Keeping it a secret?

[RAYSBABE 1]

WOW...I am struggling really badly with this right now...I have told 4 close friends (three of them passed it on to their husbands even though I didn't want them to....I feel like it is my secret to tell), my sister, my biological mother, my 2nd stepmom, and my sister in law. One friend (also very overweight) thinks I'm crazy for "giving up food", and my sister in law (105 lbs. and always struggles to gain weight) says that I just don't need it because there is absolutely nothing wrong with me the way I am, but everyone else so far is VERY supportive. I haven't told my father, 1st stepmom (one who raised me from age 3-19), brother, inlaws, or anyone else. I'm am scared to tell my father because I am afraid he is going to freak about the money we are spending on something "I should be able to do on my own". He is my next door neighbor and very much a part of our lives, so I assume he will eventually find out...not looking forward to that day. We never disagree on anything except MONEY, so you see why this is a problem for me. I haven't told my first stepmom because when I mentioned it to her 2 years ago, she BEGGED me not to do it. She is only concerned for my health...she thinks a foreign band in my body absolutely cannot be healthy for me. We are very close, but she lives 500 miles away from me. I thought it would be easy to keep from her for awhile until she called and said she is coming to see me on the 23rd. I meet my surgeon (in a different city) on the 24th and my liquid diet starts the 25th. There is no way now that I can keep it from her and I won't even consider changing my surgery date (took waaaay to long to get it in the first place!) At my phsyc eval, the doc told me that I need to tell her anyway, so I just have to in the next few days....not looking forward to that either. As far as everyone else, they will probably know eventually, but I feel no need to rush.

I'm sorry this is so long. I feel better just telling someone about it.

thanks,

Courtney

[Doddie63 6]

Hi Courtenay. Talk away. We all share similar feelings and experiences. Family members can be enablers to a person who is overweight. They feel comfortable with a "fat" person for whatever reason they have. Others will resent you taking the initiative to do something.

There is a recent British medical report just out that states they have found two genes in the DNA that promote obesity. At last there is now proof that we can't do it on our own over a lasting period of time. The band is our tool to control our gut and brain. Harvard University just put on a two hour program called "FAT, the things we are not told". It is on the PBS E on Sunday early morning hours. It is a repeat. If you haven't seen it you should try to. Well worth your self esteem. Doddie

[RAYSBABE 1]

Hi Courtenay. Talk away. We all share similar feelings and experiences. Family members can be enablers to a person who is overweight. They feel comfortable with a "fat" person for whatever reason they have. Others will resent you taking the initiative to do something.

There is a recent British medical report just out that states they have found two genes in the DNA that promote obesity. At last there is now proof that we can't do it on our own over a lasting period of time. The band is our tool to control our gut and brain. Harvard University just put on a two hour program called "FAT, the things we are not told". It is on the PBS E on Sunday early morning hours. It is a repeat. If you haven't seen it you should try to. Well worth your self esteem. Doddie

Thanks Doddie,

As you can see I posted at 3:47 this morning. I can't even sleep well with all of this on my mind. I'm so excited, worried, anxious, tired and just about anything else you can think of. I'm so glad I found this forum!!!

[Doddie63 6]

Hi Courtenay. When I told my sister in Jan. that I was having surgery, she cut off all contact with me. Said I was taking the "easy" way out as opposed to her having to struggle. I have finally come to terms with the hurt and moved on, but I wanted you to know you are not alone in your anxiety. Your feelings are real but the end results, I am sure will be that you are thrilled with the added tool of the band to help you along your way in your journey. If it helps any, try imagining yourself as the weight drops off oz by oz or lb by lb. With me it is oz for oz but I am still excited anyway. Keep on posting and someone somewhere is awake also and willing to help. Doddie.

[RAYSBABE 1]

Hi Courtenay. When I told my sister in Jan. that I was having surgery, she cut off all contact with me. Said I was taking the "easy" way out as opposed to her having to struggle. I have finally come to terms with the hurt and moved on, but I wanted you to know you are not alone in your anxiety. Your feelings are real but the end results, I am sure will be that you are thrilled with the added tool of the band to help you along your way in your journey. If it helps any, try imagining yourself as the weight drops off oz by oz or lb by lb. With me it is oz for oz but I am still excited anyway. Keep on posting and someone somewhere is awake also and willing to help. Doddie.

Doddie

Thanks for the encouragement.....I'm really sorry to hear about your sis. That must be really tough! Hang in there, surely she will come around.

.....Courtney

[Marlluvia 1]

I only told my hubby, immediate family, and two close friends. I didn't want to be pressured in case it didn't work out. I have lost 30 lbs and it's kind of depressing because nobody at work has even mentioned it. My family notices and I'm thinking surely people at work have noticed also. However, I may need to lose more for it to be noticeable.

[jbtullis 0]

At first I was determined I wasn't going to tell anyone about the band other than my wife. I ended up telling a really close friend that lives in another state and my sister, as she came to stay with me in the hospital. No one else in the family and no other friends or work.

Now that I have been banded for almost 2 months, I have lost 43 pounds as of my last Dr. appoinment and peopel are finally really noticing. My boss even mentioned it to me and that was a shocker when he said something.

It was odd when he asked me what I was doing, I just told him about it without thinking about it. My inhabitions about being judged and really even caring seemed to have really gone away. I wonder if the attitude on telling changes as you progress.

[Fluffy 0]

Hi fluffy: thanks you can be my sister bandster. I would like that very much. My brother is in hospital on the final stages of cancer so I have total empathy for what you went through. I know your sister would want you to be healthy and not go thru what she did. My sister is the last of my family. All have gone now so it hurts. I sent her an Easter Card with a message, hopefully, she will respond.

