are really thin. I bet none of the women I'm friends with are over 140 lbs and most are probably around 110-125. I don't want the judgment from them either. Thank God my husband is supportive!

[Doddie63 6]

You are absolutely correct in deciding to go slow and easy with whom you tell. Everyone is used to us going on diets so that is all they need to know. "I am watching my intake and being successful". You are not required to give any details on how you do it. Doddie

[staindgal 0]

my father is a doctor and i have grown up hearing him say that being overweight/obese is something that can be fixed without surgery, and just some will-power and hard work.

i never used to be overweight, but around 5 years ago i went through a breakup that left me eating my feelings (and anything else).

for the last 3 years i have struggled to return to "normal," and i know i would not have my father's support if i told him i am thinking about the band. i am VERY close to my father, and that element of not telling someone who is my source of medical advice scares me.

i would only tell my husband, and maybe my mom down the line if she promised not to tell my dad.

[Doddie63 6]

As I learned a long time ago, family members can be enablers and do so with a smug feeling they are only giving advice. But their adviced is hurtful, uninformed and dangerous. Stick to you guns and tell no one that might sabatogue your efforts. Your dad sounds like a typical doctor. Not many have much use for medical aids to loose weight. Maybe, someday, as we prove them wrong, the medical fraternity will come to realize they were wrong. Just look at the medical history and see how some things that were done in centuries gone by are no longer practiced today. Doddie.

[tulips 0]

I was surprised at the response I got from my OB when I asked her if she thought I would be a good candidate. I am a lower bmi'er 32-33ish and she said YES. Very encouraging. Ordered blood work for me. She told me about patients of hers that have it and are doing well with it. I was expecting her to steer me away from it.

[allwright 0]

I told only my DH, my mom and favorite SIL. I am happy with my decision. I do not have the questions, nay-sayers or opinions that usually follow telling lot's of people. I say that I am "dieting" under advise from my doctor. I say that I am trying to get healthier and get off some meds, and I say I'll be 55 soon and it's time to "shape" up!

[Doddie63 6]

Tulips. Hang on to that dear OB of yours. They are a rare flower in the medical profession. Doddie.

[tulips 0]

I plan to keep her! She is great. It was the first time I vocalized wanting the lapband. I was very fortunate to get the reaction I did! She didn't talk down to me or anything.

[I'm still here 0]

WOW that is a drastic reaction. How horrible. You know, I lost my sister last year to lung cancer. Every single day I cry and miss her so so much. It just crushes me to see things like this -- you still have your sister but she is acting awful toward you. People taking life for granted, you know. One of the reasons why I made the decision to get this surgery is that I know my sister worried about me and would have been supportive of me doing this. I don't want to take my health or my life for granted and I want to be here for my kids as they grow up. Doddie, I am so sorry she has treated you like this. I need a sister. You can be my sister anytime!!!!!!!

HUGS!!

Doddie & Fluffy ~

I read both of your posts with tears in my eyes.

Like Fluffy, I lost my only sister to breast cancer in January of 2006 and not a day goes by that I don't wish she was still here to see me losing this weight; I know she would have been my biggest cheerleader and would have been the first person I would have told.

I am sorry your sister is treating you that way Doddie, and I don't understand why more people don't appreciate what they have until it is gone . . . I would give my right arm to have my sister here.

[I'm still here 0]

I was surprised at the response I got from my OB when I asked her if she thought I would be a good candidate. I am a lower bmi'er 32-33ish and she said YES. Very encouraging. Ordered blood work for me. She told me about patients of hers that have it and are doing well with it. I was expecting her to steer me away from it.

Mine too! I love Dr. Wynne . . . She was the first person I talked to about the lap-band and she was so supportive. When I recently saw her for my annual check-up she was so complimentary of my 30 pound loss and wanted to hear everything about my experience.

[Darragha 0]

My initial consult is 8/9 with Dr. Montgomery in Everett, WA. I've told only a few people, and asked them not to say anything. Funny thing is, I did post my intent on my blog. So, if anyone actually reads my blog, they'll know. I guess there's a difference between saying, "I want it" and "I am having it," however. I want it. I am having it. And by the looks of the numbers I'm seeing on this forum and other places, WOW! It's a good choice.