Doddie,

My heart goes out to you. I hope your brother doesn't suffer. I don't even know how or why people say that, I guess, because we know that with cancer they do suffer...... but, we wish they didn't. But... Just know that my heart knows how your heart is feeling right now and I am sending you a great big cyber hug!!

I have a sister left too. She and I have never been close. The sister we lost was like the glue that held us all together. So it's a tough road right now. I hope things with you and your sister are soon on the mend.

[Fluffy 0]

Just an update on my decision about who to tell....... I have told a few people and part of me regrets it (not for any reason regarding their behavior or reactions, just because I told and I am not sure if I want to or not). But I have a REALLY hard time keeping secrets, especially when it is something that I think may help others. I am an advocate for women's health (mostly in the PCOS area) and if this helps me I feel like it's almost selfish of me NOT to share it with others, so, I have shared it in my blog. But I don't know how many people in my REAL life read my blog. It's not hidden or anything, I just don't think they bother to read it. Perhaps I would be surprised, I don't know. So all my blog readers know. A lot of my ONLINE buddies know. In "real life" my mom and one sibling know, a niece knows, and my husband knows. So we will see how far it goes.

Part of me wants to lose weight and take all the credit for it myself and not tell anyone HOW I do it. Ya know? Almost like I am cheating by doing this or something.........

[adaniels 0]

Hey Fluffy,

I had a friend who had gastric by-pass and she didn't tell me until like a day before surgery. It really hurt my feelings that she didn't think of us as close enough friends to be able to share this with me. She did the whole telling everyone that she just was diet and exercising but people knew better. I think it was deceptive and wrong of her to try and lie about it. I was banded on March 8, 2007. I myself have shared with people because I feel like several things the more people you tell the more success you are going to have because for one they are gonna be watching you.. Maybe that is the wrong way of thinking for me. But it works. I wish you luck and I hope you come to terms with your decision. Have a great day!

Amy

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[Fluffy 0]

Amy,

I agree with you. I would feel bad if someone close to me didn't share it and want my support through it. Today I blogged about it and sent the blog to all my family and friends who don't actually read my blog (that I know of). So the cat is out of the bag. I figure everyone will be supportive and it will be that much better for me, and if someone isn't supportive then, well, that's not my problem right? So, we will see how it goes. I am kind of excited to hear some responses from my friends and family........ I wait eagerly........

[macdeb59 0]

I was very select at first. I was banded on 10-19-06. I did this because everyone had an opinion about it and I didn't want to hear it! I had made my mind up based on my research, talking to the surgeon, dietition etc that this was the best decision for me.

Afterwards when people noticed the weight loss etc I did tell them that I had the band. I didn't want them to find out later and they thinking that I did an easy thing, BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW IT WAS NOT AN EASY DECISION.

Another reason I tell anyone and everyone that wants to know is because I believe that the band is a really good tool, one that doesn't alter your anatomy permanently, one that is less invasive, cheaper and much less recovery. People are curious, they may need to looose as much as I do or know someone who does and to arm them with the truth about the band and weight loss surgery is something I fell good about doing. If it does help just one person, then that's great.

[adaniels 0]

I was very select at first. I was banded on 10-19-06. I did this because everyone had an opinion about it and I didn't want to hear it! I had made my mind up based on my research, talking to the surgeon, dietition etc that this was the best decision for me.

Afterwards when people noticed the weight loss etc I did tell them that I had the band. I didn't want them to find out later and they thinking that I did an easy thing, BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW IT WAS NOT AN EASY DECISION.

Another reason I tell anyone and everyone that wants to know is because I believe that the band is a really good tool, one that doesn't alter your anatomy permanently, one that is less invasive, cheaper and much less recovery. People are curious, they may need to looose as much as I do or know someone who does and to arm them with the truth about the band and weight loss surgery is something I fell good about doing. If it does help just one person, then that's great.

So how much weight have you lost so far? You were banded on my sons b-day. Yes I agree with you. Everyone I have told has the same thing. They need to loose weight or they know someone close to them who does. They ask questions because they want to make their own decision. I have told about everyone I know. I answer all the questions because I want to help others but also it helps me. Like I said before when you tell others then your held accountable. Sometimes it's a bother because I feel like maybe I should have lost more weight and maybe they look at me and think the same thing. However we all KNOW it comes off differently for everyone. I was banded on March 8, 2007 and have only lost 22lbs. Some people I have seen lost like 30-50 lbs in this lengh of time.

Amy

[macdeb59 0]

I agree that it makes one accountable and believe I need to be accountable!

Since being banded I've lost 65 pounds. I've lost a total of 80 pounds from my all time recorded highest weight of 2 years ago. I still have a long way to go. I'm approaching midland and then it is on to onderland! People loose at different rates, depends on metabolish, those that are heavier tend to loose quicker at first than those that don't have a great deal to loose. Exercise and how strict you are with your diet plays an important role too. My motivation waxed and wained there for a month or so, but feel like I have found it again. I'm okay with it waxing and waining, I know that I will get there, though it may be slower than what I had wanted, but sometimes I think that is a good think, since I tend to be hard on myself and think it should all just fall off since I've had the surgery! LOL!!

[adaniels 0]

I agree with you about being hard on yourself. I have been hard on myself reading all these peoples stories and thinking what am I doing wrong. So much so that it threw me into a funk and I like had a reese cup splurge. I am a bad chocolate addict anyway and it's hard for me to do with out it. If I get depressed or feel like I'm not doing the right thing sometimes it makes me slip back into that. I have been dealing with this and trying hard not to let myself go back to my old ways.

I also quit smoking 2 weeks before surgery and that has been hard for me too. I feel like I have to have something to do with my mouth all the time. At first I was told I couldn't chew gum and I thought I would die. Now I have been chewing it like it's going out of style. LOL I guess we all have to fight our demons a day at a time.