Did Starr Jones really have a lap-band? I wondered about that

[jackie506 1]

Hi I am Jackie and the one person in the world that I DID NOT want to know about this found out today. My mother in law. SHe is a wonderful person but I feel that she is judgemental in anything that has to do with weight. I have heard her talk about several of her friends (after they are out of ear shot) about how much weight they have gained or 'they are bigger than she ever was and comments like this. I made up my mind when I decided to have the band she is the one person I didn't want to know.

Last night she asked DH how my doctors appointment went. She thought I was seeing my PCP for an annual. He told her good but she has high cholesterol because I just found that out Thursday. Today she shows up at the house and asked me how the app went. I told her good. SHe said everything ok. I said yes. She said what about your cholesterol and she looked at me like I know so don't lie. I told her yes it was high and she said are you on medicine I said no we are going to control it with diet. She then said 'Jackie what is going on. You have been going to alot of doctors appointments the last couple of months.' I told her nothing was going on and she got this very concerned look and sincerely asked me again and stated she knew something was going on and she wanted to know if I was really sick, if I had been diagnosed with something and I just didn't want to tell people. I couldn't lie after looking her in the face (I suck at lying!!!) and I just said 'ok I will tell you what is going on but you have to promise me you will say NOTHING to ANYONE and I do not want to feel like I am being judged by you. I am having weight loss surgery on July 23rd and I didn't want you or DH family to know because I feel you guys will judge. The only reason I am telling you is because you are really concerned and because I can not lie.' She sat back stunned!!!! She then said 'I promise I will not tell a soul and no I do not judge you. 3 of my friends have had weight loss surgery that by pass.' I said this is not like the by pass and that I will not be lossing weight as fast as people who get the by pass. I told her that I do not want to feel judged if she sees me eating something or if I am not losing as fast as she THINKS I should be according to what she has seen with her friends. She told me she will not judge again but to be honest I am soooooo angry with DH for saying ANYTHING to her. I love her to pieces but damn it she is THE ONE I did not want to know. I think everyone has 'the one' they don't want to know and she is mine. I feel so discouraged tonight now. DH has apologized numerous times and feels terrible but it is not his fault. He didn't tell her about the surgery jsut about the cholesterol but I just couldn't look her in the eyes when I knew she was genuinely concerned and lie to her. UUUUGHGGGHHHHHHHH:faint:

[mermaidpuppy 0]

I told my parents, they were not thrilled, but my brother talked them into being open minded about it. They wanted me to give it "one more try". Mom, don't you remember me "trying" since I was in elementary school? I work in a small medical office which is broken down into clinic staff and administrative staff. I'm administrative, and work closely with our office manager and another receptionist. I told them, because I needed weird days off for appointments and they were probably gonna hear some of the calls I had to make durning the day. They were both sooo excited for me. It was really good to have the support. I talked with the therapist that evaluated me before insurance approval about telling people or not. I had made up my mind not to tell anyone outside of my immediate family. We discussed it and he thinks telling people will make me more "accountable". If I know people are kind of paying attention to what im doing, if i'm losing or not, it will motivate me to behave! Which made sense to me. I work in a really competive office, lots of suck ups and manipulative B's so I don't want anyone there to get wind of it. In my office of 14 women, everyone is obsessed with dieting and food. I sure don't want to be the new "topic" durning lunch time. But I feel confident the 2 I confided in will keep my secret.

[Liz1531 3]

I wouldn't even tell my hubby if I didn't have to. My family has been so negative since I even mentioned it. They all responded as though I am just lazy and not willing to put the work in. The truth is I have put the work in and gained everything back and then some. I NEED HELP! No one seems to get this. No matter how sad I get or how much I cry even my husband is just disgusted with this idea. I am now so embarressed I never want to bring it up again. I just want to quietly slip away to the doc and never tell anyone!

[Doddie63 6]

Liz1571: You go gal. Go and get the band and to hell with everyone. Your family sound like "enablers". They are comfortable with the fat, jolly gal in our family and don't want change.

You will find your health will improve. Your BP will go down, diabetes will retreat, you will feel more alive. If they won't support you, the bandsters can be your extended family. We will support you. Doddie